‘O Lord save us from overworking!
Grant us grace to rest awhile.’
LAILAH GIFTY AKITA
You know the story of the Golden Goose, right? There are many variations on it, but my favorite goes like this:
A man had a goose that unexpectedly started laying a golden egg every day. It soon made him very rich, but he got greedy and impatient and wanted to become even richer. So, he cut open the goose to get all the golden eggs at once. But all he discovered inside was goose guts. There was no gold, and the man realized that, in his greed, he’d killed the source of his wealth.
There are many things Chillpreneurs can learn from this story, and the first is that you are the Golden Goose. You can profit for a long time through your skills and talents, but not if you kill the source of your creativity.
When Mark joined my business and saw what I’d created (a million-dollar turnover, despite my working part-time and half-assing everything), he concluded that, if we just worked harder, had more launches, and perfected everything, we’d make even more money! Let’s flog that Golden Goose! Not only did that kill my energy and enthusiasm for the business, it almost killed our marriage! I’m being dramatic, but there was a lot of yelling and resentment during that first year of working together.
Without me, there is no business. Maybe I could squeeze a bit more profit, but for how long? It’s taken some time, but I’ve learned to care for myself well enough to keep laying the golden eggs that my family relies on. I’ve become a fierce advocate and defender of my inner Golden Goose – protecting it from anyone who demands more than it can deliver (and sometimes that’s me!)
Many of my business friends have experienced burnout recently, and I have, too. I was almost ashamed to acknowledge it because it felt like admitting that I couldn’t ‘hack it,’ which is a huge part of the problem. I was embarrassed that I was suddenly so ‘weak,’ and I beat myself up about losing my motivation for my business. In my quest to succeed, I’d created way too much work for myself, and one day I woke up feeling completely empty. I was burned out and just wanted to sit and play mindless games on my phone.
Look, I admit that I’m the kind of person who goes on holiday and still thinks about work. I’ll get blog ideas during a relaxing massage, and I love going to my office and digging into work on Monday mornings. I’m a high achiever by any measure, and that’s never going to stop. If that’s you too, let’s just accept that we’re lifelong learners and consummate entrepreneurs. We’re always thinking about our businesses because we love them. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if that leads to burnout because you never take time off, or you resist sustainable business practices, it’s a huge problem. And if you’re not having that problem now, you will one day.
I often overestimate what I can achieve in a month, regularly schedule launches back-to-back, and forget that I’m a human who needs time off for pleasure and restoration. Ignore your body and your need for rest at your own peril. Do you really want to burn out in a few years’ time, instead of having a long, successful, and rewarding career? Me neither.
‘We need to do a better job of putting
ourselves higher on our own “to do” list.’
MICHELLE OBAMA
If you have a business that requires every drop of blood, sweat, and tears, it’s only a matter of time before it catches up with you – either in the form of a health wake-up call or another type of disaster. I’ve had friends who only stopped working because of a cancer diagnosis, the traumatic birth of a baby, or another ‘forced intervention’ from the universe. We can avoid that intervention by consciously choosing to look after ourselves first, and we often succeed a lot more quickly when we do. Remember: we’re in this for the long term. You are the only finite resource in your business. Protect the Golden Goose and you’ll be able to create abundance for a long time.
You are the Golden Goose.
There are three key ways you may be killing your Golden Goose right now:
‘When you’re passionate about something, you
want it to be all it can be. But in the endgame of
life, I fundamentally believe the key to happiness
is letting go of that idea of perfection.’
DEBRA MESSING
Being a perfectionist will cost you money. If I were having brain surgery, I’d obviously prefer my surgeon to be downright finicky about cleanliness, about making the perfect incisions in the right places, and being super-anal about my stitches. An engineer building a bridge has to be a perfectionist, but in business, it’s not always the best trait, and your company probably doesn’t need brain-surgeon-level perfection. Your perfectionism probably manifests as procrastination. It stops you from starting or finishing things, and it stops you from feeling proud about your accomplishments.
When Mark first came into the business, he started to critique everything. And to please him and his fresh eyes, I listened for a while. He said my webinar slides were unprofessional and my sales technique was too vague. He wasn’t being mean: it’s just that he thought we could do better. So I made sexy slides and produced slick videos. I hired a speaking coach so I could sell better from the stage. And guess what happened? Our sales went down! Plus, I felt like a big, fake failure. Finally, I said to him, ‘Honey, people like my down-to-earth, imperfect style. And I love being genuinely detached about the sales process because somehow it works better!’
