The church bells of St Jude’s-on-the-Lake were ringing out over the countryside, sounding joyous and all-embracing the way they always did at Christmas and Easter and other significant times of the year. The weather was mild and breezy, with occasional rays of bright sunlight breaking from the clouds to paint the surrounding countryside in a fine, sparkling mist.
A chauffeur-driven car decorated with white ribbons pulled up at the stone-arched gate to the churchyard, the driver got out and then came to open the back door. Vivi stepped out into a flurry of autumn leaves, and paused to look up at the steeple, tall and grey against a milky-white sky. She put a hand to her hair as though to secure the small pearls her mother had carefully laced into the riotous waves, and found herself fighting back a surging ambush of emotion. This was a day that wasn’t supposed to happen, that since her heart had gone into failure she hadn’t dared even dream about, and now here she was, and here it was, and every precious minute of it was real. She had so much to be thankful for, maybe too much …
‘Are you OK?’ Gil asked, coming round the car to join her. He looked so distinguished and handsome in his dark grey morning suit, blue paisley waistcoat and cream cravat. A father any daughter could love and feel proud of.
She nodded and took a steadying breath.
She knew Josh was already inside, waiting at the altar for her to join him. She pictured him backlit by a towering stained-glass window, dashing and romantic in his dark grey morning suit and bright white shirt, and then she had to stop picturing him for it was bringing tears to her eyes.
As she and Gil walked along the church path, lined by Deerwood’s residents and neighbours, all oohing and aahing and wishing her well, her eyes went to her goddaughter, Millie, waiting all alone at the door. Dear little Millie with her golden curls and turquoise-blue eyes, she’d insisted she could do this without her mother’s help and it would appear she’d got her way. Vivi smiled and gave her the cue they’d rehearsed. With great importance Millie, in her azure satin dress and princess tiara, turned, went in through the church door and began tossing flowers from her basket as she strode too fast down the aisle.
Seeing her, the organist ceased his sprightly version of ‘Hey Jude’, presumably a nod to the church’s patron saint, and a moment later the ancient building was filled with a rousing recording of the Trumpet Voluntary, performed by Diane Bish on four organs at Münster Cathedral. Gina and Shelley had found it online, and Josh and Vivi had been happy to indulge them. The detail of the ceremony didn’t matter to them anywhere near as much as what it actually meant.
As the congregation rose to their feet, every one of them turned to watch Vivi enter on her stepfather’s arm. She was wearing an ivory silk sheath dress to the knee swathed in glistening chiffon, with crystals around the neck and hemline and the small diamond studs Josh had given her last night in her ears. Her bouquet of creamy hellebores and frosted foliage was matched in the larger arrangements throughout the church, and had been created by two of Deerwood’s budding florists.
The first person Vivi saw as she started forward was Jim Lynskey, sitting in a back pew with his mother and sister, who’d brought him today. He was watching her with a typical young man’s sanguine smile, and she felt an overwhelming affection for him and yet more admiration for how genuinely happy he’d seemed for her when she’d told him her news. She wished with all her fragile heart that she could make a very special miracle happen for him.
As she walked slowly forward, carried along by the music and feeling as though she was floating in a dream, she saw each of the GaLs, smiling, tearful and glamorous in their designer dresses and stylish hats. Michelle, stunning in a lilac wool two-piece and twenties-style silk boudoir cap, was in front of them with her parents and Sam’s. Gina was at the end of that pew strikingly elegant in a rose-pink lace dress and matching pillbox hat. As she watched Vivi and Gil coming towards her, Vivi could see that she was trying hard not to sob. Beside her Mark was grinning in a way Vivi knew was meant to be comedy cheesy, but was actually an attempt to cover his own tears.
On the other side of the aisle was Josh’s entire family, all four generations of them, from David the eldest, fully recovered from his TIA, right down to Perry and Selma’s three-month-old baby, Bobby. Even Dodgy the Border collie was there in a smart bow tie, sitting with Nate at the end of a brand-new lead, a peculiarity that Dodgy hadn’t experienced before, but appeared to be suffering with dignity. It seemed Michelle and Sam’s sixteen-month-old, Ash, had gone to join the Raynors, for Vivi spotted him standing on the seat beside Shelley, presumably to get a better view of his father, the best man.
