Creeping into the bedroom so as not to wake him, Annie moved to the bathroom to get ready for bed. She tried to make as little noise as possible. But no doubt the noise from her toothbrush as it swept over her teeth and the gargling noise following resonated to the other room. She switched off the light and tiptoed to her side of the bed. Lying there, snoring, Jack hadn’t moved a muscle since she first came into the room. Pulling the covers back on her side, she slid under. Lying on her back, she listened to the rhythm of his breathing while looking up to a dark ceiling, a soft glow of the moon peeping in through the blinds the only light, and wondered if this was the new them, or just a temporary roadblock. Suddenly he snorted, rolled over on his side, mumbled something, and continued snoring.
The next morning, she awoke to an empty bed. Her heart raced. Jack. Where was he? Stumbling out of her sleeping stupor, she didn’t even take the time to wash the sleep from her eyes but moved quickly down the hall. About halfway, she heard giggles and the low, deep voice of her husband. A cheery ring to his tone made her smile. A new day, a new Jack.
“Good morning,” she said, pulling her straggly hair back away from her face.
“Good morning, Mommy. Daddy made pancakes.”
She whiffed in the aroma of warm maple syrup. “I see that. Daddy makes yummy pancakes.”
“Coffee?” Jack asked as he moved toward the Keurig.
“In a bit. I just woke up. You were gone, and I got concerned.”
“Concerned? Because I wasn’t in the bed?” His cheery tone suddenly turned condescending.
“Jack. Don’t,” she pleaded, nodding toward Ashton.
He harrumphed then made a second cup for himself. “I’m taking the boat out today, and Ashton is going with me,” he announced.
Annie had checked on the forecast the night before and knew that they were expecting cold, wind, and possibly rain. Not exactly the best boating weather. She wondered what he was trying to prove. She gulped, pausing before answering.
“Not today, Jack. The weatherman says the weather is going to be bad.”
“And the weatherman knows best for me and my son?”
Annie’s gaze settled on Ashton. His little eyes were bouncing back and forth from his dad to her, waiting to see who was going to win this battle.
“Can I see you for a moment. In the bedroom.” She turned and walked away.
She peeked in on Carolina as she made her way back to the bedroom. She was awake, but content. She knew she’d only have a few minutes before her contentment turned sour.
“Jack, what are you trying to prove?
“That we Powell men are strong, and nothing can stop us from doing something if we want it badly enough,” he said, his tone traveling an octave or two.
“Why don’t you start by showing him how to respect his mom. You trying to talk over me, make decisions without me will not bode well for you. I can promise you that.” She peered at him through half-closed lids, seething mad inside he’d push her to say these things.
“Oh, now I don’t respect women. Please.” He waved her off.
“Jack. What’s happening to us? You’re not the same man I married. I want Jack Powell back. The guy who walked into my bakery six years ago and swept me off my feet. The guy with the dimples that made me burn up with desire every time you flashed your smile. I want Ashton’s playful daddy back, and Carolina’s favorite teddy bear. I want you back just as before.” A tear tumbled down her cheek.
He bowed his head. “I can never be that same guy to you or to them.”
She lifted his chin with her finger and stared into his eyes. “Why?”
“I’m not one hundred percent anymore.” He held up his wrapped stump.
“Jack, that doesn’t matter to us. It could have been so much worse. Yes, I understand it’s been awkward for you to learn to do things with one hand, but I have to tell you, you’ve done brilliantly. The kids and I love you just as you are, and when we made our vows, I said in sickness and health. You said it too. And you’ve been there for me when I went through postpartum depression after Ashton’s birth, and you’ve been by my side while I battle the do’s and don’ts of being a small businesswoman. Don’t you think I’d stand by you in your time of need?”
She wasn’t expecting what happened next. He balled up his hands, tossed his head back in anger and yelled. Then, he crumbled to the floor into a fetal position, sobbing. She fell to her knees and cradled his head in her arms and wept with him too. She prayed this was the turning point for them. He’d see she was there for him and let her in. She rocked him while saying over and over, “I love you, Jack, and we’ll get through this.”
She was so emotionally connected with Jack and what was happening she didn’t hear the patter of little feet come in.
“Mommy, is everything okay with Daddy?”
Annie held her hand out to him. “Yes, baby. Come here.”
