Jess drove straight to Emma’s. She was in tears when she reached her. She was pleased to see Freya playing in the garden. Emma had kindly had her for the night, whilst she was at Hope’s wedding.
‘Jess, what on earth is wrong?’
‘I’ve left him, Em. For good. I had to finish it now.’
‘Oh Jess. Come here.’ She gave her friend a big hug.
‘I had to do it now, before it got too far down the line. I told him that age was an issue, that I wouldn’t ever feel secure.’ Jess whimpered.
‘And how did he take it?’
‘Really badly, he is completely in love with me. I feel so terrible doing it but I have to think of myself and Freya on this one.’
‘I’m proud of you, Jess, I actually was reading an article in one of the Sunday supplements yesterday that said to let go with love is one of the hardest things to do. But I think you’ve done the right thing.’
‘You do?’ Jess wanted reassurance.
‘Yes, you are always saying to me, “If in doubt don’t do it” and this is definitely the case here. And who knows further down the line what will happen.’
‘I’m not to’ing and fro’ing to Dan if that’s what you mean, Em. That is the worst thing he did to me, all those years ago. I love him enough to leave him alone and let him get over me. I can’t bear the thought of not having him in my life, but I think that is what has to happen to be fair to him.’
‘And what about Evie?’ Emma enquired gently.
Jess’s eyes filled with tears. Now was the time. She couldn’t keep it in any longer.
‘Em, I have the biggest secret to tell you. You are the only person who is going to know this, but if I don’t get it off my chest I am going to explode.’ She took a deep breath. ‘You have to promise me, Em, that this one will go to the grave with us both.’
Emma held Jess’s hand. She hated to see her friend this troubled. ‘Without question, Jess, and you know that.’
‘Not even Mark,’ Jess added.
‘Not even Mark,’ Em replied softly. ‘You know you can trust me mate.’
‘Evie is Sam’s.’
‘Oh my God, are you sure?’
‘Yes, positive. Alex told me the whole story and there is no reason whatsoever for her to lie.’
Emma made tea as Jess relayed her encounter with Alex after the will reading.
‘So you see why it has to be a secret? Dan and Evie must never know.’
‘I agree totally. Why make two lives unhappy for no reason and now with Sam dead anyway, it’s not like Evie can get to know her own father.’
This mention of Sam made Jess suddenly feel really sad. Tears filled her eyes again.
‘Look, Jess, you are so doing the right thing being on your own again. You have been through so much in such a short space of time. You do still need time to get over Sam. However much of a bastard he was, you spent a lot of years with him and you did love him.’
Jess nodded. ‘And being realistic, age is an issue with Dan. It is a big gap and I know you, you would start feeling insecure whatever he said to reassure you. And you would probably end up pushing him away and being on your own anyway.’
Jess nodded as Emma continued. ‘And as for keeping it from Dan about Evie, it would destroy you. Leaving him is the only way forward for you.’
‘Thanks, Em, you’ve helped me make sense of my own head. I can’t live a lie with Dan. And if I did tell him the truth it would make him so unhappy and I do love him enough to not want that. He was so upset when I left him though.’
‘Time is a healer,’ Em uttered.
‘God I remember that saying.’ Jess smiled weakly. ‘But, yes it is.’ She took a sip of tea and continued. ‘On a positive note, Dan is still young enough to meet someone else and start a new family. He will be fine.’
‘And you, my lovely ,Jessica Morley, are still young and gorgeous enough to meet somebody wonderful and be very happy for the rest of your life.’ Emma rested her hand on Jess’s shoulder. ‘So have you thought about what you are going to do now?’
‘I have actually. I’m going to move to Cornwall for a while. There is a really good school in Looe for Freya and it will give me the chance to write that novel. There’s a book in everyone so they say.’ She attempted a smile.
‘I’m going to miss you big time, Jess, but I think it’s a really good idea. A completely new start.’
‘That is the only downside not being near my friends,’ Jess continued. ‘But on the big upside, Seagull Cottage is such a party house, and with so much space, anyone can come and stay anytime. I was thinking of having everyone down for Christmas actually.’
‘That sounds like a lovely idea. I’m definitely up for that.’
‘So when are you going, Jess?’
‘As soon as I’ve got everything tied up this end, so in a few weeks probably. The school says they can take Freya anytime. I’m actually looking forward to having some me-time. Freya and I will be just fine.’
‘I know you will, Jess. You’re a brave lady and I love you very much.’