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JT
I wake up forgetting where I am or who I am with, until Kimmie yawns.
“Good morning, sleepyhead,” she singsongs.
“Mornin,” I mumble trying to get fully awake.
I roll over and kiss her cheek before excusing myself to the bathroom. I gotta drain my lizard. I put my Hulk boxers on and grab my phone. It’s early, not even seven yet.
In the bathroom I take a deep breath and check my phone to see what kind of hell I am going to catch from Dawn.
I don’t have any messages or missed calls.
That’s so not like her, but I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Today is a new day, and I am ready to move forward with my life.
I finish up in the bathroom and return to Kimmie to find that she’s already gone.
Damn, that stings more than it should.
I feel a bit used.
I feel like a damn chick.
I get dressed and debate on going to find her.
Memories of the night we shared come to the forefront of my mind. My only thought is, I wish I would’ve taken a chance back in the day and took her for myself.
Making my way down the backstairs I find her in the kitchen cooking breakfast.
Watching her move around the kitchen is cute. The radio is playing, and she is swinging her hips as she sings and cracks eggs into a mixing bowl. Adorable.
Sneaking up behind her, I hug her waist resting my head on the crook of her shoulder. She shrugs me off.
Okay...did I do something wrong. I try to think as I step back to give her the space she wants.
“I had a good time last night. Did you?” I sink my hands in my pockets and rock back on the balls of my feet feeling awkward as hell.
“I’m glad,” she responds brushing me off continuing to cook for the club.
“Well, see ye around, I guess. Come see me if you want to get inked.”
“I will. Bye, JT,” she dismisses me casually, wounding my pride.
Maybe I suck in bed. Granted I didn’t have much experience until Dawn, but still, I thought she—Kimmie was having fun last night.
Guess I thought wrong.
I don’t know how to take her blowing me off after what I thought was such an incredible night.
I hop in my truck and drive to my apartment, so I can grab a bite to eat and catch a shower before opening the shop.
All through the day I can’t concentrate. I’m trying to work on some new designs, and I can’t keep from checking my phone. It isn’t like Dawn to not at least respond and tell me to fuck off or something.
I hope she's okay.
She was so damn upset last night. Sunshine, that woman was livid, I wasn’t about to step on her damn toes.
I should probably just let it all go but I can’t. Especially after the way Kimmie was this morning.
I had that feeling that my brother talked about. I thought maybe she was the one I was supposed to be with. After knowing her most of my life and us winding up together in bed, I thought we could try and see where it could all lead.
However, her actions and attitude tell me exactly where we are headed, nowhere.
I send a text to Dawn.
JT: Look I know a text wasn’t the best way to say what I needed to get off my chest, but I’m here at the shop. Are you okay? A simple yes or no will do. Holla at me as soon as you get this.
I go about my day with no response. I would drive over when I close up, but I don’t want Sunshine threatening me with the cops again.
Kimmie
Waking up next to JT was the best thing in the world. It was like a dream. I wish there was a bubble I could hide him and me in forever, but that isn’t real. That's just a fantasy.
I know my place and I know his. He will learn soon enough.
We definitely had a spark that I wish we could explore, but I know that wouldn’t be safe. I’d only hurt us both if I encouraged him. I’m a clubwhore and he’s a potential. We’re the lowest on the chain.
I don’t want him falling in love with me and having to see me fuck other men. These men saved me from a life of hell. I owe them. They take care of me and I take care of them.
JT doesn’t even know me anymore.
I’m not the girl I used to be.
I’m not that innocent girl he kissed in seventh grade.
I’ve seen a lot of shit and I’ve been through a lot of shit.
I know the way the world works.
It’s broken and ugly.
Nothing comes for free.
The club is paying for me to go to nursing school. It isn’t cheap. I’m on summer break right now, but as soon as classes start up I wouldn’t have time for JT anyway.
In the early morning I will be up making sure the guys are fed, then I will be off to class and back here again, to do whatever is needed of me. Whether it be fetching beers or taking dick—it’s a price I’m willing to pay to make something of myself.
Acting like a cold bitch to him nearly killed me.
I couldn't give him the wrong idea though.
I couldn’t let him believe that he stands a chance.
Once I knew he was gone, I had the breakdown I needed. I went into the storage closet and I cried. I cried for the man I’ll never get to love. I cried for the things I have done to get what I want. I cried for the boy and girl we used to be. The carefree kids who didn’t know a damn thing about kissing.
