Shelley was mucking out stalls in the barn, only half listening to a dozen or so sheep bleating a backing track to ‘Isn’t She Lovely’ on Radio Two as she worked. Her mind was more focused on a couple of newcomers in the residents’ block and Hanna’s suspicion that they were trying to push drugs. It was a recurring problem, unfortunately. However, Tom Bakerson, a retired DCI from Kesterly, was always willing to come and help out with one of his stern talkings-to when the need arose. They often did the trick, which made Shelley smile, for Tom’s stern talkings-to regularly came her way too, but she was less in awe of him than the youngsters. And fond as she was of him, which was actually very fond, she really didn’t feel inclined to get married again. Their ‘friendship with benefits’ as Hanna and Zoe had drolly dubbed it, worked very well the way it was, thank you very much.
If she’d been paying more attention to what was going on around her she’d have registered the ovine accompaniment getting louder and less harmonious, but it wasn’t until Josh was in front of her that she picked up on the excitement. Their very own rock star had come to pay a visit, and the silly old girls were falling all over themselves to get noticed.
Smiling as he fed his fans with alfalfa leaves, she said, ‘So to what do we owe this pleasure?’ They didn’t usually see him in the barn on weekdays unless one of the animals was sick, and as far as she knew none was, at the moment.
Before he could answer Bessie the fat-bellied Gloucester Old Spot came snorting and barrelling towards him, four squealing piglets stumbling along after her, and he dutifully fussed the old sow about the ears, sending her into a frenzy of porcine pleasure.
Shelley was about to hand him a tin bowl of peelings for the pigs, when he scooped up one of the piglets to check his hind legs. They’d been splayed at birth, causing some concern, but the tape Josh had carefully wound around his hips certainly seemed to be helping.
‘You’re doing pretty well,’ he told the tiny creature, holding it nose to nose. ‘I think we can have that harness off in the next couple of days,’ and putting him down, he took the scraps from his mother to stifle Bossy Bessie’s demanding grunts for treats.
‘So,’ Shelley said, still watching him as she pulled off her rubber gloves and enjoyed the feeling of fresh air on her work-worn hands. ‘You’re here because …?’
‘Because,’ he said, watching the pigs trot off back to their open-plan sty, ‘there’s something I need to tell you.’
When his eyes didn’t come to hers, Shelley’s abiding fear that he was leaving Deerwood again sprang into life. Of course she understood that his ambitions for himself might well take him away from the farm, and she wanted nothing more than to see him happy, but the years he’d spent at uni and then overseas hadn’t been easy for her. She’d missed him terribly, almost as much as she’d missed Jack in the early years, and she dreaded going through it again. However, this couldn’t be about her, she reminded herself firmly. It had to be about him, and whatever he wanted to do she would find it in herself to support him.
‘Don’t worry,’ he said drily, ‘I’m not going back to South Africa.’
She had to smile. He might have a gift for reading minds, as well as sensing her moods, but in this instance he knew very well that his return to the wild was always her biggest dread. ‘Well, now we have that out of the way,’ she said, relieved beyond measure, ‘I’m ready for the good news.’
‘What makes you so sure it’s good?’
She shrugged. ‘It’s written all over you,’ she replied teasingly. She was making it up, for in truth she couldn’t tell what he was thinking – his inscrutability could be doubly annoying considering how easily he read everyone else. ‘I’m going to guess you’ve found a hippo,’ she ventured.
He laughed, though she knew he had no recall of the ‘sighting’ he’d made with his father when he was four, but she’d teased him about it often enough to turn it into a shared memory for them. She plonked herself down on a solid hay bale, wincing at a pain in her hip, and gestured for him to take the bale opposite. ‘I’m all yours,’ she informed him, loving having him to herself for a few minutes.
As he sat, a particularly devoted ewe rested her face on his shoulder, and he idly stroked her as he said, in a tone that really got his mother’s attention, ‘I’ve met someone.’
She sparkled inside. This was what she’d been hoping to hear for so long, and since the girl was probably local, given the picnics and frequent absences, she was eager for him to continue.
