| |
Ana stared at the empty chair on the other side of the small table in front of her, dread curling in the pit of her stomach. A deep sigh left her lips as she glanced up to nod and thank the waitress for her tea. She was sitting at her favourite café waiting for her mother. As usual her mother was late. It was a conundrum that her mother was always late for meeting her but punctual for everyone else. Of course, Ana had never met her mother’s expectations, so it was passive disapproval from her mother who otherwise was a very assertive woman.
As a decorated and much-loved university professor of ancient history, with doctorates in four different fields, her mother had high expectations of her daughter. After all, how could her mother possibly produce a sub-standard offspring, yet according to her she had.
Ana had failed to follow her mother’s footsteps into academia. Instead she worked part time as a sales clerk at the local bookshop, a slow dying enterprise thanks to the rise of e-books, and wrote a young adults’ novel series the rest of her time. She had success with the writing and was now comfortably settled with her own place, but it was still not good enough for her mother, after all she wrote ‘the popular tripe that fed society’s need for sensationalism and ruined the brains of today’s youth’ and not the serious mind-numbing opus her mother would be impressed by.
She glanced up as her waitress passed her with a groan, to see her mother gracefully stalking into the café, as if she had trained in poise and movement her whole life. Ana had a fleeting impression of her mother gliding around a room with a small pile of weighty tomes balancing on her head, like one would see in a princess movie. Ana really shouldn’t subject the waitress to her mother, but there were limited options for great tea, and her mother would settle for nothing less. Rising from her seat, she greeted her mother with the customary air kisses.
“Good morning, Mother. I have ordered your Earl Grey and it should arrive momentarily. How are you today?” Ana retook her seat after her mother had sat. There was a look on her face that warned of a bad mood brewing, Ana thought back on recent conversations to remember what she had said to cause one, nothing came to mind. She cringed, praying the mood was work related.
“Ananke. Why must we persist in meeting here? The tea service is sub-standard and the food atrocious.” She sniffed. “We would receive far better service at my club.” Ana’s favourite waitress placed the pot and cup in front of her mother with a sneaky eye roll to Ana, commiserations all round today. Ana hid a smile. Usually she came here alone and would chat to the staff the entire visit, but with her mother they all knew not to fraternize.
“Really Mother, this café has won many awards for their teas. How is work at the moment?” Ana sipped at her tea waiting for the lecture to start, it always did.
“Work is great as usual. In fact, I have met a young man who would be perfect for you. He is currently studying for his doctorate and he’s here in town to seek my expertise. He is willing to meet you tonight at his hotel bar. Be there at six sharp.”
Ana’s hand jerked, spilling tea over the rim. Her mother was trying to set her up. With a student she was mentoring.
Did she really just say that? Was this conversation actually happening?
“You are almost thirty now Ananke. You need help.” Her mother sniffed again, her favourite form of showing disapproval. “Of course, it would help if you would stop mooning over that dog loving buffoon. It’s been years now Ananke, he will never return your affection. Thank God. You can do so much better than a dog groomer, I mean really, he spends all his time with animals.” A shudder ran through her mother’s frame.
Everyone knew her view on animals. Was it possible that those views pushed her towards friendship with Dee? As a child all she wanted was a kitten or puppy, but her mother’s abhorrence for animals meant it would never happen. She had spent so much time with Dee and her parents, who were the local vets, it was inevitable she met Dee’s brother’s best friend, Harley Dewing.
Tall, gangly, spectacle wearing Harley Dewing, with long hair at school, he had finally grown into himself. He was now tall and built and had traded the spectacles for contacts and wore his lovely brown hair short. Her high school crush had matured into the love of her life, unfortunately he never returned her affections, leaving her as a disillusioned teen morphing into a lonely woman. She had tried to date other men, but they weren’t Harley. He never even knew she was in love with him.
So many years wasted on loving Harley.
She had waited and waited for him to realise she was right there for years, torturing herself with the images of the other women in his life, comparing herself to them, until the jaw-dropping moment.
“You can relax, Mother. I have realised Harley will never return my affections. He sealed that when he took out Roxy Dent, two years ago.” Ana sipped her tea. “I’m sure you remember her. She is the one you flunked in year ten, during your stint as a high school teacher, and she has hated me for it ever since.”
“Oh please. I’m sure she doesn’t hate you, and why would she just because I failed her? You must learn to curb your imagination, Ananke.”
Ana stared at her mother.
What? Was she serious?
In some ways she was a helicopter parent, in others an absentee parent. “Mother, Roxy and a group of her friends cornered me behind the gym and beat me. Harley saved me from further injury there. I think that was when I first fell in love with him. A gangly thirteen or fourteen-year-old standing up to a group of six sixteen-year-old girls to stop them. Surely you remember that emergency visit?”
Her mother jerked in surprise. “You told me that occurred in physical education class!”
“And you believed me?” Ana laughed. “I have never injured myself in PE class. The ballet lessons you insisted on saw to that. My balance and timing were perfect.” Her toes curled at the memory and a light shudder shook her frame “Even if my toes didn’t stop bleeding for two years. How could you have believed me? It hasn’t stopped, Mother. Even now Roxy still goes out of her way to torture me. Why do you think the library fired me? Roxy set out on a campaign to make it happen. If I didn’t have my books, I’d have been in serious financial trouble.”
Her mother harrumphed. There was no other word for the sound coming out of her mouth. She sipped her tea and selected a mini teacake.
“Nonsense, no one holds a grudge that long over a fail score in high school. Well at least you have finally seen sense. Now you can concentrate on more appropriate men.”
“Really? You mean your sort of man.” Ana shook her head. “Do you even care that I was heartbroken? That I didn’t leave my house for three days? That I gorged on ice cream and chocolate for that entire time? That Dee practically had to shove me out the door to get me into life again?” Ana was shaking. Tea spilling over the rim of her cup. She put her cup down on the saucer with a rattle. “Did you even notice?”
Her mother just gave her that look. The one that said Ana was being dramatic again.
