CITIZEN KEK

A few hundred years ago, the socially dislocated middle-class male could ship off to one of his nation’s colonies and transform from virginal caterpillar to steely-eyed butterfly after successfully killing another man. With more and more fucked-up, isolated young men in the middle class but fewer colonies to send them to, the options for these people are dwindling. Sure, there’s ISIS, but in the West, we have something else. No, it’s not our military—the military is where you go if you really need a communications degree and you’ve accepted the risk of dying and killing for it. Besides, you have to run and spend time away from your computer. For those who are truly dissociated from modern life, there is the alt-right.

Citizen Kek is inspired by great heroes of Christendom like Charles Martel, Constantine, Christopher Nolan’s Batman, and the Doom Marine. Like his ISIS equivalent, he’s repulsed by the pluralism, sexuality, and alienation of modern life. However, unlike his heathen counterpart, his ideology is centered on “saving the West.” His sworn enemies are, in total: Islam, the Left, liberals, cereal companies, the video-game industry, and women with short hair. Brought into the fold of neofascism through some combination of thwarted pickup artist ambition, being banned from a video-game forum, and Mom dating Steve again, Citizen Kek now loves doing ironic metacomedy about how the Holocaust was good because, to him, “the strong” exterminating useless, subhuman people is extra ironic. In addition to his extremely funny admiration for Hitler, Citizen Kek is obsessed with declining white birth rates in the West and finding a way he can fight back against this trend.

TOP ALT-RIGHT TWITTER HANDLES: NeoReactionary Grimace, HemorrhoidalSaxon, Reinhard Drydick

TOP ALT-RIGHT HASHTAGS: #DeusVult, #whitegenocide, #cuckmom, #muhallowance, #incelrebellion