Even though it killed Mark to admit it, I was right. Yes, if it were his business, he’d always create the perfect, most informative slides. Yes, he would have followed a strict sales formula. But that’s him, not me. He’s a Boy Scout who loves following rules. I’m not, and it didn’t work for me or my business.
Then I told him a story about Marilyn Monroe. Billy Wilder directed her twice, through notoriously tricky shoots on The Seven Year Itch and Some Like It Hot. Monroe sometimes forgot her lines or was too nervous to come out of her dressing room. Of course, the results were still magical and iconic. When asked why he put up with it, Wilder said: ‘My Aunt Minnie would always be punctual and never hold up production, but who would pay to see my Aunt Minnie?’1 Marilyn brought the magic.
I said to Mark: ‘You would be able to run my business perfectly and way more professionally than me, but to be brutally honest, my peeps are showing up to see me, not you!’ I had to accept my magic was enough for my audience. From then on, I dressed how I wanted to (tie-dyed dresses on stage, sometimes barefoot) and reverted to my casual, imperfect sales style; I felt much happier. People know pretty quickly if I’m not for them, but my personal integrity was much more important than currying their favor. And wouldn’t you know it, sales increased again!
Look, I know perfectionism. I’m a Virgo and we practically invented it! If I’m not careful, I can beat myself up over everything in my business. Creating the perfect business plan, writing the perfect blog post, waiting until I have great hair and makeup before I get on camera, waiting to lose weight before I book my photographer, or scanning my horoscope to find the ‘perfect’ day to launch.
But I’ve also been able to create a very successful seven-figure business by training myself to let some things go. If I’d waited until everything in my business was perfect, I’d still be living in a tiny apartment and driving my old car with the roof that sagged around my ears.
‘Success has nothing to do with perfection.’
MICHELLE OBAMA
Embracing imperfect action in your business will reap huge rewards for you. I’m not suggesting you half-ass everything, but you’d be surprised how successful you can be by just showing up.
The perfect example is marketing funnels. Most of my business is run on ‘placeholder’ marketing. As in: ‘I think this is total crap (it’s not), but I’ll leave it up until I create the “perfect version.”’ Most of my placeholders are still there years later – making money and helping people. The funny thing is that my community doesn’t think they’re crap at all, and they’re really grateful for the information.
Let’s put some real numbers in to show you what your perfectionism is costing you. My free ‘Money Blocks’ audio is several years old, and every few months I think I really should add better slides, organize it a bit better, or perfect my follow-up email sequences. But I never get around to it.
Meanwhile, 1 percent of all the people who listen to the recording sign up to do my Money Bootcamp, at $2,000 a pop. Now, 1 percent conversion doesn’t sound like a lot of people, but as of today, 21,737 people have listened to that super-imperfect audio, and around 217 people joined my Money Bootcamp as a result. Conservatively speaking, that placeholder audio has made me $200,000 and has helped thousands of people, even though I judge it as not good enough.
Yes, I know how much you want things to be pretty and, above all, perfect, but in the absence of perfection, why not put up an imperfect placeholder? You can improve it as you go, but you can’t incrementally improve on nothing. Do what you can with what you have right now: knowledge, skills, and budget. The right people will hear the right message, regardless of your insecurities and your wish that it was better.
Trust me: I’ve never judged anything I’ve created as ‘done’ or the best I can do because, honestly, I’ll probably never be 100 percent happy anyway. Tell yourself: ‘This is only temporary; I can fix it tomorrow, but today I’m taking imperfect action anyway.’
Would I secretly love to spend hours perfecting everything in my business? Yes, a thousand times yes. But, perfectionism is often in the eye of the beholder. Most of your clients wouldn’t notice the difference between done and perfect – they need your help now! Holding off until you’re 100 percent happy will delay the success of your business because that day will probably never come.
The first version of my Money Bootcamp was filmed at home with my iPad. The second was filmed in a hotel room using an inexpensive camera. It wasn’t until I was a few years into the business that I created super-professional videos and high-end branding. Meanwhile, some of my biz friends are still waiting for the perfect idea or the motivation to get started. I’ve made millions just getting started and improving as I went.
In your journal or in a conversation with an entrepreneurial friend, answer these questions:
Most of the time, the answers are yes, no, yes.
Answering these questions can help you to get out of your own way, take action, and make more money in your business with less stress.
People want your magic, not perfectionism.
‘We think, mistakenly, that success is the result
of the amount of time we put in at work,
instead of the quality of time we put in.’