“Ananke, you need companionship. Love is not real, it is an illusion created by the publishers of modern tripe to make money. You need to focus on finding a man who doesn’t bore you into a coma and can please you in bed. Anything else is just trappings.” Ana’s head snapped backwards, as if her mother had struck her a physical blow.
What?
How her mother ever maintained a relationship long enough to get pregnant was beyond her.
“You will meet my colleague tonight and you will find that companionship.” Her mother decreed. Shoulders slumping, she watched her mother, her eyes glazing slightly. She did get lonely some evenings. Companionship would be fantastic. Someone to talk to and cuddle with at night, someone she could like and enjoy. An epiphany took over.
“You’re right. I do need a companion.” She smiled at her mother, her whole body vibrating with the sheer joy coursing through her. “Mother, I will not meet your colleague tonight, I’m sure he would bore me into a coma. I need to go.” Jumping to her feet, she kissed her mother’s cheek ignoring her perplexed expression. “Thank you, Mother.”
“Where are you going?” She demanded.
Ana laughed and twirled in a circle, proving the ballet lessons paid off.
“I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner. I’ve always wanted one and now there is nothing to stop me. Bye, Mother.” Ana danced out of the café and headed downtown to Dee.
***
LOOKING UP FROM THE Pomeranian in front of him at the sound of jingling bells, Harley had difficulty drawing breath. He looked at Ana walking in. A huge smile split his face. His Ana.
“Ana.” He called out as she blew into the saloon like a fresh summer breeze. He hadn’t seen her in ages. And he had missed her. “How are you? Long time no see, friend.” He watched as Ana spun around, confusion clear on her face.
“Harley. I didn’t see you over there.”
Harley snorted in amusement. “Really? You missed seeing a six-foot dude with the tiny white fluff ball?” He watched her carefully. “Of course, you haven’t apparently seen me for a while now. What’s it’s been? A year or is it two now?” Ana’s cheeks flushed and his stomach knotted.
“Well you know, busy, busy, busy. Work and book deadlines and all that stuff. Ha ha ha.” Harley listened to Ana ramble, his stomach starting to sink. A quick glance at Dee made it worse. Dee looked as if she had just sucked on a lemon. He whipped his gaze back and forward between the two ladies. They were giving each other odd looks, looks that spoke.
Something is going on here, but what?
“What’s going on?” Both women looked at him, feigning innocence. He pointed a finger at Ana. “Oh no. I didn’t buy that look when we were kids and I’m not buying it now. What’s going on here? Why haven’t I seen you for a couple of years? How have I not seen you for such a long time? It’s a small town.” He tried to grab a handful of his short hair—a habit left over from when it was longer. “Which also raises the point of how have I not noticed it’s even been a couple of years?”
Dee snorted. “Maybe because you are oblivious to what is in front of you?” She frowned at him. “Harley, you’re about to pop that poor dog’s eyes out of his head. Stop squeezing him.”
Harley glanced down and set the dog back onto the table and watched as Dee led Ana out the back. Stroking the dog, he contemplated the scene that had just played out. Ana had come in happy and bouncing. Then she saw him, heard him and was nervous and flustered. Dee covered for her, taking attention off her and diverting the conversation. He glanced down at the dog.
“Something fishy is going on here, Boy. Hmm, how to find out what though?” He finished clipping the dog, returned him to his crate and followed the women out the back. He held his breath as he eased the door open just enough to hear the conversation inside. Listening at doors was a skill he learnt from Dee, so she could only blame herself.
“What happened to you, Dee? You’re covered in scratches.”
“A stray dog came in for a clean-up yesterday. Got through the three washes like a champ and then lost the plot when the electric shears came out. Set off all the other animals in here and chaos reigned. It was the first day of my trial into branching out, so two dogs, a cat and a ferret in the house. Barking, hissing, yowling, biting, clawing and screaming. It all happened, at once. The worst came from trying to get the cat out of the lemon tree and the ferret from the top of the supply cabinet. Never again.” A sigh sounded. “In the end I had to pull out the good old hand clippers. Then I followed that up with a drinking session with Harley and Abbey last night to forget about the day. So far it hasn’t worked. So, what’s up?”
“My mother brought up companionship this morning during our normal catch-up and I realised she was right. I need a companion, Dee.” A small hiss left his lips. He had rarely heard Ana mention a partner or talk about dating for that matter, and now here she was talking about a companion. His heart rate sped up.
“I want someone to talk to, share my life with and be able to cuddle up in night. I want someone I can bounce ideas off even if they don’t listen, and let’s face it, they probably won’t. I just need to pretend they are listening just so I don’t feel like a moron talking to myself.” She giggled. “My neighbour looks at me funny because she has caught me at it a few times now.”
Harley backed away from the door. Ana was looking for companionship, but not love? That didn’t sound like Ana at all. She was the type who wouldn’t settle for anything but love. Her childhood was a lonely one, thanks to her cold and controlling mother, and Ana had always sworn she would settle for nothing less than the love of her life. Harley glanced back to the door and straightened his back in determination. It will be up to him to make sure Ana didn’t settle. He would scrutinise all the men who came into her life making sure she found the right one, and they better treat her right, or they would answer to him.
“Been sucking on lemons, Harley? If the wind changes your face will stay that way.” He turned to see Dee walking back into the storefront, as the back door slammed shut.
Ana had left without saying goodbye?
“What?”
“Your face Harley. It is screwed up with a grimace on it.”
“Really?” He spun to face one of the mirrors and sure enough his face was contorted. “Well excuse me for not being happy, happy Harley. I just realised a childhood friend had avoided me for a couple of years.” Harley stared at Dee, her face one of guilt. “You’ve been helping her? Holy cow, she really has been avoiding me!” He grasped Dee’s hand. “What the hell is going on, Dee? Why is one of my best friends avoiding me?” Dee patted his cheek and walked back to her station.
“You can ask her yourself when you find her a pet.” What? A pet? He reached out a hand to the nearest surface to stabilise himself. A sense of relief was washing through him. A pet, not a life partner.
