Enveloped in one of Hellhound’s far-too-big hooded sweatshirts about an hour later, I settled into the passenger seat of his Subaru Forester with a sigh that came all the way from my toes.
He glanced over from the driver’s side. “Okay, darlin’? Ya warm enough?”
“Yeah.” I shivered and stifled a yawn that was part fatigue, part nerves. “I’m just bagged. Long day.” I wouldn’t admit exactly how frightened I’d been on the back of his bike, but he probably knew. His ribs were likely still aching from my deathgrip.
“Helluva long day,” he agreed. “An’ it ain’t over yet.” He put the SUV into gear and pulled out into the light traffic. “This’s sure a helluva clusterfuck.”
“Yeah.” I shuddered. “I can’t even imagine what John’s going through.” He grunted agreement, and I added, “So, um… is Alicia as much of a piece of work as she seemed tonight?”
“Nah, she’s okay…” Hellhound trailed off uncertainly, then shrugged. “Well, hell, I dunno. Never knew how bitter she was.” He sighed. “Poor Lish. An’ poor John. They went through hell when they were together, an’ now this. It fuckin’ sucks.”
“Yeah.” I leaned back with a sigh. “When John and I were first getting to know each other, he mentioned he was pretty messed up when he came back from combat overseas. It’s too bad he couldn’t get the help he needed then.”
Hellhound stared through the windshield. “He got as much help as he could, but shit like that changes ya forever. Lish didn’t wanna believe that. She thought if he just tried hard enough he could get over it an’ go back to the way he was. But that ain’t the way it works.”
I reached over to touch his hand, studying his expressionless profile. “You fought alongside him. It must have been just as bad for you.”
“Nah. I was already fucked up beyond repair when I went over.”
His matter-of-fact tone twisted my heart, and I brought his hand to my lips and brushed soft kisses over his scarred knuckles. “I wish I could wave a magic wand and make all that stuff go away for you, but… you know I love you exactly the way you are.”
He swallowed, and when he spoke again his voice was hoarser than usual. “Thanks, Aydan, but that just goes to show how fucked up ya really are.”
I grinned. “That’s why you love me.”
He smiled, the glow of the dashboard lights softening his battered features. “Nah. I’d love ya even if ya weren’t fucked up.”
We lapsed into a comfortable silence, driving through the darkness holding hands. After a few minutes I roused myself.
“I still don’t see how she could have kept it from him.”
Hellhound grunted. “I can’t believe it either. Never thought she’d pull shit like that.”
“No; I mean, I don’t see how she could have actually kept Daniel a secret. Surely they have mutual friends.”
“Hm,” Hellhound said thoughtfully. “Nah, not really. Ya know how it is when a couple breaks up; their friends break up, too. An’ John got recruited to join the Department right around then, so he was on trainin’ courses mosta the time, an’ they set him up with that condo down in the deep south so him an’ Lish never crossed paths. She didn’t try an’ screw him in the divorce; she kept the house but never asked for any support payments, so he let it go with no contest. An’ by then he was on active duty so he was gone half the time anyway.”
It was my turn to mutter “Hm.”
He shook his head. “I can’t believe he really quit.”
“Yeah. He really did.” I frowned. “Well, maybe not officially yet. He hasn’t given written notice. Stemp wanted him to come in right away for debriefing, so I hope he’s not in trouble over that.”
“Huh.” Hellhound drove in silence for a few moments before releasing a breath. “Well, I guess everybody’s gotta quit sometime. Better to go out this way than tits-up on a slab.”
“That’s the truth.”
He glanced over. “So when’re ya gonna quit?”
“Me?” I blinked, shifting mental gears.
“Yeah. You’re always sayin’ ya hate what you’re doin’. So why not quit? Hell, why didn’t ya quit long ago?”
“I, um…” I hesitated.
“It’s okay if ya can’t tell me, darlin’.” He squeezed my hand. “I was just askin’.”
“No, it’s not like it’s classified or anything, I just… I hadn’t really thought about it.” I yawned, knuckling my aching eyes. “I didn’t have a choice in the beginning; I was just trying to stay alive. And now…” I let out a breath and faced the truth. “…it’s been four months since anybody tried to kill me, but I don’t feel safe without my Glock. If I quit the Department, I’d have to go unarmed.”
“Well, darlin’…” His voice softened. “Goin’ on more missions ain’t the way to get over the feelin’ that everybody’s tryin’ to kill ya.”
“I know.” I grimaced into the darkness. “But I feel good about the, um…” I searched briefly for the right word to describe my activities without revealing anything classified. “…administrative work I’m doing when I’m not on active duty.”
