Four Skills To Minimize Resistance
Instead of demanding obedience, positive-parenting skills use children’s resistance to strengthen their will to cooperate. Repeated attempts to break a child’s will through the threat of punishment or disapproval ultimately undermine a child’s natural willingness to cooperate. As long as the will is nurtured and not broken, children’s willingness to cooperate will grow and resistance be minimized.
Repeated attempts to break a child’s will undermine a child’s natural willingness to cooperate.
By nurturing our children’s need at times of resistance, we can most effectively minimize resistance while keeping their will intact. These are the four ways of nurturing:
To let go of their resistance and feel their inner urge to cooperate, children need understanding, structure, rhythm, and direction. Unless these different needs are being met, children easily disconnect with their inner willingness to cooperate. For example, by means of new listening skills, a parent is able to show that children’s feelings, wants, wishes, and needs are being seen, heard, and understood. When this need for understanding is met, children automatically become less resistant and more cooperative.
Although these needs are universal for all children, every child is unique and may have a greater need in one area or another. If a child needs more understanding, it does not mean that he or she doesn’t have other needs as well. Each is important for every child, but one or two may be more important for a particular child.
One of your children may respond well to listening and understanding, while another requires preparation and structure. As you become familiar with each of these skills, you will discover how powerful each is. Fulfilling certain needs will create an immediate positive response in your children depending upon their unique temperament.