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I remember being found covered in blood, crying. A group stood around me, others moved around trying to piece together what happened. I remember a woman kneeling in front of my small frame, smiling. Her eyes didn’t light up like they should have. She reached out to me, and I curled away. I didn’t want to leave.
—Nyssa’s Journal
No matter how fast or how far I ran, nothing could make the pain in my chest go away. The meager bond we did form was shriveling away to almost nothing. Everything in me told me that the moment the bond turned into nothing, I was going to die.
I fucked up. I fucked up so badly, I couldn’t get his expression out of my head, at the way he looked at me like he was looking at a stranger who wasn’t even worth being the dirt underneath his foot.
Within an instant, I became nothing to him and those warm fuzzy feelings he gave me quickly turned into pain and regret. I wasn’t even sure how it happened. I thought I did what he wanted. But his expression said otherwise, and by the time my stupid slow brain understood that, he wasn’t willing to give me a chance to say a word.
Even if I explained everything and cleared the misunderstanding, would he want me back? Could I go back to him, knowing what it risked? Maura was right, I wanted Baron dead. I wanted him dead more than anything else. Cecil has been first for me for so long, and I couldn’t just rearrange my priorities at a snap of a finger. But did it have to cost me Landus?
And after Baron, once he was scattered to the ends of Terra Firma, what then? My gut twisted. Maura and Leon had this look on their faces that told me they didn’t want to ever let me go. They liked the idea of having a council, and if they had their way, I’d be head honcho of it. Not what I wanted at all. I’d need to find someone to replace me. But who? I didn’t know anyone who fit into the criteria Maura and Leon made.
It didn’t matter. Either way, they were going to have to make do without me. I needed Landus, and if I couldn’t get him back, I was dead.
I had signed my own death warrant without realizing it when I slept with Landus. I couldn’t even help myself when I had woken up. I saw him there, in that chair, looking all tired and worried and very yummy, and my little beast had enough. She wanted him. I wanted him. What could go wrong? Who the hell knew I would turn so fucking breakable after banging him?
And I didn’t have anyone I trusted to talk about this with. Landus didn’t want anything to do with me. Slade wasn’t someone I went to for this kind of shit. I didn’t trust Maura at all anymore, and Cecil was still out of commission.
I pushed harder, forcing my muscles to scream as I ran longer than ever before, hoping to run away from this ache and feeling of doom. The roaring was so loud in my head that I had to momentarily close my eyes against the pain, but I kept running. A few steps later, I opened my eyes only for the world to tilt around on its axis and I wasn’t able to tilt with it.
I fell down in a graceless fall of arms and legs, pain shooting up my arm as the skin was scraped off by the unforgiving asphalt. I turned until I was on my back on the ground and then swore as my chest heaved and the pain slunk away, my beast curling up into a ball.
“Are you okay?” a middle-aged woman with soft hazel eyes and brown curls asked, her face etched in genuine worry. Bless her soul, she was a precious one.
“I’m okay, just pushed myself a little too hard and tripped over my two left feet,” I replied with what I hoped passed as a grateful smile.
Her frown deepened and she held out her hand, helping me up. She really was too kind. There weren’t many out there like her anymore. Just by looking at her, I knew she was a well-balanced and innocent soul who had never witnessed the ugly side of anything. I wondered what she would think if she knew about the lives I’d taken, the blood on my hands, the thoughts I held, the emptiness that was within me. Or the rage that started to slowly consume me the longer I was away from Landus.
“Be careful, dear,” she warned with a small smile to take away any sting she thought was in her warning.
Nodding, I thanked her and we separated shortly after, running in different directions. I continued to run until I was nothing but a faucet of sweat. I slowed down to a walk on the side of the park where there was a nest of restaurants and cafes on the other side of the road. I had started running before the sun even rose and now it was late morning and people were about, getting some late breakfast, meeting friends or lovers, and enjoying the weather because the temperature was finally low enough to step outside without getting drenched with sweat.