The smoke detector sounded snapping me out of my breakdown.
Now I am back in the kitchen smothering the biscuits I burned in butter, pretending I didn’t just throw away the realest thing I could have ever had. Pretending I didn’t throw away a chance at real love.
Stone comes into the kitchen and kisses my neck. His lips on me makes me feel so dirty and cheap. It wouldn’t have bothered me at all before, before JT.
Stone is an original member of the club, one of the founding brothers or so he says. I wouldn't really know. I’ve not been here long. Just long enough to know my place and know it well.
Stone has taken a shine to me; he’s just coming off a divorce and likes to have a good time.
“Did you show the boy a good time last night? I saw the way you were making eyes at him. I didn't like it. Now that you know what the difference is between a man and a boy, I don’t expect to see you flirting with him again.”
I swallow and manage a weak smile, hoping it's enough to please him.
His hand comes around my front and he cups my pussy. “This is gonna be all mine ye feel me?”
“I feel you,” I say hoping my voice isn’t cracking. I hope JT stays away. He will if he knows what’s good for him.
Stone isn’t a bad man or anything, but he isn’t JT. He’s all man and grit. JT is the boy I have always wanted, soft and sweet.
“Fix me a plate then join me upstairs.”
“I need a shower first,” I tell him buying me some time, I hope. I’m not ready to be with anyone else just yet. I’m not ready to be rid of JT’s scent on my skin, I don’t want Stone to replace his tender touch.
“Still wet with his cum are ye? Well make it fast. I don’t want to be kept waiting, long.”
“Give me twenty minutes,” I say back to him, hoping to appease him. He leaves with his plate and a grunt.
Dawn
Stuck in my room with nothing to do, I debate on trying to go out my window. Sunshine locked me in my room and when I open my blinds, I see that she boarded my window. I heard her leave with Jamie and Patrick a few minutes ago. Jamie has an orthodontist appointment, and I guess she was afraid I’d convince Patrick to spring me from my cell.
I keep replaying the kiss we shared and comparing it with kissing JT. Both guys are great, but there's something inside Patrick that calls to me, as though his heart is singing for mine.
I don’t know what to do. JT really is such a good guy. I know he’d be good to me, but I also know he’s getting sick of the way I act.
He doesn't understand the heaviness that weighs me down.
He doesn’t understand what being here does to me.
I scan my bookshelf trying to find a book to escape in, but none of them are appealing to me.
Fuck this! I am getting out of this room. I’m not Sunshine’s prisoner.
I get up and start searching through my room for something to unlock the door with.
Bingo, I find a screwdriver from when I was putting together my bookcase.
Surveying the door, I see the hinges are on this side.
Sunshine thinks she is so smart.
We’ll just see about that.
The first hinge is easy however, the bottom one not so much. One of the screws is stripped, but I’m not giving up. I push my shoulder into the cheap wood, and it gives after two pushes. Splintering from the frame as it falls into the hall. I squeeze through.
I go straight to my dad’s room to find my phone. It’s laying on top of the dresser. I jump up and down so proud of myself.
Once my phone powers on I see missed messages from JT.
The first one is him breaking up with me. For real, he’s gonna dump me in a text message? Ugh! I hate guys. I should just become a lesbian. It’d be easier, at least I’d know what a bitch was thinking.
I go to his newest message. He’s worried about me. I knew he cared. See he’s a good guy.
I fire off a text.
Honey: I’m fine, that crazy bitch can’t keep me down for long. So we’re broke up huh? Glad to see I meant so much to you. Wow, you’re a real dick you know that! It’s cool though. I’m sure one of your friends will gladly replace you. See ya around. Prick.
JT: Dawn, don’t be that way. You know we don’t work. We want different things. You need to get your head on straight. Don’t go borrowing trouble. You have enough of it as it is on your own.
I start to reply, but I decide against it, let him sit and stew. I text his friend, Will. He knows how to have a good time.
Honey: Hey you, long time no talk. I’m looking to score a bag and have a good time. If you aren’t busy come pick me up.
I comb Sunshine’s drawers for money, I know she keeps some tucked away for rainy days.
It’s not raining but I’m in need of a good time.
I go into the kitchen while I wait for him to text me back and pop open one of my dad’s beers. I hate the taste but with the way I’m feeling anything will do.
My phone pings with a message from Will.
