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Christa
I don’t think I will ever feel comfortable in this house ever again. Sitting in the kitchen my skin crawls. The house is the same, other than Kurt and JT made sure to repaint the places that were marked in blood. They erased every reminder of Perry, of that night we killed him, the night I killed him.
His memory remains. I’ll never be rid of him. None of us will. He’s tainted our lives and taken the one man who matters most to me in this world besides JT.
I’m waiting for my brother before we have dinner. He promised he’d be here. Speaking of the devil.
“Hey, little brother,” I greet as he saunters into the kitchen.
“Sis, Grammy, Kurt.” He smiles, but it’s such a sad smile. My heart breaks for him as much as it breaks for myself. I only just got Kurt and have to let him go. I’m not ready. It’s not fucking fair. Perry was slime, Kurt is a good man. He deserves better than what he’s getting from me. I feel his eyes on me now. He can’t stop staring. Told me he wanted to memorize every strand of hair on my head.
He must be crazy.
Nothing about me is that memorable.
I feel so lucky to have his love though.
I watch my brother as he hugs Gram.
JT is going through his first heartbreak. I know he feels some sort of rebellious bond with Dawn, but she isn’t the girl for him. They are too much alike. I told him to have fun and not get so attached. I think he worries about what she will do more than actually being sad to lose her as his girlfriend. That girl is troubled and no amount of love JT can give her will cure what ails her. Not until she’s ready to stop self-destructing.
I’m just in a shit mood. Kurt will be leaving me tomorrow, and I’m on my period. Life is a cruel bitch sometimes.
Grammy is getting back to her mouthy-self, but she will never fully be the same after her fall.
She likes Kurt, says he has good genes. I know she wants me pregnant and happy, but that isn’t going to happen. By the time Kurt is released or makes parole, I’ll be older than I’d like for having kids.
Besides, what if I am a shitty mother, like my own. She hasn’t even been by to check on Gram. I know she is hurt over Perry, but we are her family. He got what he deserved. If I could do anything differently, I would’ve listened to my instincts on that man before things reached that point.
However, I was desperate, and he preyed on the fact.
He knew I’d do anything for Gram and to keep her in this house.
If Kurt hadn’t been here, I don’t know what I would have done.
Kurt wanted breakfast for dinner, so that is what I made him. Biscuits, gravy, fried potatoes, eggs, and bacon.
He’s going to the clubhouse later for his party. I’m not sure if I will go with him or not. I want him to enjoy his last night of freedom even if it isn’t with me.
I don’t think he’ll fuck someone while he is there, but I’m not sure I could get angry if he did. He’s going to be without the company and affection of a woman for years to come.
The old me would have never even entertained the idea, but Kurt changed me.
Being with him, I feel so damn alive.
Life is too damn short to be hung up on stupid shit.
He’s taught me so much about really living in the short time we’ve known each other.
These past few weeks, he has spoiled me rotten. He’s been trying to fit in all these experiences he says we should have together. He’s taken me on so many dates. I feel like a damn princess.
Our first real date was so sweet. He brought me flowers and picked me up in a car instead of on his bike. He did the whole opening doors for me gentleman show. He even wore a dress shirt instead of his cut at the restaurant.
It was way fancier than a night at the Roadhouse. Our table was off in a corner alone, lit with candles, covered in rose petals. I was half afraid he was going to propose. It would have been way too soon.
Our second date he did drive his motorcycle and wear his cut. I was a bit relieved seeing him in his second skin. Fancy dinners and cars aren’t him. As sexy as he looked with his hair slicked back, it didn’t suit him. I could tell he was uncomfortable but trying to be who he thought I wanted.
He was trying to fit into the life I always thought I had wanted. Now I know better. I know what I want. I want Kurt and his messy hair. I want him, Kurt in his grease-stained jeans with holes in them.
He has spoiled me rotten with gifts too, buying me a bracelet, earrings, and a necklace. Only thing missing is a ring, not that I expect one. I told him he didn’t need to buy me anything, just being with him is enough for me.
As much as I have enjoyed all the attention, it makes letting him go all the harder.
And the sex, wow, the sex has been out of this world. I never knew I could feel such a strong connection to another person. I truly understand what people mean when they say there is a big difference between fucking and making love. Kurt and I have done both.
My panties are getting wet thinking about it. Sucks for me since I am on my period and my menstrual cycle makes me so damn horny. I don’t know if it is the fact that I can’t have it that makes me want it more or if it’s my hormones.
I try not to think about sex and Kurt. It leads my brain down the path of seeing him naked, and the man is so sexy naked. He’s sexy in clothes too, but damn. I squeeze my thighs as his hand comes around my waist and his lips brush my ear. “Are you thinking of me between those thighs?”
I squirm as he blows his breath on me and kisses me softly along my jaw. I’m going to become a puddle right here, and not from the heat coming from the oven.
“Get a room,” JT teases.
