CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

VIVIENNE

Present Day

‘You’re looking rather lovely,’ Gina commented, as Vivienne came into the kitchen wearing a strappy floral dress that showed her lightly tanned shoulders and floated airily about her skinny knees. She’d also defined her eyes with mascara, coated her lips with a pale pink gloss, and her still-damp blonde locks were drying into random, lively waves.

Glancing up from the text she was reading, Vivi couldn’t hold back her smile when she saw the sparkle of a tease in her mother’s eyes.

‘I’m just wondering when you’re going to tell me about him?’ Gina prompted wryly.

Though Vivi’s impulse was to feign puzzlement, the fact that her mother didn’t appear to have an issue with there being someone special made her realize how much she wanted to confide in her. ‘He’s wonderful,’ she tried not to gush, but she felt such a rush of happiness that she almost sobbed on the relief and joy of being able to say it.

Gina came to hug her, saying, ‘I wouldn’t have expected him to be anything else.’ Pulling back, she looked searchingly into Vivi’s eyes. ‘Does he know about …?’

‘Yes, he does. He has from the start and …’ She took a breath at the feel of an unsteady beat in her heart. Not now. Please, please not now, she implored, dreading that her ICD was about to go off. But it had never given a warning before, it just fired volts straight into her, and it wasn’t unusual to feel a slight tremor now and again. So she took another breath and made herself move past it. ‘I can’t say my condition doesn’t make a difference,’ she admitted, ‘because obviously it does, but it’s not getting in the way … I mean, it is … Well, we don’t … He understands that we can’t, but …’ Her eyes shone with incredulous laughter as she said, ‘For some reason that seems to make us even closer.’

Clearly surprised and relieved to hear it, Gina said, ‘I’m guessing he’s someone you met at Sam and Michelle’s?’

Vivi nodded. ‘His name’s Josh and he’s … Did I tell you he’s wonderful?’

Laughing, Gina returned to the shopping list she’d been making when Vivi came in. ‘So do I get to meet him at some point?’ she asked.

‘Of course. And I know you’ll love him every bit as much as I do. In fact, he should be here any minute, so you’ll see I’m right. He’s taking me to meet his family today.’

Gina looked up. ‘Hence the pretty dress and make-up. Well, like I said, you look lovely, better than I’ve seen you in a while, so he’s obviously having a good effect. Where does his family live?’

‘They have a farm about fifteen miles inland. Actually, it’s more than just a farm, it’s a kind of community, really. You might have heard of it, or read about it in the paper. It’s called Deerwood.’

Gina went very still, and as the colour began draining from her face she seemed to stop breathing. ‘No,’ she said shakily. ‘No, you can’t …’ She was so agitated she seemed unaware of what she was saying or doing, and Vivi could only stare at her in bemusement.

‘Mum? What …?’

Gina was shaking her head, putting a hand to it and saying, ‘No. You can’t go there. You …’

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Vivi protested.

‘You can’t.’ Gina looked around, seeming distressed and disoriented, as though she’d lost the sense of where she was or what she’d been doing. ‘Gil,’ she murmured, ‘I need to speak to Gil,’ and to Vivi’s amazement she suddenly snatched up her bag, ran out to the car, and drove away.

By the time Josh arrived ten minutes later, Vivi had received so many texts from the GaLs and Michelle wishing her good luck for today that her mother’s odd behaviour was no longer at the front of her mind. She wasn’t even going to think about the vague suspicion she’d held for some time that Gina had a problem where Deerwood was concerned, because whatever it was, Vivi had no intention of allowing it to spoil today. Instead, she simply melted into his embrace. Josh’s dark, expressive eyes showed how much he was loving the way she looked, and how much today was meaning to him too.

As they drove out of town, heading into the countryside, they kept glancing at one another and smiling, while curling their fingers more tightly together. Even Ellie seemed excited as she whined and panted and grinned for all she was worth in the back.

‘I’ll introduce everyone when we get there,’ he told Vivi, ‘but don’t worry about remembering all their names. What’s important to them, and to me, is that they know who you are.’

Amused by how straightforward it was seeming to him, and determined not to give in to her nerves, she said, ‘Have you told them about me? I mean about my heart.’

‘Yes, and you don’t need to worry. My mother understands how I feel about you, and she accepts that whatever time we have together matters far more than anything else.’

