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I remember finding a small bright blue flower with a red middle. It had to have been the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Emotions of relief flooded me and I knew, just knew, everything would be okay. I remember reaching out to the flower with my little hands and it biting me, reminding me that nothing was okay.
—Nyssa’s Journal
I came out of the forest into Heldes Park with only a slight limp and some blood stains, the sun already down. I licked at the blood that dripped from my forearm thanks to a rambunctious little sprig of a thing that looked like a twig until I had gotten within reach. Then it tried to stab me repeatedly with its stupid wannabe branches. After letting it draw blood once, I broke its limbs, enjoying the satisfying crunch.
Heldes Park was one of the few daring parks that brushed up against the Woodlands. Those who came here fell into two categories: the pussies who pretended they weren’t about to piss themselves, and the beasts who knew exactly who they were and what they were capable of doing. At least one person died every week here, though it was not as bad as Milly’s Bed, another park on the other side of the city with at least five deaths a week.
If a well-trained person wanted to get into the Woodlands, Heldes was a good entry point to avoid hungry jackasses who skulked around Milly’s for food. In general, though, when someone came out of the Woodlands, they expected surprises. It was a game to others to jump whoever was coming out. If people survived the Woodlands, they usually came out exhausted. I expected one of those surprises, but what I found was even worse.
Landus.
Standing there.
A warped beastly man was crumpled at his feet, unmoving, and definitely dead by the way his head hung off his shoulders.
My breath was stolen at the sight of his familiar figure standing there, waiting. It was like drawing in a full breath after drowning for too long. Hope tried to flood through and I nipped that in the bud. Hope was for the wishful thinkers, not survivors.
But still.
Landus.
My beast reached out to him and hit a wall, sending a shock of pain through my body. He completely blocked me out.
Breathe.
You’re alive.
Not really.
Breathe.
You’re not hurt.
Pain. All Pain.
Breathe.
You will get through this.
Seeing him. Not so sure.
A shuddering breath escaped me and my body shook as my lungs emptied. His eyes took me in but I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He had completely shut me out and I couldn’t really blame him.
“Landus,” I whispered. “What are you doing here?”
A muscle twitched as his nostrils flared. His eyes zeroed in on blood. Not even the mud covering me could mask the scent.
“Something came up so Slade is unavailable. He said you needed to get picked up.”
I looked him up and down, wanting some sign that he was hurting as much as I was. Nothing. He was the epitome of Landus: hard, strong, handsome, and callous. He didn’t have any of that warmth I was used to seeing. I knew the rumors, knew he showed a lot of people a man one would never approach, even with sunshine and rainbows. I’d even seen it while he fought and faced enemies. He just never used it on me.
I walked closer, ignoring my inner turmoil.
“What were you doing in there?” he asked.
Glancing behind me at the wall of nature, I took in the entrance. It was literally a wall of trees taller than four-story buildings, even five-story buildings. The bushes and weeds at the base of the trees were as tall as me, even taller. A true jungle.
I lifted up a small satchel. “Had to get something to help Cecil heal.”
“At least you’re capable of caring about someone.”
I barely hid the wince as his cold words stabbed at me. Cold words hiding the simmering anger underneath. I deserved it.
“I never pretended to be someone I’m not.”
He snorted. “Of course, because fucking means nothing to you.”
A memory pushed itself out and tore at me before I could stop it, and if it weren’t for those memories, I probably wouldn’t have said what I said next. If his words didn’t cut so deeply or too close to the truth, I would have been able to hold back. But where it came to Landus, it had always been a struggle to control my mouth.
Before I could stop myself, I replied, “Sex is just sex. A pleasure. Or pain. Depending on the who and the why.” I let out a cold and empty chuckle as I felt hard hands on my body, as I smelled the musk of lust filter through my mind. As pain and disgust made its way deep into my soul and changed me. “I can’t see it as anything else. Not after going into the Woodlands as a child but coming out of them without my innocence.”
