Noah
“I’ve decided that since Keira’s here, she may as well be useful. I’ve asked her to fix your school records and the memories of your teachers and friends so that you have no skeletons in your closet.” Lucifer swirls the amber liquid in his glass and sniffs.
I’m on the throne, bored out of my mind because he’s sent Keira on this errand and has decided to babysit me in the meantime. Here I thought I’d be threatening fire and destruction on the fucked-up part of the world while demanding money and shit. Figures Antichrist duty would suck just as bad as the rest of the whole afterlife setup. I mean, seriously? You put yourself first in life, and what—you get set on fire in some pit for the rest of forever?
“There are two more days until Saturday.” I scratch at the leather arm of the chair, carving lines in the fabric, which automatically disappear in moments. Self-cleaning. A little OCD there, Lucifer?
“Emily is all set to shoot the governor.” Lucifer grins and takes a swig of his brandy or whatever.
“Then I catch her. She takes the fall, and I become an insta-hero.”
“Remember when you make a public statement that you ‘just knew you had to stop whoever the shooter was before they could hurt anyone else.’ Be sad about the governor’s untimely demise while you’re at it.”
“Yeah, so then I get some media attention. Then what? We do it again? Aren’t people going to get suspicious that I’m always there on time?”
Lucifer snorts. “Only an idiot would use the same play twice. Though, people aren’t as smart as you give them credit for, Noah. Once you’re a household name and we get you appointed to a position, you’ll sort out some corrupt politicians by having them invite you in on a deal, which you’ll then realize is a scam against the citizens, so you make it public.”
“Where do you find these corrupt politicians?” I ask. “Not that it’s a rare breed, but who’s going to let me in on it?”
“You’d be surprised who owes me a favor among the living. It’s not as uncommon as you’d think for people to offer up their eternal soul. I’m just picky about who I reply to.” He tosses back the remainder of the glass and throws it up in the air, where it vanishes.
I stand and stretch before starting to pace. I’m getting sick of being stuck in my room with all these lessons. I’ve been playing the good little Antichrist—at least ‘til I get a handle on what Lucifer expects and what’s actual fact. But this is getting ridiculous. I’m ready to go travel the world with Keira and do something. “So I rise through politics. Then what? Does that make me president in eight years or something?”
Lucifer’s eyes slide back and forth, following my movement, while the rest of him is perfectly still. I force down a shudder. Yes, it’s creepy, but no matter how creepy he is, I have to remember I’m his mortal equal. “In eight years I want you in control of the entire world. Presidency should happen in three to four years.”
“Wait. How? You want me to run for president in four years? That’s crazy. Even for you.” I laugh, but it’s obviously forced.
Lucifer smiles and stands, tugging his shiny suit jacket down. “Elections will be unnecessary and, you are correct, too obvious. Not my style, but I most certainly could if I chose to. No. You’ll be speaker of the house by then, and we will arrange for something terrible to happen to the president and vice president. Then you’re next in line.”
He throws an arm around my shoulder and smacks my chest. “You’re not going to just rule the free world, Noah. President is just a stepping-stone to taking over the UN and then establishing a monarchy over the entire globe. We’re talking about the future of the human race, Noah. You will decide its fate. It’s all part of the prophecy.”
I swallow, remembering the prophecy as Lucifer told it to me. I might not be much for memorization in school, but when it’s a prophecy about me? I pay attention.
Judgment Day. So where the prophecy says, ‘Day of Judgment,’ does Lucifer think that means I should send all the people to Hell just to be tortured for eternity? I just want power and respect. Joe Shmoe can stay on Earth and live his life. “Why go through all this trouble just to fool people into believing in me? If we’re so powerful, why not just take over and do what we want?” What I want. Like ruling with Keira. Being in charge and taken seriously.
“Noah, Noah, Noah.” Lucifer spins me to face him and presses my face between his hands. His alcohol breath mingles with his cologne, and it makes me want to gag. “The point isn’t to rule the little people, it’s to demonstrate that they can’t make good decisions for themselves. You must take away the inflated concept of self they have by tearing it to shreds in front of them. Then they lose hope. And without hope? No one dares to challenge you. That’s how you rule Hell. That’s how you rule Earth. And that’s how I will rule in Heaven when it comes time.”
Wait. What?