“Think Stemp’ll let ya keep doin’ it? Usually he’s all gung-ho about gettin’ agents back in action.”
A trickle of fear chilled my backbone but I kept my tone confident. “I think he’ll let me keep doing what I do. I’ve got a few… um… skills… nobody else has…” I trailed off, uncertainty niggling at me.
Stemp had Tammy to do decryptions now. Maybe he didn’t need two of us. Oh, God, what if he tried to send me out as a field agent again?
I straightened my spine. I wouldn’t go. I’d quit, just like Kane.
Fear closed my throat.
Not ‘just like Kane’. Kane was a master of hand-to-hand combat. He could protect himself even without a weapon. I had no skills at all…
Stop it. Don’t borrow trouble. So far Stemp hadn’t mentioned changing my role.
Too tired to worry over it anymore, I leaned my head back. “Are we there yet?” I joked, and was rewarded by the sexy rasp of Hellhound’s chuckle.
“Have a nap, darlin’,” he said. “I’ll wake ya when we get there.”
The vibration of my waist pouch roused me from my doze, and I struggled upright in Hellhound’s passenger seat and extracted my cell phone. After a glance at the call display, I pressed the button. “Hi, John. I’m putting you on speaker.”
“Hello,” Kane said, the word taut. I exchanged a worried glance with Hellhound as Kane went on, “Where are you?”
Hellhound replied, “Just went through Caroline about ten minutes ago.”
Kane uttered a muffled word that might have been an epithet before continuing, “There’s a complication. You might want to turn around and stay at Caroline instead. There’s some sort of summer festival going on in Rocky Mountain House this weekend, and there’s a bike rally, too. I got the last motel room in town, and it’s not one of the finer establishments. It’s clean and it has two queen beds, but it’s definitely not quiet.”
Hellhound shrugged, his leather jacket creaking in the darkness. “Hell, I don’t give a shit. ‘Long’s ya don’t mind bunkin’ together.”
He glanced over at me and I gave him a ‘whatever’ shrug and added, “It’s up to you, John. If you’d rather we stayed in Caroline, we can turn around now.”
“Keep coming, then,” Kane said. “I’ll leave word at the office for them to give you a key. Let yourselves in when you get here. I’ll probably be in the shower.” He gave us the motel name and directions before hanging up.
I stowed my phone in my waist pouch and leaned back in the seat with a yawn.
Hellhound glanced over from the driver’s seat and bounced his eyebrows suggestively. “Well, darlin’, looks like we’re gonna have another threesome. I brought a buncha condoms, an’ I hope you’re wearin’ your little red thong.”
“Nngh.” I clenched my fists in my hair. “That was probably the most embarrassed I’ve ever been in my life.” Despite the humiliating memory, a smile crept onto my lips at the sight of his devilish grin. “I’m not wearing the red one today,” I added. “And your condoms are going to have to remain unused. I’m pretty sure that’s more than John wants to know about us.”
Hellhound winked. “Hell, darlin’, ya never know. Maybe he-”
“Don’t even go there,” I interrupted.
He chuckled and returned his attention to the road, but he was still watching me out of the corner of his eye as he inquired, “So what about you an’ him? The two a’ ya still ain’t gettin’ it on?”
“No.”
“How come? Is it…” He hesitated, giving me a sidelong glance before staring through the windshield again. “Is it ‘cause a’ me?”
“No, of course not.”
“’Cause I don’t ever wanna come between ya,” he went on as if I hadn’t spoken. “If the two a’ ya wanna try an’ make it work together, just say the word an’ I’ll-”
“Arnie, stop,” I interrupted gently. “Nothing’s changed between you and me, and you can trust me to tell you if it does. And even if our physical relationship ends, it won’t change our friendship. Not for me, anyway.”
“Not for me, either.” His hand crept over to clasp mine. “Thanks, darlin’.” We drove in silence for a few more miles before he spoke again. “So is it that you ain’t doin’ him or he ain’t doin’ you?”
I leaned my head back with a sigh. “Both. And… I don’t know… Maybe it’s better that way.” I stared out the windshield at the cone of gray highway revealed by the headlights. “It seems like we get along fine as long as we’re not sleeping together, but all the bullshit starts as soon as sex is on the table.”
A snicker from the driver’s seat made me glance over. Hellhound was grinning again. “Well, darlin’, maybe ya oughta stop havin’ sex on the table. Try the bed.”
I snorted. “Everybody’s a friggin’ comic.”
By the time we pulled up at the motel office, my yawns were threatening to turn me inside-out. “Lucky you’re a night owl,” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. “I’d probably have fallen asleep at the wheel by now.”
