Chapter 5

 

 

A few days later, I can comfortably navigate the mansion with it many rooms partially thanks to playing a game of hide-and-seek with Monty last night. The night before that, we danced – I showed him how not to be so stiff when he slow dances with me. I’ve been enjoying this more laid-back version of him. He’s not as rigid. He’s loosening up. He’s not billionaire-Monty. He’s my husband.

This morning he’s listening to island music and humming along while preparing breakfast. Yes, he’s preparing breakfast this morning. I’m standing near the door watching it all, certain he can’t see me. He’s happy, like genuinely happy. He’s the man I imagined he could be back when he was so mad as serious all the time. Now, he’s exactly how I dreamed. It’s as if my mind brought him to life. Made my version of him real.

And he’s so perfect. Physically, mentally…however perfection comes, that’s him.

He’s wearing a pair of white shorts with a dark green, palm tree design on them. His muscles look like they’ve been kissed by the right angles of sunlight. Eyes still lull me into submission. He’s my weakness, which is ironic because it’s in him I find strength. I found the courage to deal with my fears – to confront my stepfather and my mother, ultimately repairing my relationship with her.

“I know I’m hot and all, but how long do you plan on standing there, girl?” he asks.

Busted. I’ve been caught.

“I didn’t know you saw me,” I say stepping into the kitchen now, feeling the chill of the wooden floor beneath my feet. “Can’t I admire my husband?”

“Sure you can, baby.”

The windows in the kitchen are open providing pleasant coastal views, fresh air and the sound of waves crashing along the shore. The fresh air reminds me that this is heaven. It wakes me up, pushes me to understand this is my reality. The smell of bacon reminds me that my husband is cooking.

“I’m surprised you’re cooking bacon. You rarely eat it.”

“I know. I’m splurging today.”

“Is that what it is?”

“Yes.”

I cross my arms and watch him work. This isn’t the first time he’s cooked for me but it’s still a sight to behold since I know he’s not a cook. Yet, the food always turns out so good. There’s nothing he can’t do.

“We’ll have breakfast on the veranda if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind at all,” I say. “Do you need help with anything?”

“No. Sit down. Relax.”

“If you insist.” I step out on the porch, sit down and take in the surroundings like I’ve done every day so far. This is paradise. Trees are swaying in the warm, tropical breeze but the sun still shines bright after the clouds pass by. It’s probably going to rain at some point today.

“Here you go my love,” he says lowering plates to the table.

There’s bacon, eggs, toast, grits and a cup of fruit. “Wow. You’ve outdone yourself.”

“Anything for you.”

He sits and takes my left hand into his right. He says a prayer for the food, for us and our families and then we eat.

“Looks like it’s going to rain tonight,” I say. “We’ll have to find something to do indoors.”

“Nah. We’ll be fine. Besides, I wouldn’t mind a stroll on the beach in the rain.”

“Really?”

“Yes. What’s wrong? Scared you’re going to mess up all that pretty hair?”

I hide a grin. “No.”

He takes a bite of toast and says, “Then what? We’re here to make memories.”

Getting drenched while walking on the beach is certainly something we’ll remember.

“I’m going to remember everything about this vacation, especially you cooking breakfast while humming along to some music. Never thought I’d see the day you hum along to anything.”

“Me either, sweetheart.”

He eats. I watch him chew while thinking about how lucky I am and how I need to grow with this man. Learn with him. He’s not much older than I am but he has a level of maturity that makes me feel a lot younger. Makes me feel like I need to step up my game to be on his level intellectually. It’s for this reason I wonder why he settled for a woman like me. Well, not settled per se but if he runs across intellectual women all the time in his line of work, why does he find lil’ old me interesting? The woman who used to be his personal assistant?

“What are you thinking about, Cherish?”

“Huh?”

“I can see your brain working. What are you thinking about?”

I connect to his eyes and shy way. “I was just thinking.”

“No, you weren’t. You have something heavy on your mind. Talk to me.”

“It’s really nothing. I was just—just thinking about how amazing you are.”

“That’s something.” His eyes crinkle in the corner.

“It is. You’re so amazing, it makes me want to be amazing, too. I want to be successful, accomplish things and get the satisfaction of knowing I completed something. That I changed the world in some way. Changed somebody’s life.”

“Whoa, wait a minute. In case you’re not aware, let me inform you—you’re already somebody. You changed my life.”