“What kind of pet?” He grinned, a lift to his movements as he tidied his work station. His Ana was not looking for romance after all. What did that say about him that he didn’t want his friend happy? Dee was staring at him oddly, so he tried to contain his glee.
“She is after a cat or a dog that is house broken and will be content within itself if she gets caught up in writing. She is not after a kitten or puppy though.”
Harley grinned, unable to stop his fingers dancing over the benchtop. “How about a two-year-old ragdoll cat called Dickens?” He raised his eyebrows. “I could make two of my favourite ladies happy with one cat then.”
Dee rolled her eyes, giving him a go-ahead gesture.
“Elsie Little recently had a bad fall, so her kids are shipping her off to an assisted living village. Only this one doesn’t allow pets. About eight months ago she had adopted a blue point ragdoll and none of her kids want him. So, she has asked me to find a new home for him. She wants to meet any prospective owners before parting with him.”
Harley reached into a crate and clipped a lead onto the Doberman inside, leading her out. “So far I have introduced her to four people and she has rejected them all. Apparently, Dickens didn’t like them.” Picking up his shears, Harley got to work on the dog. Would Dickens like Ana? Would Elsie approve of her? He changed his shears for nail clippers. The Doberman sat through the procedure, an experienced hand at grooming. If this beauty was here yesterday, things would not have gotten out of hand.
“Dee, do you think you’ll still try incorporating other animals into the grooming? This lady here would have been fine with that puppy yesterday. I think it was just sheer dumb luck that puppy came yesterday while a cat and a ferret were on site.” He brushed out the Doberman. “I mean we could arrange one day a week where other animals come in, keep them separate from the dogs.” He glanced up.
“Where did that come from?” Dee’s voice floated from across the room.
Harley shrugged. “I was just thinking if Ana took on Dickens, she could bring him in for a groom and we could all catch up at the same time. It would be fun.”
Dee snorted at him. “First Ana would have to meet Dickens, gain Elsie’s approval and then start talking to you again, Harley. Best get a move on if you want that to happen.”
Harley frowned. The avoidance was now back on his mind.
How could I have not noticed Ana was avoiding him for so long? And why? Why was she? What had he done?
“Harley, we are done here for today. Why don’t you finish up that lady there and then go suss out Elsie?” He nodded, taking his time with the lady while putting a master plan together in his head. He wanted Elsie to move on content that she found Dickens the perfect home and he was convinced Ana was that home.
***
HARLEY STOPPED BY THE bakery and florist on his way to meet Elsie, he was raised better than to turn up to a lady’s house empty handed. He knocked on her door, hoping she was actually home. Despite the imminent move, Elsie led an active social life. He released a breath when she answered the door.
“Afternoon Elsie, ready to run away with me yet?” He smiled at her. Growing up, he had lived down the street from her and still visited her a couple of times a week. She was one of his favourite people. He handed over the colourful bunch of gerberas and the chocolate cake, reaching down to give her a hug while her arms were full.
“Get out, Harley. Come in before you let Dickens out.” Harley glanced at the cat who sat at Elsie’s feet, showing no inclination of setting foot outside the door. Ragdoll cats were not known for their adventurous spirit, more for their cuddling ability. Harley leant down to heft up the cat.
“Elsie, what are you feeding this cat? He is heavier than my visit yesterday.” Dickens was a big boy, even for a breed of cat known for its size, and had a weight to him. It was scary to think the cat was still growing. He was a seriously fluffy white with his ears, face and paws a sooty deep grey with hints of blue. A whiff of caramel colouring stained his back during warmer weather. He purred gently in Harley’s arms.
“I have a prospective new mum for Dickens. She is an old friend of both mine and Dee’s. She is a book lover and a published author.” Harley set Dickens on the floor so he could take a seat at the kitchen table. Elsie put a coffee in front of him, knowing his poison. He sipped the strong brew, watching Elsie study him.
“What does she write? She is not one of those romance authors writing about heaving bosoms, is she?” Seeing the glint in her eye and knowing her well, Harley knew she was hoping he would say yes. Elsie was a closet fan of erotic fiction.
“No. She writes paranormal series about werecats for teenagers.” He stopped speaking as Elsie snapped her fingers.
“The one where the main character is the young girl coming up to her first change, while trying to keep it a secret from her crush? I love that series. My granddaughter, Tilly, and I read them together, we can’t wait for the next one.” Harley’s mouth opened and then closed again. Who knew she read teenage books? “Don’t be a snob Harley. A well written book is a well written book despite what age or genre it is written in. And well written books deserve to be read.” She sniffed at him.
He struggled to get his mouth closed. She read Ana’s work. She loved Ana’s work. “Well then, you could imagine that Dickens would go to a good home then.” He pushed.
Elsie snorted. “Just because someone can write well does not make them good. Just look at that Archer person. He was sent to prison.” She tapped a finger on her cheek. “I can’t remember for what, just that he did.”
Harley laughed. “Okay, that’s a good point. I know Ana though and she is a good person. She is and has been Dee’s best friend since early primary school. She spent most of her time at the vet clinic with Dee growing up because she loved animals.”
“If she loved animals so much, why didn’t she have a pet, then or now?” Elsie interrupted.
“Her mother has a thing about animals. She thinks they are disgusting, disease carrying vermin, one and all. As to now, Ana has recently bought her own home, so no landlord to say ‘no pets!’”
Elsie had her lips pursed. “Is Ana short for some Goddess’s name? I seem to recall a teacher who went on rants about animals and named her daughter after some Greek goddess.”
Harley nodded. “That’s her.”
He watched as Elsie silently deliberated, her head tick tocking backwards and forwards as she argued with herself. Harley always found watching Elsie fascinating.
“Well you better go fetch her. I’ve only got four days until I am shipped out. We must find Dickens the perfect home before then.” Elsie decreed.
Harley found himself hustled out the door, while it closed with a resounding thump behind him. He grinned and loped off down the path. He had a date with Ana.
***
ANA PACED AROUND HER small, cheerful living room, alternating between relief and panic. She had come face to face with Harley and survived it, but the feelings were not muted. She was still in love with him, and to make matters worse he now knew something was off. He could read Dee and herself easily.