I walked slowly, heading back to my house when I spotted him. He came out of a cafe, the sunlight reflecting off his black hair. I would recognize that figure and height with my eyes closed. He held the door open and leaned down as a tall redhead walked through the door. He pecked her on the cheek and when she stepped past him, she turned and patted his cheek and a very familiar and sexual way. I could practically feel the lust pour out of her.
They turned to head in the other direction, putting their backs to me. Her arm wrapped around his waist and he leaned over and said something that had her tossing her head back in a full-blown laugh.
I couldn’t tear my eyes off them as my beast went crazy in me. I grunted in pain and knew the weird keening noise I heard was coming from me. The wind picked up around me and people looked around in confusion because today was definitely not a windy day.
The meager bond that was left behind snapped when both I and my beast realized he had already moved on. Not even twenty-four hours later.
I died.
~*~
When I got back home, I just stood in my living room, my body nothing but emotions and pain. And anger.
Less than twenty-four hours.
Did people really move on from each other that quickly after being so close to someone else? I didn’t know. I didn’t understand. He was the first man I ever considered having... something... with. Were feelings so fickle? Were his? Because mine were not. Once I committed to someone, I did for life. Cecil was proof of that. I had stuck around for so long only because of her, and briefly, I thought I could expand that out to include Landus. I was wrong though. City life was not for me. This whole fucked up situation proved it. It only turned me into a goddamn coward and liar. Something I promised myself to never be.
I ignored the boarded-up windows and broken pieces of the first floor of my home, not caring to clean anything up. What was the point? The bodies were gone and that was all I cared about. Without fully understanding what I was, I managed to turn myself into a ticking time bomb. A clean and put together house meant nothing in the long scheme of it all. It no longer mattered.
If I knew, I wouldn’t have slept with him.
If I knew, I would have never put myself in such a precarious position.
If I knew...shit.
The anger in me took over and I let some of it loose. I was in my home. I could just be for a moment.
Forcing my jaw to unclench, I screamed the moment my mouth could open. The pain surged through me and my limbs gave out. I crumbled to the floor, fighting with the anger and devastation for control. The energy in the room spiked upwards and the wind blew in a howling scream of agony. My insides burned. My outsides burned. I turned into a burning ball of pain and rage, curling into myself.
I tried to hold on to something. Anything.
Breathe.
You’re alive.
No, I’m dead.
Breathe.
You’re not hurt.
I’m nothing but pain.
Breathe.
You will get through this.
Only after death.
Breathe.
You always do.
Not this time.
I’m dead.
Breathe.
I can’t.
I lost consciousness briefly, my mind shutting down. When I come to, I was lying on the floor and it took too long to drag myself back up to my feet. The pain was still there but the numbness grew, trying to take over.
Landus. He made me feel emotions I had never known. He made me feel happy. Safe. I had never felt safe before and yet he taught me what it felt like. But now. I wasn’t safe. I opened up to him. Trusted him. And destroyed his trust.
Less than twenty-four hours to move on.
Was that how fast people moved on?
Trusting the new witches’ wards to let me know if any more trouble decided to come to my house, I moved stiffly towards the stairs to go to bed. Before I even made it to the first step, a warning washed over my body as someone not welcomed hit against my ward.
I sighed and contemplated leaving them there knocking. I wish I could, but I knew nothing about these new players who were able to break through the mage’s wards so easily. Pushing away the tiredness dragging at my limbs, I grasped onto the little bit of adrenaline instead. I’d never felt so drained before. My limbs were dead weight.
The pounding occurred again against the ward in the backyard.
I quietly walked over and peeked out of the small window.
Well shit.
Baron.
With about twenty guys standing behind him and none of them looking like wimps. His elites.
Standing just behind him was the man Mage Thomas described when they were attacked. The man was tall, a couple inches over six feet, with his dark hair up in a ponytail. His dark eyes matched his dark skin, and I could feel his energy despite the wards around my house.
My body stiffened momentarily. This was not good. Even though I was kickass, I still knew my limits and there was no way I could take on all these men on my own. They would overwhelm me. My heart ached for Landus, but I quickly pushed the emotions away. He didn’t have my back anymore.
