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Anger in Pet Bereavement

Anger is known to be a natural reaction within the grief process. Not everyone feels anger during grief, but if you do, it can be very difficult to cope with.

You may feel angry at yourself, your partner, the vet staff, anyone involved in the death of your beloved pet, or even a higher source, such as God. You may blame someone for what happened or how it happened. You may feel angry and not know why. Or you may simply feel angry at the world at large—perhaps because the world carries on around you as though nothing has happened, when in fact your own world has just fallen apart.

It’s important to understand that feeling this way is a normal part of the grieving process, and rather than load guilt onto yourself about it, it’s better to look at what you can do about it.

Firstly, recognize anger for what it is: a necessary and sudden release from the increasing pressure of emotions. Anger could be described as strong and overwhelming negative emotions that cause you to feel intolerant, annoyed, and generally “on a short fuse”.

Where does it come from? Anger is a readily available emotion, especially when you’ve lost something precious, or you can’t understand what on earth is happening, or you can’t do what you want, or you are denied what you most need.

What to do about it? Anger needs to be released but in a safe way. So give yourself the necessary time and private space to do so.

Cautionary Note about Releasing Anger

• It is dangerous to take out your anger when driving or doing anything that is potentially hazardous.
• Anger can be destructive and, therefore, needs to be focused away from others, whether that is other people or animals.

Possible Ways to Release Anger

• Punching a pillow
• Going for a run or fast walk
• Taking some deep breaths in and out, exhaling the anger consciously
• Shouting or screaming outside in the open maybe at a tree, the ocean, from a hilltop
• Crying or sobbing without inhibition
• Scribbling down on paper how you feel, and then tearing it up
• Drawing or painting what you’re feeling
• Stamping your feet, waving your arms
• Dancing to rock music
• Any other safe activity that releases the adrenalin surges that come with anger.

Unresolved anger can quickly become heated and destructive. If you feel your anger is out of control, or you feel you cannot cope with it, consider seeking the help of an experienced and qualified counsellor.