ARIANNA HUFFINGTON
One of my early business mentors, Fabienne Fredrickson, told me a mantra that she said completely changed her relationship to her business: ‘I work half the time for twice as much money.’ The first time I tried to say it, it came out backward: ‘I work twice as hard for half the money.’ Oops. Nope. Let the words soak in for a moment and then see how it feels to say out loud: ‘I work half the time for twice as much money.’ What comes up for you? Disbelief? Do you hear a voice in your head saying, ‘That’s cheating!’ or ‘That’s impossible,’ or ‘But Denise… how?’
Beliefs like these are why I see women who are earning $25,000 a year stressing about how they can crack six figures, thinking, I have to work four times harder?’ I did the same thing when I made $250,000. I couldn’t do the math to figure out how to get to a million dollars. Surely I’d have to work harder, but there weren’t enough hours in the day! I was already dangerously close to burnout, so four times as much work might actually kill me!
Here’s the counterintuitive truth: you actually have to work less to earn more money. You have to work smarter not harder, and you have to master the lessons of discernment. You get to let people support you in your business, and you have to give up control over doing everything yourself. You have to embrace elimination, automation, and delegation.
Too much focus on effort can have the opposite effect – we can get bogged down in procrastination, over-complication, or resistance to delegating. But what if it were allowed to be easier? What if you could create your business in a way that worked perfectly for you, without feeling like you’re paddling upstream? It’s possible. It doesn’t mean you’ll never have to work; business isn’t effort-none but it can be effort-less.
It’s okay for you to make money with ease and flow. Honestly. Often people say to me, ‘You must be so busy,’ to which I respond, ‘No, I’m not!’ Honestly, you’d think I’d said something outrageous: it’s just so taboo to admit you’re not that busy. It’s actually the b-word I say the least! The truth is that I work a lot, but I just don’t feel busy. It’s because every part of my business and life is set up to help me thrive. I don’t do things I hate. I don’t work with people who annoy me, and I rarely feel stressed. I make it look easy, but it took conscious effort to get here.
Now, let’s talk about hustle. Let me be super-clear on this – my business didn’t happen by accident. As I explained in the introduction, in the early years, I worked a lot. But that’s not sustainable. I noticed how many entrepreneurial ‘gurus’ talk about how you have to ‘grind’ every day until you drop. But a lot of these people lead incredibly unbalanced lives. Some of them crash and burn or wreck their health/marriages/businesses as a result of their hustle. They don’t look healthy, and when you look behind the scenes of their businesses, some aren’t even that successful.
If that’s hustle, I want no part of it. I really like my sleep, and telling women to simply get up earlier – as if we don’t have enough sleep deprivation in our lives already – isn’t sustainable. I’ve seen some friends squeeze out all their energy for diminishing returns, or worse, serious health consequences. If you have kids, it’s even harder to live that way. So please, don’t feel like a loser if you can’t figure out how those high-octane Insta-success-stories do it.
I personally don’t want to live that way, and if you feel the same, I’m telling you there’s an alternative: chustle (chilled hustle!) Just do the things that matter and leave everything else. If you want to make more money, you have a choice: work harder, or leverage everything in your life and make it easier.
It’s counterintuitive, but you actually
have to work less to earn more.
‘Know the difference between a bad
day, and a bad business.’
YVETTE LUCIANO
I was one of those kids who had a new business idea every month and roped my friends into doing things like collecting horse poop to sell (never got around to the actual selling, though). My twenties were the same, as I tried out dating coaching, real-estate sales training, multilevel marketing, and a very brief stint as a nude art model. I’ve never been short of a good idea. But just because something is a good business idea doesn’t mean it’s meant to be your business. Just because you could do it, doesn’t mean you should; and just because something makes you money now doesn’t mean it will work for you long term.
There’s nothing wrong with experimenting. As an entrepreneur, you’ll try lots of things (again, look at Sir Richard Branson), but a business is not a prison sentence. Just because you started something doesn’t mean you have to keep that idea forever (even if your friends and family tease you for starting yet another business). Changing your mind isn’t a waste of time and energy. Especially if you’ve realized that you’re paddling upstream, no longer love what you’re doing or, on reflection, realize that it’s no longer your zone of genius. Stop digging a deeper hole and hand in your shovel.
