BOW-TIE DIPSHIT
You remember the kid who carried a briefcase to school since he was eleven? He grew up into this creature. A very specific subset of right-wing anti-intellectual intellectual, the Bow-Tie Dipshit represents the upper crust of the conservative movement. Loathed by his peers from college and beyond for reminding teachers that they’ve forgotten to assign homework and for reporting his roommate to the FBI for having sex, a robust hatred of academia nevertheless courses through every molecule of the Bow-Tie Dipshit’s body. That body can currently be found enjoying lifetime tenure at Stanford’s Hoover Institution or George Mason University’s Mercatus Center.
Indeed, valorizing the pastimes and tastes of the conservative base is the main function of the Bow-Tie Dipshit. Where your average dipshit rube yelled “Shut up and play!” at the Dixie Chicks in 2003, the Bow-Tie Dipshit channeled his everyman populist rage into a three-thousand-word piece for his vanity project the Clarion Criterion about how the conductor of the New York Philharmonic attacked him personally by calling George W. Bush an “ignoramus.” This results in endless books, articles, and quotes cribbed from Thucydides about why NASCAR, hunting, smoking cigarettes, driving a hundred-thousand-dollar pickup, eating hog fat, etc., is the culturally and philosophically correct pastime as opposed to the frivolous and elitist hobbies (drinking wine, drinking coffee, sodomy) of the coastal types that Bow-Tie Dipshit spends all his time around.
BACK CATALOG: Sell Your Child and Save: A Guide to Austrian Economics; Baseball: The Most Beauteous Sport; Modern Pericles: Why George W. Bush Will Join the Pantheon of Classical Heroes
FAVORITE COLORS: Periwinkle, mauve, chartreuse, seersucker