‘She’s pretty special,’ he said softly, ‘and I … Well, frankly, I haven’t felt like this about anyone before.’ He flicked a look her way. ‘Corny?’
She only smiled.
‘She’s a lawyer,’ he said, ‘bright, beautiful, funny …’ He took a breath and Shelley could tell that he was seeing her in his mind’s eye and didn’t want to let the image go. ‘She’s a lot of things that make her different,’ he continued, ‘and special and someone I want to be with all the time.’ Then he added, ‘I think if Dad were here he’d understand what I’m saying, because I’m sure that’s how he felt about you. You were his everything, and that’s what Vivienne is for me.’
Touched that he should feel that way about her and Jack, Shelley might have said so had she not sensed there was more, and that it might not be as straightforward as he’d like it to be. ‘Do I get to meet her?’ she prompted tentatively.
He nodded. ‘I’ve invited her to come on Saturday, if that’s OK?’
Relieved, and delighted, she said, ‘Of course it is. I’ll look forward to it. We all will.’
He rolled his eyes. ‘The entire Deerwood clan might be too much for a first meeting, so if we can keep it to family …’
‘Well, of course family. I’m not suggesting all the residents should come along too. Anyway, most of them have signed up for a coach trip to Salisbury Plain on Saturday, meaning it’ll be quieter than usual around here, so your timing is good. Shall we do a barbecue? Lunch? Dinner? What are you thinking?’
‘Probably early afternoon and a barbecue will be great, but there’s something you need to know about her …’ He took a breath and held it.
She’s married, shot straight to the front of Shelley’s mind, but she said nothing, simply waited.
‘There’s no easy way of saying it,’ he decided, ‘so I’ll come right out with it. She has a terminal heart condition.’
Shelley slowly froze, certain she hadn’t heard correctly, while knowing from his expression and his tone that she had. She continued to stare at him, unable for the moment to find any words, or to grasp a full and dreadful understanding of what this was going to mean for him.
‘I had to tell you,’ he said, ‘because of her diet and sometimes her energy …’
‘How … when did you meet her?’ Shelley interrupted.
‘A few weeks ago at Sam’s. She’s Michelle’s best friend.’
Shelley nodded, though she wasn’t really taking it in. Her son, her beautiful, talented, insanely eligible boy who could have anyone he wanted, had fallen in love with a girl who was dying. How could she be happy for that? How could any mother? It was going to break his heart.
Looking at him, she could see now that it already was. His pain, his helplessness, and all the terrible feelings that must go with loving someone he already knew he was going to lose, were etched all over him.
‘Oh Josh,’ she murmured, and going to him, she took one of his hands in hers and held it tight. ‘How long does she have?’ she asked.
‘We’re not sure. Maximum a year, unless they find a new heart for her.’
‘And will they?’
‘No one knows.’
Realizing he had all his hopes invested in that one terrifyingly unpredictable scenario, she slipped an arm round him and pulled his head to her shoulder.
‘I have to ask this,’ she said softly, ‘as your mother and someone who knows you so well. Are you sure this isn’t …’
‘Don’t go there, Mum,’ he cautioned. ‘I swear, it isn’t about rescuing her, though God knows I wish I could. I’m a vet, not a doctor, or a miracle worker. The way I feel about her …’ He broke off, apparently done with trying to put all his complicated emotions into words.
‘Does she feel the same about you?’ she asked tenderly.
‘Yes, she does.’ After a while he said, ‘Tell me this, if you’d known at the outset that you were going to lose Dad when he was so young, would you still have married him?’
Shelley’s eyes closed as she considered the question, in spite of already knowing the answer. ‘Of course,’ she whispered. ‘The time I had with him would always be better than no time at all.’
He swallowed hard. ‘That’s how I feel about Vivienne.’
She absorbed the words and their beautiful, but tragic meaning and rested her head against his. ‘Then we must do everything in our power, to make her – to make you both – as happy as we can, for as long as we can.’