Will: Hey you, yeah been a few weeks, you still with JT?
Honey: Nope, newly single ready for a good time. You gonna show me one?
Will: Hell yeah, darlin. Name the time and place.
Honey: You know where I live right?
Will: Yeah...behind the roadhouse?
Honey: That’s the place, but I don’t want you to pick me up here. There’s a turnoff hidden out of the way, about a half mile before you get here. I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.
Will: See you soon. I already have some party favors.
I smile.
Eat that JT.
See...replaceable.
Moving on to the next.
I run to the bathroom, make sure I look decent, and slip on my tennis shoes.
I go out the backdoor, so no one sees me slipping off to the backroad. No one hardly uses it.
Mosquitoes bite at my legs as I walk through the brush. I realize now that no one has used this road in a long while with how overgrown it is. As I'm walking something weird catches my eye. There’s a car. Taking a closer look, I remember this car, it was Baby’s. The forest has taken over; weeds are sprouting through the rims. The rest of it is now covered in rust, bird shit, and moss. Such a shame. Baby loved that car so much.
It was such a pretty car too. I wonder if Grim would sell it? If I ever get back on my dad’s good side I will ask. Then again, I do have the ultimate bargaining chip, I know his secret, his dirty truth.
When I get to the end of the road Will is already waiting. The walk was a bit further than I anticipated and I was distracted by my investigating Baby’s car.
Will throws the door open to his Dodge Charger and says, “You ready, gorgeous?”
Smoke is rolling out. He must have smoked a joint on the way over.
I slide into the leather bucket seat and his hand comes to a rest on my knee.
“You starting without me,” I tease.
“Wouldn't dream of it.” His hand inches further up my thigh.
His touch kind of gives me the creeps, he’s not JT, and he isn’t Patrick.
Thinking about those two only makes me feel guilty so I push those thoughts away, focusing my attention on getting numb.
Mute
Sunshine has been dragging Jamie and me all over town. She refused to let me stay at the trailer. Said I’d give in and let Dawn out of her room. She’s probably right. That girl seems to be one temptation I can’t ignore.
I don’t know what has crawled up Sunshine’s ass, but she’s being a little crazy and overbearing. I wanted to sit in the car, but she wouldn’t let me. Said I need to get used to going out in public. That I need to get used to people staring at me and whispering.
Her locking Dawn in her room like that wasn’t cool. It doesn’t sit well with me. What if there is a fire and she can’t get out? She could end up looking like me, or worse—dead.
I wanted to say something, but couldn’t get the courage to speak up, and writing out what I wanted to say would have taken too long. I suck. I’m such a loser. If something happens to Dawn, I won’t be able to forgive myself.
Following behind Sunshine and Jamie as she pushes her buggy through the store, I hold my head down in shame.
I just want this day to be over.
We’ve already been to get me a cell phone and some new clothes. I appreciate everything she is doing for me I honestly do, but I can’t shake this feeling about Dawn.
She’s like a wild animal, you can’t cage either of them in.
After Sunshine stops at the deli and gets some black forest ham, we are finally moving to the checkout line. Thank God.
Jamie looks at me and rolls his eyes when she says she forgot something and heads back to grab a can of tomato paste.
I smile at him and mouth I know.
Eventually, we make it out of the store alive.
I ride in the back and let Jamie sit up front. I can’t be around this woman another minute. She’s smothering me.
When we get to the trailer, I can’t shake my bad feeling, but I help Sunshine and Jamie carry all the bags in and put away the groceries. She’s starting dinner, and Jamie is on the couch playing a game. Stepping into the hall to go to my room I notice Dawn’s door is lying on the floor broken in half.
“FUTH!” I say to myself and jog to her room. She’s gone. I should scream for help or something, but being the loser and coward I am, I go to my room to grab my board.
I rush past Jamie and he yells at me for walking in front of the TV. “You made me die, dickweed!”
I ignore him and continue on.
My message is all jumbled and messy. It doesn’t even make sense. I’m so frustrated. I smack the side of my head. I’m so stupid.
Sunshine turns and looks at me as tears stream down my face. I can’t stop smacking the side of my head with the board. I just want to be normal, not a fucking burned freak that can’t even speak.
“Patrick, stop that!” She shouts trying to grab my arm. “Help me, Jamie!” She screams for him while attempting to take my board away.