No one did. I snickered to myself. When did anyone have my back? It was back to exactly how it should have been. Me. Just me.
I gripped the rage swirling through me, holding onto it with all that I had. Otherwise, I would charge into the middle of them and just let loose until one of them killed me. Or kidnapped me.
Feeling marginally like my normal self, I let out a breath and opened the door.
“Can I help you?” I asked, putting on my best I don’t give a fuck look. I leaned against the doorway with my arms crossed, flicking through a million possibilities.
“We came to pick you up, Nyssa,” Baron said a little too nonchalantly.
I cocked an eyebrow, taking in everyone. “This is a lot of people to come play chauffeur.”
“After our last attempt, we decided not to hold back.”
“Why? Why are you here? What do you want with me? Why do you have such a fucking hard-on for me?” I snapped at him.
I didn’t miss his eyes as they raked over me. He broke out into a smirk. “Hmm. Hard-on. That is a very accurate description.”
Bile rose at his words. “Excuse me while I go throw up.”
Baron laughed, the sound booming around us. “I think we can work very well together,” he finally said once he was able to calm down.
“I don’t want to work with you.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ve never been interested in that whole destroy Terra Firma propaganda. I don’t care about the world.”
Baron smiled indulgently at me. “You’re deader inside. What happened?”
“I’m still me.”
“But for how long? How much longer can you get knocked down before you finally don’t get back up fast enough? I can help you.”
I snorted. As if I would believe all this bullshit. He couldn’t woo me like he did all his cronies behind him. “You should just give up. You can’t seduce me because you don’t have anything I’m interested in.” I looked him over slowly, and his face darkened for just a moment before he got control of himself.
He nodded toward his side-kick who had stepped up to the ward while I chatted with Baron.
“Have you met my friend, Jaxon, here?” he asked.
“I’ve heard about his work. The mages weren’t happy.”
“Ah, yes. Them.” He shrugged gallantly. “They are too easy.”
“If they are, then why are you here harassing me instead of them.”
“Should I go to them instead?”
“If it means you’ll leave me alone.”
“You really are interesting, Nyssa. No one knows anything about you except you survived the Woodlands before your witch friend pulled you out of the bushes and nursed you to health.”
I just stared at him while keeping another eye on Jaxson, who stood only inches from my ward.
“They don’t know what you are capable of doing, what it means that you are alive,” he continued.
“Oh, and you know?”
“Of course. You are the top predator in all of Terra Firma. No one can kill you. How does it feel being one of the last few phoenix to be alive?”
My entire body stilled, my lungs stopped working, and I swore even my blood stopped pumping.
“How do you know?”
He smiled again, that stupid indulgent smile of his. “I have my resources. You are very powerful in your own right. If you wanted, you could kill us all in moments, not even giving us any chances.”
“Don’t tempt me.”
He chuckled. “I have no doubt you would have the moment you opened that door if you knew how.” He looked me over slowly again this time but not with any carnal thoughts. I might as well had been standing up on a podium for scrutinizing buyers. “I spent some time with an interesting man a few years back. What was it... fifty years ago, I think. He was the last remaining descendant of some hunters of a particular beast. Your particular beast.”
Flashes of bodies popped through my mind. They were quick and merciless. Blood and carnage. The first time I ever saw it. Pain and loss stabbed at me before I shoved it all away, but I was too slow in schooling my expression. Baron noticed the near crack and broke out into a grin.
“You know what I’m talking about then.” He cocked his head to the side, his darkness coming out to play. “We have a lot in common, Nyssa.”
“We have nothing in common.”
“We both know that isn’t true. You understand me better than anyone else.”
I shook my head. “No, I don’t. I don’t understand you at all. I don’t understand why you bother with trying to kill everyone. I don’t understand why you’re so determined to get yourself killed.”
“Killed?” He chuckled. “I have no interest in dying.”
I raised an eyebrow, mocking him. How much insanity ran through his blood? “Oh, you definitely do because you are on my shit list. Right at the top. In big red letters, spelling out your name. You will die, Baron. You will be on the ground at my feet, bleeding out, because I will be the one who will bury a dagger inside you.”