She would have to be more careful around him, just act normal. How hard could it be, she did it every day after all.
Wringing her hands together, she paced, then glanced towards her study on the opposite side of the hallway. Maybe work will help soothe the jittering around in her stomach. She absently rubbed at her stomach trying to ease the feeling. Writing the emotions out in an intense scene for the young lovebirds in her story might help. She wandered over and tapped at her keyboard a few times.
Nope, that was not happening.
She wandered back to the living room, glancing out the front window as she went. She stopped and stared. Rubbed her eyes and stared again. Harley was walking up her front path. Why was he here and how did he even know where she lived now? She had bought her own place just over a year ago, during her avoidance phase. She had never given him her address. Racing to the door, she ripped it open.
“Harley? Is something wrong with Dee?” She watched him frown.
“Why would something be wrong with Dee?”
“You never came here before, so I thought something must have happened to bring you here.” He continued to frown at her.
“Ana, why have I never been to your new home before? Why didn’t you ask for my help moving in?” He raised his arms in the classic strong man pose. “I have muscles and can lift heavy items, yet you never asked for help.”
Heat rose to her face and sweat broke out over her brow, so she lowered her face to hide her reaction from the man in front of her. “Well the Chambers’ helped and I didn’t really have much to move. I was living in a one-bedroom unit before. Most of my furniture is new and delivered by the stores.” Ana winced, she had deliberately left out Harley during that monumental time in her life. Dee and her mother knew why and had smoothed the way with the rest of the family for her. Ana did not enjoy the first few weeks in her new home fully, because Harley was family.
“What’s up, Harley?” Rubbing her temple to ease the pain, she asked him. This whole situation was wearing her down.
This had to end somehow. Maybe it is time to leave, to just get away.
Bile rose at the thought of leaving, but maybe it was a necessary step to improve her overall health.
“Dee mentioned your search for a pet and I have the perfect candidate.” He grinned at her, but it looked strained. So now it was affecting Harley too. She just sighed.
Maybe getting out was the right choice for everyone?
“You need to come meet Dickens now though. Elsie moves soon and is determined to find the right home for him.”
Ana watched him for a moment before nodding. “I’ll follow you.” She reached inside for her bag and then pulled the door closed behind her.
“Ana, it would be easier to car pool. I can tell you more about Dickens on the way.” Harley cajoled.
“That’s okay, I’d rather meet him with no preconceptions. It’s better that way. Besides I need to go shopping after since I’ll be out.” She waved him back to his car, heading off any further conversation by getting in her own and closing the door.
She followed Harley across town, recognising the area he grew up in. How had it come to this? She had managed to avoid seeing Harley for two years, and that wasn’t an easy job in this small town, it took work and a willingness on Dee’s behalf to warn her of Harley’s movements. She was lucky he was an e-reader and didn’t visit the bookstore.
Maybe this was the universe’s way of laughing at her. She had been so sure she was getting over him. There were some nice dates and some bad dates with men in this while. At the start, she compared them to Harley and they were found wanting. Recently though, she hadn’t compared any of them to Harley, even going on second dates, until today. Now they all came up wanting, again. Holding the tears back, she swallowed, forcing the lump in her throat down. She would not let anyone see her cry over him again. She would not let herself cry over him again. She had already shed far too many tears for him. Pulling into a vacant spot on the street she quickly dabbed moisture from her eyes before leaving her car and following Harley up a path.
He knocked on the bright red door. A tiny lady, dressed impeccably in a skirted twin set, opened the door. She was carrying a cat that dwarfed her. And he was a delight to look at. Ana gasped and clapped her hands, while bouncing a little on her toes. He looked like a giant hairy monster, taking a break from scaring people to enjoy a snuggle. He was just the sort of pet she was after.
“Elsie meet Ana. Ana meet Elsie and Dickens.” Harley introduced the women.
Elsie grinned at her then dumped Dickens in her arms. “Welcome dear, please come in.”
Ana found herself inside and sitting on a deep, soft sofa. She barely noticed as all her attention was on the cat in her arms. He was beautiful and heavy. Heavy like a thick woollen blanket draped over her. She loved it. She stared down into the most amazing blue eyes, while they stared back. Dickens let out a rumbling purr, causing Ana to giggle. She scratched him under his chin, bumping the rumble into a full-on freight train purr. Ana broke down and laughed.
“I think we have found the one, Harley.” Drawing in a breath, Ana glanced up. She had forgotten the humans in the room.
“Sorry Elsie, I just fell so in love I forgot anyone else was here.” She smiled at the little lady opposite her. “Does he always purr like this?”
Elsie laughed and looked towards Harley. “I told you Dickens didn’t like those other people you brought around. He never purred for them.” Smugness filled her voice, looking back to Ana, she answered. “Yes. His purr is wonderful, isn’t it? I fall asleep to it every night.” She sighed. “I will miss my big boy.” Ana watched as Elsie dabbed at her eyes.
“Elsie, are you sure about this? You obviously don’t want to let him go.” She rose and sat next to Elsie, putting Dickens on her lap and an arm around her shoulder.
“I must. The doctor has agreed with my children that I need care. They want me close to them in the city, so that’s that. No pets in the assisted living and no family member will take him.” She petted Dickens, smiling. “You know when I had the fall, he never left me. He even dragged a blanket over and sat beside me purring the whole time. It was nice to know I wasn’t alone.” She sighed. Ana reached out for more tissues, for both Elsie and herself. Tears were running freely down both their cheeks now. She heard Harley huff and gave him a look, amused to see Elsie do the same. Harley excused himself to the kitchen, leaving the weeping women alone. Ana shook her head, he never could handle tears.
“Will you be able to visit? Or could we come to you? Surely there are gardens we can meet you in at this place?”
Elsie laughed weakly. “Ana, you are a good girl. No, I think I need the break to be a clean one. I’ll just keep pining for him if I keep seeing him.” Elsie glanced at her with a shrewd eye. “If you know what I mean?”