Jack rolled up to a sitting position, quickly wiping away his tears. “Hey, champ. I’m okay.” He winked at Annie.
Carolina began to fuss, getting all their attention.
“You get Carolina, Ashton and I will make some fresh pancakes. Come on, buddy.” He jumped up, taking Ashton by the hand and leading him down to the kitchen.
Annie couldn’t move despite Carolina wailing in the other room. It was all too surreal, this moment, and as suddenly as the crisis began, it was as suddenly over. She held on to the edge of the bed as she pulled herself up, her legs wobbly, her heart still racing from seeing Jack collapse. Drawing in a deep breath, she counted to ten and then ran through the alphabet, a calming exercise she happened upon that seemed to work for her. Steadying her body, she put one foot in front of the other and made it to Carolina’s room. In the other part of the house, she could hear her two favorite guys banging pans and laughing. Maybe, just maybe, Jack Powell had his moment. The one when he realized they’d all be there for him, even in his gloomiest moments, and now, seeing the positive side of their love and support, the light at the end of the tunnel shone bright, leading the way out of the darkness.
Clearly still unsure of how to proceed, Annie and Carolina entered the kitchen to find Jack flipping pancakes, and little Ashton setting the table. He was tall for his age, so he could see over the table, and with his tongue secured between his teeth, Annie witnessed him painstakingly making sure everything was just so.
“You’re doing such a great job, buddy,” Jack said.
“He sure is,” Annie said, announcing they’d arrived.
“Just in time for some hot pancakes,” he said, whirling around, making eye contact and smiling. “How’s my baby girl?” He moved toward Carolina and tickled her.
Annie secured Carolina in her highchair, moving toward the cabinet where the cups were stored. Their routine was eerily normal, and she didn’t know what to say or do. Would it just be a matter of minutes or hours when Jack would have another meltdown?
Jack busily stacked the pancakes and walked over to the table. “I was wondering about our annual Christmas get-together. I realized I messed up Thanksgiving, but there’s no reason to postpone Christmas.”
It was true. Halloween and Thanksgiving were both blurs. They’d normally celebrate Jack’s birthday with a big costume party. Thanksgiving was always a blast whenever you got the entire family together. And now Christmas was just three weeks away. She knew the family would come, but they usually had a big open house and invited friends they hadn’t seen all year too. Just because everyone was so busy.
“I think it’s important we have some sort of celebration. You never know when Grandmother and Auntie won’t be here.”
“True. Let me make some phone calls. I’d love to have Scott and Vicky come, bring the children. I’ve only seen little Jackson once since they brought him home from Korea,” she said, feeling the joy of the holidays already.
“I’ll start gathering wood and get it all chopped so we can have a huge bon—”
Annie held her breath and paused. Jack had that deer in the headlights look, and she didn’t know how to maneuver around it. The room became so quiet you could hear a pin drop, and except for the thumping of her heart, the silence was deafening.
“Jack,” she started.
“I guess I already forgot about this,” he said, holding up his arm.
“You’ve managed to overcome a lot without that hand.” She nodded toward the stump.
“Chopping wood might be a bit more difficult. In fact, anything to do with wood might be. I’ve been thinking about closing up shop.”
Here was the other shoe, dropping from high elevation.
“Jack, it’s too early to say that, hon. One day at a time.”
“We need money, Annie. Income to keep this place going.” His tone hitched then lowered.
“We have some income coming in, Jack. And soon you’ll be receiving disability payments. It just takes time. We’ve been saving for a rainy day. We’ll just use some of our mad money,” she said, trying to make a joke of the terse situation.
“Mad money? That’s kind of ironic, isn’t it?” His eyes grew dark and scary, causing Annie to shiver.
“You know what I meant by that. It was our vacation money, adding stuff to the house money. Honey,” she said, reaching out to him.
Pulling away, he snickered. “So now you’re reminding me that we have to use our life’s savings to pull us out of financial despair.”
“Jack Powell. Stop it. I realize this is difficult for you. It’s difficult for all of us. I’m going back to work,” she blurted.
“When were you going to tell me that?” He crossed his arms.
“Jack, not now. The kids.” She tipped her chin toward the two with sticky syrup running down their faces.
“I’m going for a walk,” he said, storming out of the room.
Closing her eyes, she recited the ABC’s again. After she ran through them once, she ran through them again.