I push Kurt away and order him to set the plates on the table.
I watch him as he makes his way around the table, unable to take my eyes off his ass in those jeans.
“Thwack.” Out of nowhere Gram smacks my hand with that damn wooden spoon that tormented me all through my childhood.
Kurt busts out laughing along with JT.
“Keep your eyes in your head, girl. You’ll have time for making eyes at his rear later tonight in the bedroom. Save it for then. I know you fuck like rabbits. I hear it, but I don’t need to see it.” She hasn’t changed one bit.
As much as that damn spoon hurt, I’m glad to see she still has her fire.
“Hey Grammy, think I can borrow that spoon for later?” Kurt asks with a chuckle.
“Thwack.” This time he is on the receiving end of that damn spoon.
“Only if it is gonna help you give me a grandbaby,” she says with a laugh.
JT holds his hands over his ears. “I am gonna pretend I didn’t hear any of this.”
“Don’t you sass me, boy. I know you lay with that dirty little cunt that runs needles in her arms. Should give you twenty licks.” She shakes her head as JT hangs his head down in shame.
Kurt
If it were only me, I’d skip town and make a life on the road as a drifter—turn nomad. But I have Christa to think of. Hell, if I thought we’d make it to Mexico, I’d take her, but I know she won’t leave her Gram, and I won’t ask her to. The past few weeks with her have been more than I could’ve hoped for. Saying goodbye is going to be damn hard. I’m terrified of forgetting her smile, the way she feels when I cum all in that pussy that owns me.
I keep watching her every move.
Her every breath.
The way she frowns when she thinks I won’t see.
I know she is so damn sad, thanks to me, but what choice do I have.
I love her and only want to do right.
I told her I’d understand if she doesn’t write or visit.
I told her I’d understand if she moves on and finds someone new.
It will kill me when the day comes, and I know it will. I’m trying to prepare for it now.
She tells me it won’t that I’m worth the wait, no matter what it takes.
We’ve just had dinner with her Gram and her brother.
Christa is trying hard to keep that boy’s head on straight. She doesn’t need to worry so much. I can see he’s going to do just fine.
He might slip and fall a few times but he’s a fighter and won’t stay down long. JT has a lot to learn, but he’s got some damn fine brothers at his back and by his side. His rebel family will guide him. He’s gonna be just fine.
I wish I had men like them in my life when I was young dumb and full of cum. Shit, I’m still dumb and got plenty of cum. I hope to fill Christa with it all night long.
She keeps trying to send me off to the Roadhouse. Thinks I need to go get my fill of strange. She’s fucking crazy if she thinks I’m sinking my cock into any pussy but hers. I know she has her period, but I don’t care. I love her, and I plan to have my fill of her before I have to walk away.
“Come here,” I order her as she stands at her dresser brushing her hair.
She stops what she’s doing and sits on the foot of the bed. “Shouldn’t you be taking off now. For your party?” Her eyes are glistening with unshed tears.
I pull her into me, her head resting on my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her and kiss her forehead. “Don’t cry. I’m not going anywhere. Them fuckers can party whether I’m there or not. It doesn’t matter. I’m exactly where I want to be.”
I brush my thumb up and down her goose pebbled arm.
“Kurt...,” she starts to object when I brush my thumb over her nipple.
“Stop, just let me enjoy this. Let me have this night with you.”
She bites her lip as I look down at her. She wants to say no but she won’t. She can’t deny me this last request. She leans up and takes the hairband from her wrist and puts her hair up out of my way.
She shouldn’t bother. I’ll just yank it out later. I love running my fingers through her curls.
She crawls up the bed and lays next to me, peering at me through her lashes.
“I’m not ready for this to end. I’m not ready for us to be over,” she whispers nearly choking on the words.
Her words gut me. I’m not ready either.
“We’ll never be over, only if you say the words. You’re the only one for me.”
She wraps her hand in mine, and I bring her fingers to my lips, savoring the feel of her skin.
“Let’s go to your party. I need a drink,” she says, and I am afraid she needs a drink to get the courage she needs to tell me she can’t wait for me.
I know what I said, but if she isn’t gonna be here when I come back, I don’t know if I can take it. I don’t know if I can go through with tomorrow.
We get ready to go once Christa checks in on Gram.
JT is on Gram duty. Christa doesn’t like leaving her on her own if she can help it.
They are in the living room watching Gone with The Wind.
Yeah, JT is going to be just fine. He’s one of the good ones. He may be a bit misguided, but he will find his way.
Christa gets on my bike behind me, wrapping her arms snug around me for one of the last times.
Goddamn, I am going to miss the road, her, being free, but mostly her.
Mute
I’m in my shared room getting ready to pop a pill and take a nap until dinner is ready. I don’t have anything better to do. Don’t have shit to unpack. My legs are crossed, and my arms are propped behind my head. I don’t want to get too comfortable. There’s no guarantee my staying here will work out. At least Jamie left to give me a little privacy.