Heat was rising in her face again as Elsie slid an eye towards Harley. She knew. How she knew Ana had no idea, but she did. Elsie winked at her and Ana laughed weakly, praying she wouldn’t tell Harley. Ana spent another hour with Dickens, ignoring Harley completely, before heading out to do her shopping, a smile on her face.
***
HARLEY WATCHED ANA leave, closing the door behind her.
“So, didn’t I say she was perfect?” Confidence radiated from Harley.
“Yes, you did.” Elsie raised a brow at him. “Which raises the question, Harley, of why you are not moving in that direction. It would appear she is perfect for more than my Dickens.” Elsie poked his shoulder. “Well? Don’t leave an old lady in suspense.”
Harley just looked at her. “It’s not like that with Ana. We grew up together Elsie, she is one of my best friends.”
Elsie snorted at him. “Best friends make the best lovers. They know you inside and out. They loved you before they ever loved you, if you get that. They don’t need conversation, they will understand your silence. They laugh with you and are already comfortable with you. There is no learning each other’s phases, it’s been done.” Elsie patted his cheek, causing Harley to roll his eyes.
“Elsie, Ana doesn’t think of me like that.” Even saying this caused his breath to hitch and Harley tried to hide the hurt.
Did he want Ana to think of him as a lover?
“Ahhh. But you think of her like that?”
Harley jerked. “No! She is just my friend.”
Wasn’t she?
“One, I might add who has avoided me for about two years now. So, obviously not a lover.” He scratched at his hair. “Elsie, please drop it!” He flopped down onto the sofa, feeling tears threating.
Why?
“Harley, I’ve known you since you were a baby. As soon as you mentioned Ana, I knew who you were talking about. I just played dumb so you would talk about her. All your life it’s been Ana this and Ana that. You’re in love with that girl, and you have been since you were a child. You can’t see it of course, but your entire being lit up when you were describing her to me. She lights you, Harley.” Elsie sat next to him. “Hold on to her. It is rare to find that.” She sighed, her eyes going glassy. “I had it with my Roger. I miss him every day.” Harley winced as she drilled a finger into his stomach. “I don’t regret a single moment with my Roger.”
Harley sat down, unsure how to convince Elsie he was not in love with Ana. He frowned.
Or was he?
“Elsie, Ana is a friend and nothing more. She is like a sister to me, like Dee. There is no spark, or light or anything there.”
Elsie snorted again, raising an eyebrow. Harley ground his teeth together. He knew that look, hated that look. It meant Elsie had the bit between her teeth and was running with it, nothing would change her mind now.
“Sounds like you trying to convince yourself and not me right now.” Elsie sat up to her full height and straightened her back. “Harley Dewing, do you think about Ana?”
Harley rolled his eyes and nodded. “Naturally, she is a friend.” He replied putting emphasis on friend.
“Do you enjoy spending time with her? Does she make you feel happy? Do you think of her at night? And in the mornings? Do you wonder what she is up to during the day? Do you think often that Ana would like to hear that or this? Do you look over your shoulder for her when she is not there?” Elsie fired out questions, Harley nodded along to them. “Well then, you are in love with this girl and should do something about that. I want to see you happy before I leave.” Harley found himself propelled out the front door yet again. “Now scoot and go get the girl.” The door slammed shut behind him for the second time that day.
***
HARLEY MADE HIS WAY home in a daze. Elsie was out of her mind. He was not in love with Ana. She was his friend, that’s all. A long-time friend, so of course he had feelings for her. He stopped and put his keys on the entry table, the warm breeze from the open door brushing the nape of his neck as a sudden thought occurred to him.
Was that why she was avoiding me? Did she sense something from me that had her worried? Surely, I wasn’t giving out those sorts of vibes?
He wasn’t in love with her. He couldn’t be in love with her. Could he? Harley grabbed his head.
He groaned. “See what you did Elsie, I’m getting a headache from all this superfluous overthinking.” Now he was talking to himself. Just great.
If he was in love with Ana, would he have gone to bars hunting out women, dating other women? Sure, there hadn’t been anyone serious, but that was because he hadn’t met her yet. He stopped and kicked at the door. Then he grabbed the entry table to hold himself upright as his knees buckled. Surely it was because he hadn’t met her yet?
“Oh, sweet Jesus and Mary! I have met her. Elsie was right, it is and always has been Ana.” He said it out aloud to test it. It felt right. Heart racing and mind spinning at the epiphany, he tried again. “I love Ana.”
“About bloody time you realised that.” He spun around at the sarcastic voice floating in through the open door. Dee stood in his doorway. “I was visiting to see how the cat hunt was going, but this is much better.” She walked inside, heading to the fridge to help herself to a beer. “What made you realise?”
Harley closed the door and followed Dee, grabbing his own beer and joined her at the kitchen bench.
“Got Ana to meet Elsie, she hit it off with Dickens and he’ll be moving in with Ana on Tuesday. Elsie then waited patiently for her to leave, informed me I’m in love with Ana and questioned what I will do about it.” He shrugged. “I was testing out how it felt to say it when you walked in.”
Dee quirked a brow. “Well, don’t keep a girl waiting.”
“It felt good and right.” He put down the beer and turned to her. “How can I be in love with Ana? I’ve known her forever. She has always been right there.”
“Could be you didn’t know because she was always right there? Maybe you had to lose her to see her, Harley.” Dee gave him a hug. Harley leaned into her, sighing.
Of all the people he could have fallen in love with it had to be Ana. But then, who else could it possibly be? Ana knew him like no one else. They had shared dreams and wishes with each other as children, things they had not shared with anyone else. Harley pulled a chair out from the table and sat down.
When had that stopped?
“What are you planning to do, Harley?” Dee’s question pulled him back to now.
He leaned back into the chair. “What can I do? She avoids me, Dee. You should know, you’ve been helping her.” He commented. “I still don’t know why. Does she know how I feel? Did she realise before me and avoid me to prevent an awkward situation?” He raised his eyes to Dee and gave her a deliberate puppy dog look. “Help me out here, mate.”
