Friday, October 26th
Levi told me he loves me.
Something about the sun setting over the lake triggered memories of the night Levi brought me here. I was walking back to the car when the context for “No regrets” came to me so clearly that my knees nearly buckled. Since that moment, I haven’t taken my eyes off him.
Today, we were damn near naked, and he pulled away after a single kiss. But when we were here in August, he didn’t exercise so much control. “I’m in love with you.”
The words were braver than I felt—not a mercy kill to our friendship, but a promise I didn’t deserve. He loved me. Whatever happened, I wouldn’t be alone.
I might not have said the words in return that night, but I felt them aching in my chest all the way through to my fingertips. I just didn’t know what to do with my love, or how to handle the fact that it wasn’t new. My feelings for Levi have grown and evolved since the night we met, from lust for a stranger, to affection for a friend, to love and loyalty for a man who was my rock. He carried me through some of Colton’s roughest patches, was there to pick me up when Colton couldn’t. I didn’t tell him how I felt, but we made love. That was my way of saying he meant something to me when I wasn’t in a position to make any promises in return.
The memory of his body over mine sends chills of anticipation up my spine and makes me want to reach for him. I can’t blame him for pulling away today. I walked away from Levi after we slept together. I took Colton back and put on his ring.
Is Levi right? Was that decision based on the baby alone? When I slept with Levi, I didn’t believe being with Colton was the best thing for my child. Quite the contrary, in fact. Why did I change my mind?
The drive home is quiet, and Levi keeps taking his eyes off the road to steal glances in my direction. “Are you okay?”
I saw Colton. He told me to stay with Levi, then he disappeared into the woods before I could see his face. As if he’d never been there. I should tell Levi, but some deep-rooted protective instinct makes me keep my encounter in the woods a secret, and I lean into the ache of gnawing guilt. I can trust Levi, and so can Colton, but something holds me back. “I just have a lot to think about.”
He nods. “I’m always here to listen if you need to talk.”
I lean my head against his shoulder. “Thank you.”
We’re nearly back to Jackson Harbor when Levi’s phone rings through the Bluetooth in his Mustang. He taps the button on the steering wheel. “Hello?”
“Where the hell are you?” Shay’s voice comes through the speakers. Her words blur together so much I’m guessing standing up straight isn’t among her talents at the moment. “Your family is celebrating, but you’re MIA.”
Levi grins. “I thought the celebration was tomorrow. You know, the wedding, the monkey suits, the fancy decorations, and the band?”
“Pshh! Everyone knows the real party is the night before. Where are you? We’re all hanging out at Jackson Brews and trying Jake’s new IPA.”
Levi snorts. “That explains why you sound like you’re already three sheets to the wind. Did anyone warn you it’s almost twelve percent ABV?”
“I don’t need warned about beer,” Shay says haughtily. “I’m a Jackson. Not some lightweight college girl.”
“Sure, sis.”
“You should see Molly. That girl’s had twice as much as me and is barely flushed. I’m pretty sure she could drink all the Jackson men under the table.”
I stiffen. Before Shay mentioned her name, I was ready to run home, change into dry clothes, and join them. More than ready—I was eager to surround myself with old friends and forget my problems for a few hours.
“Lots of practice!” Molly calls out in the background, and Shay laughs.
“When will you be here?”
Levi takes his eyes from the road for a beat to look at me, and I shake my head. “You can go,” I say softly.
“Is that Ellie?” Shay chuckles. “Are you with Ellie? Is she really staying at your house? Am I interrupting something romantic? Sorry, Levi. I never mean to be a cock blocker. It just comes naturally.”
“I’m gonna pass tonight,” he says, ignoring her questions. “I’ll see everyone tomorrow.”
“You can bring her! Come on, Levi.”
“It’s been a long day, and tomorrow will be another one,” he says, cutting his eyes to me again. “Remember that before you have another beer, okay?”
“Party pooper,” Shay mutters.
“See you tomorrow, Shayleigh. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
He ends the call as he pulls into his driveway, pressing the button on his visor to open his garage door.
I feel like an ass. “You can go. Just because I don’t want to doesn’t mean you need to miss it.”
He shakes his head and pulls into the garage. “If I walked into that bar, it would give Shay an excuse to have another beer. That’s the last thing she needs before tomorrow.”
