Chapter 1
Thursday, November 26, 2009: Thanksgiving Day
THE SUN WAS FIGHTING TO BREAK FREE of the clouds that insisted upon hanging around when I opened my eyes and jumped out of bed. I rushed over to the bay window and threw the curtains aside. Fear and doubt ripped at my heart the moment my eyes rested on Jackson’s house across the street. It appeared as dark and empty as it had for the last several days.
I slumped into the cushions feeling confused and lonely. I was sure he would have come back. I knew we had worked things out in our other life. I closed my eyes and rested my head against the cold glass. I could still feel the warmth of his arms around me as we stood in my father’s study there. The soft warm caress of his lips upon mine… How could he not be here? I was so sure that he’d be waiting for me when I awoke. Perhaps he had decided that he only wanted me there? Maybe he thought I was too much trouble to deal with here because of my family’s reaction to us?
“It’s about time you got up sleepy head.” My sister Sidney came bouncing into my room.
“What?” I hadn’t realized she had returned home from Northwestern. “Oh, hey Sid. When did you get home?”
“Late last night. How ya doin?” she plopped down on the other side of the window seat.
“Good. How’s school?” I didn’t know what to say to her. We had never been close sisters.
“Same ol’, same ol’,” she shrugged. “Classes, exams, papers, cheerleading.”
“Sounds fun.” I turned back to gazing out the window at the empty house across the way.
“Dad said you were having a rough time of it lately,” she said softly. “I’m sorry you and Jackson broke up. He seemed like a nice guy.”
“He is.”
“You know Jocelyn, it’s probably just as well ‘cause there are tons of guys at college and I’m telling ya, you don’t want to be married and tied down before you even have the chance to live.” She tried to smile but didn’t pull it off so well.
“Sid, it’s not over yet. We just had an argument. I’m sure we’ll work it out.” I wanted my voice to sound confident even though I was no longer feeling it myself.
“Why would you want to get married at eighteen?” she wrinkled up her forehead at me.
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Guess you’re right about that. I still have two years left of my undergrad work, let alone med school. I can’t imagine being stuck with a husband,” she laughed. “Hell, I’m barely able to juggle a boyfriend.”
“You’re getting serious with someone?” The mere thought was intriguing. Sidney always had boyfriends, but never anyone whom she would keep longer than she deemed necessary.
“Yeah…” she grinned from ear to ear. “He’s downstairs. I brought him home for the weekend to meet the family.”
“You’re brave.”
“Yeah, but he’s special.” A look I’d never seen passed briefly over her face and then was gone.
“How so?” I asked, curious as to what she deemed as special.
“He’s sweet, considerate, kind,” she blushed. “He understands me, my goals and supports them rather than trying to deter me from my studies. Of course, he wants to be a doctor too, so we have a lot of the same classes. Which is nice because then we get to study together.”
“Does he have a name?” I laughed at her giddiness.
“Oh yeah, his name is…” she wrinkled her nose. “Don’t laugh. It’s Landon Atticus Harrison.”
“What?” I busted out laughing despite myself.
“I know!” she laughed and doubled over, burying her face in her lap for a moment. “It’s awful, isn’t it! I know….”
“Does his mother not like him?”
“I don’t think she did.” Sidney squirmed around. “I mean his brother has a perfectly normal boring name…David William.” She threw her arms up in despair. “Then she comes up with Landon Atticus!”
“Talk about child abuse.”
“Really! Well, she’s an English teacher,” she shrugged again.
“Sounds to me like she’s read too many classics. Isn’t Atticus the name of the father in To Kill a Mockingbird?”
“He told me that’s where she got it from. Apparently it’s her favorite book. Thankfully, he’s really cute. Otherwise, the poor man would never have stood a chance in this world.” She stood up and walked back over to the door. “Anyway, get yourself cleaned up and come downstairs. I’m dying for you to meet him.”
“All right.” I got up myself. “I’ll be down in a sec.”
