Step 1: Ask (Don’t order)
MOTHER: Carol, would you turn off the TV?
CAROL: Why? This is a great movie.
MOTHER: What is it?
CAROL: It’s Sherlock Holmes.
MOTHER: That is a great movie (pause), but I want you to turn off the TV. You’ve been watching a lot of TV lately, and I want you to do something else.
CAROL: Like what?
MOTHER: You could work on your homework or do something outside.
CAROL: I don’t want to. I just want to watch my show, and you are disturbing me.
Step 2: Listen and Nurture (Don’t Lecture)
MOTHER: I understand that you just want to watch your show and you don’t want to do homework or go outside (pause), but I want you to turn off the TV and find something else to do.
CAROL: I don’t want to.
MOTHER: I know it is disappointing, but now it is time to do something else.
CAROL: But I will miss the rest of my show.
MOTHER: I’m sure it will be on again soon.
CAROL: No, it won’t.
Step 3: Reward (Don’t Punish)
MOTHER: If you turn off the TV now, then I will take you to get a video tomorrow.
CAROL: I don’t care about renting a video. I just want to watch my show.
Step 4: Command (Don’t Explain or Get Upset)
MOTHER: I want you to turn off the TV now.
CAROL: But I don’t have anything else to do.
MOTHER: I want you to turn off the TV now.
Carol gets up and turns off the TV. She storms out of the room. About fifteen minutes later, she comes back, acting like nothing happened and asks to play cards. Her mother happily agrees. No mention is made of the little battle. All is forgotten and forgiven.