Vivi swallowed drily. Was his mother just saying that because she’d realized it was what he wanted to hear, and that he probably wouldn’t tolerate any other kind of response? She guessed she’d find out soon enough. ‘Have you ever taken anyone to meet them before?’ she asked, accepting that she was likely to be weighed up for comparison if he had.

His eyebrows arched. ‘Once or twice, but not since I’ve been back from South Africa.’

‘Does that mean you haven’t been involved with anyone in all that time?’

‘No, it just means that there hasn’t been anyone I’ve wanted to take home.’ He laughed. ‘I hope you’re not going to end up regretting the experience; there are so many of us, and my nieces and nephews can be pretty full on. I include my cousin, Perry’s, children in that, because his are probably the noisiest.’

‘What about the residents? Will they be there?’

‘Some will be around, I’m sure, but most have gone on a day trip to Salisbury Plain.’

‘And your sister Zoe is still in California?’

‘She is, and my aunt Kat will be running the Farmer’s Table, which is what we call the shop, but she’s going to close up early today so she won’t miss out on meeting you.’

Vivi looked at him again, and as he lifted her fingers to his lips she let go of her nerves and allowed the moment to become all about them. She could feel the most wonderful fluttering sensations in her heart, and knowing they were wholly emotional and nothing to be afraid of she brought his hand to her lips too, and kissed each of his fingertips in turn. The eroticism of this small intimacy was as powerful as anything she’d felt before, maybe even more so, and it almost made her fearful of what it might be like if they really could make love.

Maybe it would happen one day, maybe her recovery would progress far enough for her to risk it, for it even to be approved – certainly it had happened for others. She’d read about it online: in some cases it was recommended as gentle exercise, with the emphasis on gentle, and a reducer of stress, so she wasn’t giving up hope. But it wasn’t going to happen today, so she turned to watch the passing fields and hedgerows, so vivid and inviting in the summer sunshine that she felt she could drink them in for ever.

‘This is where our land begins,’ he told her, as he edged the Land Rover over a narrow crossroads and began driving through a new swathe of meadows that looked very like the ones they’d just passed through.

‘Are they your sheep?’ she asked, spotting a few fat creamy bundles in a nearby field.

‘They are,’ he confirmed. ‘I’m not sure where all the others are, but they’ll be meandering around somewhere.’

‘What about the horses? Are they yours?’

He glanced in the direction she was pointing and said, ‘Those two are Hanna’s, she’s a keen showjumper, and there are six more who stable with us. Presumably they’re out with their owners, or back at the farm.’

‘Along with all the pigs, goats, chickens and … What else do you have?’

‘Geese, ducks, ponies, guinea pigs, and whatever else my nieces and nephews have recently rescued. They’re big on rescue – I guess it runs in the family, because they actively go out looking for any living thing that might be in distress, insects included. Actually, we have a real live Bambi with us at the moment, unless Nate returned him to his mother this morning. She’s been waiting in the woods nearby since we brought him in. Poor thing got hit by a car. The woman who ran into him rang the RSPCA, who contacted me, so we were able to get to him in time. OK, here we are,’ he announced, and turning in through a gateless entrance with a Deerwood Farm and Shop sign to one side and a table of fresh fruit and veg the other, he waved out to the youngsters manning the stall and started along a narrow winding track.

Aware of her nerves returning, Vivi covered his hand on the gearstick and took several quiet breaths. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so apprehensive, or aware of the stark reality of her situation trying to close in on her. There was a fleeting moment recalling her mother’s bizarre agitation when she and Vivi had passed through here, but then it was gone again. In its place was only him and this incredible, almost surreal small village they were passing through …

‘The three red-brick buildings on the left,’ Josh explained, ‘are where the residents stay, if they’re not camping out somewhere else on the farm. Then we have the artisan centre coming up on the right, where just about anything happens from carpentry, to rope-making, to blacksmithing, to pottery … Name the trade, it probably goes on in there at some point. There’s a small gym on the mezzanine, and a basketball court at the back. Next we have the studio for those who are interested in painting, dancing, singing, basically anything to do with the arts. They put on plays or concerts, attend lectures or debates … The stone barn next to it is where my grandparents live, at the far end, and Hanna and her family are spread out around the rest of it. Beyond that is the main barn, with all its attendant coops, sties, pens and sheds – and right ahead of you is the farmhouse.’

