‘You’re not my mummy!’
Jessy sighed, and continued her journey to the comforting row of red wine bottles, ignoring the suspecting glances of weekend shoppers.
‘I hate you.’ Evie continued her insecure rant, her hair now stuck to her face with tears. ‘I want my daddy.’
‘Surprisingly I want him too. Now come on, baby girl, let’s be friends today shall we?’
‘Want chocolate!’ Evie screeched.
Jess strapped the still screaming Evie into her car seat and loaded the shopping into the boot. She was in tears herself when she reached Emma’s.
Silence at last. The now sleeping Evie looked so peaceful and sweet that Jess could not help but feel a strong surge of love for her. She positioned the car so that she could see when the sleeping child woke up.
‘Hello stranger.’ Em greeted her. She noticed Jess had been crying. ‘What’s up, mate?’
‘Oh, Em, I really am at my wit’s end. I try so hard, but nothing I seem to do is ever right. Daddy this, Daddy that. She just pushes me away all the time.’
‘Where is Daddy today then?’
‘He’s gone to some music festival with Matt, I said I’d have her for the day as it’s Alex’s birthday and Rob has taken her away for the weekend.’
Emma handed Jess a cup of tea and sat down at the kitchen table, sighing as she took the weight off her feet. ‘Bliss – Mark has taken the kids to his mum’s for the afternoon. It’s so lovely to have a bit of peace.’
‘I totally understand where you’re coming from now. This mother lark is not as easy as it looks.’ Jess managed to raise a smile and continued. ‘Don’t get me wrong, I’m chuffed that they’ve both agreed for me to look after her today, but God I’m finding it hard.’
‘At least she feels secure enough to push you away,’ Emma piped up. Jess looked confused as Emma continued. ‘I remember reading once that if a child feels secure with you they are confident enough to push you away, as they know there is no way that you would ever leave them.’
‘Comforting, Em, but sorry at this precise moment, that doesn’t make me feel much better.’ Jess sighed. ‘It’s not just Evie, its Dan as well. He doesn’t like me disciplining her. She tipped yoghurt all over my carpet on purpose last night and I was really cross. When I told her off, he had a right go at me.’
Emma tutted. ‘You spend so much time with her now he can’t possibly think he can do all the parenting.’
‘I know, I know, but try telling him that. He also says I feed her too much. Surely a child that young knows when she’s had enough? I always thought I’d make a good mum, it was probably a good thing I didn’t go through with the pregnancy. I feel so useless.’ Her voice tailed off and tears welled in her eyes again.
‘Oh, Jess, I’m sure it’s going to get better, it’s all so new, he’s only been living with you for a couple of months,’ Emma soothed.
‘And that’s another thing,’ Jess continued her rant. ‘He worryingly said he felt trapped the other night. He was the one who moved in with me. I didn’t ask him to, it just happened. As soon as he knew Evie would settle in my spare room that was it.’
‘Look, Jess,’ Emma interjected. ‘I can see why he did move in. It makes life a whole lot easier for him I should imagine. It can’t be easy bringing a young child up on a boat.’
‘He’s the one who says he feels trapped but, if I’m realistic, I also feel that way. I do, do an awful lot. I always get up first and make Evie’s breakfast. I play with her until he’s ready to get up. I cook, clean, and do all their washing. Sometimes I feel that I actually am his mother.’
‘It’s just a blip I’m sure, Jess. Living with someone is hard enough, without a young child in tow. Maybe you should stop doing so much for him though. He does sound like he’s laying it on you a bit.’
‘It’s my own stupid fault; you know what I’m like, ever the pleaser.’ Jess exclaimed.
‘Yeah, and look where that’s got you before.’
‘I know, I know but I don’t think I’ll ever change.’
‘How are things when you’re alone? Are you still at it like rabbits?’ Emma smiled wanting to change the subject.
‘It’s calmed down a bit now.’ Jess smiled back at her. ‘A lot of that due to the fact that we are always together on the nights he has Evie, and when he hasn’t he tends to go out with this mates quite a lot.’
‘Oh. That’s not so good.’ Emma pondered.
‘I’m trying not to moan about it. I love spending time with him and, once Evie is in bed, then we are alone.’
‘Alone, but you’re not out and about.’ Emma picked up. ‘I think it’s time you and Daniel Harris had a chat.’
‘I’m so scared of losing him though, Em.’
‘You have to be honest with yourself though, mate. You’ve got the rest of your life to think of and I don’t want you being treated like a doormat.’
‘Shit, I better check on Evie.’ Jess glanced out of the window, the screaming monster was back. She ran outside. ‘It’s OK, angel, I’m here, come on inside and I’ll get you some chocolate.’
Once inside the kitchen, Emma handed Evie a kit-kat finger.
‘No.’ Evie shouted and knocked the chocolate out of Emma’s hand. ‘I want my daddy!’