Wednesday, November 18, 2009
I EXPLAINED JACKSON’S ABSENCE by saying he was sick to justify why I was driving Ethan and myself to school. I hated the thought of admitting to anyone, especially my brother, that we’d had an argument and were not speaking. I knew he would fully enjoy it and hope that I would call off the wedding and things would return back to the way they were before Jackson ever entered our lives.
I continued about my day, moving from one classroom to the next, trying not to think at all about the damage I had done. I sat numbly and listened to one lecture after the next without hearing anything my teachers said. It was like running on autopilot, functioning without consciously being aware or feeling anything.
After basketball practice I considered going over to his house and demanding to know what his problem was or calling him up and begging for forgiveness. However, the stubbornness deep inside me wouldn’t allow me to give in, either. I kept telling myself over and over again that if he wanted to speak with me, he knew where to find me. But even that didn’t stop me from keeping my cell phone beside me all evening in hopes that he would give in and call. And of course, he didn’t.