As Vivienne looked at it she could feel herself all but melting into its midsummer beauty. It seemed so settled and welcoming in the heart of its full-blooming sunflowers and hollyhocks, with climbing jasmine crowding white window frames and cascades of petunias and fuchsias overflowing their hanging baskets. The rose-covered porch arched over a half-open stable door, and as they drew closer she made out a small sign, written in a child’s hand, saying, Granny’s House.

‘Of course it’s at its best right now,’ Josh remarked drily as she turned to him, enchantment glowing in her eyes. He grinned and got out of the car, and leaving his door open for Ellie to follow he came around to the other side. ‘Are you ready for this?’ he murmured, slipping his hands round her waist, apparently wanting to help her down.

Not at all sure she was now they were here, she allowed him to lift her to the ground, and felt strangely as though she was landing in the middle of a dream. She closed her eyes in an effort to centre herself, and felt his hand touch her neck as he said, ‘It’ll be fine, I promise. They’re going to love you.’

For no reason she could think of, she was suddenly afraid and even ashamed of what she was bringing to Josh’s life. No matter what his mother had said, she was unlikely to feel happy about it, but for his sake she, and the rest of his family, were going to welcome her to their home and pretend that everything was just as it should be.

Tilting her face up to his, he said, more firmly, ‘It’s going to be fine.’

She wasn’t sure why that gave her courage, but it did, slightly, and as some of her nerves faded the bottom half of the farmhouse door suddenly crashed open and a boisterous Border collie hurled itself at Josh.

Spinning the dog away from Vivi before it knocked her over, he said, ‘This is Dodgy. He has unusual manners, but he’s very good at doing as he’s told,’ and holding up a hand he said, ‘Dodgy, this is Vivienne. Please say hello.’

To Vivi’s amazement Dodgy turned to her, tilted his head to one side and gave a small bark as he raised a paw. Taking it, she shook it politely. ‘Hello, Dodgy, I’m very pleased to meet you.’

Dodgy’s tongue lolled as he panted with pleasure.

‘Please don’t let’s do any master/owner analogies here,’ Josh muttered. To the dog he said, ‘Find Ellie,’ and Dodgy was instantly shepherding a worried-looking Ellie to Josh’s side.

As they walked around the outside of the house to the back garden Vivi could hear voices and was aware of her heart hammering in an unnerving way. Apparently sensing it, Josh’s hand tightened on hers and she tried to pull herself together. Her condition didn’t make her less of a person, she must remember that, and stop assuming that people would even think it.

At first no one noticed the newcomers, they were all too busy chatting and drinking wine under an enormous vine-covered gazebo where the table was laden with so many dishes and bottles it was barely possible to see the white linen cloth underneath. She glanced about the garden and was instantly charmed by its vivid colours and meandering lawn, by the children playing in a large paddling pool beneath the protective branches of an old cedar tree, while a lamb and a goat slept peacefully beside a rocky outcrop.

‘Uncle Josh!’ a child’s voice suddenly squealed, and Vivi watched as a small boy, as naked as the day he’d been born, raced from under cover of a weeping willow and screamed in protest as Josh pretended to run away.

An older woman with beautiful grey eyes got to her feet and came to join them as Josh swept the boy up and gave him a playful shake. ‘Vivienne, how lovely,’ she exclaimed throatily, and Vivi knew right away that she was Josh’s mother. She was tall and curvy with an abundance of silvery hair tumbling from a loose bun at the nape of her neck, and though she had to be in her sixties the only real telltale sign of her age and occupation showed in her weather-beaten hands. Smiling in welcome, she clasped Vivi into a hug, and when she murmured, ‘I’m Shelley, and I promise the only one who bites around here is my son,’ Vivi knew instinctively that their shared loved of Josh was all they needed to understand one another.

‘Come and meet everyone,’ Shelley insisted, and tucking Vivi’s hand through her arm she led her to the table, where everyone was starting to get up.

‘No, please don’t,’ Vivi protested.

Sinking back down, a forty-something woman with a shock of reddish-brown hair and blue-grey eyes gave a casual wave as she said, ‘Hi, I’m Hanna, Josh’s sister. It’s lovely to meet you. The noisy offspring are mostly mine, but we try to ignore them so please feel free to do the same. I’m sorry my husband’s not here – he’s in Brussels this weekend – but he asked me to say hi on his behalf.’