“Harley, you are an intelligent man. Think about it, really think about it. It will come to you, eventually. Even if you were completely oblivious all these years.” Dee leaned down and gave his cheek a kiss. “I love you Harley and I miss spending time with my friends. Fix this, please and soon. I’ll leave you to your thinking.” She three pointed her empty beer into the bin. He watched as she walked away from him, still nursing his full beer.
Harley stared down at the table, slowly sipping his beer. Dee had said he was oblivious for years. Was that how long he had loved Ana and not known? Had Dee known? Could she have possibly known this for that long and never mentioned it to him? No! Dee wouldn’t have been able to help herself, she would have said something, even just to needle him when annoyed. It would have made him start thinking. So, Dee didn’t know, not for sure.
So how was I oblivious?
“Screw it. Sleep on it and see fresh in the morning.” His voice rung out in the quiet of the house. He cleaned up the kitchen and headed off to bed early. Battling emotions was exhausting work. Tomorrow was a new day with a fresh start and hopefully a clearer mind.
Harley woke with a headache pounding behind his eyes. His plans for a good night’s rest failed spectacularly. He spent the night tossing and turning, dreaming. All the dreams featured Ana watching him with such love in her eyes before walking away from him and Dee stating men were oblivious. He woke after each dream, his heart breaking at just how much he wanted Ana to look at him that way. Walking into his kitchen, he squinted around it before deciding there was nothing in here he wanted.
A big greasy breakfast and strong black coffee and a dozen painkillers, that’s what he needed. He kicked a chair leg and headed back to his bedroom to get dressed. Food and coffee, then a visit to Ana to sort this mess out. He would tell her he loved her and get some answers about her recent behaviour.
***
ANA AWOKE HUGGING HERSELF in sheer delight. She was getting a cat called Dickens. No one could tell her no or they were dirty, disease ridden creatures. She was getting a beautiful, snuggly purring cat. Her doorbell sounded, a cheery magpie warbling that always made her happy. She danced her way down the passage to answer it.
“Dee! Welcome on this fine and wonderful morning. Come in, come in. Tea or coffee today, my bestest of best friends?” She sung.
“Wow. What did you take this morning and where can I get some?”
Ana laughed. Hearing the joy in her own voice, she laughed louder just to hear it some more. “I’m getting a cat Dee. It’s a dream come true.” She laughed again and grabbed Dee’s hands to twirl her around the kitchen. “A cat, Dee.”
Dee laughed along with Ana. “Ana, why haven’t you done this sooner? Look at you? You’re glowing.”
Ana pirouetted expertly down into a curtsy. “I don’t know. I could have any time in the last year, I guess. I think my mother had me too well conditioned to not to ask for a pet.” She wiped a hand through the air. “That’s done now though, and I’m getting a cat. Oh glory, Dee.” She spun her way back to the boiling kettle. Then she broke out into an impromptu cheer routine, filling it out with flying spirit fingers. She knew she was probably smiling like a moron, but couldn’t care. The joy and happiness was just flowing out of her this morning.
“I spent half the night online looking at cat toys and towers, then racing around the house measuring everywhere. I think I know where I’m going to put the towers and scratching posts, then changed my mind.” Laughter bubbled out of her again. “I’m just so happy.”
“You really are.” Dee hugged Ana. “I’m going to put together a grooming set, so no buying one.” Dee laughed. “You’re contagious my friend. I can’t stop laughing now either. Oh, Ana I’m so happy for you.” Ana looked at Dee’s phone as it chimed, then to Dee. She saw her frowning as she read the message.
“Damn, I have to go. I’ll be back later with the supplies and we can go shopping for toys and such.” Ana found herself pinned by a stare. “Promise not to buy anything without me.” Ana held up her hand to pinkie swear, making Dee laugh at the childhood promise.
“Bye Dee. Until later, we’ll go shopping for cat supplies and toys. Woohoo.” Ana called after her, arms up in triumph. She turned back to her house and started measuring a second time for toy space. Singing and dancing her way around.
***
ANA’S DOORBELL WARBLED. She raced to the door. “Dee your...” She trailed off as she noticed Harley on her doorstep. “Harley.” She caught her breath as he smiled at her. Not one of the forced smiles she got the day before, but a full wattage smile. A true Harley smile. God, she had missed those smiles.
“Good morning, Ana. May I come in? I believe it is time for us to talk.” She found herself gently moved out of the doorway. Her legs failed her, buckling beneath her. She leaned on the door frame watching him enter her space. He was looking around, seeing her home for the first time. She glanced around trying to see it as he did.
“I think we are both aware you have been avoiding me lately, with Dee’s help. I have spent the night racking my brain as to why. Did I say something, or not say something? Was it something I did, didn’t do?” He eased himself down onto her small couch. “I even asked Dee. She was no help, answering with nonsense. Elsie, however gave me a big clue.”
Ana sat down quickly.
Oh God, had Elsie given her secret away?
“Really Harley, I haven’t been avoiding you, just been busy.”
“No lies Ana, not between us.” He cleared his throat. “After you left yesterday, Elsie cornered me about my feelings for you. I kept telling her we were just friends, but she wouldn’t hear it. So, on and on she went, listing reasons why I was in love you. I denied it of course. I mean you’re a good friend and of course I love you, but I wasn’t in love with you.”
Ana held up her hand, stopping Harley’s rambling. Her heart shattering all over again. So many cracks put in it by this man, and now he finished the job. Wrenching pain filled her chest, as she struggled to breathe. Did he really need to push home the fact he didn’t love her? It was time to move, she could write anywhere after all. She looked around her beloved home, already missing it.
“Do you have a point here, Harley? I have a busy day planned.”
Be strong, stay strong and show nothing.
Chin held high with dry eyes she faced him.
He would never see the damage he caused her.
“As I was saying,” he gently reproached her interruption. “Elsie was informing me I was in love with you, pointing out all the ways she knew. I went home, a little rattled, and got thinking about it some more. I said it out loud to see how it felt.” He got off the couch and knelt in front of her. She gulped.
What was going on here?
