Clearly, one of the worst forms of communication is yelling. The act of yelling implies that we are not being heard, so we are turning up the volume. To yell at children or teenagers gives the message “You are not listening.” As a result, they just don’t listen. Eventually, when you yell, they just turn off and hear nothing.
To yell a command is even worse. This means that they don’t clearly hear what you want. Yelling disconnects children from their desire to be guided. Yelling is the weakest form of commanding, because it lessens your position as commander. Only when children clearly hear one simple message over and over do they give up their resistance to being led by the leader.
When you yell, you have stopped commanding and started demanding. It contains an implied threat: “You had better listen or else!” This kind of threat means you are demanding their obedience. Although making demands backed up with punishment has worked for centuries, its power cannot hold up in a free society. If you want your children to find the freedom in their lives to make their dreams come true, give them the freedom to cooperate. Don’t demand it, command it.