Lucifer lets go and takes a seat in the throne. I’ve noticed he can’t seem to stay away from it when it’s unoccupied. Interesting. But not as interesting as what he just said. He’s planning to overthrow Heaven? I’m no expert, but isn’t that how he got booted in the first place? Maybe the stories I was told growing up are wrong. They sure seem messed up so far.
“How did you end up in charge of Hell?” I ask.
Lucifer turns, eyebrows raised like he’s shocked. But he doesn’t seem angry. “Good question, my boy! You see, ‘death’ in human terms was supposed to be up to me—well, Michael and I, but let’s just say Michael has always been a bit childish when it comes to ruling others. I recognized that being given free will wasn’t going to help humanity become the ultimate heroes that The Man Upstairs hoped for. I knew they had small minds and would act selfishly, even brutally, toward each other. I foresaw that. So I suggested they didn’t deserve Heaven. Why allow them to be with the Archangels? Perfect creations rubbing elbows with nobodies? The very idea still grates on my nerves.”
“So you created Hell,” I say.
“Indeed. But when I refused to relinquish those souls who’d spent some time in Hell, as was suggested—mind you, suggested—by The Man Upstairs, Michael complained. My own brother! Can you imagine? Ha! I daresay you can.”
I nod like I know what the Hell he’s talking about so he’ll go on.
“I was given an ultimatum.” Lucifer’s eyes glow red, but it’s like he’s looking past me, seeing something else. A long-ago conversation, perhaps. “Follow the rules or be no longer welcome in Heaven.” Lucifer takes a drink of something he conjures and then immediately makes it disappear.
“So you chose your own way.”
“Better to rule in Hell than serve in Heaven with no choices. I am not some lowly creature. I am His firstborn! I am an Archangel. Now back to you, Noah, and the plan.”
Time to practice my manipulation skills. “Wow. Sometimes it’s just hard to believe this is really happening. To me.” I sit on the couch like I haven’t noticed his usurpation of my throne, like I’m in my rightful place, literally beneath the bastard. He’s made it crystal clear that he thinks he’s better than humans like me. But despite his real feelings, he keeps trying to placate me, which convinces me more than ever that I’m a threat to him.
He leans down like a benevolent father. The kind I doubt actually exists. “I know it’s a lot to take in. You are still human. I have to remember that. But you’re also the One I’ve been waiting for, Noah. You must understand how excited that makes me.”
I look up with a big dopey grin of my own. “Of course! I just don’t want to blow it for you. So let’s go over the whole thing again, if you don’t mind.” Of course you don’t. You’ve been driving me crazy, drilling the first part into me for weeks.
Lucifer begins droning on about Emily’s position as scapegoat and my industrious rocket-ride through the ranks. I nod and smile, even ask a few questions for clarification here and there. Finally, he gets to the part where I rule the world after I’ve taken control of the UN. But that’s where he stops.
“Then what?” I ask. If I trust my Sunday school days—the few that I paid attention in—Hell doesn’t win in the end. Obviously Lucifer doesn’t buy that part, so what does he expect?
He blinks. “Then you rule the world. What more do you want?”
“You want more than Hell, right?” I toss the question back at him.
Blue fire flares in his eyes, but only for a moment before his face is as calm and benevolent as before. “I want what’s rightfully mine.”
“Which is what?” I press, spreading my arms across the back of the sofa like I’m hanging with some dude from school. I know he wants Heaven. But why? He doesn’t answer right away, so I give a little. “See, I want more than just to rule. I want respect. I want others to appreciate me. Is it the same for you?”
Lucifer cocks his head, appraising me, and I wait it out.
“In a way,” he says, finally. “To put it in human terms. When we are done here on Earth, I expect an apology of sorts from the beings who doubted me. I belong up there.” He points vaguely upward. “At least free to move back and forth. To make up for that and to acknowledge I’ve been right all along, I expect a token. But that’s not for you to concern yourself with.”
I nod again. So Lucifer thinks The Big Dude Upstairs is going to apologize and offer a makeup gift. Personally, I think he’s deluded. Then again, I don’t really understand it all. Maybe he knows what he’s talking about. I mean, he has come this far. And if he does somehow get to go back to Heaven, does that mean there’ll be an opening in Hell after I die? Even part-time? Maybe I’ll inherit the crown, so to speak, and then I can make some changes to the torture-for-all-eternity bullshit.
The more I learn about Lucifer, the more possibilities I see for my future.