I’d never seen Heziah so upset. Ain’t matter what answers folks gave him he always had more questions. Scratching his arms one minute and folded over at the waist the next. He sat next to me, holding his head in his hands. Wouldn’t let me touch him. Or maybe it was me that wouldn’t let me touch him. I just couldn’t help feeling like it was my fault. They never would’ve even met Ricky if I wasn’t in their lives.
“Mrs. Jenkins? Would you like me to take a look at your lip?” Was kind of the nurse to ask but I’d forgotten all about it.
Heziah jerked right up, studying me like he hadn’t known I was there. “What happened to your lip? Did he do that?”
“I’m okay.”
“Let her look at you.”
“But I’m okay. I wanna stay here with you.”
“No. Go. Go with her.”
Wasn’t no kind of goodbye. He couldn’t even look me in the eye. So I went. Let the nurses fuss all over me. Ask me endless questions. about what had happened and about the babies. If I felt them moving around. If I felt my water break. I told them I ain’t feel nothing. Wasn’t specific to my womb, though. Just in general. Was like my soul was just plain numb from it all. Ain’t even care that they’d decided to hook me up to some machines. I was lucky to have found Heziah in the first place. And it was damn near a miracle that he came back to me in the second. But now everything was going to be different. Ricky’d found a way to ruin everything good in my life.
“Ooo, looks like somebody’s in labor.” This big cheesy grin spread across her face and she pointed to the machine. “Contractions?”
“Can you get my husband?”
“Sure. I’ll be right back.”
A million things went through my head, waiting for Heziah. Things I hadn’t said or hadn’t said enough. To him. To my girls. Had a fresh start with the twins and I wanted to get things right. Do it right. Was a difference between doing it right and doing the best I could. But all that vanished soon as I saw Heziah’s face. He was at my side, holding my hand just like he said he would.
“It ain’t time yet.”
“But the nurse said—”
I shook my head but couldn’t help but smile a little. “How’s Louis doing?”
“He’s okay. Doctors say he’s got a concussion and a broken nose. He’s resting.”
“You sure?”
“That’s what they said, Belinda. Now you just concentrate on this.”
“I’m just lying here. Ain’t much to concentrate on.”
The nurse breezed back into the room, saying she wanted to check some things and Heziah’s back straightened with the quickness as she dropped down between my legs. I ain’t think it was possible but I loved him that much more. Was stupid of me to think he’d stop loving me just because of Ricky. He squeezed my hand, not paying my face no mind. Too curious and worried probably.
“Heziah?”
“Yeah. Just...just stay calm. It’s okay.”
“I need some things from the house.”
“Mmhmm.”
“Can you go get them?”
“Now? You’re having the babies.”
“Nope. Not yet.” With a finishing pop, the nurse’s blue plastic gloves rolled off her hands and into the trash. “Two centimeters. It could be a while.”
“See.” He ain’t want to. I could see it all over him but I really did need some things. “Please. I need my uhh...my gown. Toothpaste. And uhh...”
“A change of clothes. She’ll need that for when you all leave the hospital.”
The nurse was trying real hard to be helpful. I just ain’t need no help. I knew what I was doing. All that stuff I figured Heziah could’ve thought of on his own. The thing I really needed. What I really wanted was something he ain’t know I had.
“Is that all Belinda?”
“Well um...there’s this book. It has leather around the outside. Brown leather. Not fancy or anything. Just something I picked up at the market. Could you bring it to me? It’s under my side of the mattress.” He nodded.
Heziah wasn’t gone more than thirty minutes before they put me in my own room. Not long after that an unfamiliar face in a blue suit found his way around to my bedside. Introduced himself as A.D.A somebody. He used big words and came flanked by two police officers, wanting to know all about Ricky. About what had really happened. What had started the fight? What did Louis say? What did he do? I told him Louis ain’t do a damn thing. Having Ricky flip out didn’t take any coaxing on anybody’s part. But the nice blue suit just nodded and kept going with his questions. Asking if maybe I was holding a grudge or something against Ricky. Grudge wasn’t what I would’ve called my feelings toward Ricky, my lying cheating husband that beat me every day of my life. N’all grudge wasn’t the word.
“Not my fault the way he is.”