She disappeared behind the closed door, and the room went silent. I turned back around for one final look out the window. Nothing had changed. I was glad Sidney was home. It had felt so good to laugh again and I hoped that her presence would ease the tension that hung over the house. I even hoped that with her being here it might open the door between my mother and me. I gathered up my clothes and headed to the shower.
My brother, Ethan, and my father, Shane, were already watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade with Sidney and Landon when I came downstairs. The two of them were cuddled together looking very sweet. I could tell even though he was seated that Landon was over six feet tall. He had broad shoulders, dirty blond hair, pale blue eyes, and was clean-shaven. The two of them looked like the classic copy of Ken and Barbie.
After brief introductions, I curled up on the corner of the couch with my morning coffee. Everyone was lounging around in pajamas and stocking feet barely conscious. It was only nine o’clock in the morning. I couldn’t believe that my family was up this early on a holiday.
Landon and Sidney wandered back into the kitchen to refill their coffee when I heard her burst out laughing and return stumbling into the family room. “Hey Dad, you’ll love this. Landon just asked how come the turkey isn’t in the oven.”
The three of us joined her laughter while Landon stood there looking confused. “I’m sorry, Landon. We’re honestly not laughing at you. It’s just, well, my wife doesn’t cook. Our Thanksgiving dinner is prepared by Kroger’s. I’ll pick it up about two.”
“Oh,” Landon stuttered.
“I told you my mom can’t cook. It’s better to let someone else prepare it. That way none of us gets food poisoning.” Sidney returned to her spot on the opposite end of the couch and Landon slowly joined her.
“Where is Mom?” I looked over at my dad.
“Asleep,” he grinned. “You probably won’t see her until noon. She didn’t get home from the hospital until almost three this morning.”
Ethan grumbled something I didn’t quite hear before stuffing his face with another donut. He looked over at me and grinned. I gave him a questioning look, but he just shook his head and mouthed “later” at me. I shrugged and turned back towards the television. It was going to be a long day.
Looking around at my huddled family relaxing over our version of a holiday breakfast, a box of mixed Duncan Donuts and coffee, the drastic differences between my two families slapped me in the face. Never once in my memory of anything there had my family been so utterly informal. Lounging around dressed sloppily on a holiday and eating in front of the television was something I couldn’t even fathom. A holiday there consisted of dressing up, extended family, home cooked dishes and desserts all centered round a big dining room table. Here, I knew we’d be pulling out the TV trays and munching all day while watching football.
By noon I was bored to tears. No one had really moved in hours and the only thing that had changed was the channel on the television. I wished Jenna was home, but I knew she had gone with her parents to her grandparents’ house in Indianapolis. She wouldn’t be home until Sunday evening at the earliest. Plus, both Caitlyn and Hilary were busy with their own families’ versions of Thanksgiving. I pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it tightly around myself before drifting off into a lazy nap.
A commotion awoke me about half past one. I heard Ethan arguing with someone in the foyer to the point that my dad got up to investigate. Sidney and I looked at each other while I tried to make some sense of what was going on.
“Please, will you just tell her I am here?” I suddenly recognized Jackson’s voice.
“Don’t you think you’ve done enough? Leave her alone!” Ethan shouted.
I leapt to my feet and ran towards the front door as I heard my father respond, “Ethan, that is not for you to decide. Don’t be rude. I’m sorry Jackson.”
“Jackson!” I squealed and practically jumped into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him repeatedly about his face. He laughed while both my brother and father stood there stunned and confused.
“Well... we’ll leave you two alone. Come on, Ethan,” Dad uttered and dragged my brother back into the family room.
“I see events are becoming clearer,” Jackson laughed. “I was worried I might have to try and explain everything to you.”
“Not necessary,” I said, my arms still draped over his shoulders. “I’m so glad you’re here. What about your family?”
“They came with me,” he smiled. “All of them.”
“Alex and Phoebe?”
