With the safety to make mistakes, children can then focus on what to do after they make a mistake. When a mistake is made, parents need to demonstrate how to make things right or better again. By imitating their parents behavior, children gradually learn how to set things right again or how to make amends.
The best way to teach this important lesson is to lead by example. If your son should hurt a friend while wrestling, take your son’s hand and go over to the friend who is hurt. While your son listens, say, “I am sorry this happened. Let’s make it better.” With your son’s assistance, get some ice and take time tending to the injured child’s wound. Rather than blame your son for a mistake he made, share a sense of loss with him.
Demonstrate to your child that there is always the chance in life to re-balance the scales when a mistake or wrong doing has occurred. In this manner, by taking responsibility to make things better, the child gradually develops a willingness to make things right, as he naturally begins to acknowledge his own mistakes later on.
There is always the chance in life to re-balance the scales when a mistake or wrong doing has occurred.
If parents on a regular basis acknowledge their own mistakes, then the child is better prepared to recognize his own mistakes. The way of taking responsibility for a mistake, besides self-correcting, is to make appropriate amends. Making amends is making things better after making a mistake. Most parents hide their mistakes from their children and rarely apologize. They assume they will lose power over their children if they acknowledge that they are not always right.
Parents can teach their children to be responsible by demonstrating responsibility. When parents are late to pick up a child, instead of explaining why they were late, they should listen, apologize, and make amends. The way to be responsible for a mistake besides self-correcting is to make appropriate amends. Making amends is simply making things better after making a mistake.
Instead of explaining why they were late, parents should listen, apologize, and make amends.
When a parent is late picking up a child, they can make amends by doing something extra special, such as going out of the way to get a treat. The parent might say, “I am so sorry I was late. I want to make it up by getting you a treat. Let’s go get a smoothie.” To make up for their mistake, parents could even offer to do one of the child’s chores that day or create a fun activity. By setting an example of making amends, children are well prepared to be responsible teenagers and adults.
Children’s ability to self-correct, up to the age of nine, is nurtured when they are free from the consequences of their mistakes. The ability to be responsible for mistakes and make amends is developed by experiencing again and again parents making amends for their mistakes. In this way, children not only learn to be accountable, but also learn to make it up or pay for their mistakes in a responsible and appropriate manner.
Parents can teach their children to be responsible by demonstrating responsibility.
When a teenager is late and keeps his parents waiting, besides learning to be more respectful of time, he needs to make amends. The message is simple, “If you keep me waiting, what then can you do to make my life easier?”
If a child is raised with the parent making amends for her mistakes, then automatically a teenager will be more considerate and happy to make amends. She will sometimes automatically say, “I am sorry—how can I make this up to you?”
At other times, she will immediately make a suggestion. “I am sorry for keeping you waiting. Would you like me to wash your car to make it up?”
Another healthy response is, “I am really sorry to keep you waiting. I owe you one.” This means parents can think of something extra they would like over the next few weeks and the child will be happy to do it for them.
In the meantime, if the parent happens to be late, the parent might say, “I’m sorry to be late. You owed me one from last week, so now we are even.”
If your teenager was not raised with positive-parenting skills, then you will have to ask, “How would you like to make this up to me?” Or, simply let him know that he inconvenienced you, and so he “owes you one.”
He will catch on very soon and gladly trade the notion of getting punishments to making amends whenever appropriate. Teenagers as well do not need shame and punishment. The safety to make mistakes will pave the way for them to be more responsible no matter what age they begin.