‘Hanna’s husband is a consultant editor for a weekly news magazine,’ Shelley explained. ‘They met when Martin first came here to interview us about Deerwood, thirteen years ago, and he never quite left.’ Continuing around the table, she said, ‘This is my brother-in-law, Nate; my mother, Patty, and dad, George. The handsome devil over there is David, my father-in-law. Next to him is the other handsome devil of the family, Perry, and then we have Perry’s wife, Selma, who, as you can see, might just get carted off to the maternity ward before the day is out.’

‘Unless, like you,’ Perry added, ‘she decides to give birth halfway down the drive.’

‘That was Josh,’ Shelley informed Vivi. ‘He never could wait for anything, so his dad was forced to bring him into the world before we could even get to the main road, which is kind of about right for my son, to be birthed by a vet. Now, what would you like to drink? We have some delicious iced tea made from Deerwood summer berries, or you can try our home-made plum and ginger smoothie, ingredients also from Deerwood. There’s wine, which you might prefer, but I’ll leave that up to you. Do sit down. Anywhere is fine. Josh, pull up a chair.’

In what felt like no time at all Vivi was laughing at the family banter, understanding that much of it was a show especially for her, particularly when it came to embarrassing stories about Josh. Although it was clear he wished they’d stop, she kept squeezing his hand to let him know that nothing, not even his very worst escapades, could make her do anything but love him more.

‘Ah, Tom,’ Josh announced, getting to his feet as a distinguished-looking, casually dressed older man came out of the kitchen door to join them. ‘Vivi, meet Tom Bakerson, my stepfather in waiting.’

‘Don’t you ever do subtle?’ Shelley groaned, as Vivi shook Tom’s outstretched hand.

‘I’m a patient man,’ Tom declared, giving a wave to the table at large as he sat down next to Shelley. ‘Are we barbecuing?’ he asked.

‘About to light up,’ Nate assured him, and passing Tom a beer from a cold bucket at his feet, he ambled off to start the honours.

Soon they were eating, and Vivi began to suspect that almost everything had been prepared with her in mind, from the abundance of fresh salads coated in all the right oils, to a luscious avocado and salmon salsa, to the organic burgers and sausages that came from the grill. It was so delicious and wholesome that she wondered if she ought to ask Shelley’s mother for a heart-friendly diet to post online.

By now she was on her third berry tea, and close to feeling intoxicated on the atmosphere alone as Shelley said, ‘Tell us about your family, Vivienne. Do you have any brothers and sisters?’

‘I have a half-brother, Mark,’ she replied. ‘He’s touring Italy with some friends from uni at the moment. My mother is a hairdresser in town.’

‘Do we know her?’ Selma asked, biting into a chocolate-dipped strawberry. ‘Some of us do go on occasion, although you might not believe it looking at us now.’

Laughing, Vivi said, ‘She has The Salon on the …’

‘The Salon?’ Shelley exclaimed excitedly. ‘Of course we know her. Gina Hamilton. I mean, we don’t know her, but she donates regularly to our residency programme, and she even sends stylists out to give some free training now and again.’

Surprised that her mother hadn’t mentioned this, which made her reaction to the mention of Deerwood this morning even more baffling, Vivi wasn’t sure what to say.

‘She’s the best hairdresser in town,’ Patty declared knowledgeably. ‘I go to her all the time and look at me. I’m eighty-five and she makes me look like a supermodel.’

As the others laughed, Vivi twinkled as she said, ‘I’ll be sure to tell her.’

‘She’s so beautiful herself,’ Patty commented, gazing fondly at Vivi. ‘And so are you, my dear, very beautiful …’

‘Mum,’ Shelley groaned.

‘I’m just saying,’ Patty retorted.

Josh said, ‘So why don’t we stop embarrassing her and carry on embarrassing ourselves instead? Hanna, your turn.’

Throwing a napkin at him, Hanna asked, ‘Has he told you, Vivi, why he has a flat in town?’

Turning to him, Vivi said, ‘No, not really.’

‘For God’s sake,’ Josh protested, throwing out his hands.

‘It’s because,’ Hanna informed her, ‘our female residents tend to develop crushes on him. We’ve even had them breaking into the house when he’s here, desperate to get hold of him.’

