‘Hey, Jess, are you okay?’ Madeleine asked with concern as she met Jess outside the café. Normally Jess was a happy, bubbly character, but today she had slits for eyes, a red nose and a miserable look all over her face.
‘Oh, I’m okay. I’ve been like this for days. Full of cold, but I think it’s getting better now.’ Jess’s voice could only just be heard over the sound of the traffic and Madeleine quickly ushered her inside the café, sat her down and held the back of her hand to Jess’s forehead.
For sisters, Maddie and Jess couldn’t have looked more different. Maddie was five feet six inches tall, with fair skin and shoulder length blonde hair, while in contrast, Jess was shorter, just five feet tall, with deep mocha skin and jet black, spiralled Afro hair.
‘Ignore me, I’m just moaning. My throat’s a bit sore, that’s all.’
‘Oh, honey, why didn’t you cancel? You could have called me.’
‘Because I wanted to see you, it’s been nearly seven months,’ Jess said pouting.
‘That long? It can’t be.’ She thought back to the last time she’d seen Jess and realised she was right. It had been for a meal to celebrate her birthday in April – her first birthday since their mother had died and Liam had taken her, Jess and Poppy out for dinner.
‘Of course it is. I’ve only been on dry land for three weeks and I was away for six months.’ Jess’s job as a ship’s purser took her away for months at a time and usually Madeleine would count the days off on a calendar until she returned. So why hadn’t she done so this time and why had she waited three whole weeks since Jess had been back before they’d got to see each other?
‘I need coffee, lots and lots of coffee,’ Jess announced as her eyes travelled across the cake counter. ‘Oh, and, Maddie, while you’re there, I like the look of that big chocolate cake.’ She batted her eyelids, smiled, took her coat off and settled down in the chair.
‘Okay, I’ll fall for it. Let’s get you a cake and a coffee. My treat,’ she said as she ordered the drinks, indicated the cakes and pulled her last twenty-pound note from her purse.
Carrying the tray, she sat down beside where her sister slouched, placed the coffee and chocolate cake before her and unbuttoned her coat. ‘There, get that down you. You really should have lots of fluids, Jess. How long did you say you’ve felt like this? Mum used to tell us to take paracetamol or ibuprofen? Do you have any of those?’ She fired the questions like bullets, one after the other.
‘I took meds, Maddie. Honestly. You’re not Mum, so stop. How do you think I manage, living all by myself? Now let me drink my coffee and listen to how things are with you and him.’
Madeleine hung her coat on the back of her chair and looked at her sister, not knowing where to start. It was more than obvious that Jess didn’t like Liam, but she still had no idea how to tell her that she was right and that moving in with him had probably been the biggest, most stupid thing she’d ever done. What’s more, all Madeleine really wanted to do was turn back the clock to a time when Michael was still alive.
She and Michael had been teenage sweethearts. From the day they’d met in secondary school, they’d lived, and loved and breathed for each other. Every moment they’d spent together had been a pleasure and every moment apart had been painful with longing. But no one understood and, much to everyone’s disapproval, they’d married at nineteen, rented the cheapest, tiniest second floor flat that they could find and had managed to beg, steal and borrow enough pieces of furniture to make the flat a home. But it hadn’t been the material things that had mattered to Maddie; they had a home full of love and even though they had very little, she’d loved every minute.
But then, less than a year after their marriage, her whole life had turned into an obscure, turbulent blur. The police were knocking on the door. Michael was dead and the police had unleashed a whole whirlwind of words, along with possible reasons and assumptions for how his car had ended up in a roadside ravine. She’d sat silently, not believing what she was being told, while at the same time a long shrill internal scream had begun and had refused to stop.
Nine days later Poppy was born, six weeks prematurely.
Her thoughts returned to the café and to Jess who was looking at her with concern.
‘So, tell me, when is your next tour, where are you going and, most important, how long will you be away?’
Jess sipped at the coffee. ‘Oh, it’s ages away. I haven’t signed my next contract yet, but it’s looking like it won’t be until the end of the year and, until they tell me, I have no idea in the world where I’ll be going. So, that’s all my news. Do you want to tell me what’s troubling you?’
Madeleine had always known that Jess was astute. She could read Maddie like a book and knew when something was wrong. She had also never been slow at asking the difficult questions.
‘Oh, Jess, I don’t know what to do. I’ve made a terrible mistake and I have no idea how to put it right.’
Jess searched her eyes. ‘What do you mean? You’ve not done anything illegal, have you?’ she asked, pushing a large piece of the chocolate cake into her mouth.
Madeleine shook her head and laughed. She’d never done anything illegal in her life and it amused her that her sister thought she might start now.
‘Not at all. It’s Liam. How the hell did I end up living with him? I barely know him, Jess. What on earth possessed me? I know I was desperate, what with the flat and everything, but—’
‘Why didn’t you move into mine while I was away?’ Jess asked.
