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WEEKENDS ARE A LITTLE more hectic at the diner, but thankfully Ralph has extra help so Amber and I won’t be running our legs off. Today is a typical Saturday. Breakfast and lunch on weekends are the busiest times requiring both Amber and I to work at the same time. We’ll both leave just before the dinner crowd when a couple of high schoolers will come in to take over for us.
“Order up,” Ralph calls from the pickup window. Knowing it’s mine, I wander over to the window silently to pick up the plates and deliver them to my table in the back corner. “What’s wrong with you?”
Lowering my brows, I glare at Ralph curiously. As hard as I try to hide my discomfort, he doesn’t miss anything. I refuse to tell him, though, that I’m not feeling well. I haven’t eaten anything all day because we’ve been busy, and I haven’t had a chance to slow down long enough to make myself anything. I’ve been chugging water most of the day just to keep the full feeling in my stomach from distracting me from being able to do my job. “I don’t know what you mean,” I answer sheepishly, forcing a smile that I hope looks genuine and hoping that he’ll drop it.
He gives me a one-sided shoulder shrug before turning back to the grill. The subject successfully dropped, I resume balancing my plates on my forearm and turn to carry them to my table where a family of three waits patiently for their meals. Gritting my teeth against the tremors moving through my body, I set the plates down on the table before straightening my posture and fisting my hands at my sides. “Can I get you anything else?”
“No.” The response is short and to the point and not unlike what I would have expected. Even though I grew up in this town, no one pays much attention to me. God forbid they should show me the same courtesy they do to any other neighborly face in the town. I don’t wait for anything further from the family as they cut into their food. Nodding my head once, I turn away from the table.
A few steps away from the table, I stop and face the front window of the diner. The weather is nice and clear today, the sun shining brightly against the hillside in the distance beyond the town limits. The view here has always been remarkable. The trees are blooming, bright with colorful buds that give the hills beyond the town an effect similar to a water painting. Standing in place for several minutes, I save the view to memory. I only wish I still had access to a camera. I would give anything to be able to burn the colors of the distant hillside to film to be cherished and admired forever.
Shaking my head, I turn away from the window and walk back to the counter where Amber is already rolling silverware. My dreams are far off memories, washed away with the death of my mother. I’ll never have the opportunity to follow my dreams of being a photographer. Not only do I no longer have any equipment, but I’m just as stuck in this small town as the next person.
People don’t generally leave Independence. Sure, they seem happy. They sit with their family and friends and enjoy Ralph’s cooking. They socialize with each other and are friendly with neighboring tables. Talking with each other and sharing gossip like whispering schoolgirls. I don’t have any doubt that they spend time whispering about me when I’m not close enough to hear their conversations. I see the way they all look at me as I approach to take their orders. I watch as their whispers and giggles fade the closer I get to their tables. They don’t hide their gazes as they take in the sweater that I wear all year, even in the heat and humidity. I’m the odd duck – the outcast if you will.
It shouldn’t bother me. I know what I am, and what I’m not. I’m an introvert – always happy hiding behind the lens of a camera. If only I still had one, maybe then I’d feel complete again. I haven’t felt complete since my mother passed away. What I’m not is outgoing, attractive, fun. I don’t spend my weekends hanging out with friends – not that I have any to speak of. I don’t date – not that I wouldn’t want to, but my options are limited. How can I bring myself to go on a date with someone that lives in the same timeless town as I do? Someone that knows everything about everyone. And how can I open up enough to someone that might tell the rest of the town my secrets? Not to mention, I don’t like being touched – how could I ever allow anyone to get close to me?
God, I wish I could get out of this town.
“Emilee, can you grab me another pack of napkins?” Amber asks from the other end of the counter. She’s still rolling silverware and I know I should help her. Not that we’re running short on silverware, but it’s better than standing around and daydreaming about getting out of a town that I’ll never be able to escape.
“Yeah,” I respond. Bending over, holding the groan that wants to escape my throat at the action, I grab another unopened pack of napkins from beneath the counter. Giving my hands something to do, I tear into the package as I walk over to where Amber is standing, patiently waiting for me to hand her the napkins. “Here you go.” Setting the package down on the counter in front of her, I grab a few pieces of the silverware from the tray and help her roll it all up.
