The greatest power parents have is the power to guide their children. Children are born wanting to please and cooperate with their parents. Children are already hardwired to respect the boss. Recognizing and using this power allows a parent to give up outdated practices based on fear and guilt. Without an understanding of how to use this power, the child takes control. Unless parents use their power to guide, they will lose control.
Children want to please their parents but, at the same time, they have their own wants and needs. When given the opportunity to feel and express their own wants, while also getting a clear message of what their parents want, children will ultimately seek to cooperate and yield to their parents’ will and wish.
When parents use guilt or fear as a way to motivate cooperation, they weaken their child’s natural willingness to cooperate. In response to a parent’s anger, frustration, and disappointment, children may become obedient, but they will lose a part of who they are. Not only is their natural development restricted, but later in life they often become people pleasers. They do not have a healthy sense of themselves and tend to give more than they get back.