ASKING YOUR CHILDREN WHAT THEY THINK

Around the age of nine, children begin to develop the capacity for logical thinking. It is appropriate for parents to begin asking their children what they think. If a child asks for ice cream in the afternoon, the parent can say: “What do you think? Is that a good idea?”

Besides asking children more about what they think they should do, parents can also begin explaining the reasons why they want their children to do things. Before age nine, children really can’t understand logical thought. Saying “I want you to go to bed now” is best for kids up to age nine, and then a parent can say, “I want you to go to bed by nine o’clock so that you will be well rested in the morning.”

These are some examples of requests for children nine years old and older:

Would you please be quiet? Right now, I want you to listen because then I can explain what we are going to do.

Would you please stop hitting your sister? I want you to use your words. Hitting hurts her and makes her not want to play with you.

Would you please help me? I want you to bring your plate over to the sink, because doing dishes is a big job and it is so much easier with your help.

Would you please clean up this mess? I want you put your toys away, because when you leave them out someone could trip on them. The room looks so much nicer when you put your things away.

Would you please straighten up your room? I want you to put your things away. When you put things away, then you know where to find them again.

If a child under the age of nine asks “why” he or she should do things, then it is fine to answer with some reasons, but not if the child is resistant. Parents should keep in mind that children younger than nine really don’t have the ability to comprehend or put into practice logic or reason.

A parent should motivate the behavior of children under the age of nine without reasons to back up the request. When children resist direction, the only reason a child should cooperate is because he is the child, you are the boss, and you want him to cooperate. Remember that, deep inside every child, his prime directive is to cooperate with your will and wish.