I cringe. “It’s a family weekend, and you’re stuck with me because you think it’s your job to play bodyguard.”
He cuts the engine and studies me for a beat, his dark gaze piercing in the car’s low dome light. “I can honestly say playing bodyguard was the furthest thing from my mind.” He shakes his head. “In fact, seeing you all wet in your bra and panties might have entirely wiped my brain of anything but lust. I’m surprised I remembered how to drive.”
Butterflies go wild in my stomach, but I try to laugh. “Now you need another cold shower?”
“Nah, I didn’t care for that. Anyway, someone told me real men take hot showers and jack off.”
My breath leaves me in a rush at that image, but he’s already climbing out of the car and heading into the house. I practically chase after him, closing the door behind me as I step into the hallway. “Need someone to wash your back?”
Levi pauses in front of the alarm panel before punching in the numbers to disarm it. When he turns to me and speaks again, his voice is lower, and all the teasing from his earlier tone is gone. “We rushed this last time and then you pushed me away.” His gaze drops to my mouth and his nostrils flare. “You’re so fucking tempting, Ellie, but I want more than sex, and until you remember more, I’m not sure either of us can trust your decision to give it to me.”
Saturday, October 27th
I slept alone. On purpose.
It was awful.
The first night here, I was truly too afraid to sleep by myself, and that made me go to Levi, but last night was different. After my encounter in the woods, maybe fear should have had me tossing and turning in my sheets, but all it did was reinforce my instinct to protect Colton.
Instead, I was restless from the ache between my legs, and the memory of the night at the lake with Levi played on loop in my brain. Lust and hot memories left no room in my brain for fear of the faceless boogeyman who assaulted me in my own home.
I’m at the kitchen table, sipping my second cup of coffee, when Levi strolls into the room, and I nearly drop my mug at the sight of him. He’s shirtless in low-slung jeans that reveal the defined muscles of his stomach and the delicious V of his hipbones. If I could get pre-injury Ellie in a room alone, I’d read her the riot act for walking away from him.
“All the guys are meeting at Brayden’s to get ready and do some pictures before heading over to the park for the ceremony.” Levi grabs his wallet off the counter and shoves it in his pocket. The movement pushes his jeans down another inch.
I want to lick those muscles. To unbutton his jeans and follow that path of hair from his navel all the way down. My thighs clench at the thought.
“You should come with,” he says, oblivious to the X-rated fantasy reel playing in my head. “Mom would love to see you, and then you could ride with me to the wedding and reception.”
I blink, trying to bring my brain back to the moment. “Ride . . . you?”
“With me?” Levi tilts his head to the side and grins as my cheeks heat. “I wouldn’t mind you riding me either, but that might be a little awkward with all my family there.”
“So says the man who didn’t want me in his shower,” I mutter, narrowing my eyes playfully.
He crosses the kitchen to stand beside me at the table. Gently, he takes my chin in his hand and lowers his mouth to mine. His kiss is slow and coaxing—a soft press of lips, then a minty exploration of tongue that lights my skin on fire and makes me squeeze my thighs together. He sucks my bottom lip between his teeth, and when he pulls back, his eyes are dark and hungry. “You’re wrong about that,” he says, his voice husky. “I wanted you there more than you can imagine. I’m just trying to do the right thing here.”
My heart’s racing, and I take a deep breath to calm it. “That helps my fussy ego at least.”
He skims his thumb over my lips. “Your ego has nothing to worry about.” He steps away from me. “How’d you sleep? You could’ve stayed in my bed. I would’ve behaved myself.”
I fold my arms. “Obviously I didn’t doubt that, or I’d have crawled between your sheets. Naked.”
He squeezes his eyes shut. “You’re killing me. You know that?”
“Alas, I had total confidence in your self-control, so I stayed on my side of the house and saved us both a case of blue balls.”
“Speak for yourself,” he mutters, heading to the coffee pot. “So, about today—will you come with me to Brayden’s?”
“I don’t want to intrude. I’d just be in the way.”
“Nonsense. There’s room for everyone.”
“I appreciate you sharing your family credo with me, but I really don’t feel comfortable hanging around while you all do your official wedding stuff.”
“Then go spend the day with the girls.” He pours himself a cup of coffee before turning back to me. “You could help them with their hair and makeup or whatever.”