“Ananke Athena Warren, I love you!” Harley reached for her hands. “I have always loved you. I was too blind to see it. You were my friend and I mistook my feelings for you as friendship.”
Ana jerked her hands out of his. She pushed her way out of the chair, storming past Harley. He loved her. Now she finally decided to move on, away from him, he loved her? Tears poured down her cheeks. For so long she had waited to hear those words. She turned at the lounge entry.
“How could you say that, Harley? You love me? Really? If you love me how could you have spent all that time with other women?” She raced out of the lounge. “Leave Harley, leave now.”
“Ana, wait.” She could hear footsteps pounding behind her. She raced outside to her backyard sanctuary. Harley followed her.
“I told you to leave, Harley. I don’t want you here right now.” She found her hand caught and her body twirled around to face him.
“Ana, I’m sorry. I didn’t know my own feelings. I watched my parents’ divorce and I promised myself then I would never fall in love. You know how that scarred me. You were the only one I could talk to about it. The Chambers’ would never have understood, they were too much of a unit. I was in denial about you, about us. I was scared and deluded myself I was in control of my emotions. If I controlled them, they would never cause me to have a broken heart again. Those other women were just a defence mechanism to prove that I was in control.” He took her by the arms, rubbing his hands lightly up and down. She shivered at his touch.
“Not having you in my life, getting information about you from Dee has been slowly killing me, and I didn’t even realise until I saw you again. You are my everything, Ana. It has always been and will always be you. The others were just denial.” Ana jerked back from him.
“Denial. Those women were just denial?” Yelling, she curled her hands into fists, her nails cutting into her skin. For a moment there she believed him, forgot all the pain, the tears, the angst she went through over him. And him, reducing those women to nothing. Tears poured down her face, she brushed them away with a brusque flick of her hands. She had promised herself never to cry over him again.
“Those women are people, Harley. I’m a person. We have feelings, we are not just things for your amusement, to be pulled out when you are bored or lonely.” She slapped his chest, knocking him back a step. “I love you and have since we were young. I have always loved you. I waited for you to wake up and realise we are perfect for each other. You never did. You went out with a bevy of women, flaunting them in front of me. And now you love me and it’s all fine.” She shoved him away again as he started to reach for her. “No. No Harley, it’s not fine. You hurt me, really hurt me. So, you know what, screw you, Harley. Once I get Dickens, I’m putting my house on the market and leaving Stonecrest Bay. I’m done with being second best, with the tears and heartache. I’m just done. Leave me alone.” She tried to shove past him to her house, but found her way blocked by a large male body. She let out a short sharp scream.
Picking up the nearest object, she hurled it at Harley. She knew she had a temper and had fought to control it her whole life, but now it was raging free. Harley ducked the flowerpot, catching Ana as she tried to slip past. Ana found herself wrapped in strong arms, lifting her face she started to curse him out. His mouth crushed down onto hers. Shock held her still for a moment while her brain tried to catch up. Harley was kissing her. She stopped thinking, wrapped her arms tighter around his neck, pulling him closer to her. She kissed him back.
Harley broke the kiss, pulled back slowly, his ragged breath fanning some tendrils of hair around her face. Ana rasped in a few breaths of her own.
Wow. He’d finally kissed her and it was everything she had dreamed of and more. Who knew?
Ana lay her head on his chest, concentrating on her breathing. Her lungs begged for air. Turning her head, she rested her cheek over his heart, listening to it thud. A strange figure, wrapped up in Harley, stared back at her from the window.
Who was this dishevelled creature?
Her hair was a mess, her cheeks flushed and her eyes were so dreamy. She looked relaxed and loved. Harley kissed her. A smile was spreading across the reflected face.
Wait. What?
Her brain re-engaged and she tried to step back from Harley. His arms were still banded around her, holding her to him.
“Get your hands off me!” She placed her hands on his chest and shoved at him with enough force to make him stumble back. He tripped over the flowerpot she had thrown earlier. He twisted around, arms flailing to the sides as he attempted to catch himself and managed to land face first on her pathway.
“You jerk. How dare you? You don’t have the right to kiss me. You don’t even have the right to touch me. You lost those rights when you went out with Roxy Dent. Do you have any idea how it felt to see you out with her? To see her draped all over you, and you, you moron standing there with a giant grin on your face?” She folded her arms and watched Harley try to stem the blood flowing from his nose. “You knew how I feel about that woman, knew what she has put me through, and you still dated her. My mother is right. You are a buffoon.”
“Ana. I think you broke my nose.” Harley was sitting on the grass, hand to his nose, looking rather pathetic.
Ana threw her hands up. “Did you hear a word I said? You are a pig, Harley. You hurt me in a way I never expected from you. Roxy, Harley. Roxy. You should be glad I avoided you for the last two years. The thought of you and that woman still makes my blood boil.”
“I can hear you, Ana. I never dated Roxy. I don’t even like the woman. She is a manipulative vixen.” He looked at her with his puppy eyes. “Can we please do something about my nose?”
“Ugh. Stop being such a baby.” She shook her head. “Come on then. I’ll drive you to the hospital.” She ushered him to her car, dragging her feet. He really did look rather pitiful right now, all six foot three of him huddled in a miserable ball in her passenger seat. She sighed. Her heart in pieces and she had to drive the cause to the hospital, while he apparently had nothing in his head but himself. A glance over showed Harley still curled into a ball, with a tea towel pressed against his face. She really was a soft touch.
Oh God, what was she to do?
***
HARLEY LAY ON THE HOSPITAL bed, waiting for a doctor to see him, thinking of all Ana had said to him. She had waited for him to be triaged and then left. He grinned, then groaned at the pain. She was one hell of a woman. One moment he held a soft, loving woman in his arms and the next a hissing hellcat. Life will never be boring with is Ana. To be fair to Ana he had deserved the shove and if not for the damned flowerpot, he would not be here right now. He sighed.
“That’s a big sigh, Harley.” The doctor eased into the cubicle. “What happened here?” He placed the X-rays on the light box, not expecting an answer. “Well, it’s definitely broken. I’ll order up some painkillers and then we’ll set it and you’ll be on your way.” Harley watched the doctor leave as quickly as he arrived. He shrugged, hospitals were busy places. Ana filled his mind anyway, there was no room left over for busy doctors.