‘Oh, Jess, I wish I had but Liam was so persuasive and said he’d look after me and Poppy, convinced me how good it would be, the three of us.’ She paused and took a deep breath. ‘But it’s not good. One minute he’s fine, the nicest person you could meet and the next he’s really horrible. It’s like he’s Jekyll and Hyde, he turns on a sixpence and I can’t cope with it, especially when he’s nasty and cruel to Poppy.’
Jess slammed her coffee mug down on the table, making two women on the next table turn around and stare. ‘What did he do to Poppy?’ Her voice trembled with anger and Madeleine paused for a while before replying.
‘Oh, Jess. He used to be so nice to her, you know, before we moved in. Some days he’d call and bring her sweets, other days he’d bring a teddy bear and… Well, as you know, one day he got really cross with her and the next time he came to the flat he brought Buddy with him. I mean, come on, Jess, who the hell buys a bloody puppy as an apology?’ She paused, and picked at her cake. Madeleine felt her eyes fill with tears. Saying everything aloud made it all seem more real. ‘He even shouted at me this morning when Poppy disturbed us, doing… you know. She’d woken up and needed me and he told me I had to control her, Jess. Who in their right mind would say that? He’s a bully.’
Jess took another sip of her coffee, placed the mug down on the table and took Madeleine’s hands in hers. Madeleine could feel her sister trembling and was surprised at how calmly she spoke. ‘First, you need to leave. Second, you need to do it fast. Because, one, you can’t and won’t let Poppy live like that, it’s cruel and two, if I get my scrawny hands on his neck, he’s going to wish he’d never troubled either you or my niece, do you understand that, Maddie? He lays one hand on either of you, I’ll be doing time, for murder.’ She smiled sweetly, dropped Madeleine’s hands and continued to eat her cake.
Madeleine stared into the depths of her coffee cup, blew at the surface and then took a gulp of the fluid. She couldn’t respond and a tear dropped down her cheek. Jess was right, again. There was no excuse. Even if she traded all the nice things that Liam had ever done, she couldn’t make any excuses for the digs, comments or gestures. She couldn’t forgive him, nor could she allow it to go on.
‘What are you going to do, Maddie?’ Jess rubbed her throat, swallowed hard and then took another sip of her coffee. ‘Well?’
‘I don’t know.’ She paused; actually, she did know.
‘Do you realise how much I hate him right now? I knew he was wrong for you. Didn’t I say when I first met him that I thought him a bit odd? I did say that, Maddie. For someone you’d only known a short while, he was really clingy and possessive. It was the first time he’d met me and all he was interested in was what time I might leave. Also, sometimes when I ring from the ship to speak to you Liam tells me that you are not home, even when I’m sure I can hear you and Poppy in the background.’
Madeleine looked thoughtful. ‘The wrong numbers. We get so many wrong numbers. Is that what he’s been doing?’
‘And what’s more…’ Jess was on a roll now. ‘Remember that first time you took me to his house? I asked about all those locked doors and why he was living in his parents’ house. Parents who you say never phone or visit. I mean, come on, Maddie, even you have to admit it’s a bit strange.’ She stopped, took a look at Madeleine’s face and then continued. ‘Well, don’t look so shocked. I did say all this before, didn’t I? But you didn’t listen.’
‘The rooms are locked because they’re filled with his parents’ belongings, that’s not weird. It is their house; they are entitled to privacy.’
Jess pursed her lips and glared. ‘Okay, Maddie. But if his parents have moved back to Ireland, why on earth haven’t they taken all their prized possessions with them? Don’t forget, these possessions are so valuable they need locking in a room that has three bloody locks on the door. As I said, Maddie, it’s weird.’
Jess was right. It was strange. But Madeleine had missed Michael so much that when Liam eventually came along, she’d thought he’d fill the huge void that was her heart. She’d been prepared to overlook some of his odd behaviour, some of the things he’d done, in favour of the intimacy, and the companionship. But instead of cushioning the hole in her heart, he’d torn it back apart.
Madeleine sobbed. ‘You’re right. I once made Poppy a promise, Jess. Do you remember when she lay in that incubator as a tiny baby? We both sat there, me and you, night after night, and I kept promising that I’d be both mother and father to her, do you remember that? I promised that if she’d only survive, I’d look after her, protect her and keep her safe and I’m not doing that, Jess, am I? I’m letting her down.’ The tears now fell unashamedly down her face and she picked up a napkin, drying her eyes.
Jess once again caught hold of her hands. ‘You are not letting her down, you’re a wonderful mother. But as for him, you need to get rid. He’s possessive and cruel. He doesn’t love you, Maddie. He wouldn’t act like this, not if he really loved you. And as for where you’d go, that’s easy, you can come and stay with me. We’d manage, we always do.’