“And spend my day with homewrecker Molly? Hard pass, but thanks.”
He frowns. “I already told you about that.”
I arch a brow. “That when I went back to Colton I believed he’d been faithful? Yeah. I remember you sharing that with me. I’m just not trusting the judgment of the pregnant and scared Ellie.”
He studies me for a long beat, and something changes in his eyes—a warmth gone cool. “Right.”
Shit. “Pregnant Ellie” slept with Levi. “I mean with decisions regarding Colton,” I say quickly.
He doesn’t press. “Molly said he didn’t cheat on you. I believe her.”
“Good for you.”
He looks away, and I can tell there’s more he wants to say about this, but he doesn’t.
“I’m really fine here. What’s the point in a fancy security system if you never get to use it?”
He studies me for a long time, his face growing more and more serious. “I’m more concerned you’ll start looking for those paintings while I’m gone.”
“Oh, so the truth comes out.”
“I don’t want you playing PI without me by your side.” He drags a hand through his hair. “Hell, I don’t want you playing PI at all, but I’ll lose my mind if I think you’re pursuing this on your own.”
I slide back from the table and join him by the counter to look at the clock. It’s just after nine. “I think I can behave myself for a few hours.”
He scratches his chest, drawing my eyes down past his broad shoulders and over his pecs, which makes me drop my gaze even lower to the ridges of muscle across his stomach. “Ellie,” he growls.
“What?” I try to sound innocent, but I haven’t managed to get my eyes off his abs, so I’m not sure I’m successful.
He grabs me by the hips, then spins me so I’m pinned against the counter. He plunges his hands into my hair and brings his mouth down on mine. I gasp against his lips. Pleasure heats my blood, and the kiss turns desperate. My hands are in his hair, and his slide around to cup my ass.
He drags his mouth down my neck—kissing, nibbling, sucking, and setting my nerve endings on fire. “What happens if he comes back?” he asks, but his hot whisper against my ear feels so decadent that I have trouble focusing on his words. He sucks my earlobe between his teeth, and I gasp at the sharp sting that sends warmth pooling between my legs. “You don’t have to answer now, but I need you to think about it.”
“Think about . . .” I grip his arm to keep him from pulling away, but he steps back anyway. “What?”
“If Colton comes back. If he’s okay, and there’s an explanation for everything. If he didn’t cheat on you, and you can forgive him for disappearing and for shutting you out before that. What happens then?”
“That’s a lot of ifs,” I mutter.
He searches my eyes and shakes his head. “Maybe it’s not fair to put so much stock in a hypothetical question, but I need to know.”
I can’t answer for the memories I can’t retrieve, but I know exactly how I feel right now. I want Levi, and only Levi. But he’s right. And while his question is hypothetical, I know Colton’s very much alive and planning to come back.
“I’m supposed to be on my way to Brayden’s already.” He rakes his gaze over me and shakes his head, as if walking away is causing him physical pain. “Jake will kick my ass if I screw up the schedule for the day.”
“Go. We can talk later.”
“I’ll see you at the ceremony.”
Levi pulls on a shirt—and I watch because I’ve become a desperate perv and need to get my thrills where I can. He grabs his tux bag and heads out, setting the alarm on his way. When he’s gone, I finish my coffee and then grab my bag from the guestroom and head to the shower. I’m glad I packed a dress for Ava’s wedding. But when I get out of the shower and put lotion on my legs, I’m not thinking about my friend and wanting to dress well for her special day. I’m thinking about Levi and the way I want him to look at me tonight.
I want him to want me when he sees me.
Am I betraying Colton? He seems to believe we’re going to be reunited when he’s no longer hiding, and despite believing I couldn’t return to him, I still have too many unanswered questions. Should I feel guilty about what I’ve been feeling for Levi?
Levi’s question makes sense, and since Colton is alive and well, I need to figure out for myself what happens when he comes home and our lives return to a semblance of normalcy—assuming they ever do. To me, it’s clear that whatever was between me and Colton was already coming to an end before I saw him with Molly, but I know there’s more I’m missing. Sometime between then and now, I agreed to marry a man who’d broken my heart. A man who’s hiding for reasons I don’t understand and whom I feel compelled to protect.