He nodded.
“Really?” I couldn’t believe it. “They probably think we’re insane,” I laughed.
“No, just in a relationship,” he laughed. “Misunderstandings are bound to happen occasionally.”
“So they don’t hate me?” I grimaced.
“Of course not.” He leaned over and kissed me, his lips lingering hotly against my own.
“I’m sorry if I ruined everyone’s Thanksgiving.”
“Do not worry about it. Mother, Phoebe and my brother’s wife Leslie, are over there cooking up a storm. You did not ruin anything. Dad just discovered a new roaster that can cook a turkey in a third of the time so this gave him the excuse he needed to try it out.”
“Well then, I’m glad everything worked out,” I laughed.
“My parents wanted to invite your family over for a formal Thanksgiving dinner.” Jackson kept his arms loosely around my waist. “A peace offering if you will.”
“You’re kidding?”
“No. Why?” he looked hurt.
“Because my family, with the exception of possibly my dad, probably isn’t going to be too thrilled about us getting back together,” I said softly, raising my eyebrows at him.
“This could smooth some of that over.” His optimism amazed me. Unfortunately, it also told me volumes about how little he really did know about my family here.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” I said with hesitation.
“Will you please ask them? For me?” How could I say no to that?
“All right, but you have to come with me.” I knew this was not going to be good. Jackson smiled and nodded. We walked hand in hand back into the family room.
My dad was back in his recliner, Ethan in the other and even Landon had gotten into the game. The three of them looked comical, screaming like idiots at the television. Jackson and I stood silently off to the side waiting for a commercial break. I knew better than to interrupt a football game. I wasn’t sure about Landon, but I knew Dad and Ethan would be none too pleased.
“Hey Dad, can I talk to you for a sec?” I asked at the next commercial break.
“Sure, go ahead.” He barely turned his head in our direction.
“No, um…in the kitchen.” I wanted to get him alone.
Shane fully turned and noticed the two of us standing there. “Oh, okay.” He got up and followed us.
The kitchen was vacant and silent, probably unlike almost all kitchens on this day. There were no steaming pots on the stove, turkey in the oven, or pies cooling on the counter. Only an empty box of donuts and coffee creamer adorned our counters. I could see the strange look on Jackson’s face when he realized our lack of festivities.
“How you been Jackson?”
“Good sir, good. And you?”
“I’m doing all right. What can I do for you both?”
“My parents and siblings along with their spouses and children returned from Boston late last evening and are currently putting the finishing touches on an enormous Thanksgiving feast and would really like it if you and your family would consider joining us.”
My dad shifted his weight uncomfortably considering the full ramifications of saying yes despite how much I knew he would truly love a home cooked family Thanksgiving dinner like the ones his family had had before he married my mother.
“Please thank your family for the very considerate invitation. I would absolutely love to. However, I have some concerns about how both my son and my wife would react to the offer and I am very concerned about how they would behave if they came,” he rambled nervously.
Jackson smiled considerately. “I understand. I know there are still some ill feelings about the future of our relationship.” He glanced in my direction and slipped his arm around my waist. “Yet, my family and I were hoping that this would be a good opportunity for us all to get together, sit down and calmly discuss and finally put to rest any apprehensions.”
“If it were only that easy,” Dad chuckled. “As educated as my wife is, I am afraid that she forgot to take the course on interpersonal communications. She doesn’t exactly handle confrontations with style and grace.” Despite myself, I snickered at his words. “That being said, please tell your parents I appreciate their invitation and apologize because I must decline. However, Jocelyn can go as long as she promises to bring me some leftovers and a piece of homemade pumpkin pie.”
“Of course.”
“Thanks Daddy.” I hugged him briefly before turning towards Jackson. “I need to change and get ready. You want to hang out here and wait?”
Jackson glanced over at the archway leading into the living room where Ethan was still watching the game and grinned slightly. “How about I return in an hour to escort you to dinner?”