“You should come out with me tonight,” Amber says quietly without lifting her eyes away from her chore. “There’s a party on the other side of town. It’s been a while since you’ve gone to a party with me.”
My hands freeze, the silverware pinched between two fingers on one hand and the napkin in the other. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I whisper, a slight tremor in my voice. Closing my eyes, I reign in my emotions, not willing to give away my feelings against going out. It’s not that I don’t want to hang out with Amber, we used to be close friends. We were thick as thieves in high school before she graduated. We used to do everything together. To be honest, I miss the carefree and innocent camaraderie that we used to have together.
“Oh, come on!” She looks up at me now, the excitement evident in her gaze at the prospect of me going to the party with her tonight. “It’s been forever since we hung out together. It’ll be fun!” She’s practically bouncing on the balls of her feet.
I really don’t want to let her down. But she’ll never understand. To her, I’m probably just the depressed co-worker slash ex best friend that shut down after my mother passed away. That isn’t it at all, though. I really would like to be able to hang out after work. Maybe make some new friends. But at what cost? She couldn’t possibly understand what it’s like for me at home now. The responsibilities that I’ve taken on since losing my mom.
Not to mention what happened the last time I did go to one of the parties that she likes to attend on the weekends. It was a few years ago, I was still a junior and she had already graduated and was still living at home with her parents. There was a boy there, Jason, he was a senior and Amber knew I’d had a crush on him all year. His family had moved here at the beginning of the year, so he was new in school and was still getting over that awkward new-kid stage.
Amber had convinced me to go talk to him. She’d managed to get a few drinks into me at that point and my inhibitions were nonexistent. I wasn’t the only one that’d had a few too many drinks that night. When I went up to Jason, he smiled that charming smile that turned me into instant goo. Flashing his mega-watt white teeth at me with that perfect dimple on his left cheek, he threw an arm around my waist and pulled me into his hard body as if he had been waiting for me forever. He even ignored the snickering from the other guys standing around him when they saw him lean in and kiss my forehead.
That was all it took. The guy that I’d been crushing on all year paid me attention, showed me a little affection, and I was a goner. I’d have followed him anywhere. And it so happens that I did. Regardless of how much either of us had drank that night, I should have known better than to get into his truck with him. But I did it anyway because I was so elated at the attention he was showering me with. He drove us away from the party, parked us outside of town on a deserted country road. One thing led to another, and I was giving him my virginity in the bed of his pickup while laying on a tattered blanket that he had stashed behind the driver’s seat.
It wasn’t until it was over that I realized that he hadn’t even asked me my name. I had just assumed that he knew it from school. Not that we hung out in the same crowds, but he could have heard it in passing at some point. He took me home immediately after and never talked to me again. My heart was shattered when I went to school the following Monday and he treated me as if I didn’t exist. He laughed alongside his friends when they whispered and shot accusatory glances in my direction.
It was then that I decided I had no desire to date anyone in Independence. I’d rather be single and become the town spinster than deal with the politics and idiocies of a small town.
“Hey,” Amber pulls me from my thoughts and places a hand on my forearm. “Earth to Emilee.” She pulls her hand back as if she’s been burned the instant I jerk my arm away from her touch. “Sorry.”
Shaking my head, I clear thoughts of Jason from my mind. The past is the last thing I should be dwelling in. I have enough going on in my present to keep me focused on finding a way out of here. “Thank you for the invitation, Amber. But I need to get home after work here. I have things that I need to do.” Of course, I don’t tell her what those things are that keep me home every evening after work. The things that keep me from being able to go out and meet people and make friends. Things that make me afraid of getting too close to anyone.
“Your loss then.” Amber huffs out a breath and turns to walk away. She makes a trip around the dining room, checking on her tables to make sure everyone is still enjoying their meals. It’s only then that I look around and realize that all my tables are empty.
Grabbing an empty container, I walk around and clear the plates and empty glasses from my tables, pocketing my few dollars in tips in my apron, and head to the kitchen to clean up.