‘It’s true,’ Selma insisted, clearly enjoying the moment.

‘And she needs to know this because?’ Josh demanded.

Wading in to the rescue, Patty turned the subject back to Italy, and soon more stories were being told about family holidays around Europe, until the children decided to join in and it became all about them.

Vivi had been there for almost three hours before the first waves of tiredness came over her in a dreamy, restful sort of way. Josh moved in to put an arm around her so she could lean on him, and she thought she might have drifted off for a few minutes, because the next thing she knew the table was being cleared.

‘Oh, please, let me help,’ she tried to insist, and she would have jumped to her feet had Josh not held her back, seeming to realize that the sudden movement would dizzy her.

‘It’s OK,’ Hanna chided softly, ‘we can manage.’

‘Unless you’d like to see my new kitchen,’ Shelley invited with a playful waggle of her eyebrows.

‘You should,’ Patty urged. ‘It’s quite state of the art, circa 1990.’

‘That’s mean,’ Shelley scolded. ‘Just because it looks the same doesn’t mean it is the same. The ovens and worktops are new, so are all the handles, and we now have soft close cupboards and drawers. We didn’t have anything like that back in the day.’

Vivi was smiling, thinking still of Josh making his first appearance halfway down the drive, straight into his father’s arms … Touched by how meaningful that was, she turned to look at him and smiled deeply into his eyes.

‘What are you thinking?’ he murmured, brushing the hair from her face.

‘That this has been a perfect day. I love your family and the farm. I feel I could stay here for ever.’

As his lips touched her forehead, he whispered, ‘We’re being watched.’

Vivi turned to find Vicky, Hanna’s six-year-old, staring at them with frank curiosity. ‘Hello,’ Vivi said with a smile.

Vicky swung herself from side to side, her big eyes still fixed on Vivi as her pink ruched swimsuit dripped water onto the patio, and her fair hair ran small rivulets onto her neck. ‘You’re pretty,’ she stated, as if just coming to a conclusion.

Vivi smiled. ‘Thank you. So are you.’

Vicky nodded, signalling she already knew that. ‘Are you going to marry Uncle Josh?’ she asked.

As Josh gulped, Hanna growled from the kitchen, ‘Vicky!’ Her tone made it clear she’d overheard.

‘Are you?’ Vicky persisted.

Josh said, ‘Tell you what, why don’t you let me do the asking?’

Vicky nodded and waited.

Vivi had to laugh.

‘Not now!’ Josh protested.

Unperturbed, Vicky stayed where she was, apparently fascinated by Vivienne, until her mother reappeared and shoved half a dozen ice lollies into her hands. ‘Go and share them out,’ Hanna instructed, ‘and don’t come back for at least half an hour.’

As she watched the little girl skip away, Vivi felt the sadness of all that she and Josh could never share overwhelming her. She swallowed hard on the emotions and stared at her phone, too upset for the moment to look elsewhere.

Josh said, ‘Why don’t we go for a walk?’

Bolstering herself, she said, ‘Good idea. I haven’t met all the animals yet.’

As they got to their feet, Patty handed Josh a large empty platter. ‘Take this in with you,’ she said, ‘and help yourselves to an ice cream on your way through. They’re in the freezer in the utility room.’

Scooping up a handful of plates to clear away, Vivi followed Josh through the open door, and was blinded for a moment as her eyes adjusted to the sudden change of light. When they did she was as impressed by the kitchen, where Shelley was loading the dishwasher, as she was by everything else she’d seen that day. It had everything a self-respecting farmhouse kitchen should have, from the Aga, to the flagstones, to the abundance of dried herbs and battered pans hanging high from a square rack over the table. There were even granite worktops and a hand pump next to the vast inglenook fireplace, to bring water up from the well, Shelley explained.

‘You have a well!’ Vivi cried, impressed.

‘No,’ Shelley confessed, and they laughed.

As Josh went for ice cream Vivi put down the plates and looked around again, until her eyes reached the family portrait over the sideboard. The man at the centre of the group was so like Josh it could almost have been him.

‘It was done from a photo,’ Shelley explained, coming to stand beside her. ‘Josh was four at the time it was taken.’

‘He’s so gorgeous,’ Vivi smiled, trying not to think of how their son would look if they could have one. Just like this adorable, curly-headed little boy with wide blue eyes and an impish grin that would light any mother’s heart. ‘And the image of his dad,’ she said.