Then she saw Josh, and as their eyes met her heart seemed to expand and glow and beat only for him. She had never felt more beautiful or happy or loved in her life. He watched her until the moment Gil handed her to him, looking so romantic and smart in his expensively tailored suit, and so much the man she wanted to spend every single minute of the rest of her life with, that she actually sobbed as they turned to the rector.
The ceremony passed too quickly, a melodious, yet muted chorus of voices, laughter, song and prayer. To her relief she repeated the vows without fault, and smiled when Josh tripped over his own name, and gasped when Sam almost dropped the rings. Their mothers, Gil and Nate came with them to sign the register, and afterwards, as they walked back down the aisle as husband and wife to the very traditional Mendelssohn’s Wedding March, she could only thank the fate that had so dramatically stopped her previous life in order to bring her to this one.
Later, at Deerwood’s studio barn, as the banqueting tables were cleared and shoes and hats started coming off, the residents’ band began to play Van Morrison’s ‘Days Like This’. Vivi and Josh took the floor with a dance that felt as intimate and exclusive as the look in his eyes. The lyrics were perfect, said everything in words they might not have found themselves, and added even more meaning to what they had already said.
As the music changed and others joined them, Vivi tried to persuade Jim to his feet. He didn’t want to, though whether he was too shy, or not feeling so good, she couldn’t be sure. She sat with him and his family for a while, holding his hand and thinking of how shocked most of the guests would be if they knew about the apparatus hidden beneath his clothes that was keeping him alive. People rarely knew about those waiting for transplant, it wasn’t displayed in a sign over their heads; it didn’t even show in their faces, or the way they walked or talked.
‘Did you try praying?’ Jim asked quietly, during the few moments they were left alone together. He was the only person outside the family that she’d told about the baby, and she was glad that she had. She didn’t want secrets between them; their connection was too special.
‘Yes, we did,’ she admitted, ‘but this wasn’t the answer we expected.’ She put a hand over the soft mound of her belly, not visible to anyone yet, apart from her and Josh.
‘Do you feel worried about coming off the transplant list?’ Jim queried.
She sighed shakily. ‘Yes and no. Everything’s so unpredictable, so precarious it could change again in a heartbeat.’
They both smiled at the lame joke.
‘I guess the important thing for me to remember,’ she continued, ‘is to be thankful for what I have, and to take nothing for granted.’
Looking up as Josh came to join them, she took his hand as he said to Jim, ‘Thanks for coming. It’s meant a lot to us.’
‘To me too,’ Jim replied, and because of the way he said it, with so much sincerity and gratitude, Vivi wondered if it would be too gushing to tell him that he felt like family.
‘We’ll be in touch next week,’ Josh promised, ‘and if you’re going partying in town tonight with Vivi’s brother, remember …’
‘Not to drink?’ Jim cut in helpfully. ‘It’s OK, I don’t risk it. I need my wits about me to read the batteries in case something goes wrong. But I’m looking forward to a night out.’
Josh nodded, and Vivi knew that, like her, he was thinking of how different this young man’s life should be, could be … ‘What I was going to say,’ Josh continued, ‘is that you’re welcome to crash at our place.’
Surprised, Jim said, ‘You won’t be there? No, of course, you’re going on honeymoon.’
‘We’ll be here, at the farm,’ Josh told him. After such a long and emotional day they’d decided that a walk across the farmyard at the end of it would be as far as Vivi needed to go.
They turned as the GaLs began calling for them to cut the cake, which turned out to be a spectacular creation courtesy of Deerwood’s amateur bakers, not in the shape of a heart, as Vivi had feared since they had to cut into it, but in the shape of something that resembled a sheep, or was it a horse? Whatever it was, it was beautiful, and different, and looked so scrumptious with all its white-chocolate slopes, toppings and sprinklings that it deserved all the photos people were taking.
Putting his hand over hers on the knife, Josh waited for the cameras to finish capturing the image and said, ‘Mrs Raynor and I would like to thank …’ He got no further, and laughed as everyone cheered and stamped their feet in approval. Vivi looked up at him, and as he looked back at her the room erupted again.
‘Thank you, everyone, for coming,’ he continued when quiet was restored. ‘There isn’t anyone here today who isn’t very special to us, whether friend or family …’
‘I’m like family,’ Millie reminded him.
As everyone laughed, he said, ‘You are indeed, and you are also the most beautiful flower girl I’ve ever seen.’
Millie glowed.
Looking around at the expectant faces again, he said, ‘We promised no long speeches so this won’t be one, but I want to single out both our mothers, Gina and Shelley, and also our friends Michelle and Sam, to tell them how much we love them, and to say how grateful we are for everything they’ve done to make this such a special day.’
