THE ALTERNATIVE TO PUNISHMENT IS REWARD
Instead of motivating children with punishment, children today need to be motivated with rewards. Instead of focusing on the consequences of negative behavior, positive parenting focuses on the consequences of positive behavior. Instead of using a negative outcome to motivate children, it uses a positive outcome.
There is no greater motivator, other than children’s inner desire to cooperate, than their desire for reward. Many times it is the outer reward or acknowledgment of success that awakens children’s inner desire to cooperate. Every child wants special time with his parents. Every child gets excited when you mention dessert. Every child loves presents. Every child looks forward to a party or celebration. Every parent has noticed how warm, friendly, and cooperative children are when they want something and think they can get it.
Getting “more” or the anticipation of getting more awakens something inside, and a child jumps up with a big yes. The expectation of reward gives children the energy and focus to respond to their parents’ need for cooperation and help. The promise of more inspires everyone, old or young, to cooperate. Rewarding, rather than punishing, your children will increase their willingness to cooperate.
The promise of more inspires everyone, old or young, to cooperate.
While parents are sometimes slow to adopt new ideas, successful businesses are not. To survive and flourish, businesses must adapt to change very quickly or they will get left behind. The airlines, for example, clearly know that giving perks, incentives, miles, and extra miles is the way to motivate people to fly their friendly skies. Most successful companies now routinely offer special rewards for employees who excel.
Using incentives in the business world is common sense, but when it comes to parenting, there is a strong undercurrent of belief that rewarding children is like bribing them, and, if you need to bribe them, you really aren’t the boss. For some, motivating your children with a reward somehow implies that you as a parent are weak and your children are running the show. Yet, those who promote this belief will turn around and punish their children to make them behave…and a punishment is just a negative bribe.
This message is hard to hear for those who have gone against their heart’s instincts by using their heads to justify punishing. Many parents even say as they spank their children, “This hurts me more than it does you.” Their hearts were speaking, but their minds were not yet ready to listen. They love their kids, but just did the best they knew.
Already thousands of children have been successfully raised without punishment or using threats to keep control. Their parents didn’t punish, and it worked fine. These children were not unruly or undisciplined in their behavior and turned out great. Yet, on the other hand, millions of parents have clearly failed by using soft love, hard love, or by going go back and forth.