‘Hello gorgeous boy.’ Jess greeted Dan at the front door as she heard his key in the lock. She was wearing an outfit she knew he loved, and had had her hair blow dried especially for her night out with him.
‘You look great, Jess. I love your new hair.’
Tonight she was determined they were going to work through their problems. There was something too special between them not to make it work. She had let it go that he had stayed on the boat last night. She wanted him to feel that he could have as much freedom as he wanted.
‘Do you mind if we don’t go out tonight, Jess? I’m quite fancying just chilling out with a couple of beers and a curry here.’
Jess put her hands on her hips. ‘Actually I do, Dan.’
Dan was surprised; usually Jess was so compliant to his needs. She managed to keep her voice at a level, even though she could feel the anger bubbling inside of her. ‘Look, Dan. We only really see each other when Evie is here, but tonight we haven’t got her and I want to go out, just you and me.’
‘But I’m knackered, Jess. Had a really late one with Matt last night.’ He patted the sofa. ‘Mrs Robinson. Come and sit right here.’ He cocked his head and smiled at her, he knew he could win her round.
‘It’s not on, Dan. Can’t you think about me for a change? It’s not all about you, you know. We’re a partnership, or that’s what I thought.’
‘Stop nagging me, Jess, look – I said I’m tired.’
Jess raised her voice. ‘I’m not bloody nagging you. I’m just stating what I think is right.’
Dan bit his lip. He had never seen Jess angry before. She carried on with her rant. ‘I feel like a fucking skivvy half the time. I do everything I can to make life as
easy for you and Evie as possible. I cook, I clean, and do all your ironing.’
‘I’ve never ever asked you to do any of it, Jess.’ Dan rightly replied. Then, without thinking, he said the thing that he vowed he would never say to her. ‘Anyone would think you were my fucking mother!’
Jess was silent for a minute and stormed to the kitchen. Dan ran after her, realising the harshness of his outburst. ‘I’m sorry, babe. That was really out of order. I do really appreciate everything you do for us, but I’ve never asked you to do it.’
‘What’s happening to us, Dan? Ever since you and Evie have moved in, it’s been so hard. I loved it when you were living on the boat and we spent more time together –alone.’
‘Evie is the most important person in my life.’ Dan stated bluntly.
‘I know that, Dan, but I’d quite like to be a close second.’ She sighed and raised her eyes to the ceiling. ‘Dan. You’re my world, you know that. I love you so much.’
And then the knife turned in Jess’s heart as he replied. ‘And that Jess is the problem – because you’re not mine.’
Her lip began to tremble as Dan continued. ‘Jess, I’m really not happy at the moment. I need some time out.’
She began to cry. She’d heard this too often before and knew it was the beginning of the end.
‘Please don’t cry. I got in a rut with Alex. I felt I was too young to be settled down then. It’s like I’ve fallen into that same rut. Don’t get me wrong – I love spending time with you but like I’ve said before I can’t see us together in ten years time.’
‘You’re a fool to not see what we’ve got together though, Dan.’ Jess raised her voice and then softened. ‘How about you take a couple of weeks out? Get your head straight, we can work this out, I know we can.’
‘I think I need longer than that, Jess. I need to spend time on my own. I don’t want anyone else, so please don’t think that.’
‘I don’t think I could do any more for you to make you happy,’ Jess stated.
‘You couldn’t, Jess, you are the most generous, kind and loving person I’ve ever met. It’s just not where I see my future lying.’
‘Is it because of my age?’ Jess asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.
‘Being honest with you, Jess, I hate to say this to you, but yes. I told you this before. I’m not ready to settle down yet and you so obviously are. I’ve still gotta lot of living to do.’
‘I love Evie,’ she said softly. ‘I couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing her again.’
‘I know you do and that’s why this is so difficult too. You made a great mum to her Jess and I mean that, despite it being hard at times. And you will make a great mum to your own child too.’
‘But just not with you, hey?’ She started to cry again.
‘Jess, I’m so sorry. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. I am going to miss you so much.’
‘Don’t go then, Dan.’
‘I have to.’
Jess was clutching at straws. ‘What if we go back to how we were, you move back to the boat, see your friends, we could see each other a couple of times a week? I’d never stop you doing anything you wanted to do.’
‘Jess, no, it wouldn’t work. You wouldn’t be able to cope with that, I know you. You’re an all-or-nothing kind of lady and that’s why I was attracted to you in the first place.’
‘Tell me you’re not attracted to me now.’ Jess demanded.
‘Jess, I will always fancy the arse of you.’ He half smiled.
‘So, you love my company, you still want to shag me, isn’t that a relationship? I think you’re making a big mistake, Dan. I’ve had a few love affairs in my time but nothing has ever matched the intensity of this. I don’t know quite what you’re looking for but if you find this again I’ll be very surprised.’
‘I’m going to go now, Jess.’
‘So that’s it, you’re just upping and leaving me right now?’
‘I see no point in me staying, we will go over the same ground again and again and there’s just no point.’
Tears were rolling down Jess’s cheeks. ‘Please stay with me just for one more night.’ She pleaded.
‘No, Jess, I have do what’s right by you and that wouldn’t be fair.’
‘I haven’t even said goodbye to Evie.’
‘We’re still going to be good mates, Jess, how could we not? You’ll see Evie again I promise.’
Jess then realised just how big the age gap was. Dan’s innocent, never yet broken heart just didn’t get it. How on earth could she be friends with him? She loved him far too much to ever just be able to like him.
She sat on the sofa while he packed his things. He even cleared Evie’s bedroom of her toys. He came in from packing the car. ‘Right, I think that’s it,’ he said bravely.
He hugged her tightly and they both started to cry. ‘Goodbye, Jess, thank you for being so lovely.’ Dan didn’t look back.
Jess slammed the front door, ran upstairs, and threw herself onto her bed sobbing.