Micah
Out the corner of my eye, I spied on Cade sitting on the floor with a pile of books laid out over the coffee table. It had been a few days since Zeke had left us in the suite together, and I still couldn’t get Cade’s words out of my head when I’d asked if he was okay.
“If I wasn’t, it wouldn’t be any of your damn business, dweeb.”
It had hurt, and I’d seen annoyance burning in his gaze before he went into his room. He still wasn’t aware I knew we were bonded mates, and I hadn’t built the courage to speak to him about the connection. Sebastian was right, though; Cade did deserve to know I was looking at cutting the tie between us. What I should have asked Sebastian was if Cade had approached him about the same thing, because it didn’t make sense why he would want to keep a connection when he didn’t like me that way.
I wished things between us could be different, but I couldn’t help but wonder if a woman had ended up being my bonded, how I would have reacted, coped. Would I have refused the bond?
Was he disgusted by me?
Did he actually hate me?
It would have been wonderful to have what I did with Zeke and Hyde with Cade, but it was impossible.
I needed to decide when would be the best time to speak to Cade.
My knee bounced up and down, and I glanced away from Cade and back to the television. Since coming back from work, I thought the action movie would be a good distraction to take my mind off things.
It wasn’t helping.
Not when Cade was right there.
Glancing back at him, I bit my bottom lip as I watched him chew on the end of his pen before he took it out of his mouth and wrote something down.
Why did he have to be so attractive?
I wanted to run my fingers through his near-white hair. I wanted to tip his head back and kiss him or rub his shoulders to get him to relax or just hug him. My stomach clenched at the realization that I couldn’t touch him in any way I wanted.
I shifted my gaze to the television, but moments later, I looked back to him again when he made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat and threw a book down before rubbing at his face.
Picking up my phone, I saw I had at least half an hour before I left to meet Tanika in the gym. I placed my phone down and unglued my tongue from the roof of my mouth. “Um.” I caught Cade tensing. I pushed on, though. “Do you need me to read it for you? I mean, I d-don’t mind reading it aloud if it’ll help.” He always complained about how much he hated reading his business textbook.
“I’m fine. Where’s Hyde and Zeke?”
He didn’t want to be alone with me. An invisible hand clenched around my heart.
“They’re doing something for Professor Lynch.” Even though they were busy, I still missed them.
My dick throbbed at the thought of our bedroom activities. We hadn’t moved beyond using our mouths and hands, but last night I’d been witness to Hyde taking Zeke. The way he’d moved inside him had me spilling onto the sheets from Zeke’s palm around my erection.
God, I ached to have Hyde or Zeke inside me. My dick jerked under my jeans, and I shifted on the couch a little.
My face heated when Cade drew in a breath. “Fucking hell, it’s bad enough you three reek of sex in the morning. Can’t you fucking control your thoughts now?” He started packing up his things.
“Sorry,” I muttered, knowing I couldn’t control myself. It was like Hyde and Zeke had flipped a switch inside me, and I wanted them all the time.
All. The. Time.
Cade scoffed. “You’re pathetic, dweeb.”
You’re pathetic.
You’re an idiot.
You’re weak.
You’re nothing.
You’re a freak.
They weren’t all his words; others were mixed in with the many running through my mind. I ducked my head and gripped the bottom of my tee as the words slashed at my insides over and over.
Even though I’d been happy not long before, insecurities still controlled me. Having mates who were made for me, who were perfect, still felt like a dream.
A dream that would crash down because I wasn’t good enough for them.
“Micah?”
What did they see in me? I wasn’t anything like them. I hid from people. I couldn’t speak properly. I was small and timid. They could do so much better.
If it wasn’t for Fate, would they even like me?
“Fuck.”
I doubted they would.
Standing from the couch, I took a step toward my bedroom but stopped. Zeke and Hyde would come back and sense I was… messed up.
“Micah, stop.”
I jolted at Cade’s hard tone, and spun, wincing, eyes to the floor, neck bared for the alpha.
“Sorry,” I whimpered, wrapping my arms around my waist, shoulders drawing down.
“Fuck,” Cade clipped harshly.
I took a step back, biting my bottom lip as it trembled.
I wasn’t good enough even for those who seemed to like me.
“Dweeb.” It sounded pained.
I shook my head. “I know.”
“What?” he bit out.
My eyes swept to my gym bag by the door, and I edged that way, around the back of the couch. Away from the angry alpha.
I didn’t look at him when I told him softly, “I understand. I do.” My lip trembled again. I clenched my fists at my sides, but my stomach played havoc.
“What the hell are you talking about, dweeb?”
Closer to the door, I glanced up to see he remained near the coffee table with his arms crossed over his chest and a scowl fixed firmly on his face.
Eyes back on the floor, I inched another step closer. “I-I’m talking about…. I understand why…. I know that we’re bonded mates.” I rushed the next words out. “But I promise, I don’t want you to be stuck with me. I know I’m not wanted. I know I’m not good enough.” I shook my head, body trembling. “You’re… what Fate has done to you isn’t fair. I understand why you don’t like me. It’s a change having a bonded as a guy… when you’ve never…. Not like us, but… I-I don’t want you to suffer for being stuck with me. I-I know you don’t want me, and I understand it.”
My stomach hollowed. My chest cracked open to leak parts of my heart out.
“I’m sorry for this… for me. I am. I-I won’t force this.” At the door, I bent and grabbed my bag and then the handle behind me. My bottom lip trembled some more. Tears threatened. “I-I think I’m worthy of Zeke and Hyde, so I hope you don’t mind me, um, being with them still… or I could leave.” More of my heart leaked out. “I-I’ll speak to Sebastian about, ah… on what we, or I, have to do to stop this bond from growing. I-I don’t want you to suffer. I’m sorry.” I opened the door, stepped out, and closed it after me.