He runs into the kitchen. “What’s wrong with him? Is he stupid or something?”
“No, shut your mouth!” She chastises him as I bring my arm down.
“Dun,” I shout trying to say Dawn.
“Calm down, speak slowly.”
I try again. “Du-Dun.”
“Done?” She looks to Jamie for help.
“I think he said dumb, you know...because he’s stupid.” He laughs as she swats him away.
I give up and grab her arm pulling her to the hallway. She finally understands once she sees the door splintered from its frame and lying in the hall.
“For heaven’s sake!” She stomps back to the kitchen and grabs her phone from her purse.
“JT, this is Sunshine. Is Dawn with you?”
JT? Should have known she’d have a boyfriend she’s too pretty not to.
I sit down on the couch with my new phone getting it set up, even though I don’t have anyone to talk to. I can’t do anything to help find Dawn.
“JT, just tell me the truth. I swear I won’t call the police. I just want to know that she’s safe.”
I look at Jamie expectantly and he says, “JT is my sister’s boyfriend, he’s older and Sunshine doesn’t like him.” Well, that explains a lot.
“Okay, I will give you an hour. Call me as soon as you find her.”
She ends the call swearing she’s gonna jerk a knot in that damn girl’s head.
JT
I’m cleaning up the shop after working on my last customer for the day. I’m wiping down my station when my cell rings. Sunshine. I shake my head. I should just ignore her call but think better of it.
“No, Dawn isn’t with me.” Nothing but trouble.
She goes on telling me that Dawn took off. Figures.
I promise her, if she’ll give me an hour, I’ll find Dawn.
I scroll through the contacts on my phone trying to think of who she’d call. She threatened me earlier, saying one of my friends would replace me.
I won’t get any closer to finding her just sitting here.
As I am locking the door to the shop Will Weaver’s Dodge blows by me. I’m not sure but I could swear I saw Dawn’s blonde hair blowing out the window.
Fucking hell.
I hop in my truck and try to follow him. My truck doesn’t go anywhere near as fast as his fancy sports car.
I don’t want to call him, yet. At the speed he’s driving he won’t need my help to wreck. If he hurts her, I swear I will kill him.
I drive five miles and can’t even catch his taillights.
Think! I tighten my grip on the steering wheel.
I pull off and send a text to Bobby Fillmore, he runs around with Will.
JT: Hey, man, anyone partying tonight? I’m looking to cut loose.
Bobby: Just so happens I am at Jen’s. She’s having a small party. Think your girl just showed up with Will. She doesn’t look too hot.
Goddamn, if she’s took his shit...I don’t want to think about that.
I thought I was doing the right thing.
I thought I was helping her.
I was trying to get her clean.
Tossing my phone to the side, it bounces off the seat and into the floorboard. I swerve back on the road flooring the gas pedal the whole way. All I can think is I hope I’m not too late.
Pulling up to Jen’s big fancy house I guess her parents must be gone on vacation. There's a good twenty cars in the driveway.
I’ve always hated coming here, feeling like I didn’t belong with the rich kids. Her dad’s a doctor. When I was in high school, she’d have parties where everyone would try the samples of different pills her old man had laying around. I see Will’s car in the grass, looks like he nearly crashed into the fountain.
I don’t bother with knocking, the stereo speakers are booming so damn loud I am surprised they don’t blow the windows out.
I walk in and all eyes dart to me. Following the loud cheers, I make my way to the kitchen. Dawn is on the center of the kitchen island and Will is doing a shot off her stomach.
Son of a bitch. I cross the room and jerk him backwards. “Don’t fucking touch her!”
“Relax, man, we’re just having a good time,” he says, stumbling backward.
“Let’s go, Dawn.” I grab her wrist noticing she isn’t talking or putting up a fight.
“Dawn!” I scream her name hoping to god she is just fucking around. I feel her neck for her pulse and it’s barely there. “Call an ambulance!” I shout and everyone is just staring, unmoving, not caring.
Fuck them all!
I grab her up off the marble countertop and take her in my arms. I’ll drive her to the hospital myself.
I’m nearly out the door with her when she starts convulsing.
I don’t know what to do.
I feel like my world is crashing down around me.
I stop in my tracks, putting her on the floor.
The room starts to spin, but I shake it off and try to think.
I grab the guy closest to me and demand his phone.
