WINE MOM

Wine Mom’s political evolution closely tracks that of her hero and Life Goals Inspiration Board avatar, Hillary Clinton: a baby boomer from a deeply conservative background who ended up in a bad marriage and found liberal politics after her divorce. About two years ago she realized that black people might have some legitimate complaints about the police after a lifetime of rolling up her windows while driving through “urban” neighborhoods. Now woke, she broadcasts her deep feelings of contempt for anyone who “centers whiteness” or “does erasure.” Despite this, Wine Mom can most easily be found anywhere in the center of whiteness, erasing anyone who won’t let her speak to their manager.

Wine Mom loves her SB (sauvignon blanc) and happy pills (Xanax, Percs, Ativan, etc.) and hates young people of any kind. Wine Mom’s most trenchant critiques of the president come from her precocious children, whom she’s always overhearing saying things like “Doesn’t the pwesident know that the individual mandate shores up the insuwance market?” and “Mommy, Susan Sawandon is a big dumb poopyhead who wants Twump to be her boyfwiend.”

FIGHTING STYLE: Calling out cultural appropriation via GIFs of black women

FINISHING MOVE: Shade, side-eye, clapback