Madeleine shook her head. ‘Oh, Jess, that’s so sweet of you but you haven’t thought this through, have you? Things have changed. We can’t just bunk up together like we did as teenagers. I have Poppy to think of now and Buddy to consider. And you, my darling sister, have a one-bedroomed flat, with no garden. It’d be great fun for the first night, but it’d soon become a problem. It just wouldn’t be practical.’
Jess turned to the counter and ordered more coffee. ‘So, what then? You could rent; there’s a nice ground floor flat near me. That’d be okay for Buddy, wouldn’t it?’
Madeleine shrugged her shoulders. ‘I’m not sure they’d want me. I gave up my benefits when I moved in with Liam. All I get now are my royalties and they’re sporadic. I never know what money is coming in, nor whether it’s enough to actually live on.’
Madeleine listened as Jess came up with every idea she could think of – none of them realistic. There was nothing she could do and nowhere she could go. She was trapped.
‘Okay, okay, I know it’s a long shot, but you could always ask your dad for help,’ Jess said finally. ‘He has that big hotel over near Scarborough. Couldn’t you stay there? Surely he’d have the room?’ Jess held her hands up and shrugged her shoulders. ‘Besides, it’s about time he did something other than send you jewellery at Christmas and money on your birthdays.’
Madeleine gulped and choked on her coffee. Splatters of the liquid sprayed out of her mouth and into the napkin that she still held in her hand. Coughing wildly, she took in deep breaths in an attempt to control her breathing, as Jess banged her wildly on the back.
‘Hell, Maddie, are you okay?’
‘Jess, do… do you have any idea what you’re suggesting? Mum left him, you know… when I was five. I didn’t see him very often after that and haven’t seen him at all since he married Josie.’ She looked at Jess apologetically as she said the words. She was going to say that their mum had left him just a few days after Jess had been born and it had become very obvious that Jess was not his.
Jess shrugged. ‘So?’
‘So, what do you suggest I do, knock on the bloody door and introduce myself?’
‘It’d be a start.’
Madeleine shook her head. ‘What would I say, “Hi Dad, it’s me, Maddie. I know we haven’t seen each other for years, but can I, my three-year-old daughter and a puppy who pees like a greyhound come and live with you?”’ Madeleine sighed.
She knew her father had cared: they’d seen each other weekly at first and had tea together every Tuesday and a whole afternoon each Sunday. But then her mother had made it difficult for the meetings to continue and her father had eventually re-married. After which, her mother would insist on picking Madeleine up from school on a Tuesday herself and taking her out, ensuring they were not home when Madeleine’s father had arrived to pick her up. It hadn’t occurred to Madeleine what was happening at first. The novelty of outings with her mother after school had been fun. But Sundays had been different, she’d sat for hours waiting for her father to arrive. Then her mother would come into the room, tell her that her father had phoned and that their visit had been cancelled. But none of it was true. Her mother had made the excuses, told him not to come and ensured that after he’d married Josie, Madeleine had no time to get to know her at all.
He’d written for years, sent birthday cards and Christmas gifts. He’d sent money to help support her, paid for her to go to college, her prom dress and had sent her a cheque for a thousand pounds after Poppy had been born. The money had bought a crib, a pram, numerous baby clothes and a whole year’s supply of nappies. Yet he hadn’t visited. He’d been missing on so many occasions. Occasions that Madeleine had hoped and wished he’d turn up for.
‘At least you know where your dad is, Maddie. God only knows where my sperm donor ended up?’ Jess was trying to ease the tension, trying to make Madeleine smile, but to say that Jess was bitter about her own father was an understatement. Their mother had once tried to explain that Jess’s father had been a one-night stand. He’d been a tall, smooth, charming, gorgeous Caribbean sailor. They’d spent a few hours chatting, gone for a drink and one thing had led to another. A quick fumble behind the club had led to Jess being born and without a name or phone number to trace him by.
‘There has to be another way, Jess.’
Jess laughed. ‘Mmmmm, let me think. Oh, yeah, what are the options: you could either join a sect in another country, ask your dad for help, or you could come and live with me.’
Madeleine joined in the laughter. ‘Me, live in a sect. Oh, Jess, be real, I doubt that I’d conform. Besides, I have to work. I want to work.’
Jess drained the last of her coffee. ‘Maddie, you’re an author. I would have thought you could work anywhere.’
It was true, as long as she had her laptop, she could work from anywhere in the world. But she really didn’t want to move, she liked living in Yorkshire. No, she loved living in Yorkshire and what’s more she wanted Poppy to go to school in Yorkshire, just like she had.
Madeleine picked up her coat. ‘Come on, you look awful and need your bed and I need to go back to Liam’s and start packing.’