Dawn
My body jerks and twitches as I lay here on the floor. I can hear JT screaming, “Honey, please!” His voice rings in my ears, but I want to fade away and never come back. My body aches, I can’t stand the pain. I pray to God to take me or give me to the devil himself if he wishes. I just don’t want to hurt anymore. Cold sweat drips down my back as I go from freezing to burning in the pits of hell.
Every touch is like sandpaper on my skin.
Every movement brings me one step closer to death’s door.
I twist on the floor, like a serpent ready to strike anyone who dares to come near.
Bile bubbles in my throat and I can’t breathe.
**
I’m in a state of limbo.
Falling in and out of consciousness, I can hear sirens ringing in my ears as some guy says, “Stay with me.”
Something pokes at my arm as hands move over me.
Something is shoved down my throat, it burns.
The last thing I hear is someone shouting, “We’re losing her.”
I can’t open my eyes. I just want to sleep.
There’s nothing but a long steady beeeeppppp...
Mute
Driving my mom, Sunshine, to the hospital, I’m so scared. The hospital called for Romeo saying Dawn overdosed and it’s pretty fucking bad. Sunshine was too sick with worry to drive. She sent Jamie to stay with Liberty.
Romeo is on the road and has no idea what is waiting here for him when he returns.
I pull into the parking lot and shut the car off, unsure of what will happen once we walk through those double sliding doors.
Sunshine can’t find the strength to get out of the car.
“This is my fault, Patrick. What if she’s dead? I did this. I should have let her go with us or let you stay with her.” She sobs, and I wrap my arm around her not having the words to disagree with her.
However, Dawn is responsible for her own actions.
Sunshine wipes at her eyes and moves to get out so I go ahead and walk into the waiting room.
There’s a guy arguing with the receptionist.
“She’s my girlfriend. I’m the one who called you! I just want to know she’s okay!” He bangs his fist against the window.
“Sir, if you don’t calm down I am going to have to ask you to leave.”
He spins around throwing his hands in the air. He looks absolutely ravaged.
This has to be JT; he looks like the kind of pretty boy Dawn would go for.
Sunshine comes in behind me and asks to see Dawn, and because her and Romeo aren’t legally married, they won’t allow her back. Saying family only.
Dawn shouldn’t be alone.
I walk past the guy and to the window. “Escuth mi.”
“Can I help you?”
“Mi thister Dun.”
“You’re Dawn’s brother?”
“D-d-da-m-ie”
“Jamie?”
I nod cementing my lie.
“Follow me.”
Sunshine nods with a squeeze to my hand. She knows someone should be back there with her.
I hear JT going off, wanting to know why I am being allowed back.
I look back one more time and see Sunshine ushering him to a chair.
Walking through the door, I feel strange being a visitor instead of a patient.
If I could trade places with Dawn I would.
The nurse takes me to a room for critical patients.
“Your sister is in critical condition. Her body went through a lot. We are still waiting on her lab work, but she has overdosed on what we believe was heroin and had an allergic reaction to a narcotic that resulted in her going into shock. Her doctor will be in to speak with you once we have all her test results back. Her brain activity appears normal, and there doesn’t seem to be any swelling. Her pulse is strong and I think she will pull through. However, she will be admitted and observed overnight.”
I try to say thanks. “Thunt thu.”
I take a seat by the bed. Dawn looks like a sleeping angel.
Pulling out my new phone, I send a text to Sunshine letting her know that they think Dawn is going to be okay.
Grabbing Dawn’s hand, I brush my thumb over her knuckles. “Pleeth be otay,” I whisper.
Her hand is so cold, probably from what she’s been through today.
What would make her be so stupid? What could hurt her so deeply that she felt the need to put that shit in her beautiful body?
JT. If he gave her the stuff...if he did something to make her want to end her life...
Balling my fists, I want to go find him.
I’m thinking really hard on what I will do to him when Dawn coughs and opens her eyes.
When I go to push the call button for the nurse Dawn stops me with her words. “Hey, I was just dreaming about you.” Her voice is raspy, but she’s okay.
I take her hand, wanting to talk to her but afraid she won’t understand me.
Instead, I take my phone out and type my message.
I was worried about you. You scared me. Are you okay?
I pass my phone to her and she types back.
I’m fine now that you’re here. You can call the nurse now.
Before pushing the button for the nurse, I type one more message.
I told them I’m your brother, that my name is Jamie. I didn’t want you to be alone.
She laughs and coughs again.