When parents have not learned to release negative emotions and instead suppress their inner feelings, at least one of their children will tend to take those feelings on, generally the most sensitive of the children. This child is often considered the black sheep of the family. Without an environment that accepts and nurtures negative emotions, these children either act out these feelings and become disruptive, or they turn the feelings inward and suffer low self-esteem. Quite often, both reactions occur.
These “black sheep” children are unable to get the nurturing and empathy they need, and the problems become worse. They will express the very feelings their parents are resisting and rejecting within themselves. Instead of feeling loved, understood, and embraced, they are resisted, resented, and rejected. They cannot get the love and support they need in order to process the strong emotions that they feel.
“Black sheep” children are unable to get the nurturing they need and feel something is wrong with them.
Often they don’t know why they feel so upset and eventually conclude that something is wrong with them. The reality is that nothing is innately wrong with them. They behave inappropriately and get stuck in negative attitudes and feelings, because they are not getting the nurturing they need. These children can often get the support they need outside the family with others who are more understanding.
If one of your children tends to be the black sheep of the family, take extra time to listen to that child’s feelings. Remember that every child is different and make sure that you don’t ever compare children. This child needs lots of support from activities outside the family where he or she will not feel the pressure to take on and act out the unresolved problems and feelings of others.