Austin hummed as he lay on the bed gazing out at the ocean. My head rested on his chest as I dozed. As the last day of our honeymoon on Hamilton Island, we’d decided to spend it in bed. We’d spent most of our two weeks diving and snorkeling around the Great Barrier Reef. The weather was terribly cold, but Austin didn’t seem to notice, and enjoyed warming me up in our hotel room afterward.
For our last day, all I wanted was to be curled up under thick blankets in Austin’s arms. His warm body comforted me, and the vibrations in his chest as he hummed lulled me to sleep.
“Cadence?”
I jumped at the sound of voice. “Yes?”
“Why did you pick me?”
I squeezed his waist. “Because I love you.”
“But you love him, too.”
My head shot up. “Are you doubting me?”
He smiled and caressed my cheek. “No. I’m just wondering.”
Shuffling up closer to him, I said, “I’d choose you a hundred times over. You make me so happy.”
He wrapped his arms around me and lowered me underneath him. He kissed me deeply, lovingly, as his hands wandered over my naked body. When his lips broke away from mine, he whispered, “I’d give anything to protect you and be with you. I’ll never let you go. You’re my everything, and I’d do anything to make sure you’re always happy.”
I pulled him down to kiss me, and we made love.
After the honeymoon, we returned to finish our degrees and moved into our tiny townhouse. We struggled along, like most newlyweds, but after graduation, Austin got his dream job―conservation of the ocean around Rottnest Island and Perth.
I signed as one of the trainers with the Fremantle Dockers, which impressed George to no end. It required some travel around the country throughout the football season, which meant free trips to Sydney for the away games there.
At the beginning of the next year, I returned to university and earned a graduate diploma in sports management.
I discovered I was pregnant a year after that. Once the morning sickness passed, I found myself gazing in the mirror after my shower, examining my belly. My little Melody grew inside of me, and I felt excited to see her again.
Austin walked in and ruffled his hair. “I feel disgusting. Do I smell disgusting?” He lifted his arm.
“Oh, geez!” I shoved him away. “Seriously, everything stinks to me right now. Get in the shower.”
He laughed and turned on the water. “You know, if it’s a girl, Harper’s going to be furious.”
I giggled. “Oh yes, she will be.”
He turned to face me. “You think it’s a girl, don’t you?”
I rubbed my belly. “I sure do.”
“Hmm, then we better start thinking up musical names, because, from my experience, you’re never wrong about these things.” He turned off the water and looked at me. “You know what? I’m working on collecting samples today, so I don’t need a shower.”
He grabbed his deodorant and rolled it on, then yanked his wet suit up to his waist.
I rolled my eyes.
“What was that for?” he laughed.
“You’re such a man.”
He grabbed me around the waist from behind, and nibbled on my neck, making me shriek and giggle.
“Yes, but I’m your man.” He held me tightly as his hands drifted down and caressed my abdomen. “She’ll be beautiful. My girls. I must be the luckiest man alive.”
Several months later, I went into labor. Mum and Geri were with us as I went through it. As a nurse, Geri was a huge relief to have in the room with me. She stayed calm, and when the hospital’s nurse wasn’t around, she kept a close eye on my progress.
But Austin was all I wanted. I clung to his hand as contractions hit me, and he kissed my head, telling me I was so brave.
“Austin?” I said between contractions.
“Yes, my sweet?”
“Don’t let go of my hand.”
He chuckled. “I won’t, even if you break every bone in it.”
I gave him a sarcastic smirk. “You’re so . . . . Argh!”
I threw my head back as another contraction hit.
Finally, Melody crowned, and I pushed hard. Austin clung to my hand as he watched his little girl arrive into the world. When she opened her mouth and screamed, his whole face lit up, and he gave me a wide, proud smile.
The midwife lifted Melody onto my chest while she wiped her clean. Austin kissed my head as he held us both in his arms. Nothing could have been more perfect than that moment.
Once I was cleaned up and covered, Dusty and Dad entered to see Melody. Dad held her with a proud smile, before walking over and kissing me on the head. “I’m so proud of you, sweetheart.”
Austin stepped up beside Dad and lifted Melody from his arms as my family gathered around me to talk. I watched Austin while he sat with Melody and talked to her softly, stroking her cheek with his finger. It was a beautiful moment, and I felt so glad she had such a loving father. But then it dawned on me. Austin only had eighteen months left. The thought made tears burst from my eyes, and my family stopped their conversation abruptly.
“Cadence, honey,” Mum said. “What’s the matter?”
Austin’s head lifted, and he looked over at me. “Cadence, what is it?”
But I couldn’t speak. My heart ached too much.