When the applause died down, Vivi took her turn to speak. ‘We also want to thank my wonderful stepfather, Gil, for being one of the most special people on earth.’ She smiled as he took an extravagant bow, and everyone cheered. ‘My brother, Mark, for being just too darned gorgeous and everything anyone could want in a brother.’ Another cheer, with some banging of tables and wolf whistles. ‘Also my dear, glamorous friends, the GaLs, for coming all this way today. I want to tell you how much all our memories mean to me. When we were at uni, and after, when we were all caught up in ambition and career and more craziness than I should probably go into in front of my new husband and his family, I never imagined for a moment that life had other plans for me. I could wish, of course, that it had chosen another way to throw me in a completely different direction, but how can I be anything but glad now that it did?’ She turned her face up to Josh, and to everyone’s delight he touched his lips to hers. ‘I guess, what I’m trying to say,’ she continued, ‘is that fate has a very peculiar way of doing things, and though I don’t claim to begin to understand it, I do know that while I’ve experienced some of the very worst moments of my life over the past months, I’ve also, thanks to my wonderful husband, experienced the very happiest.’ She swallowed hard as rising emotions tried to steal her voice – and then they won. She could say no more, her throat was too tight and her heart too full.
Wrapping an arm around her, Josh raised a hand to yet more cheering and applause as he said, ‘Thanks, everyone. Please carry on enjoying yourselves, and those of you who are still here in the morning, I guess we’ll see you then. On the other hand, we might not.’
A few minutes later, having escaped a lengthy round of goodnights, they were in Josh’s room inside the farmhouse, where candles had already been lit by his sisters and the bed strewn with petals. Barely hearing the wind howling outside, or the music that still thumped in the barn, he took Vivi’s face in his hands and tried to kiss away the tears. It was hard when he was so close to the edge himself.
‘It’ll be all right,’ he whispered shakily. ‘I promise, we’ll get through these next months and everything will be fine.’
Josh and Vivi left the Land Rover beside the road at Deerwood’s entry layby to stroll along the drive recently transformed into a rambling, glittering Christmas market. Everything was on offer, from hot food and mulled wine, to handcrafted tree ornaments and jewellery, to watercolours of the local landscape, and quirky ceramic pots. The residents had been working up to the event for weeks, building the stalls, stringing lights, sorting music and borrowing braziers, barbecues, a candyfloss machine and even a carousel. The atmosphere was so festive that it was impossible for spirits to be anything but high, and as Josh and Vivi, bundled up in scarves and woollen hats, strolled through the small crowd of eager shoppers they felt themselves becoming as infected by the good cheer as everyone else. These youngsters, still in their teens, had known more hardship and heartache in their short lives than most people could begin to imagine, yet looking at them now, red-cheeked, laughing and loving this seasonal build-up, it was hard to see them as anything other than the hard-working, hopeful and go-getting achievers that Deerwood was helping them to become.
After stopping to buy cookies and hot chocolate from the Great Deerwood Bake Off stall, they walked on, intoxicated by the aromas of spicy punch and roasting chestnuts. It seemed incredible to Vivi that this was going to be their first Christmas together, and that they’d only been married for a matter of weeks, when it felt as though they’d been in each other’s lives for ever. She understood now what it meant to have found her soulmate, the way Shelley and Jack had found theirs, and her mother and Gil. Michelle and Sam, too. She realized it didn’t happen for everyone, and that it had happened for her and Josh was yet another miracle amongst the many that had so radically changed their lives in so short a time.
‘Hello, Josh.’
Vivi looked up from a tray of handmade chocolates she was inspecting to find an older woman, tall and rangy, staring right at her, not Josh. Her grey eyes were watery and seemed faintly troubled; her fine white hair, topped by a navy beret, fell lankly to the collar of her quilted coat. For all that, she was a lovely-looking woman with a quiet air of gentility and grace about her. Beside her was a slightly stooped man of around the same age, who seemed shaky on his legs and vaguely baffled by where he was.
‘Jemmie,’ Josh said, in a tone that was both warm and elusive.
As Vivi registered the name she felt a spasm of nervous tension clench her insides. Or was it the baby trying to land its first kick?
‘Is this your new wife, dear?’ the woman asked, still looking at Vivi in a curious, not unfriendly way.