‘He is,’ Shelley confirmed, and added with a sigh, ‘Jack wasn’t much older there than Josh is now. It shocks me sometimes to realize how many years have passed.’

Sensing she still missed her husband, Vivi was about to ask more about him when she noticed a bronze sculpture in a niche to one side of the portrait. For some reason it seemed familiar, so she stepped forward for a closer look. She was sure she’d seen it before. Or no, what she’d seen was something like it, perhaps a piece created by the same sculptor. The way this female’s arm was outstretched, the position of her feet and illusory movement of her skirts, the backward tilt of her head …

‘Beautiful, isn’t she?’ Shelley murmured. ‘She used to have a partner, a male, but he got lost around the time Jack died and we’ve never found him.’

Vivi was suddenly finding it hard to breathe, or even to think straight. She tried to clear her head, to push away the suspicions that were crowding her, but the worst of them was as immovable as the bronze, and she couldn’t escape it. She knew where the partner was, who had it secreted away in a bottom drawer, but it wasn’t making any sense. Why would her mother have it? Who had given it to her? Why had she kept it hidden all these years? Vivi’s hand went up as though to stop the appalling ambush of understanding that was growing darker and more terrible by the second, but it was already wrenching up the memory of her mother’s reaction this morning …

It couldn’t be what she was thinking. It wasn’t possible, and yet it was making the worst, the very worst kind of sense.

‘Are you OK?’ Josh asked, coming up behind her.

She flinched, unable to let him touch her. ‘I need to go home,’ she said shakily. ‘I’m sorry … I …’

‘It’s OK. I’ll take you.’ He clearly thought she was unwell, but didn’t make a fuss or draw attention to her. ‘Go on out to the car,’ he said softly, ‘I’ll fetch your bag and make your excuses.’

As she moved towards the door Vivi was aware of Shelley’s eyes following her, curiously, worriedly. Unable to look at her, Vivi only half turned as she said, ‘I’m sorry … It’s been …’

‘It’s all right,’ Shelley insisted. ‘We’ve enjoyed meeting you. Please come again.’

Vivi stumbled outside and started to dry retch as she reached the car. She couldn’t be right about this, please God, please God, she just couldn’t be …

After feigning sleep most of the way home, Vivi finally opened her eyes as Josh pulled the Land Rover to a stop at the end of Bay Lane. She felt so devastated, so completely shattered inside that she hardly knew what to say to him.

Aware of his concern, and his arm about to go around her, she pushed open the car door and stumbled out. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said brokenly. ‘I need …’

‘It’s OK,’ he assured her. ‘I’ll come and help you in.’

‘No! No, I’m fine. I … I’ll call you when I’ve had some rest.’

As she went to the front door she could feel him watching her, and she silently begged her wretched heart to fail now so she could put an end to the monstrous trick fate had played them. Wasn’t it enough that it had wrecked everything else by turning her into an invalid, a shadow of who she used to be, making her dependent on someone else dying so she could carry on living? Why had it done this too? Why bring him into her life and let her believe, feel what true love could be like, when it hadn’t been true love at all?

Hearing voices in the kitchen, she went silently along the hall and upstairs to her room. She couldn’t face her mother, not now, maybe not ever. She couldn’t even bring herself to speak to Michelle. She simply lay down on the bed, but as the unthinkable nightmare swamped her she swung her feet back to the floor.

She needed to find the male dancer. She had to see it again, to hold it in her hands and be certain …

She could hear Gil’s voice downstairs, and her mother’s. She had no idea if they knew she was home, and didn’t care. She wasn’t thinking about them, had no interest in them as she moved across the landing and up the three stairs into her mother’s room.

The sculpture wasn’t where she’d last found it; it wasn’t in that chest of drawers. She finally tracked it down to the darkest depths of an old wardrobe in a spare room at the other end of the landing. It was still wrapped in linens and tissue, yellowed with age, which fell apart as she unwound them.

She held the male dancer to the light, registering the one hand raised behind him, the other reaching for his partner’s, ready to spin her on into the dance. It was so obvious they were a pair, so clear that they belonged together that she could hardly bear that they’d been parted, much less what the separation meant.

‘… he got lost around the time Jack died,’ Shelley had said, ‘and we’ve never found him.’

‘Vivi! Stop! Stop!

