Funny Irish Sayings and Quotes

You’ve got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.

If you’re lucky enough to be Irish, then you’re lucky enough.

May the cat eat you and the devil eat the cat.

Who gossips with you will gossip of you.

A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures.

But the greatest love – the love above all loves, even greater than that of a mother – is the tender, passionate, undying love of one beer-drunken slob for another.

Don’t give cherries to pigs or advice to fools.

The Irish – be they kings, or poets, or farmers – they’re a people of great worth; they keep company with the angels and bring a bit of heaven here to earth.

Both your friend and your enemy think you will never die.

Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me.

Why should you never iron a four-leaf clover? You don’t want to press your luck.

The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scots as a joke, but the Scots haven’t seen the joke yet.

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas.

Here’s to our wives and girlfriends. May they never meet!

The Irish don’t know what they want and are prepared to fight to the death to get it.

A quarrel is like buttermilk: once it’s out of the churn, the more you shake it, the more sour it grows.

In heaven there is no beer. That’s why we drink ours here.

God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.

Drink is the curse of the land. It makes you fight with your neighbour. It makes you shoot at your landlord, and it makes you miss him.

I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for my Mum. I know I’ve got Irish blood because I wake up every day with a hangover.

It is not a secret after three people know it.

For every wound, a balm. For every sorrow, cheer. For every storm, a calm. For every thirst, a beer.

Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part.

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven.

Wherever you go and whatever you do, may the luck of the Irish be there with you.

A man in love is incomplete until he has married, then he is finished.

An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto one blade of grass to keep from falling off the earth.

A hair on the head is worth two on the brush.—Oliver Herford

God is good to the Irish, but no one else is; not even the Irish.

My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.

Everyone is wise until he speaks.