BLUE-COLLAR DEMOCRAT [EXTINCT]

The Blue-Collar Democrat was a medium- to large-sized flightless mammal discovered on Long Island in the 1930s and declared extinct less than a century later. The Blue-Collar Democrat inhabited both urban and rural areas, consuming a diet rich in meat and starch. Skeletal reconstructions show that it possessed a large body, stubby arms, a small tail, short legs, and a large, poofy hat with a rude saying written on the front. The hairs of the Blue-Collar Democrat were usually gray/black in color, while its most distinctive feature was a placid expression of general contentment.

Conservation efforts in the 1970s failed, due in large part to President Jimmy Carter’s unwillingness to support key factors of the Blue-Collar’s ecosystem: unions, rising wages, and jobs in general. Some scholars maintain that a certain number of Blue-Collar Democrats did not completely die out but instead evolved into either apathetic nonvoters or paranoid, racist Republicans.

NATURAL PREDATORS: Industry and finance capital, debt collectors, the Democratic Party

LIFESTYLE: Family pass to the World’s Fair