“Okay.” I leaned up and kissed him quickly on the cheek.
***
After he left, I stood in front of my closet, staring stupidly at my wardrobe.
“He’s much better looking than I remembered from your birthday.” Sidney’s voice came from my doorway before she entered my room. She closed my door and sat down on the corner of my bed. She picked up one of my throw pillows and fumbled with it thoughtlessly. “I can see why you are so taken with him.”
All I could do was smile over in her direction. My stomach was in knots and I was so nervous about seeing Jackson’s extended family for the first time here. It was so bizarre for me to even consider how they appeared on this plane. My only images were those from there and thinking of them in modern attire was unimaginable to me.
“You do realize that marriage is not just a ring around your finger, Jocelyn. It’s more like a noose around your neck.” I turned and gave her a dirty look.
“That’s a pleasant way of looking at it.”
“Seriously, look at our parents. You can’t tell me they’re happy?” the tone of her voice dropped.
“No, they’re not. I know that. I live here,” I admitted and joined her on my bed. “I think they’ve drifted apart over the years.”
“Drifted apart?” she snorted. “That’s a mild understatement. They have nothing in common. They don’t spend any time together.” Her matter-of-fact admission hit home hard.
“I know people grow and change over the years, but you have to grow and change together. You also have to have some things in common that you can discuss and share. Also, I believe it is essential that each has their own personal hobby or activity. Something that allows you to escape, relax and gives you peace after a long stressful day.” She gave me a weird look. “You know what I mean, something simple like reading a book or writing in a journal or whatever. Something that is just for you.”
“I suppose. I know Mom and Dad still golf together,” she shrugged. “But I don’t think they like each other very much. It’s more like they’re together more out of habit than love.”
“I’d like to believe they still love each other.”
“Maybe,” she shrugged again. “Who knows anymore?” Sidney shook her head as if clearing her thoughts. “So what are you going to wear?”
Dread settled back over me once more. “I don’t know. What do you think?”
“For meeting his siblings for the first time? I’d go with something casual, but classy.”
“Such as…?” My limited wardrobe contained no such items. I had very few reasons for dressing up and therefore, almost all my clothes were school casual.
“Hang on.” She sprang from my bed and headed for the door. “I’ve got the perfect outfit.”
I chuckled to myself as I listened to her footsteps banging on the stairs leading to her third floor bedroom.
Sidney’s room was enormous, not only in size but in pure uniqueness. One corner was a curved column, there were wooden ceiling beams, and everything in the room screamed Sidney. My dad had remodeled the space that had once been Mimi and Eddie’s quarters into a modern playground of sorts for her when we were young. I was always so jealous of her room, not only because of its sheer size, but because she had her own private luxury bathroom and walk-in closet.
Sidney bounced back into the room and handed the outfit to me. I glanced over the articles of clothing and wrinkled my forehead. We’d always had such drastically different styles and this was all her. “Will you trust me for once?” she laughed.
“All right, but if Jackson doesn’t recognize me, it’ll be your fault,” I stated with skepticism.
I slipped off my robe and climbed into the tan slacks with dark brown pin stripes, a sheer, cream colored, loose flowing blouse with oversized ruffles along the cuffs and some that elongated down the front and around the neck, and a darker brown oversized sweater jacket with cream and blue specks embedded in it. I stood in front of the mirror staring at a reflection I didn’t recognize.
“Stop kidding around, Jocelyn,” she laughed. “I swear, your fashion sense is nonexistent.” She walked up behind me and pulled the neck ruffle out from under the jacket and untied the knot of the sweater I’d tied in front of me. She spun me around and tied it around my back hanging loosely so that I couldn’t even tell it was tied.
“Sorry,” I giggled. I had to admit her small touches made a world of difference.
“Isn’t this sweet, my two daughters playing dress-up. You two didn’t even do this when you were young.” Our mother, Amy, stood in my doorway watching us, but no smile crossed her lips. “Where are you planning on going, Jocelyn?” Immediately, my palms began to sweat.