You might think that because you’ve invested time, energy, or money, you’re not allowed to change your mind and say no: ‘But Denise, I just registered the best domain name!’ You might have paid someone to create a website for your new idea and feel bad about spending that money with no results. (The psychological term for it is the ‘sunk cost fallacy.’) But what you’ve invested is never a waste. You can learn from any business ‘failure.’ The bigger waste would be to stick with something out of stubbornness or fear and never find your true calling. A bad business fit doesn’t get better with time.
When you were younger, do you remember hearing things like, ‘You made your bed, now lie in it’ or ‘Finish what you started’? These lessons applied to everything from emptying your plate (even when you hated what was on it) to finishing the roller-skating lessons you’d begged your parents for (even if you’d realized that skating wasn’t for you). The message is that if you’ve screwed something up, you’ve got to live with the consequences forever.
My eldest daughter, Willow, once came home from school and announced: ‘You get what you get, and you don’t get upset,’ which is something her schoolteachers said whenever kids whined about not having the specific crayon they wanted or didn’t want to eat their lunch. The sentiment seems benign, even catchy (and I totally understand why the teachers say it), but I told Willow, ‘Yes, but some things can be negotiated!’
In reality, you can renegotiate anything. You don’t have to keep throwing good money after bad or investing your energy in something that no longer fits, even if it feels scary or irresponsible to change. Mark and I teach our kids to make deals with us. If they disagree with us, they have to use their negotiating skills and convince us otherwise. We want to teach them that their reality is totally up to them.
It’s never too late to change your dream, tweak your business, or pivot in an entirely new direction. The idea is to continually shave away the ‘don’t wants,’ so your life and business get closer to your ideal. This takes inner work and self-reflection, and the courage to change and negotiate every part of your reality.
Have you ever been to a Cher or Elton John concert? They both sing songs that are decades old and have probably made them millions of dollars. Do you think they get sick of them? Maybe they do, but they remind me that, if you’re going to put a song out into the world, you’d better make sure it’s one you really like!
What could you sing about for decades? Choose wisely. Money is a subject I’ve been able to be passionate about for a long time, and I’m beyond grateful that I gave up my early business ideas and am not still talking about weddings or toilet hooks. Nothing is wasted; you retain every skill you learn, and even your screw-ups can be invaluable lessons. Every ‘practice’ business is one step closer to your Chillpreneur one!
How do you know the right or ‘perfect’ business model to follow? You have to experiment and see what feels best, makes the right amount of money (which is not always necessarily the most money, if that feels horrible to you), and honors your energy. Let the rest go. It’s okay. You don’t have to do all the things.
In his book On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, Stephen King (one of my favorite authors) writes, ‘Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler’s heart, kill your darlings.’
What does he mean by this? Author Ruthanne Reid says, ‘Darlings, in writing, are those words, phrases, sentences, paragraphs, and even chapters that we are often most proud of. We love them, to the point that we almost don’t care if those bits are clear to readers or not. We love them, and we want to keep them.’2 The first version of this book contained almost 100,000 words, and I had to kill (delete) a lot of darlings!
In business, we have to ‘kill’ our darlings, too. When I started my personal development company, I tried to solve problems that I had no business addressing. My website had six different topics, each with a cute little tab; they were: goals and success, health and beauty, career and purpose, wealth and money, romance and love, and Law of Attraction. Even though I’d briefly run a soulmate course, coached a few clients on dating, and written Get Hitched, Lucky Bitch, helping people date was not my true calling. So, I eventually deleted it from my website. I was trying to be everything to everyone, and it diluted my real message.
Entrepreneurs often do this because they want to be inclusive, but also because they’re afraid of turning down an income opportunity from the universe. Some people like working with generalists and others love specialists. I decided that I was going to market myself as a specialist, so, one by one, I killed my darlings until I talked only about money and mindset, which made my message much clearer to my audience.
My umbrella topic became helping women in business with their money mindset, and I decided to talk only about money mindset, which included money blocks, fears, and challenges; pricing, which included the mindset and psychology around what to charge, and how to charge; and money boundaries, which included dealing with problems and how to have awkward money conversations with clients. Everything else was now out of scope and it took discipline not to stray from that. It didn’t feel restricted – it actually was a relief to have some parameters for myself – and my business grew more quickly because my audience wasn’t confused every week about what I could offer them.
Answer these questions:
‘Yes’ answers are a good sign that you’re in the wrong business. It’s okay to change.
One of my first ‘serious businesses’ was Raw Brides, which was about helping women lose weight for their wedding using raw food. Though it was kind of an interesting business model, it was honestly not me. I didn’t like talking about weddings, I wasn’t a weight-loss expert, and I wasn’t a raw food expert. So, after about six months, I started losing steam because it wasn’t enough to hold my attention. Ditto with my ‘green detox queen’ website and my movie review blog. I didn’t make a penny out of either.
