Screaming and yelling filled the house. Finger-pointing and accusations flew as the fight turned into loud, jumbled noise. Mum and Dad yelled, Dusty and I yelled louder, and Harper even joined in. The only person not making a sound was Austin. He remained silent, but kept a supportive arm around my waist.
“This is disgraceful!” Dad yelled.
“Dad, you’re being ridiculous!” Harper hollered.
“I can’t even look at you right now!” Mum sobbed, waving her hand at me.
“Cadence is still my sister!” Dusty said fiercely. “She’s staying right here, and with Austin, too!”
“Ooh, boy . . .” Dad glared at Dusty.
It went on for more than an hour. Finally, things seemed to burn out, and the yelling faded. The final verdict: Austin and I stayed, but Dad did not like it one bit.
That night, I lay in bed unable to sleep, my mind consumed by my feelings and thoughts of James. I had to see him. I had to end it and not let him overwhelm me.
I arose and left early, knowing it would be his day off. I slipped a note for Austin under the door, telling him I’d gone to visit an old school friend before I hurried out of the house.
When I pulled up in front of the townhouse, James stood outside, shirtless, washing his car. I tried to push aside my feelings of attraction to him at the sight of his lean, muscular shoulders and chest. He waved carelessly, apparently assuming I was Dusty, but when I stepped out, he did a double take. “Cadence!”
My stomach churned as my fears and nerves consumed me. “Hello, James.”
He grabbed a towel and rushed toward me. “I can’t believe . . . . You never gave me any details.”
I couldn’t look him in the eyes. “I know, I . . .”
He grabbed me in a tight embrace. “I’ve missed you! Let’s go inside. I’m pretty hungry because I haven’t had breakfast yet, so if you want―”
“Let’s just talk,” I said, my shoulders slumping.
He swore. “No, you’re going on a guilt trip again.” He caught my hand and led me inside to the couch.
Those few steps brought me to tears. He would kick up a hard fight and make it impossible for me to let him down gently.
“Cadence,” he said softly as he knelt before me. “I told you not to worry about this. I’ve forgiven you, so you should forgive yourself.”
I shook my head. “It’s not that simple.”
He clasped my face. “Yes, it is. I’ve finished my course, and after graduation, I’m coming to be with you. Don’t let this get in the way of us.”
Sobs wrenched from deep inside me. How could I hurt him?
I had to—I’d made my choice.
“James, it’s over.”
He hesitated. “Well, I’d guessed as much when―”
“No, you and me. We’re over.”
He shook his head. “No.”
“James . . .”
“No!” He jumped up and sat on the couch beside me. “You promised me we’d get married.”
I nodded. “I know, but―”
“I’m not going to let you go. I know this is because you think you’re hurting me with this other guy, but―”
“James, please stop. We’re done.” I moved to stand, but he caught my arm and held me down.
“Then tell me you don’t love me.”
I took a sharp breath. “James, I―”
“Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me, Cadence, and I’ll let you go!”
I looked into his eyes, those eyes that I’d always loved and found myself lost in, and couldn’t do it. My gaze fell as I turned away and tried to stand again.
“You do still love me,” he said in a tight voice. “Then, why are you pushing me away?”
He couldn’t know about Austin—that would be a devastating blow—and the images of James as a vegetable rushed through my mind. “I can’t hurt you anymore.”
“This hurts me.”
My face fell into my hands and I sobbed. He clasped my face and pulled me in for a kiss. His familiar lips sent a shudder through me. He pulled me into his arms as our kiss deepened, and he wiped away my tears.
He lifted me, and without me realizing it, he’d carried me into his room and laid me on his bed.
“I love you, Cadence,” he whispered as he slid down my jeans. His hands caressed my body as he slowly peeled off my clothes.
“James,” I said breathlessly.
He bent over me and kissed under my eyes. “Yes?”
“We can’t . . .”
“Can’t what?” His fingers stroked me between my legs, making me groan. Before I knew it, we were making love with such fiery passion. I was lost in him, in his eyes, his touch, his voice whispering in my ear how beautiful I was and how much he loved me.
My fingers found their way into his chestnut hair as he kissed my body and loved me like he never had before.
“Oh, James,” I whispered in his ear. “How do you just know how to get to me?”
“Because I love you,” he answered. “And there’s no one I know better than you.”
As we finished, he wrapped his arms around me and we softly kissed. We gazed into each other’s eyes, communicating feelings between us that words couldn’t express.
He softly stroked my back, the one trigger that always made me fall asleep. When I awoke, several hours had passed, and James lay asleep beside me. Covering my mouth as I pulled away, a pit formed in my stomach for betraying Austin. I had to leave, and never come back. I just couldn’t face James again.