Hellhound grinned. “Yeah, maybe I oughta go see if I can find myself a party.” He jerked his chin at the long row of motorcycles in the parking lot. “Gonna be some good times tonight.”
I eyed the bar across the street worriedly. Rowdy shouts and the thump of heavy bass were clearly audible even through the closed windows of the SUV.
“Think there’ll be trouble?” I asked.
“Nah, probl’y not. Bike rallies are okay. The hardcore guys don’t wanna attract attention so they keep their noses clean, an’ the weekend warriors just whoop it up a bit an’ then go back to their hotel an’ sleep it off.” He swung out of the driver’s seat. “I’ll go get our key. Be right back.”
A few minutes later we parked in front of our unit and got out. Hellhound extracted his ever-present guitar case and a small duffel bag from the back seat, and shot a grin at the plastic bag containing the few overnight essentials that dangled from my hand. “Ya sure know to travel light, darlin’.”
I hefted the bag, smiling. “Well, I didn’t think there was much chance you’d take me to a black-tie gala tonight.”
He closed the distance between us, wrapping an arm behind my back to pull me against him. His voice dropped to a deep sexy rasp that made my sleepy body wake up and pay attention. “Darlin’, I’ll take ya anywhere ya wanna go.”
“Mmm.” I linked my arms around his neck and gave a teasing little wiggle, enjoying the slide of his hard body against mine before regretfully pulling away. “Hold that thought until we have a motel room of our own.”
He chuckled and patted my ass as we crossed the sidewalk to the room door. I was pushing the old-fashioned key into the doorknob lock when the door opened from the inside. My gaze made a brief but extremely rewarding traverse of the muscular contours of Kane’s naked torso above his jeans before I redirected my attention to his face with an effort.
“Come in,” he said, turning away and rubbing his wet hair with the towel around his neck. When Hellhound swung the door closed behind us, Kane gave us a grimace. “Be it ever so humble…” He indicated the worn but still garish orange-and-brown décor with a resigned gesture.
“…there’s no place like home,” I finished, and dropped onto the nearest bed with a cavernous yawn. “At least the bed feels okay.” I nodded toward the inadequate security chain dangling from the door jamb. “And hey, this place is practically Fort Knox.”
Kane’s face creased with concern as he dug into his pocket and withdrew his keys. “If you don’t feel safe here, take the Expedition and go back to Caroline.”
“Oh, hell, no.” I waved the keys away, embarrassed. “I didn’t mean that, I was just joking around.” When he continued to eye me worriedly, I patted my ankle holster and grinned up at him. “Seriously, John. I’ve got you and Arnie and a Glock. I couldn’t be safer.”
“Ya sure, darlin’?” Hellhound asked. “’Cause I don’t mind takin’ ya back.”
“Jeez, you guys!” I flopped back on the bed. “This is me, remember? Not some delicate little flower.”
Hellhound chuckled. “Nah, ‘delicate flower’ ain’t the words I woulda used.” He leaned his guitar carefully in the corner and dropped his duffel bag beside it. “I gotta take a leak, an’ then I’m gonna go grab a beer. Need to wind down a bit. Wanna come?”
I let out a long breath, my eyelids drooping. “Nope, I’m going to be asleep before you go out the door.”
“I’ll stay, too,” Kane said.
Hellhound’s shrewd gaze flicked over Kane’s expression before darting to me meaningfully. “Well, I’m prob’ly gonna be late, so don’t wait up,” he said, and headed for the bathroom.
Kane and I avoided each other’s gaze as the sound of his peeing transmitted with unfortunate clarity through the thin wall. Kane flicked the TV on and turned up the volume.
When Hellhound emerged and headed for the door with a nonchalant salute, I hurried into the bathroom and took advantage of the relative privacy of the inane television soundtrack to do what needed to be done, too.
Kane muted the TV when I came out with my teeth freshly brushed and awkwardness burning my cheeks. I probably didn’t need nightwear. They’d both seen me naked often enough. But still…
“Um…” I didn’t quite meet his eyes. “May I borrow a T-shirt for tonight? I didn’t realize we’d be bunking together…” I trailed off.
“Of course.” Kane’s tone was artificially hearty. “No problem. Here you go.” He extracted a clean T-shirt from his duffel bag and handed it over.
“Thanks.” I shuffled my feet. “Um…” I realized I was still staring at his chest. And his broad shoulders, curving down into the smooth bulges of his biceps. Corrugated abs with that tantalizing strip of hair tracking down from his navel to his-
I jerked my gaze up to his face again. “I’m going to go get some ice,” I muttered. Avoiding his gaze, I tossed his T-shirt on the bed, seized the ice bucket, and scurried out the door.