My breath hitched. I covered my mouth with a shaky hand and let the tears fall.
A roar echoed from behind me.
I had to get out of there.
I had to do something.
Pulling all my emotions into a tight ball inside me, I raced down the hall to the staircase. I didn’t want to wait for the elevator. I ran down the stairs and all the way to the gym.
Slamming through the doors, I paused, breathing heavily. Thankfully, Tanika wasn’t there yet. I dropped to my knees and hiccupped out a sob. I gripped my chest, trying to hold it all in, but I couldn’t.
Cade
My throat burned as my anguished roar tapered off. My panther clawed at me. Tears filled my eyes as I dropped to the ground on my ass. My gut and chest had been ripped open, and a vise wrapped around my beating heart, gripping.
I’d fucked up.
Crushed Micah into pieces.
But it felt like I was the one bleeding from the scene.
Micah was going to get rid of the bond.
Clutching my head, I shook it over and over. The scent of Micah’s pain still filled the room.
I’d done that.
I’d broken him.
They were the only words that constantly ran in my mind as I sat there holding my head. For minutes, hours, days…. I didn’t know…. I didn’t care. It was my fault.
I’d broken Micah because I was scared.
Scared to let myself love him like my panther already did.
Another roar ripped out of me.
Knowing I could lose him shattered my fear.
I had to do something.
I had to tell him.
Fuck anything and everyone else.
Getting to my feet, I raced out of the room and down the hall. Shifters, packmates, tried to get my attention, but I couldn’t give it. Not when my mate was hurt. Not when I’d been the one to shatter him.
Sebastian appeared, halting me with his hands on my shoulders. “Cade, what is it?”
“Micah,” I panted, tears welling. I clenched my jaw to hold them back.
“Come this way.” He walked us into an empty classroom and closed the door. “What happened?”
Pacing, I ran a shaky hand over my head. “He…. Fuck, he knows we’re mates, and….” Christ, my chest burned. I rubbed at it. “I fucked up. Hurt him, and he left after telling me he understood why I didn’t want him.” I thinned my lips. Tears dropped down, and I roughly wiped them away. “He wants to destroy the connection.”
“Do you?”
“What?” I clipped.
“Do you want him to stop the bond? Are you that upset Micah is your mate?”
Pulling my shoulders back, I glared at him. “No.”
“No what, Cade?”
“I don’t want it stopped, and I’m not fucking upset.” I dropped my head. “I was. I thought Fate was wrong. It made a mistake. But it hasn’t.”
“Where is he?”
I threw out a hand. “I don’t goddamn know. I was going to find him, make things better…. Hope to make it better.” I took a deep breath. “How do I make it better?”
Sebastian smiled. “Grovel. A lot. Let him know you want him.”
Nodding, I turned to the door. “Where would he be?”
“The south gym with Tanika. Good luck getting through her if Micah’s been upset.”
I didn’t care. I’d take on her wrath, and anyone else’s, if it meant I got time with Micah.
I was a fucking fool for what I’d done.
Worse than that.
At the gym, I heard music being played as I softly opened the door and slipped in.
My throat thickened, practically swallowing my tongue at the view before me. My cock throbbed.
How could I have been such a cold-hearted monster to him? Why did I fight my attraction when it was obvious he was better than anyone I’d ever touched?
His lips.
His hair.
Neck.
Arms.
Ass.
All of him, even his fucking cute toes I’d been eyeing in the room.
My panther whimpered inside me, wanting me close to our mate. To beg and plead.
But I couldn’t move. I was too awestruck.
Now I understood why Micah never spoke of his strength training, and I was grateful for it, because it meant no one got to see him move gracefully and erotically around the pole.
“Yes, Micah.” Tanika clapped when Micah swung around the pole only by his leg.
A growl slipped free. My panther and I didn’t even like our mate’s friends being here. Seeing him bend, twist, spin, jump as he was in those tight shorts and tank.
Tanika’s gaze suddenly shot my way, and glared. She stood from the mat and called, “Micah, I just have to take a call. I’ll be back.”
Micah nodded but didn’t look her way. Instead, he got lost in the song before it ended.
Tanika marched my way and shoved me back until I was outside the doors.
Another growl rumbled out. Her finger shot up and nearly touched my nose. It was lucky she wasn’t meeting my gaze and had her neck bared. I was still alpha. I only allowed her actions because she was Micah’s friend, and I deserved her anger.
“What are you doing here? You know what? I don’t care. Fucking leave. Do you know how crushed Micah was when I got here? He was on the floor crying, his little heart breaking. I won’t let you—”
“He’s mine,” I bit out.
She looked at me once with shock before she averted her eyes and huffed. “I don’t even know if you can make things right, Cade. He’s only throwing himself into dancing as a distraction. He’s hurting in a big way.”
“Let me talk to him.”
Her jaw clenched, and she shook her head. “I can’t let you do that. Not after the way I found him. He was devastated. Kept telling me he was pathetic over and over.”
Fucking hell.
I did that to him.
I had to make it right.
“Please,” I whispered.
“You’ll accept him? A guy?”
“Yes.” Completely.
Tanika sighed. “I’ll be close. Until I know he’s accepted your apology, I’m not leaving him, and I won’t let you hurt him more than you already have.”
“I won’t, and that’s fine. Stay close.”
She grumbled, “I really want to gut you right now, Cade James. But if you can make him better, I’ll refrain. For now.” She shoved at my arm. “Get in there and make my friend happy.”
“I’ll try.” And I would.
With a hand on the door, I sent up a silent prayer that Micah would forgive me, promising I would make it up to him every day for the rest of our lives.