I dressed quickly and silently, then rushed to his desk to write him a note.
James,
I’m so sorry. You deserve better than this. Please don’t fight for me anymore. All I will give you is pain. I wish I could leave you more than just a note after everything we’ve been through together, but I know talking to you will only prevent me from leaving and hurt you more.
I’m so sorry, and I wish you the best in the future.
Cadence.
As I rested the note on his pillow, I stared at his face one last time, taking in every detail to remember him exactly how he was when we loved each other. Then I dug into my handbag and pulled out his ring, placing it carefully on top of the note. I turned and froze as I heard movement behind me.
“Cadence?”
I couldn’t look at him, so I rushed to the door.
He leapt out of bed and held it shut. “No.”
“James . . .”
“You’re not running away.” He locked it and reached for my note. I gasped and reached for the door, but he grabbed my arm. “A note?”
Tears burst out of me. “I keep trying, but you keep stopping me.”
“Because you love me!”
“There’s someone else!” I yelled, avoiding his gaze.
“He’s confused you! I felt it when we made love. I see it in the way you look at me. You love me, Cadence.”
My face fell into my hands as I cried. I did love him, so much, but I needed to be with Austin. I loved him, too, and I needed to make sure he was happy before he died. I needed to give him myself and Melody, and I needed that too. I grieved so much for him and Melody that I needed to have them back. Everything I had done was for them.
James rested his hand on my shoulder. “Don’t go back there, or wait for me to come with you. Defer for a semester so we can work this out.”
“It’s . . . I . . .” I shook my head, forcing my tears aside. “We’re over.”
I grabbed the handle and unlocked it, but he pulled me back.
“No.” He grasped my face and kissed me again.
I moaned, aching for him as my heart broke. I pulled back as a sob wrenched free, and yanked the door open. “Goodbye, James.”
“No!” He went to rush after me, but still being naked, he paused to grab some pants.
I hurried down the stairs and out of the house. As I opened the car door, he pushed it shut.
“James, please!”
“I’m not going to let some guy get between us. You made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes.”
“He’s not a mistake,” I responded softly.
“Then I’m a mistake?” he yelled.
“No.” Tears streamed down my face again.
“Then why are you cutting me off? What has he done to you?”
I bit my lip. “I can’t explain without you . . . without you . . .” Turning into a vegetable.
“Without me what?”
I finally looked up at him. He had tears running down his face, and it tore me apart. I couldn’t help brushing his cheek with my thumb to wipe them away, but then I stopped myself. “Please, let me go.”
“No.” He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me in for a kiss. I moaned and caressed his face as my heart pulsed inside me. Was I making the right choice? James made me feel so incredible, but I needed to think of Austin and Melody.
I broke away, deliberately avoiding looking into his eyes. I tried to push him off, but he held me tight and kissed me again. My heart melted as I kissed him back, my love for him filling me up.
My phone vibrated in my handbag. Breaking from the kiss, I looked into my bag to see Austin calling. I swore and pushed James off.
“Did you just swear?” He raised his eyebrow.
“Shut up.”
“Who is it?”
I turned away from him, my guilt for him, Austin, and everything consuming me. “I need to go.”
“It’s that guy!” He grabbed for my bag.
I held it closed as I pulled the car door open and tossed it inside. “James . . .”
“Let me talk to him, and I’ll fix all of this.”
I gasped. “No! James, I can’t . . . you don’t know how complicated this is! He’s . . . he was . . .” I couldn’t tell him Austin had been my husband before, as much as I wanted to, as much as I almost did.
“Give it to me!” He grabbed for the door and pried it open.
“No!” I grabbed his arm, forcing him back.
He shook me off and dove back in, grasping my bag.
“Stop it!” I grabbed his arm, and he shoved me off. I stumbled back and into Tom. I winced as my head impacted Tom’s shoulder. Tom grabbed my arms as James swung back, his eyes wide with alarm as he realized what he’d done.
“What’s going on?” Tom asked.
James swore. “Cadence, I didn’t mean to . . . are you okay?”
I nodded. He hadn’t meant to shove me, but I rubbed the back of my head as pain throbbed through it. “I have to go.”
“We’re not done,” James said firmly. I pushed by him to get into the car, but he caught my arm. “We’re not done.”
“Yes, we are, James.” I pulled free.
“Cadence . . .”
My phone started ringing again. We stared into the car. “I have to go.”
His lips pressed into my hair where I had hit Tom. “No, you don’t.”
I took a sharp breath as his hand brushed my neck. “No, no, no. I can’t do this. Not again. You need to stop.”
I pushed him back, and before he could react, I shut the door and locked it behind me.
He tugged at the handle. “Cadence!”
I turned the keys to start the ignition.
“Cadence! Don’t do this.”
I put the car in reverse.
“I love you, my beautiful girl. Please.”
I looked up at him as the words danced on the tip of my tongue. I love you, too. But to say them would be unfair, so I bit them back and reversed out of the driveway, tears streaming down my face.
Austin sat quietly beside me on the sectional. He knew something was wrong from the moment I arrived home. But he didn’t ask, and just let me cry on his shoulder. I’d settled down, and curled up beside him so his warmth encompassed me. Even in the early summer heat, it felt comforting.
He flicked through the channels on the TV, and, finding nothing of interest, said, “Why don’t we go do something?”
“Okay. Like what?”
He chuckled. “You’re the local, you tell me.”
I looked into his eyes and sighed at the love I saw in them. Guilt made my heart twinge as a flash of James only a few hours earlier, gazing down at me while we made love, shot through my mind. I needed a diversion. “How about we go up the mountains? It will be slightly cooler, and I know a great candy shop where we can go crazy and give ourselves a sugar high.”
“I think that sounds like a great idea.”
I hurried to change into denim knee-length shorts and a loose, pale blue t-shirt before we left. The trip came as a welcome distraction as I took him to see tourist hotspots and looked out over the stunning views of the bushland.
We stopped at the candy store last, and he bought me several bags of my favorite treats, which were mostly different types of chocolate.
“I love spoiling you.” He grinned as he paid for them.
“You know you don’t have to,” I said, offering him some money again.
“What’s mine is yours.” He handed me my bag full of treats.
When we arrived home, Dad paced the living room, and Dusty sat on the couch with his elbows on his knees, holding his head. That wasn’t a good sign.
As soon as the door opened, Dad swung around and pointed at me. “You, my room, right now.”
My hand tightened nervously around Austin’s.
“Without him,” Dad said firmly. “Dusty, you come too.”
Dusty kept his head low as he scurried away.
Austin squeezed my hand. “I’ll be right here, so don’t worry.”
He released my hand and nodded for me to follow Dad.
In Dad’s bedroom, Dusty sat staring at his hands on the bed. I touched his shoulder, but he flinched away. Dad shut the door behind him and spoke in a low voice. “I believe you recognize this.”
He tossed James’s ring on the bed.
I gasped. “He came here?”
“He just left,” Dusty said quietly. “He’s never going to speak to me again.”
“Oh no! Dusty, I’m so―”
“You’re not sorry, Cadence.” Dad scowled. “So don’t even say it. He came here and told me you tried to end it with him, but you couldn’t deny that you still love him. So he’s going to fight for you.”
“I told him not to,” I said softly, but firmly. “I told him he deserves better than this.”
“I told him the same thing,” Dad said harshly, making me wince. “But he said despite your weakness, he wants to forgive you and move on, and he left the ring for you for when you’re ready.”
I shook my head. “I can’t keep doing this. I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried ending it over and over, but . . .” I trailed off. He refused to let go because he knew he still had a hold on my heart. The only thing I could do was stay away from him so he didn’t sweep me up again. “I love Austin, Dad. Being with him makes me happy, and I know it’s the right thing for my life. James, he’s . . .” My voice caught. “He . . . I’m . . .”
“Despite everything, you still love him,” Dad said gently.
I nodded.
He took a deep breath and slowly released it to calm himself. “But you love Austin more?”
I hesitated, but slowly nodded. “Austin would sacrifice everything for me, even his life, and in some ways, I feel like I’ve already done the same for him. Just so you know, I didn’t come to this decision easily. There were many factors that pulled me in both directions, but when it came to it, the one I wanted to do everything I could to make happy for the rest of his life was Austin.”
Dad rested his hands on his hips as he slowly looked me over. But Dusty spoke first. “Why not James?”
I sighed. “James will always be my first love, and the best friend I’ve ever had, but Austin is my match. I can’t explain it, but I just know I’m meant to be with him.”
Dusty reached over and plucked up the ring. “I guess I should give this back to him.”
I gently placed a kiss on his cheek. “I’m sorry this hurts you so much. I hope it doesn’t end your friendship with him.”
He scoffed. “It probably will. I think he only tolerated me to keep you happy.”
“Dusty!”
He shook his head. “I guess I’m about to find out.”
He shuffled off the bed and headed out to the car.
Dad surprised me by grasping my shoulder. “I think maybe I’ve misunderstood your feelings and that young man’s intentions. Why don’t you send him in here to speak with me?”
Gasping with surprise, I jumped to my feet and threw my arms around him. “Thank you, Dad. You’ll love him too, you’ll see. He’s what you’ve always wanted for me.”
I rushed out to send in Austin.
Dusty returned in a mellow mood, but not devastated, telling me his friendship with James remained intact. That was a relief.
Dad’s conversation with Austin resulted in him giving permission to marry me. So, on Christmas, with the whole family around, we announced our engagement. Although it still startled my family, they accepted my choice and did all they could to get to know Austin.
Toward the end of our visit, we set a date and booked our wedding.
On New Year’s Eve, my annual visit from the man in white came. When time froze, I broke away from Austin’s kiss. I stared at him, sorrow for all those years with James making my heart heavy.
“Cadence.”
I turned, keeping my hand on Austin’s knee. “I’ve made my choice.”
He bowed his head. “I know. But are you sure?”
“Yes.” I looked to Austin, touching his hair. “More than ever.”
“Let me show you something.”
His hand rested on my shoulder. The room shifted. I gasped as I found myself on the end of James’s bed, him sitting on his pillows cross-legged, staring at my ring. With bloodshot eyes, his lip trembled as he fought back his emotions.
James shook his head, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. He clutched the ring and launched to his feet. Grasping my note, he tore it in two before he marched downstairs.
“Wow, James.” Tom stopped him by the living room. “Don’t do this.”
He pushed Tom aside. “I can’t let her go. She’s everything to me.”
“Maybe you should give her some space.”
“Space has been the problem.” He ground his teeth, squeezing the ring. “Five years. How can one person mess with her head enough to wipe out five incredible years?”
I swung around. “Don’t make me see this. I told you I’d made my choice.”
The man in white ignored me, watching James.
Tom sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t know. Cadence hasn’t been herself lately.”
“Exactly.” James stared at the ring. “Her dad’s on my side. If we talk to her together, maybe she’ll see sense.”
Tom’s brows furrowed. “Mate, don’t—”
James marched out the door.
The scene changed, and we appeared at the house. James waved the ring in Dad’s face as Dusty stood in the corner. “She promised. Help me talk to her.”
Dad shook his head. “I don’t know what to do, son. She won’t listen to me either.”
“Damn it.” James marched through the house to my room. Dad and Dusty rushed after him, trying to block him off. Outside my door, he paused, looking across the hallway into Harper’s room.
Dusty rushed over and shut the door.
“He’s here.” James ran his hand through his hair. His chin trembled as he looked at the ring again. Then, he rushed into my room.
I followed him, wishing I could take his pain away. More than anything, I wished I could explain everything to him, to explain about Austin, and Melody, and him. If anyone deserved an explanation, it was him. But too much was at stake, and an explanation like that would turn him into the one thing I dreaded for him.
“Cadence.” He set the ring on my dresser and sank onto the desk chair. “I don’t understand. She loves me, I know she does. She couldn’t deny it when she came to me, and the way she looked at me . . .” He grasped his hair. “It hurt her to break up with me. I know it. I know her so well I could see it all over her.”
Dad rested his hand on James’s shoulder. “I wish I could explain, but I don’t understand either. I don’t doubt that she still loves you too. But I can tell you that this Austin will kick up a fight for her as well.”
“His name is Austin.” James’s eyes darkened. “That’s such a stupid name.”
“I don’t think you should be here when she gets back,” Dad said firmly.
“When they get back.” James stood, taking a deep breath. “Make sure she knows I’m not giving up on her. We’ll get married once we get past this.”
“James,” Dusty said weakly. “Can you get past this?”
James nodded, meeting his gaze. “It hurts like crazy, but we’ve shared too much for me to forget her. I’ve always had to fight for her, and I won’t ever stop.”
James stormed from the house, leaving Dad and Dusty in my room, staring at the ring.
The man rested his hand on my shoulder. “Cadence—”
“Don’t.” I pulled away, covering my face. “I hate that you showed me that.”
Darkness encompassed me, and then slowly faded back to New Year’s. I stared at Austin, refusing to acknowledge the man’s lingering presence.
“Is there anything else you’d like to review?” he asked.
“Like more of James’s heart being ripped out?” I responded bitterly. “I told you I’d made my choice.”
“James will save you from grief.”
I sobbed, covering my face. “Stop.”
“Very well, sweet Cadence. But don’t blame me for not warning you.”
He disappeared, but thankfully, time didn’t start again until I’d pulled myself together enough to smile as Austin broke away from our kiss.