“I appreciate that, Monty, but who am I? Who is Cherish St. Claire besides your wife?”

He grimaces.

“I don’t mean that in a negative way,” I say trying to clean up my direct question when I see his eyes darken. “What I—I’m trying to ask is, if—if people like you usually marry your equal, how’d you end up with me?”

His eyes narrow. I can see a storm brewing in them. “You are my equal,” he responds.

“How?”

“Baby, do you not realize what we just went through together?”

“I do Monty,” I say exasperated, “But—”

He cuts me off. “Being my equal doesn’t equate to how much money you make. We’re equal in the sense that we get each other. We’ve had similar struggles. You’ve overcome a lot and so have I. Haven’t we?”

“Yes, we have.”

“So, what are you saying sweetheart?”

I inhale pre-storm air and say, “I want to feel like I’m somebody. Like I matter. For years I haven’t felt that way, Monty. Even during the two years I worked at the estate I didn’t feel it.”

“That was then. You know how I feel about you now.”

“I do. Yes,” I say biting back my feelings since he’s busy countering everything I say. I resume eating even though I’m not hungry. Monty’s a smart man but he’s not understanding me right now.

“Are you okay?”

I glance up and see love in his eyes.

“Yes, I’m fine.”

He fixes his signature gaze on me. The analytical one. When I know he’s about to dissect my answer, I push away from the table and say, “I’ll be right back. I quickly head inside so he can’t ask where I’m going. I retreat to the closest bathroom and stand in the mirror, breathing heavily. I force a smile to my face.

Get over this, Cherish. What’s wrong with you? You have the man you want. You’re in paradise with Monty. Your life is perfect.

I suck in a deep breath and go back outside. The clouds are still rolling in. The wind is picking up. The breeze tickles my skin. Monty is zeroing in on me...

He opens his arms, motioning me to sit on his lap. I do, then bury my face in the warmth and comfort of his neck. Oh, how I love it here…love this place of security and comfort being in his arms. Love it when he strums my back. When he holds me like he’s afraid of losing me.

“Cherish?”

“Yes, Monty.”

“There is no other woman for me. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yes,” I whisper still inhaling his scent. It engulfs me. Forms a bubble around me.

“Look at me, please.”

I sit up so our eyes connect. He says, “You know there’s no other woman for me correct?”

“Yes, Monty.”

“Then what is this conversation about?”

“I think it’s my own insecurities.”

“Do I make you feel insecure?”

“No, it’s not you. It’s me, but, don’t worry about it. It was just a feeling that came over me.”

He strums my back. “Then let’s talk so I can help dispel the feeling.”

“Nooo, Monty,” I sing. “You get irritated when I bring up your past.”

“My past? Where’d that come from? We were talking about you.”

“Okay, so part of the feeling that’s aggravating me is the fact that I don’t know much about the kind of women you were with before me. It would give me a gauge of where I stand when it comes to us because honestly, I feel like if I was some random woman on the street who spoke to you, you wouldn’t you have said anything back to me.”

“You’re right. I probably wouldn’t have.”

“Wow.” I knew the answer already but his bluntness catches me off guard.

“You worked for me for two years, Cherish, and I rarely said a word to you. Why do you seem surprised by my answer?”

“Because it proves something to me,” I say getting up from his lap. “I’m not a woman you would have chosen had circumstances not been what they were. Did you know I was infatuated with you? You were like a celebrity to me. I used to dream about you. Used to daydream about what it would be like to be with a man like you. You were the most handsome man I’d ever seen. For me, it was an honor to be in your presence even if you didn’t know I existed. For you, it wasn’t that way. You didn’t have an infatuation phase with me. You didn’t wonder what it would feel like to be with me. I was just ordinary.”

“You weren’t, and even if that’s truly what you think, what does that matter now? You have me.”

“It matters because I want you to see value in me and not just because of what I did for you. I want to be a woman you can’t live without because that’s how I feel about you. You’re irreplaceable to me but you could replace me in a heartbeat. I’m not saying you will. I’m saying that’s the way it is if it came down to it.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way, Cherish, but it’s not a true representation of how I feel about you.”

I walk away to relieve myself of the conversation and the confused look on his face. He probably thinks I’m trippin’, and maybe I am, but it’s the way I feel. I’m hoping some time alone will help to push these feelings away.