“Was. Ma’am.” The serious man and his cold eyes moved closer to my bed. “He was pronounced dead upon arrival at the hospital. The D.A. hasn’t decided whether to press charges against you or not.”
“Press charges?” Heziah dropped a small bag at the door and marched into the room ready to do battle on my behalf. “For what? My wife didn’t do anything wrong. He’s the one that—”
“It’s not up to me.” The fine blue suit explained with a slight wave. “I’m just following orders.” He nodded to the young men in their dark blue uniforms and one took hold of Heziah while the other handcuffed me to the bed.
“You can’t do this! Get those things off of her!”
Just then Mya’s face flashed before my eyes. She was gonna be mad at me. Might even hate me. Jackie wouldn’t. Nat probably wouldn’t even understand. And Nikki—she’d mourn him like a good girl but then she’d get over it. Mya was really the only one I had to worry about.
“Ma’am? Mrs. Jenkins? Do you know if your ex-husband had an insurance policy?”
“I ain’t paying to burying him if that’s what you asking. His ass can rot in a pine box for all I care.”
Panic flashed across Heziah’s face. Panic at my words and the way A.D.A somebody would take them.
“You…You can’t talk to my wife without her lawyer. Belinda just be quiet. Okay?”
But the birthing pain was back so I wasn’t gonna be saying much of anything anyway.
AS SOON AS THINGS started happening with the twins whatever thoughts on Ricky that was still hanging around got pushed to the back of our minds. We were focused on two things. Callie and Jenna. They came like a freight train, both of them screaming their heads off. Heziah started crying. Kissing my head, moving the sweat from my forehead back into my hair. He acted like he was doing more than just moving it around and I ain’t have the heart to tell him he wasn’t really helping. Just laid there looking up at my honorable man.
One bundle for him and one for me. Heziah started laughing from the second they gave him his bundle. The doctor said the girls were identical but we took our time comparing them anyway. They had the same hands and feet. Same mole on the crook of their left arms. We’d picked out names but wasn’t sure which name fit which baby. Spent a good hour trying to find some way to tell them apart.
Then the nurse came in with paperwork for us to sign.
“What is it?” Heziah was too busy spreading his affection from one baby to the other to pay attention to the clipboard I was holding.
“Just regular stuff. Birth certificates.”
We locked eyes for a moment. It had never needed saying before and wasn’t no need now. The twins were only gonna have one daddy—the honorable Heziah Jenkins.
THE COPS AGREED TO trade handcuffs for a policeman standing guard outside my door. Heziah took it as a good sign but I knew better. Knew better than to expect the good folks who ain’t offer me one bit of help to all of sudden be filled with sympathy.
Looking out over the hospital parking lot, I took a break from writing and wrapped an extra hospital gown around me, tying the tired string into a bow across my chest. It was the first quiet moment I’d had. The twins were in the nursery and Heziah was making phone calls. The doctors said we would all be released tomorrow. We weren’t sure yet if I was going home or to jail.
“Belinda?” A knock at the door announced Mr. Silverman. He waited for me to reply before pushing it all the way open. “How are you?”
“I’m good.”
Twenty-four hours before I’d pushed two human beings out of my body after bashing in my ex-husband’s head and I looked better than he did.
“You look worried.”
Mr. Silverman had real concern for me. He liked me. He’d wanted to do more for me and I suspected he blamed himself for the way things had turned out.
“From what I’ve gathered from the prosecutor, I don’t think he’s feeling too sympathetic. Given the attention that this will generate...Well, I’m afraid he’s more interested in making a name for himself than anything else.” He sighed and took a seat under the television. “We’ve got two options here. We can make a claim for self-defense or…” he paused to take a long breath, “…Or we can argue in the affirmative.”
“What’s that mean?”
“You weren’t in the right mind. You didn’t know what you were doing.”
“You wanna say I’m crazy.”
“I want to keep you out of prison.” He rose and met me at the window. “I feel I should tell you that criminal law isn’t my specialty. I can refer you to someone else if you like.”
“No. I trust you. Which one you think is best?”
“You have a strong case for cognitive insanity.”
I nodded, wishing I had a cigarette. “But I wanna be the one to tell Heziah. And my girls.”
“He certainly won’t hear it from me but I can’t make any guarantees about the girls. Their foster parents and the social worker will have the final say there.”