Josh said. ‘Vivi, this is Sir Humphrey Bleasdale and his wife, Lady …’
‘Oh no, you’re to call me Jemmie,’ she insisted, ‘everyone does,’ and reaching for Vivi’s hand she clasped it between her thick woolly mittens. ‘You’re very lovely,’ she told her, seeming oddly satisfied with having noticed this. ‘Isn’t she lovely, Humphrey?’
The old man blinked.
‘Thank you,’ Vivi replied, momentarily lost for more words. These people are my grandparents. I am descended from them and they have no idea. Should they mean something to me? Is there an unspoken connection happening between us that I’m not yet aware of? Her eyes went to Humphrey, the foolish man whose bluster and arrogance had started a silly feud over the hunt all those years ago, and back to the woman who’d lied to Shelley to protect her sons. These were the parents of the insufferably arrogant twin whose cruelty and threats had blighted her mother’s life.
She would never think of him as her father.
‘You must come for Christmas drinks,’ Jemmie was saying, her eyes no longer on Vivi or Josh. She was looking past them now, not at the stalls or anyone else, it seemed, but at something indeterminate, for her expression had turned vague and slightly sad.
‘Is Fiona here?’ Josh asked, looking around.
‘Oh, I think so,’ Jemmie replied.
Realizing that Fiona was her aunt, Vivi glanced about too, bracing herself to meet another member of the family she had no desire to know.
‘Ah, there you are.’ It was a middle-aged woman, bouncy and slight and puffing small clouds of breath into the cold air. She resembled Jemmie so closely that there could be no mistaking their relationship. ‘I told you not to wander off,’ she chided, and going up on tiptoe she pressed a kiss to Josh’s cheek. ‘It’s good to see you,’ she told him warmly. ‘And this must be Vivienne.’ She took Vivi’s hand the way her mother had, between two similar mittens. ‘I’ve been longing to meet you,’ she declared with an engaging smile. ‘Congratulations on your wedding. We’re very happy for Josh that he’s met someone special.’
Slightly thrown by the effusiveness, Vivi murmured a thank you as Fiona said, ‘Aren’t we, Mum? I said we’re very happy for Josh …’
‘Yes, oh yes,’ Jemmie agreed.
‘You must bring her to the manor for drinks,’ Fiona told him. ‘The rest of the clan are going to be away skiing or doing other things for Christmas, but we’ll be there, and we’d love to see you.’
‘Bring Shelley,’ Jemmie added. ‘We don’t see enough of her these days. We miss her, don’t we, Humph?’
Apparently aware he’d been spoken to, the old man grunted and shuffled his feet, but he still didn’t seem to know where he was.
Vivi’s feelings were so tangled and conflicted as she looked at them, pitying their frailty, and yet unable to forget all that had gone before. It was left to Josh to say, ‘We’ll give you a ring,’ and after wishing them a merry Christmas he led Vivi on through the throng.
‘Are you OK?’ he asked, linking her arm through his.
Was she? She guessed so, but it had felt unsettling to meet her aunt and grandparents for the first time like that, especially when they had no idea who she was. ‘I think,’ she said, ‘if things were different, I could probably get to like Fiona, but I wouldn’t do it to my mother. As for her parents, I don’t think they’d understand who I am even if we told them.’
Agreeing, he said, ‘We can always be polite, but keeping a distance is the way my mother’s decided to handle things.’
Understanding why Shelley had never taken Jemmie to task over the lie – Jemmie was too emotionally fragile to handle it after all these years, and whatever anyone said or did now, it was never going to bring Jack back – Vivi sighed softly, and rested her face against the waxy sleeve of Josh’s jacket. In a way she understood the instinct that had made Jemmie want to protect her son. It would be natural for any mother to feel that way. However, the fact that it might have been from a charge of murder, or at least manslaughter, was never going to sit comfortably with anyone, least of all Shelley.
As they left the market stalls and crossed the stone bridge over the frozen ditch the farmhouse came into view, and Vivi broke into a laugh. It looked like an overdone Christmas card with its abundant festoons of coloured lights, windowpanes covered in spray snow and enormous holly and mistletoe wreath on the door. Six reindeers hauling a sleigh were on the roof and a jolly Santa was giving them a wave, as if he were about to dive down the chimney.
Josh groaned as Vivi laughed again. None of the barns or pens or sties had escaped the enthusiastic decor; even some of the animals were wearing tinsel collars and fake furry antlers.