Vivi heard Sam’s car braking as she ran from the house, and knew he was coming after her, but she couldn’t, wouldn’t let him catch her. She was running harder than she ever had, pounding the sand, scrambling over rocks, leaping pools, pressing herself on and on, putting every bit of strain she could on her heart until it could take no more.

‘Vivi! For God’s sake!’

Her muscles and lungs were burning; blood coursed through her veins like fire. She couldn’t let the nightmare catch up, couldn’t allow it to be real.

She wanted to die.

Aware of a hand grabbing her arm she tried to break free, but Sam was spinning her round, holding her up as she started to fall.

‘It’s all right,’ he whispered raggedly. ‘I’ve got you.’

‘No,’ she sobbed. ‘Oh God, oh God,’ and sinking to her knees she buried her face in her hands as the breath blazed through her body and her wildly beating heart continued to break into a thousand pieces.

‘What were you thinking?’ he asked, panting as he knelt beside her. ‘Why are you doing this?’

She couldn’t answer, couldn’t even look at him. She turned away, but as his strong arms went round her she fell sobbing helplessly against him.

He held her for a long time, letting her cry, asking no more questions, until, in the end, as her terrible grief began to subside into exhaustion, he eased her to her feet and helped her back across the beach to where her terrified mother was waiting.

As Gina rushed forward to help, Vivi pushed her away so harshly that Gina almost fell.

Ashen, Gina looked at Sam, then at Michelle as she came out of the house.

‘Vivi, what is it?’ Michelle implored. ‘What the hell made you do that?’

‘Leave me alone,’ Vivi growled, moving past her. ‘I can’t speak to you … I can’t … I …’ As she started to break down again, she was saved by rage. ‘I want this thing out of me,’ she seethed, thumping a hand against the device in her shoulder. ‘I need to get it out now.’

‘Vivi, stop,’ Michelle cried, grabbing her hands as she began clawing herself.

Vivi fought, but then Gil was holding her, pinning her to him, and urging her to calm down.

‘Let me go!’ Vivi sobbed. ‘Please let me go.’

‘Not until you tell us what this is about,’ he insisted.

She couldn’t. Nothing in her could utter the words.

‘Vivi, you have to tell us,’ Michelle urged. ‘You could have killed yourself out there.’

Vivi rounded on her mother. ‘Ask her what it’s about!’ she shouted, pointing at Gina and shaking so badly that her entire body seemed about to collapse. ‘Make her tell you who my father is.’

Gina’s face was white; her eyes huge, dark pools of fear. As she started to speak Vivi gave a cry of pain – an electrical charge was shooting through her heart. She clasped her hands to her chest and would have buckled to her knees if Gil hadn’t caught her. He took her inside and made her sit down on the sofa in her mother’s sitting room.

‘Do you need to call the clinic?’ Michelle asked, handing her a phone.

Vivi ignored it and clutched her head.

‘Vivi,’ her mother implored.

Vivi looked up, her eyes burning with a blinding fury. ‘Have you told them yet who my father is?’ she raged. ‘Have you?’

Gina regarded her helplessly.

Gil started to speak, but Vivi cut him off.

‘It’s Jack Raynor,’ she cried savagely. ‘Isn’t that great?’ she shouted at Michelle and Sam. ‘Josh and I have the same …’

‘No!’ Gina shouted. ‘What …? No! He’s not your father.’

Vivi stared at her, stunned into silence, until the words reached her and she felt herself coming apart. She was hardly daring to believe her mother, but already the relief was so intense, so consuming that she started to sob and choke.

Going to her, Gina held her as she tried to catch her breath. ‘Please try to calm down,’ she urged. ‘You have to rest after a shock …’

Vivi couldn’t think about rest, couldn’t think about anything apart from what her mother had said, and about Josh who wasn’t who she’d feared he was … She could have killed herself running like that, she’d meant to …

Turning to her mother, she said hoarsely, breathlessly, ‘You need to tell me … I want to know how you come to have the bronze dancer that belongs at Deerwood here in this house.’

Gina’s face was haggard and frightened as she looked at Gil. She was like a child who’d lost its way and had no idea what to do next.

Putting an arm around her Gil said softly, ‘You must do it, Gina.’

Gina nodded. Her eyes came to Vivienne’s and at last she murmured, ‘Yes, yes, I must.’