But what if you actually do make money out of a business you no longer love? Now, killing darlings takes courage when you rely on them for financial support. Sometimes you have to transition slowly; other times you need to rip off the bandage quickly and create a vacuum for new income streams. Giving up the old enables you to move forward and welcome the new. It’s so empowering to let go. Not only does it free up a lot of time and energy, it creates space for new things to be birthed.
You’re allowed to walk away from a business, even if it’s a hugely successful one. Sarah Wilson, a former journalist and magazine editor, created a multimillion-dollar business out of a thyroid disease diagnosis. Personal research and experimentation led her to cut out refined sugars. She started writing about it, and that’s when things snowballed. One sugar-free recipe book turned into numerous bestsellers and, inevitably, demand called for a course and an online community. One-and-a-half million people had completed her eight-week ‘I Quit Sugar’ course by the time she closed it in 2018 because the business wasn’t working for her anymore. She was just… complete.
On the closure of the website, Sarah says, ‘Seven years into a movement, five years into a business, I feel my work in the realm is done.’ She considered selling the business but didn’t want to compromise on quality or stay on for a transition period. She said, ‘Success is a funny thing. It requires feeding. It requires growth. Which sees you become caught up in the cycle eventually, sometimes without realizing.’3
Even though the business was (wildly) successful financially, it had run its course. Even if she’d put the business on autopilot, there would still have been customer service to provide, a website to maintain, and it would still have demanded her energy. She was just done, and I respect the fact that she was true to herself and walked away from a successful business, even when people thought it was crazy. Sometimes the money just isn’t worth it. You might not believe this if you’re just starting out, especially when you’re desperate to quit a job, but after a while, you’ll realize that all money isn’t necessarily good money.
Just do it. Don’t feel like you have to be stuck with something just because you’ve built it. Making drastic changes can be scary, but they can also be liberating. Quitting a horrible job is an obvious step that requires courage. But tweaking – or even closing – an ‘okay’ or even really successful business can require courage as well. Changes don’t have to be all-or-nothing. You could slowly ease out of the parts of the business that you hate and ease into a new direction. Or you could rip off the bandage in one fell swoop. It’s up to you and your risk tolerance.
When I wanted to quit Raw Brides and start talking about personal development and money, I just emailed the people on my newsletter list and said, ‘This is my new site, and this is what I’ll be talking about from now on.’ I didn’t apologize, and I gave them the option to unsubscribe right away. There was no transition period – I just changed direction and it opened up everything for me.
You might lose some clients or money after making a change, but remember, when you do something that you love, you will actually make more money in the long run.
It’s okay to quit!
Now, you might be exactly on track, but chances are that your business could use a few tweaks. You don’t have to throw the baby out with the bathwater: you could keep most of your business the way it is and just change a few things. For example, Cailen Ascher Marone, creator of the 3-Day Workweek Schedule, moved from coaching and teaching one-off courses to a membership model. She says, ‘I’m a content creator and community leader at heart, so this shift feels much more aligned with my natural energy and talents.’
Ashley Stahl, founder of Cake Publishing, says, ‘I moved from private coaching to e-courses, and back to private coaching after burning out on funnels and tweaking. I’ve gone high-end, and I’ve had a lot more joy in my work!’
Many entrepreneurs have a defining moment, such as burnout or the birth of a child, that necessitated change, but others realized that their business didn’t bring them joy or enable them to work to their strengths. I once had someone ask me to buy her business, which, on the surface, was a fantastic fit because she taught people how to create passive income. I couldn’t figure out why I was hesitating to make an offer, until it hit me: I don’t teach how-to, I teach mindset. So, even though the topic was perfect, the method wasn’t. It was a small distinction that had a huge impact on me: I tightened up the content on my blog to focus more clearly on mindset lessons rather than how-to stuff that could date.
You can keep a running list of things you want to stop doing, things you want to start doing more of, and boundaries you want to adjust. Here are some examples:
Honestly, most of the time it’s a money thing. You’d probably be happier if you earned more (we’ll talk about this in Part III: Money). But that’s not always true. For example, people often ask me to create a business mastermind, which is not my zone of genius and not something I can hold space for while our kids are young. No amount of money would actually tempt me to do it.
In your journal or in a conversation with an entrepreneurial friend, ask yourself these questions: