Tara and I attempted to enter the water, but the ocean was still far too cold for our taste. We retreated back onto the sand and watched Lyla surf.
“So, when exactly are you heading back to Sydney?” Tara asked.
“Well, I can’t get too much time off work since I took four weeks during July, so I’m going to go for the two weeks around Harper’s wedding. I’m leaving on the sixth of January.”
She grinned. “Perfect! You can come to a Christmas party with me tonight. All my school friends will be there, and there are some hotties you might like.” She nudged me in the ribs.
I giggled. “I don’t feel like picking up.”
“Fine, then let one of them pick you up.”
I laughed and remembered that this was the party where I first saw Austin. He would be there, but I couldn’t talk to him. That wasn’t supposed to happen until the new school year. With everything that had happened already, I felt nervous. What if he approached me? I didn’t want our relationship to be altered; I wanted it to play out the same way.
And James. Things were strained between us, to the point of near collapse. I doubted he could handle another year with me gone. I needed to be fair to him by ending us before . . .
But the prospect of ending us hurt so much.
Brushing the thoughts aside, I decided to focus on enjoying the evening with my friends. I carefully chose my outfit so I looked tidy—but not pretty in any way—in dark jeans and a blue, fitted t-shirt. I put on a small amount of makeup, determined not to stand out. After all the close calls I’d had with Austin, I didn’t want to draw his attention before the right time.
Tara picked up Lyla and me right on time, and we headed to the house. As we entered, just like the first time, I saw Austin standing by the bar in the kitchen with a few of his guy friends. I paused at the sight of him and caught my breath. He looked magnificent. He was an average height, but his arms and shoulders made up for it in sheer muscular bulk. He had gelled his hair and had facial hair growing on his solid jawline, which only enhanced his masculine appearance. He looked so perfect it took my breath away. There he was, my husband—alive, vibrant, and just as I remembered.
Tara nudged me. “Hey, Cadence, are you okay?”
I forced myself to think and said, “Who’s that?”
Her eyes twinkled up at me. “That’s Austin Jones. Why?”
“Is . . . is he single?” I asked. Even though I already knew the answer, I wanted to keep everything the same.
“I believe so, yes.”
I met her gaze. “Is he straight?”
She giggled. “Yes. Do you want me to introduce you?”
Yes! I screamed in my mind, but kept my cool. “He wouldn’t wanna talk to me. If we meet, then we meet. I won’t force it.”
She rolled her eyes. “Suit yourself.”
I watched him out of the corner of my eye as we passed and saw him do a double-take on me. He leaned forward to see me clearer before I walked through the door to the backyard.
A table with food and drinks sat on the porch, and chairs stood in a circle on the lawn with bug repellent lanterns burning to keep the mosquitos away. I sat with Lyla while Tara introduced us to some of her friends.
I had a great time, forgetting about Austin until he stepped outside while Tara refilled her plate and grabbed a drink. He shuffled up beside her and spoke. She nodded and touched his arm before they turned and headed down to join us together.
As he turned, his gaze locked on me. Shoot! I averted my gaze and tried to engross myself in a conversation with Lyla. Then, where Tara had sat beside me, he sank down; she pulled up a chair on the other side of him. I turned slightly, hoping to avoid contact with him. When he cleared his throat, my nerves got the better of me and I leapt to my feet to rush inside.
“Cadence? Where are you going?” Tara asked.
I rushed into the bathroom and sat on the toilet seat, struggling not to hyperventilate. I didn’t want it to be different. I wanted everything with him to be the same. Just the same. Our relationship had been wonderful, and I didn’t want to screw around with it.
I needed to talk to someone.
“Hello, beautiful. You realize it’s midnight here, right?”
I smiled, and my heart calmed at the sound of James’s voice. “Not like you’d be sleeping anyway.”
He chuckled. By the sound of things, he was out drinking. “Yeah, I’m out. How are you?”
“I’m at a party right now.”
“Oh . . . then why are you on the phone with me? Not that I’m complaining.”
“I just . . . everyone’s hooking up, and a guy started hitting on me, so I needed to hide and talk to you.”
He hesitated, and I remembered how badly he’d reacted the last time I told him a guy hit on me. I doubted I’d made the right call. “Do I need to catch a red eye and beat him up for you?”
I smiled at his attempt to sound chill about it. “No, your voice is reassurance enough.”
“Well, I’m glad.” I heard Tom talking with his girlfriend Nicki in the background before James said, “Hey, I gotta go. I love you, and I’ll see ya in two weeks.”
“You too, James. I miss you.”
I smiled as I hung up the phone. James had soothed my nerves, and I felt calm again. I flushed the toilet and washed my hands as a cover, then stepped out.
Austin stood in the family room with a direct line of sight to the bathroom. His gaze locked on me; I knew he had waited for me. Tara appeared beside me and grabbed my arm so I couldn’t escape as he approached. I tugged, trying to free myself.
“No! I’m not ready to meet him!” I said in a hushed voice.
“Not ready?” Her eyes narrowed. “Cadence, he wants to meet you.”
“But I’m . . . not yet . . .”
“Hi.”
My heart hit my stomach, and all the calming influence James just had on me flew out the window. I stared at Austin as he smiled cautiously down at me.
“Cadence, isn’t it?”
My cheeks burned. I felt fourteen. Again.
Tara nudged me and released my arm so I could shake his outstretched hand. But once free, I balked and made a dash for the front door.
“Cadence!” she called after me, with clear frustration in her voice. Then I heard her say, “Go after her!”
And to my surprise, he did. He caught my arm by the front door and electricity shot through me. I turned to face him, gasping with surprise, before getting lost in his eyes.
“Cadence, you keep running from me.”
“Mmm.” I bit my lip and dropped my gaze. Not yet, oh please, not yet.
“Have I done something to offend you?”
“No!” My gaze shot back up and my hand lifted to rest on his chest, but I caught myself and pulled away.
The gesture didn’t go unnoticed. He caught my hand and placed it on his chest. “Are you afraid of me?”
I couldn’t help my eyes falling onto his lips as I responded, breathlessly, “A little, yes.”
“Why?”
I tried to pull my hand away, but he held tightly to it. “I’m . . . I’m just not ready to meet you yet.”
He raised his eyebrow. “What does that mean?”
“I just . . . I’m . . .” My fingers wandered over his chest. Even after all that time, it still looked familiar, the place I’d rested for comfort. He shifted closer to me, and his free hand pressed against my waist. I looked up and we gazed deeply into each other’s eyes. I’d begged him to come back to life, and here he was—so alive.
I whimpered and pulled away.
“Hey, I don’t get it,” he said gently. “You’re obviously just as attracted to me as I am to you.”
“That’s . . .” My face burned. I covered my face and slipped out from under his arms.
“Cadence!” he called after me as I rushed out the door.
I hurried down the street and hid behind a bush. An assault of memories and feelings slammed into my brain, as if a dam had broken open right on top of me. Austin’s eyes gazing into mine as he asked me to marry him, as we said our vows, as I gave birth, as he loved me endlessly.
I fell to my knees as the image of him stretched out dead in the morgue overwhelmed me. My Austin. My wonderful, devoted Austin.
“Angel!” I screamed.
He appeared in front of me. He bent over, his expression cold. “What is it?”
I pulled back, startled by his lack of warmth. “Why am I suddenly remembering everything so clearly?”
He hesitated, his eyes narrowing. “All your memories are coming back?”
“Yes! Austin touched me, and a moment later, bam! The most vivid image is his dead body. How can I face him with that burned into my mind?”
He straightened and folded his arms, but his expression softened. “Stand up, Cadence.”
I hurried to obey. He looked me over slowly and sighed. He reached out and touched my shoulder. The image faded back into that of a mere dream. I rubbed my eyes as his hand fell, and I fought to compose myself. “Thank you.”
“You’re very welcome. Now, what are you going to do?”
I slumped. “It’s too early to talk to him. I want everything to be the same. Our relationship was so wonderful that I don’t want to change a thing.”
“But a great deal has already changed.”
My gaze shot up to meet his. “Oh no . . .”
He smiled. “Cadence, this is a second chance. What if, like everything else, you can make it so much better?”
I dropped my head and stared at my hands. “What could be better than perfect?”
His breath brushed against my cheek as he whispered to me, “Nothing is perfect.”
He vanished.
I stopped breathing. What did he mean? Had I done something wrong with Austin the first time around? I thought we had loved each other so completely, despite our fights over dishes, money, and other petty domestic disputes.
“Cadence!”
I jumped at Tara’s voice and took a sharp breath. She ran up in front of me and paused to catch her breath with her hands on her hips. “What was that?”
“What?”
She waved her hands in the air. “You just ran out on him!” she said slowly and precisely. “What’s wrong with you? I thought you thought he’s hot!”
“I . . . I do,” I stuttered. “It’s just, I didn’t expect that.”
“What? A guy hitting on you?”
I nodded.
Her expression softened, and she grabbed my hand. “But you’re hot. Surely guys have hit on you before.”
I scoffed. “It’s been a while.”
“What do you mean?”
I met her gaze. James had done a fantastic job at keeping other guys away from me. He had a threatening presence, being so tall and strong, and his former bad boy reputation still lingered around him. I’d never minded either—I was happy with him.
I sighed. James. Here I was again, conflicted.
I squeezed Tara’s hand. “I dated a guy from my ninth grade year onward. No one ever hit on me because of that. He was too scary.”
A smile crept across her face. “Oh, I get it. That’s why you never talk about guys. A boyfriend for that long makes it hard to move on.”
I nodded.
She wrapped her arm through mine. “Come on. I’ll explain to him to give you some space for a bit, huh? Because seriously, when I saw you two together, it worked, and I’m not just saying that.”
I smiled. She had no idea.
Back in the house, she walked me back to Lyla before she disappeared. A few moments later, I saw her through the kitchen window talking to Austin. He listened closely, nodding every so often. When she finished, he rubbed the hair on his chin and spoke. I wished I was a fly on the wall.
She responded. He nodded and glanced out the window. I looked away, hoping he hadn’t noticed me. When I glanced back, they had both gone.
Tara returned to sit beside me. She waited for Lyla to talk to someone else before she said quietly, “I told him to take it easy on you.”
“What do you mean?”
“He kinda thought you were a bit nuts, so I explained what you told me and he understood. He’s a great guy, Cadence. I think you’d really like him if you gave him a chance.”
I huffed. I’d almost blown it. Thank goodness for Tara saving the day. “He really thought I was crazy?”
She grinned sheepishly. “Well, you did act pretty weird. If I didn’t know you, I’d think you were too.”
I slapped my forehead. “I’m such an idiot.”
She giggled. “Don’t worry. He understands. Maybe after the holidays, when we go back to school, you’ll have had enough time to cool off, and you’ll let him approach you without acting like a fourteen-year-old.”
“Maybe.”
He passed by the back door and my gaze followed him. Tara nudged me with a grin.