His mask crumbled just enough for me to see the madness he was trying so hard to hold back. He worked at gathering himself together for a moment, going back to that stupid mask of fake friendliness, even kindness, but he couldn’t quite get it all back together. He seemed to realize this too.
“What is taking you so long?” he snapped to Jaxon.
Jaxon looked up at me, the darkness in his eyes endless. Where the hell did Baron find a creep like him? “She did something to strengthen the wards.” His voice was an itch that couldn’t be scratched. It nestled into my skin and refused to go away.
I smiled sweetly at them. “I may not be able to use magic, but I am an expert with energy. You won’t get past it.”
Baron and Jaxon both regarded me with new interest, probably wanting me even more. Finally, Baron broke out in a boisterous laugh that was sure to shake my house if the wards weren’t up. He was that jam-packed with unused power.
“Sir, the shifters will be here shortly,” one of his minions stepped forward and warned him.
Baron looked at me, at the ward keeping them out, and at the surroundings, probably wondering whether it was worth it to wait and fight it out with the shifters or to just leave. He finally made a decision, though I could tell it wasn’t the one he wanted to make.
“We will leave for now, but think about what we have to offer compared to them. We can help you. And to show you some good faith, your friend was poisoned with Berrinberry.”
“Berrinberry?” I worked through all the poisons I knew in the Woodlands and when I finally found that little entry, my eyes widened.
“Yes. Berrinberry. I wish her luck in her survival, but then again, since you are her friend, I have every reason to believe she will be okay.”
He nodded his head before doing something I couldn’t see, forming a gate that they all jumped through. They disappeared just as the shifters came around the corner of the back of my house with another group busting through my front door.
Berrinberry. Shit.
“I’m fine,” I called out so they didn’t finish the job in destroying my house. Shit. It was only the other day that I was cuddling up to Landus in my bed. I had never felt old before, not until today.
Slade’s energy wrapped around me as he sidled up to stand next to me, his presence a huge reassurance. His men, a cougar and a wolf, kept sniffing around, a few swiping at my yard as if Baron and his men buried themselves to hide from everyone. They weren’t going to find anything, but they needed to sniff to believe rather than just listening to me.
“What happened?” Slade asked.
“Baron tried to roll the welcome wagon out. Disappeared through a gate.”
“Can you open the gate?”
I shook my head. “Gate is long gone. It wasn’t up long enough for a strong connection.”
We fell into a few minutes of silence as the shifters continued to attempt to find something useful.
Finally, I sighed, feeling the tension that rolled off Slade. “What’s wrong?”
His eyes flickered to me then back to his men.
“Slade, I’ve known you long enough to know when something is poking you. What is wrong?”
“I usually don’t care and I know how you work, but what happened between you and Landus?”
Schooling my thoughts, I kept my voice bland and answer simple. “We slept together.”
“I figured.”
A moment of silence passed as Slade tried to collect his thoughts to form the right question that he apparently couldn’t find.
“Was that all you guys were, a fun fuck?” He wasn’t looking my way, but my senses told me all his attention was on me.
I shrugged. “We weren’t together long enough to know. Like you said, you know me. I don’t do relationships. I don’t even understand them.” I shrugged again, trying to ignore the pain burning through my body. “We had a good time.”
“You just want Baron more than a relationship.”
“Yes.”
“I feel like you’re full of shit.”
“Why are you all of a sudden curious about my inability to commit?”
“Because my Alpha is unapproachable right now.”
I snorted. “I really doubt that. He looked very happy when I saw him earlier.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Nothing. Are they done tearing my yard apart? I have some things to do before the meeting tonight.”
Slade stared at me, or through me, and probably saw my true thoughts, but he was smart enough to keep his mouth shut. He nodded. “I’ll see you tonight.”
Another sharp pain stabbed me because Landus was supposed to be with him. We both knew he wasn’t going to show up.
“Yeah. Oh, will you meet me at Heldes Park before the meeting? I’ll need a ride. There is no way I am leaving my car there while I do something.”
He nodded and at some unheard and unseen sign, all the shifters disappeared to the front of the house.
