MOVIE BLOB

The Movie Blob is a pop-culture obsessive who filters all his political beliefs and interpersonal behavior through the prism of films, comic books, television shows, and video games. As a result, he is deeply invested in crafting politics from submental drivel created for children. This creates ideological complications when studios end up buying him off with limited-edition action figures, thereby forcing him to drastically revise his past statements about the Batman vs. Superman nineteen-hour director’s cut.

This man-child-man sees himself as part of a small group of social outcasts imbued with incredibly cool powers who fight to protect the very people who shun and persecute them. The Movie Blob insists that he’s one of the “good” mutants and not the kind that uses their encyclopedic knowledge of pop-culture marginalia for evil. He is constantly on the lookout for ways to distinguish himself from his opposite on the right—YouTube Atheist Logic Guy, the bad kind of nerd who hates women because of his deeply stunted sexuality.

The Movie Blob instead writes think pieces like “Video: Black Widow OBLITERATES Misogyny” and “Let’s Get Real: Lara Croft’s Boobs are TOO Big.” He has argued that if the members of the Galactic Senate had all been women, the Empire never would have invaded Naboo. But, like any true fan of graphic novels, he understands that the world isn’t as simple as good vs. evil, and the line between hero and villain is sometimes blurred. Therefore, he’s open and honest about the multiple restraining orders filed against him by the patrons and organizers of Dragoncon ’06.

FAVORITE POLITICAL THINKERS: Bane, the Joker, Rorschach, Spider-Man’s uncle

FAVORITE POLITICAL IDEOLOGIES: The Force, the Assassin’s Creed, that thing Spock does with his hand