I haven’t heard from Rob Clancy in ages,
Marla says.
Did he knock the door there at all
cos I’m sure I heard the door?
Did he knock the door there
when I was in the toilet?
God, I have an awful stomach on me today.
Have I had prawns?
I shake my head.
No Rob Clancy’s come knocking.
We had a Martin recently.
Gin on the patio?
He’s probably gallivanting with
that brother of his. Layabouts, both of them.
You’d think they’d get proper jobs instead of
living at home with their mother, who’s got enough
to be doing without feeding their blathering face-holes.
Did the brother try to ride you?
Rob Clancy’s tried to ride me loads
and I’ve always said, ‘Take a hike, Robert Clancy.
I’m not interested in someone with less
ambition than a potato.’
I’m not lying.
Rob Clancy wouldn’t get out of bed if his house
was on fire.
If his bed was on fire, more like.
If his arse, even.
I’d like to test it by setting his sheets alight.
He had a paper round. Maybe he still does.
They gave him a block of flats
but he wouldn’t climb the stairs and didn’t he
dump the deliveries in the hall, the useless slug.
You’d think he doesn’t have a good pair of legs on him.
But he does.
A great pair of pins.
Nice backside too. Peachy.
Is he nineteen now? He must be.
Old enough not to be a messer.
If he does come knocking, you’re having the brother.
He isn’t as gorgeous
but he’d pedal a bike for you.
Rob’s as lazy as a dog in the summer.
If there was work in his bed
he’d sleep on the floor.
What’s the brother called?
Roger.
No, not Roger. That’s someone else.
It’s Richard.
Rich and Rob.
That’s it.
Rich and Rob Clancy.
Messers.
Rob’s the peachy one.
Rich is missing part of his thumb.
He worked for a butcher and
sliced it off along with some corned beef.
God, I never liked corned beef.
Who’d eat it?
Makes me think of the war.
Makes me think of Mammy.
Is Mammy not home yet?
Where’s she at, at all?
Did she say you could stay over?
I never asked her. I should ask her.
But you’re taking the brother.
Deal? Put your hand out there and shake on it.
I’m not taking the brother,
I say.
I’m taking no one.
Marla startles.
You’ve already got someone.
Is he lovely? I bet he is. Is he lovely?
Mary’s lovely.
Donal’s a scut.
Tell me.
Have you got a boyfriend?
Sure, you could make anyone love you.
Some people are like that.