“I was invited over to the Chandlers for Thanksgiving dinner,” I replied in a low voice.
“I thought you were done with all that nonsense,” she scowled.
“Mom…please, we were all invited. Dad just didn’t think you’d want to go.”
“And he’s right. Why would I want to ruin my holiday with people who couldn’t care less about my daughter’s education and her future?” she said with a hateful tone.
“That’s not true. If you’d listen to us for once….” I tried to explain, but she cut me off.
“Listen to you? I have listened to you.” She walked slowly towards us in an almost menacing fashion that took me by surprise. “I have heard all about this wedding nonsense, this crap about being in love and meant to be together and happily ever after,” she scoffed. “Let me tell you something my darling daughter, there is no such thing as happily ever after and when this little charade blows up in your face and you’re left on your own to take care of yourself and your children, you’d better hope you can support all of you on your own before you and your kids end up as another welfare statistic.”
Her words burned into my deepest fears. Even Sidney looked shocked. “Mom, Jackson would never…”
“You are so naïve. Do you have any idea how many single moms I see every day, bringing their children in for check-ups or whatever, who dropped out of school and can’t get the poor bastard to pay child support? They all get stuck in meaningless dead-end jobs and live off the system. I’d hate to see you become one of them.” She shook her head slightly before turning to leave the room.
“I won’t. We’ll prove you wrong,” I taunted. “I’ll finish my graduate degree, you wait and see. Jackson and I can do this with or without your support.”
My mom paused at my door with her hand on the doorknob and her back still towards us. In a low voice, I distinctly heard her say, “No…you won’t. You’re not special enough.”
Tears welled up in my eyes before I could even get angry. She closed the door behind her and within seconds, her own bedroom door slammed shut.
I sat down at my vanity and blotted my eyes. “Don’t let her get to you.” Sidney came over and placed her hands on my shoulders. “You don’t want to go over to Jackson’s all red eyed.” She leaned in a little closer. “Besides Jocelyn, you are the most stubborn person I have ever met in my entire life. I know that once you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything if for no other reason than to prove everyone wrong. If you say you can do this, I know you can.”
“Thanks, Sid,” I squeaked.
She smiled brightly. “Now, let’s get your hair and make-up done. Jackson will be here soon.”
***
Jackson arrived on time and we left without incident. We walked slowly across the yards. I wanted to be in good spirits, but my mother’s words kept ringing in my ears. I couldn’t believe how cruel she could be when she put her mind to it. She had never spoken to me before with such malice and contempt. I hated to think that our relationship was beyond repair, but I was beginning to believe it was riding that line.
The chilly wind whipped around us causing Jackson to place his arm protectively around me. He smiled over at me in such a way that it renewed my faith in our love for one another. At least I could take some comfort in knowing that there were still some individuals in this world—and my other—who believed I was special.
***
I snuggled down beneath my comforter with glorious thoughts running amuck in my brain. Phoebe and Alex were all that I remembered and more. It was odd in a strange sense to meet their other spouses here when in my memories of them they were married to Silas and Veronica. Here they were married to Carson and Leslie—very sweet, funny and thoughtful individuals but strangely, nothing even similar to their counterparts. I spent a large portion of the afternoon and evening attempting to wrap my brain around their bizarre situations. It was just plain weird.
I spent the next several hours tossing and turning, trying to understand how they managed their dual lives and dual relationships. I couldn’t imagine being consciously aware of both planes and being married to and intimate with two separate people who were so drastically different from one another. I realized again just how truly lucky I was to have Jackson, someone whom I could travel through both my lives with, love and laugh with and stand beside me through both the good and the bad times. As rare as our gift supposedly was, it truly was a miracle that we managed to find each other in this crazy world. The acknowledgement of that finally gave my mind the peace and solace I’d been searching for since I’d crawled into bed. I smiled softly to myself and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.