‘How many children live here?’ she asked, making it a reminder that this was what his nephews and nieces would have demanded.
Conceding, he said, ‘Six if you don’t include the residents, and I’m sure they had a hand in it all.’
Her eyes were alive with merriment as she looked up at him. ‘And you didn’t?’ she asked.
It was his turn to laugh, caught out, although he hadn’t known it was going turn into something so … spectacular.
Unsurprised to see Gil’s car parked next to Sam’s, and several others that they recognized too, they wound their way through the haphazard vehicles towards the front door. It was Christmas Eve and tomorrow would be all about the children, which was why they had announced that they would break their news tonight.
The kitchen was full of family scoffing mince pies and downing mulled wine while the little ones updated lists for Santa, or were helped to hang more stockings from the mantelpiece. It was such a magical scene to walk into that Vivi had to pinch herself to make sure it was really happening. She loved her mother, had adored NanaBella and Grandpa, but they’d never had anything like this.
Gina was the first to spot them, and came quickly to embrace them, her face flushed as much from the wine, Vivi suspected, as from the happiness that glowed in her eyes. Gil was close behind, bringing succulent sausages on sticks and cubes of cheese, but before Vivi and Josh could accept or decline Hanna was banging the table to announce their arrival.
‘Merry Christmas, you two,’ she cried, raising her glass high.
‘Merry Christmas,’ everyone echoed.
As they were drawn into the group no one urged them to get on with their news, and Vivi understood it was because they were afraid it wasn’t going to be good. Every day was lived on a knife-edge, it seemed, but somehow the two of them were getting through it – in many ways it seemed to be bringing them closer together.
She squeezed Josh’s hand and knew he was thinking the same as her right now – with so many people willing her to get through her pregnancy, and with so much love on their side, how could they fail?
Josh tapped a spoon to a glass to gather everyone’s attention, and once all eyes were on him, he slipped an arm around Vivi.
‘First of all,’ he began, ‘we both want to thank you all for registering as organ donors – and for getting the residents to do the same. You know how much the cause means to us, and Vivi is keen to spend what time she can helping Jim Lynskey’s Save9Lives campaign.’
‘We’re going to be right behind you on that,’ Hanna piped up, as everyone cheered. ‘We’ve got all sorts of things planned for publicity and …’
‘Let him continue,’ Zoe interrupted.
‘I’m just saying,’ Hanna protested.
‘Vivi knows we’re all on board …’
‘So what’s wrong with pointing it …’
Josh said, ‘Will you two either shut up, or take it outside.’
Even they laughed, though Hanna couldn’t stop herself reminding him that he was the youngest, whatever difference that made, but she seemed to enjoy saying it.
‘I really appreciate everything you’ve already done,’ Vivi told them earnestly, ‘not only for the campaign, but for me personally. If we didn’t know the value of family before – we did,’ she looked meaningfully at her mother – ‘we’ve really come to know it over these last few months. I honestly believe I wouldn’t have got this far without you – in truth, I might not have got here at all.’ She glanced up at Josh, her eyes shining as her mouth trembled with emotion. ‘There have been times when I’ve felt as though your heart was beating for both of us,’ she said to him quietly, ‘and I’ve no doubt that it’s strong enough to do the same for the three of us.’
As the silence took on a new quality, one of hope and joyful expectation, she said to the room at large, ‘We were told yesterday that the baby’s doing fine, and that …’ She swallowed hard and felt Josh tighten the hold on her hand. ‘We were also told that … it’s … a boy.’ As her voice faltered on the last words, applause and delight broke out, and after waiting for it to die down her eyes found Shelley’s. ‘We’re going to call him Jack,’ she said softly, as if only she and Shelley were in the room.
Shelley’s hands flew to her cheeks, and as she started to flood with tears Vivi and Josh went to fold her into their arms. Gina came too, joining in the embrace and the joy. They’d told her and Gil their news last night, not wanting them to get lost in what they’d known would be an overwhelming response from Josh’s family today.
Finally, linking both their arms, Shelley turned them to the family portrait, where Jack seemed to be watching them with an overflow of paternal joy. ‘I know how proud he’d be of you, Josh,’ she said thickly, ‘and I know that you’re going to be just as proud of your son.’
Josh pressed a kiss to her head and then he was laughing along with everyone else, as she said, ‘And I expect, when he’s four, you’ll take him down to the river and he’ll do his very best to keep you safe from the hippo.’