Jess put her head in her hands. ‘If I’d have been with him for a year, even ten months, I’d be the happiest woman in the world, but I’ve been seeing him for less than three weeks. Shit Em, what am I going to do?’
Mascara created thin black streams down her cheeks as she began to sob.’ I know he won’t want me to have it. He virtually frog-marched me to Boots!’
Emma put her arm round her distressed friend. ‘It’ll be fine, whatever the outcome. Call him. He might surprise you.’
‘I can’t.’ Jess wailed. ‘He’s with Alex tonight sorting out finances and said we’d talk tomorrow.’ Jess slept fitfully. Since the wonderful birthday night Dan had called Jess every day on his way into work. ‘Morning Mrs Robinson, what’s the vibe?’
‘The vibe is shaky I’m afraid.’
He could tell from her voice something major was up. ‘Oh Jess, please tell me you’re not.’
‘I am.’ She said quietly and started to cry.
‘Call you right back.’ Dan said and promptly pulled over to be sick.
Jess made herself a cup of tea and sat upright on the sofa. She had always dreamed that the day she found out she was pregnant would be the happiest day of her life. She’d imagined that she’d be with her partner, waiting for the positive result and then they’d fall into each other’s arms crying with joy at the amazing news. Instead, here she was now, not knowing what on earth her partner was going to say to her. Half an hour passed and Dan still hadn’t called back. She was startled by the doorbell. ‘Hey, you. I turned straight round and came to you.’ Dan gave her a big hug.
‘Can’t believe our luck, can you?’ Jess half smiled.
‘I need a drink.’ Dan sighed.
‘Dan, it’s only 10 a.m.’
‘I don’t care.’ Dan went to the fridge and got himself a Stella from the stock that Jess now kept for him on the bottom shelf. He joined her on the sofa and held both her hands. ‘I’m not going to beat around the bush here, Jess. I am so sorry but there is no way I want this baby. I won’t be able to cope. It’s going to be hard enough being a part-time Dad to Evie. This is just too much for me to deal with at the moment.’ Jess gulped, she didn’t expect this to be so cut and dried. Dan continued. ‘Ultimately I realise it’s your final decision and I respect that but I don’t want to have any more children, not for a long while yet.’ He had tears in his eyes. ‘I’m really sorry but that’s how I feel.’
Jess suddenly felt anger rising up inside of her. ‘I, I, I, what about me and how I feel?’ Jess raised her voice and dragged her fringe back roughly off her face. ‘This is a big decision for me, Dan. I’m nearly forty years old; it might be my only chance to have a baby.’
‘Jess, the ease with which you fell pregnant this time round, I severely doubt it.’
He continued calmly. ‘Be realistic, Jess – it’s just not the right time. We’ve known each other five minutes. To be honest with you, I care for you more now than I actually cared for Alex when she told me she was pregnant, so it’s got nothing to do with how I feel about you it’s just I’m not ready for another child.’ Tears slowly began to fall down Jess’s cheeks. ‘Bringing up a kid is hard, Jess, it’s not all cooing and gurgles you know. The first six months are a living hell. We’re having such fun, it would all just stop.’
Jess contained herself. ‘I can see where you’re coming from but…’ She hesitated. ‘But, I’m older, wiser. I’ve got my own place and I’m financially secure. We could do this. I could do this. You wouldn’t even have to be that involved, if you didn’t want to! I’ve always wanted a baby.’ Jess’s voice faltered.
‘Well if that’s the case then go get yourself pregnant by someone else and have a baby.’ Dan even shocked himself at his bluntness. Jess pushed past him and ran up the stairs. He ran after her. ‘Shit Jess, I’m sorry.’ Jess was angry now.
‘Maybe I want our baby.’ She shouted. She went into the en-suite bathroom and washed her face with cold water. Dan was sitting on the bed when she came out.
‘What a fucking mess, Dan.’ She took a deep breath and regained control.
‘OK, we can sort this, Jess, I care for you so much that the last thing I want to do is make you unhappy.’ Dan put his hand on her leg. He could feel her pain but he had made his decision and there was no going back on it.
‘Give me a couple of days, Dan, I need to get my head around this.’
They hugged tightly.
‘I’d better get to work.’ Dan said.
‘Yeah, yeah you go, I’ll be fine.’
‘Call me anytime, Jess, if you want to talk before Friday. I’ll make sure Alex has Evie.’