Fuck, I see I forgot to close the door when I notice Dawn going to the bedroom across the hall.
She catches my eye and smiles mischievously, eyeing my bottle of pills on the nightstand.
I think Sunshine said Dawn is sixteen. She’s off limits, but damn I’ve never seen an ass like hers. Stepsister or not, the girl is gorgeous. When I was her age girls didn’t have tits like that on them either. Dawn has a woman’s body, and she knows it. The way she moves her hips, she sways them as she walks. Her hips are wide and thick, she’s spread for sex and birthing babies.
My dick goes hard. I can’t believe I’m having these thoughts about her.
Looking away, I wait for her to close her door so I can adjust my dick in private, but she never does. No, she knows exactly what I am thinking, and she enjoys it.
She’s on her bed now with her door propped open, her eyes on me. She blows me a kiss.
This is trouble and I have to stop it now before things go any further.
I grab my board from my table and write the word, STOP in large print and hold it up to her.
She responds by flipping me off and pulling her shirt over her head. I swallow hard and force myself to look away from her well-endowed chest. This girl is dangerous. I won’t be her way to stick it to her old man. I get the feeling she’s hoping I’ll play her game. Part of me wants to but I know better.
My eyes stray across the hall, she pushes her bra strap down and rolls her fingers over her muddy rose nipple.
Fuck me.
I can’t look away.
Her hips raise and she unbuttons her shorts, revealing her red panties.
I need to get up and shut my door or go to the kitchen.
I need a cold shower.
Dawn smirks and shoves her hand in her shorts, inside her panties, rubbing her pussy, playing with herself for me.
My fingers dig in my palms.
My dick is ready to pop the seam out of my jeans as I watch her hand gliding in and out the top of her panties. She pinches her other nipple, rolling it between her fingers. She’s exotic, erotic, forbidden.
She holds her other hand up, curling her pussy soaked finger in a come here motion. I shake my head, gathering the strength to put a pillow over my face. I try to think of shit to make my dick stand down.
I go to a dark place. It’s the only way to get the image of her out of my head.
I remember the day my father showed me the kind of man he really was.
I’m standing behind the counter of the bakery. I was saving up for college. I had so many plans. I thought I was going to get out of that small town and move off to a bigger and better city. I thought a lot of things.
I never thought the man I had looked up to my whole life was anything other than my Uncle Paul, a ladies’ man. Damn was I wrong. Anyway, a man came in with his two kids and seemed comfortable with the question he needed to ask me. It was embarrassing, but I felt sorry for him and the girl. He said she needed some womanly effects.
I told him about Sunshine, my new aunt being upstairs. I thought it was weird she hadn’t been down since her and Paul had gotten married, but I figured they had enjoyed their first few nights as husband and wife a bit too much. I remember thinking how pretty she was and that I couldn’t blame him.
I wasn’t expecting to see her come down the stairs appearing as if she had been in a terrible car wreck. She resembled something out of a horror movie.
I was stunned. I couldn't believe Paul had done that to her, beat her so badly, but he had and he was about to do a lot worse to me.
I’ll never forget the expression on his face when he came into the shop. He slammed the door so hard he nearly shattered the glass in the windows. I should have run out the door, but I didn’t know the fate I was about to meet.
He jerked me forward by the collar of my shirt. “You some kind of idiot, boy? Why did you let that fucker take one step out of here with what’s mine? He took your mother...my wife, and now you are gonna pay for letting them walk away.”
I tried to say I was sorry, but my brain couldn’t process the words he had spoken. He called Sunshine my mother. That couldn’t be. I was still trying to understand what he had said as he dragged me to the kitchen and squeezed my mouth.
I didn’t realize what he was doing until it was too late.
He told me to stick out my tongue and I did like the idiot he knew I was. I didn’t even see the pocketknife in his hand. I didn’t even register the blade as it dug into my tongue.
I don’t even cry as I remember the pain, as I remember laying on the floor with a kitchen towel pressed to the wound.
Bringing my fingers to my mouth I touch my tongue, well what’s left of it.
Touching my scar reminds me I’m not worthy of anyone’s attention. I’m probably the butt of a joke for her friends.
When I hear a door close and a lock click, I’m afraid to see if it’s my own.
When my bed dips under her weight and her perfume hits me, I know I am fucked. She smells of cotton candy, so sugary, so sweet. It drives me crazy.
I want to hold her.
The thought of touching her is driving me mad.
I don’t even know her.
She doesn’t even know me.
If she knew the things I have done, she’d never come near me again.
I could tell her to get out.
I should make her go, but I don’t.
When her fingers touch my thigh, I swear I can’t breathe.
I bet her pussy is as pretty as the rest of her.
I’d love to find out if the drapes match the carpet.
I’d love to find out if her pussy smells and tastes as sweet as that cotton candy smell.