Landus’s body stilled and his face grew white. Blinking furiously against the burn in my eyes and the scattered memories trying to drown me, I turned around and walked away, hating myself even more. I shouldn’t have said that, but Landus knew what to say to crawl under my skin and then slash at my very being. Another part of me died as I made my way to his big, useless vehicle. I crawled inside and strapped myself in, staring out the window as I waited for him to join me.
I had never told anyone about that. Never even hinted at it. It was a secret I’d rather take to my grave.
He was probably stewing over my words, but I couldn’t force myself to feel right now. Not as those hands touched me and did things to me that sometimes still haunted my nightmares. That sometimes made me go into the Woodlands for a fight. I couldn’t even fight the one who did it because I already killed him. Long ago. Yet not long enough.
Shit.
I smashed my fist against the dashboard, ignoring the sharp pain in my hand, and then glared out the window, looking for someone who could potentially pose as a challenge.
Right now, the only two people who could help me get rid of all this energy by bashing their heads in would be Baron or Landus. But I could never hurt Landus, not intentionally anyway.
Minutes ticked by before Landus hopped into the truck and started it. His gaze burned into me with all his questions, but I refused to look at him. I kept my eyes on the growing darkness around us as the sun settled down.
The ride to the restaurant was painfully uncomfortable. Landus kept his eyes on the road and mine stayed glued on the shapes passing through the passenger window. I tried. I tried a few times to open my mouth, to explain what happened at the restaurant, that it was all a misunderstanding, but something stopped. Doubts filtered in and held onto my tongue. Would it even matter at this point?
I wasn’t so sure. In my experience, broken things stayed broken.
When we got to the restaurant, I jumped out and didn’t look back. Brushing off the woman who greeted me when I walked through the door, I made my way to the room where everyone was already waiting for me.
Maura sat with Yena and I went to them, ignoring everyone else’s silent questions. I was only a little late, they didn’t need to get their panties in a bunch.
“I’m coming with you after the meeting.” I tossed Maura the small pouch. “She’s been poisoned with Berrinberry. Make a tea out of these to neutralize the poison and then you’ll be able to heal her.”
Maura grabbed the pouch and opened it, sniffing, before closing it. She nodded and I went over to an empty seat between Mage Thomas and Leon. Landus fell into the empty chair next to another shifter who I didn’t recognize, probably a stand-in for Slade while he was off doing who knew what.
“Let’s get started,” I said. “We are going to set a trap for Baron. We’ve been reacting to him and we need to plan ahead because whatever he has planned has a time limit.”
“How do you suggest we do this?” Leon asked.
“Use me as bait.” No one said anything and just looked at me, so I continued. “He wants me. He came to my home this afternoon with a whole lot of backup, hoping to get his hands on me. If I hadn’t reinforced the wards the witches put up, they would have broken through. I know I’m good, but even I know I wouldn’t be able to handle twenty of his elites on my own. He wants me and we are going to use that against him. It’s just a question of how.”
The next hour or so passed discussing the possible ways to use me against Baron. Some ideas were impossible, others just plain stupid, a few were good ones, and a couple of them painful on my part. Landus and Leon broke out in a few arguments, but after I told them to rein it in, they did. They were being good boy scouts.
I barely looked at Landus, though sometimes I could feel his eyes on me while someone explained why an idea was a good or bad one.
“Enough,” I stood up, reaching my limit after Mage Thomas suggested an idea that was more likely to get me killed instead of Baron. “We need to end this before someone kills someone. Besides, by the sounds of it, we will need more help. Tonight, I’ll go back with Maura and see if we can get Cecil healed. Hopefully she’ll be able to get back on her feet quickly.”
Maura nodded. “With Cecil, our chances increase dramatically. She’s a very powerful witch with great defense magic.”
“Great.” I dismissed everyone and followed Maura out the door. I was done with this and the moment Baron was dead, I was gone.
