INTRODUCTION

What This Book Is About, and Who It Is For

As I begin to write this book, my heart feels heavy, not for myself but for a dear friend who today faces the loss of her beautiful golden retriever. She is a wonderful advocate of all animals, and because she cares she is offering her beloved canine friend one final act of kindness—to have him “put to sleep” before he starts to suffer.

At over 15 years old, he’s reached a grand age for a retriever. He has been with my friend through the shock and grief of the sudden and unexpected loss of her husband, offering companionship and warmth during dark and lonely times. I look at my little dog lying beside me as I write, and hope, like all other loving canine guardians, that we have a good few years together ahead of us. But I know that one day it will most likely be me who needs to find the courage to make one of the hardest decisions that guardians of companion animals face.

Maybe you are in a similar situation to my friend, or perhaps you have already lost a beloved pet. If so, this book is for you. Whether the loss is recent, or even some time ago, this book will gently help to guide you through the process of grief from the loss of a cherished pet. Together, we’ll look at what it means to love and ultimately lose a pet, how to work through it, and importantly, how to come out the other side to reconnect with your own life. There is no way around the grief; we can’t avoid it. We grieve because we care, and we need to find our way through the many twists and turns that our individual journey creates. This book is written so that you don’t have to go through the process alone. That’s important, because grief itself can bring a significant sense of loneliness, even when surrounded by other people, perhaps making you feel as though no one truly understands.

Together, we’ll approach the fears and concerns that so often arise leading up to the death of a pet. We’ll look at ways to face the worries and unknown factors of anticipated pet loss to help you to understand what is happening and what can be done, and to work out the best way forward. The idea is to leave “no stone unturned” so that all the knotty areas concerning the death of a beloved animal have at least some coverage.

This book offers support—not with a multitude of placatory messages but to say it as it is: it’s okay to feel what you feel, whatever that may be, to reassure you that although the grief at times may seem insurmountable you can, and will, get through it.

The intention of this book is to help you recognize and remember the essence of your pet’s life. To value the love you had for them and the loyalty and affection you received in return—most special gifts. To understand that such love is never wasted, and what you had together meant something: it was real, remains real, and will do so for a very long time.

Finally, know that there is hope beyond the pain and distress you may be feeling. Your beloved companion animal will always be part of your life—just now in a different way, held within the warm and priceless memories echoing through the times you shared.

How the Book Works

People often say “time is a great healer”, but this does not really help you cope when you are deep inside the raw grief that pet loss can bring. This book contains activities that will gently guide you through the different “seasons” of grief, with simple suggestions and ideas to help you approach and work through each part of the process.

You can read through the book from beginning to end or dip in and out as needed. Initially, you may need the Preparing for Pet Loss section, or maybe you’ve already been bereaved so feel drawn to the ‘Coping with Grief’ section. Take whichever parts work for you at the time, and maybe visit other sections later on, if and when they become more relevant to your particular grief journey.

Different activities are offered throughout the book, and again, I advise that you work with those to which you are drawn. There’s no pressure to do anything other than what feels right for you, which, of course, only you will know.

When looking at end-of-life issues it is important to look at all aspects, including the practicalities, particularly when preparing for the loss of a much-loved companion animal. So you will find that I address such things in detail in some areas. Anything that isn’t relevant to your particular situation can be ignored. You may notice in the Preparing for Pet Loss section that there is a strong emphasis on the welfare of the animals as well as support for the people who care for them. The practical sections aren’t “fluffy”; they are designed to get right to the point, address current needs, and make things clearer during what is potentially a confusing time.

We can’t talk about pet bereavement without thinking about the human–animal relationship. Anyone who has ever cared for and loved an animal, however large or small, will know that a deep and significant connection or bond can develop. This can apply to working and service animals, too.

As a testament to this, I’ll mention a documentary I saw years ago about the American soldiers who, on returning home from the long conflict in Vietnam, had to leave their beloved canine partners behind. The intensity of working in that war zone had caused such a deep and abiding bond with their dogs, whose senses and heightened awareness had saved their lives on many occasions, they still mourned these brave canines more than 20 years later. Personally, I feel that the special relationship we have with other species needs to be honoured and celebrated, and it is because we care and love that we feel their loss so keenly.

Finally, you’ll notice that I use the word “guardian” rather than “owner” in an attempt to find a more fitting description for the role of caring and protecting beloved companion animals. “Pet carer” or “pet parent” are other options, but to be consistent we will stay with “guardian”.