How was he to fix this little problem of his?
He watched his parent’s marriage implode as a teenager. Watched as they battered each other bloody with words and lawyers. He never told anyone how bad it was in that house, not even his Ana. He told her some of it, but not the worst. It had left him damaged, unable to trust his own feelings. Since that time, he had tried his hardest to not feel too deeply about anything, but his friends and his job. That fear had put Ana firmly in the friend category and refused to allow him to examine them as they changed and evolved. He had to convince her his feelings were real and lasting.
But how?
It took another two hours for his nose to be set, before he could leave. Harley stood outside the hospital, looking around randomly. He had no car, it was still sitting outside Ana’s. He sighed and called for a taxi, it was probably for the best anyway. His entire face ached and whatever they gave him for the pain was starting to make him loopy. Not the best time to deal with Ana and his emotions.
He leant back in the taxi, relaxing into the seat.
Yup, good drugs.
The problem as he saw it was Ana not trusting him. She was intent on moving away, without him. He couldn’t let that happen, she was his Ana.
Harley woke to someone poking his shoulder.
“Wake up, we are here already.” A voice grumbled. “That’s some damn fine drugs.” He forced his heavy eyes open and looked around.
Oh yeah. The taxi.
He pushed up in the seat, looking around more closely. They were not at his place.
“Why are we here? This is not the address I gave you.” Harley was surprised to find his voice slurring.
“You changed your mind halfway here mate, muttered something about bickering and divorce and then fell asleep.” The driver opened the door for Harley. “You right to get inside. Those are pretty strong drugs they gave ya.”
“Yup. No problem.” Harley staggered his way up Ana’s driveway. He listened as her doorbell warbled.
“Harley? What are you doing here?” Ana glanced around him.
“Taxi dropped me here. Ana, I love you.” He was still slurring his words, and by the frown on her face badly enough not to be understood. “I need to sleep. Your flowerpot broke my nose.” He grinned down at her. “Oops.” He started to slide down the frame.
“Oh, for God’s sake, Harley.” Ana grabbed his arm and pulled him upright. “Get inside before you fall down.” She led him to the kitchen table. He fell into a chair, sighing as he put his head on the table. He should be embarrassed, but couldn’t quite remember why. He heard his Ana fussing behind him, before an icy cold feeling on his neck brought blessed relief.
“That’s nice.” Hands kneaded his sore shoulders, eliciting a groan of surrender from him. They were soft and gentle hands that eased the tension that had been building. Strong drugs or not a broken nose hurt. He eased himself back into the hands. “Ana, my Ana. I love you. We are going to get married and have two kids, you know. We’ll have Dickens and maybe get a dog too. The kids would enjoy a dog.” He sighed and fell asleep.
***
ANA WOKE WITH A QUEASY feeling in her stomach. Something was different today, something big had happened. Harley. How she got any sleep with him in the room next door was beyond her, yet she had slept and deeply. She slipped out of her room and tip toed down to the guest room. Harley was sprawled across the bed, still asleep. She edged closer to him. Guilt assailed her. His face had bruised up overnight, and he now sported a pair of amazing shiners. She brushed his hair back from his face.
What was she going to do with him?
Last night he had declared his love for her again. His words were slurred, but still clear enough. The hospital had obviously drugged him well. So now she had to wonder if he was delusional or honest while under the influence.
The scene he painted of them married with kids almost undid her last night. Was that what he really wanted? With her. Making herself a pot of tea, she carried everything outside to her little backyard patio. Sighing, she sipped her tea and enjoyed the early morning sunshine. A noise behind her made her turn.
“Morning, Harley. Kettle is still hot.” She turned away from him, hiding her grin. So, he still wasn’t a morning person then. She watched as he pulled out a chair opposite her.
“I feel like a steamroller’s run over me.” He groaned as he lowered his frame into the chair. “That is one dangerous flowerpot you have woman.”
Ana snorted. “Sure Harley, it was the pot’s fault. Not yours. You kissed me yesterday, and for a short time I was swept into it. But that still does not give you the right to kiss me when you feel like it. It is my decision who and when I kiss someone.”
“What would it take for me to get those rights?” He watched her, staring straight into her eyes. Clearing her throat, she squirmed in her chair.
“Trust and belief that you mean what you say. You have no idea how you have hurt me over the years.” She sipped, trying to soothe her dry throat. This was it, the final chance for them. She knew it as she knew her own name.
“I never dated Roxy. I remember the night in question. I was smiling because I saw you outside. Roxy just choose that moment to make a move. By the time I got her off me and came out to look for you, you were gone.” He continued to look into her eyes. “Is that why you have been avoiding me? Because of Roxy?”
“She was the final straw.” Ana was honest. She had to be. Her heart was racing, this was it. “How can I be sure you mean what you say, Harley?”
“I guess you can’t be sure, but Ana, I have never knowingly lied to you. Ever Ana. I love you, I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you. It took me awhile, and a broken nose to get here, but I did finally get here. My parents’ divorce scarred me, Ana. It has made me wary of love and its fleetingness. Marriage is not a step I will ever take lightly, not after them. You were there, you saw the fights and the abuse they hurled at each other, but even then, I kept the worst from you and the Chambers’. I will never risk putting any children of mine through that. But with you, I know I never will because we are forever. You’re my Ana, and you always have been. I just had to wake up and stop being afraid of it.” He slipped out of his chair and knelt beside Ana’s. She could feel the tears building.
“Marry me, Ana? Be mine for the rest of our lives?” He took her hand and kissed it. “Have my children and grow old with me?”
Ana cried. This was her Harley. The Harley she had fallen in love with all those years ago. “Be sure Harley, if you change your mind later, I don’t think I’ll survive that.”
“Ana, I’m sure. I want to be yours for life. Marry me?”
Ana cried harder. “Yes. For life, my Harley.” She cupped his battered face and sealed it with a kiss.