Austin stood and asked for everyone to step out. He came up beside me and stroked my hair. “Why are you crying?”
“I just . . .” I took a deep breath to compose myself. “I just love you so much, and Melody is so lucky to have you as her daddy.”
Tears formed in his eyes. “Oh, my sweet Cadence. We really are so lucky, aren’t we?” He placed Melody in my arms. “You’re going to be a wonderful mother.”
That night, for the first time in years, I called for the angel. I’d only seen him briefly on New Year’s for my yearly recap and goal setting. He seemed content to just let me live my life.
“Angel?” I said softly, as I watched Austin sleep on the couch that had been converted into a makeshift bed.
The beeps and humming of the air conditioning fell silent, and the man appeared at the door, wearing white scrubs. “What is it? You haven’t called on me for a while.”
I looked back at Austin. “It’s almost over, but I’m not ready to lose him again.” Tears streamed from my eyes, and I sobbed. “Are you sure there’s no way to save him?”
He walked up beside me and folded his arms. “Absolutely none. Whatever you do to prevent it will just lead him to a different death. He must die at his allotted time.”
My face fell into my hands. “I’m not ready. Why can’t he stay to watch Melody grow? Why can’t he stay to be her daddy and protect her and love her?”
“I’m sorry, sweet Cadence. But remember, death is not the end. He will be able to watch over you from the next life, and he will continue to love you. I promise you that. Don’t despair.”
My head shot up to respond, but he had gone.
I did everything I could over the next few months to make them beautiful and happy for Austin. We went on family outings every weekend, we visited with his family regularly, and with mine too.
When Melody was nine months old, we visited Dusty and Geri in Sydney. Geri was five months pregnant with their first child and, despite her medical training, wanted my and Harper’s guidance through the pregnancy.
“There’s just things you don’t comprehend as a nurse,” she said to us. “Like how the smell of raw meat makes you feel sick, so cooking dinner is just out the window.” She sat on the couch in their flat’s living room and sighed. “And all the peeing, and swelling, and aches and pains.”
“Stop whining, Ger,” Dusty said teasingly as he walked into the room. “You need to toughen up.”
“I’m going to smack you,” she said with a grumble.
We laughed. Dusty hurried over and plucked Melody off the floor. “Austin, Daniel, let’s take these monkeys to the park and let these hens cluck for a while.”
“Great idea,” Daniel responded as he jumped to his feet.
Austin grabbed one of Harper’s three boys and winked at me. “Have fun, ladies.”
He and Daniel stepped out. Dusty went to follow, but I said to him, “Hey, how’s school coming along?”
He paused and turned back to me with a grin. “Great. I’m probably the smartest person in my course.”
Geri groaned and shook her head.
“You finish at the end of the year, right? Do you think you’ll earn honors?” I asked.
He scoffed. “Without even trying.” He moved to turn, but paused. He glanced around, then turned back to me. “So, now that Austin’s not here, James asked about you the other day.”
I gasped, and Geri slapped his thigh. “Shut up, you moron!”
“What? It’s not like he wants her back. He’s dating that hot Emily chick.”
My cheeks burned.
Harper jumped up to intervene. “Dusty, just go, would you?”
Dusty shoved her aside. “He asked how you were doing, and I told him you work for the Dockers during training and stuff, but since you have a kid, you don’t travel with them anymore. I also told him you’re going to start earning your master’s next year.”
“Why did you tell him all that?” I asked softly.
“Because he hasn’t asked about you since your wedding. I thought it was a good sign that he’s moved on, and I wanted you to know.”
“Oh.” My heart sank. I didn’t know why I had expected him to still want me after what I did.
“He’s doing well, too. His team has made some awesome discoveries, and he traveled to Europe recently to develop some theories over there. He’s just raking in the cash.”
“Seriously, Dusty, get out,” Geri said sharply.
“Cay, you should get in contact with him. I’m sure he’d be happy to be friends again, and I know he’s forgiven you.”
“Leave, you oversized brat!” Harper yelled. “Don’t you see she still carries a torch for him? Yeah, she loves Austin, but James still sits quietly in a small corner of her heart.”
“Wow, great imagery,” Geri said.
“Thanks.” She turned back to Dusty and poked his chest. “Now go and play with your brothers-in-law and your niece and nephews, and stop causing trouble.”
Dusty looked at me and raised an eyebrow. “You still have feelings for James?”
“Get out!” Geri and Harper yelled.
“Okay, okay. Geez.” He rushed out the door with Melody clinging to his hair.
Geri and Harper continued talking about Geri’s pregnancy, but I fell quiet. I knew they were watching me, but I didn’t care. I tried not to think about James, because it only hurt, but Dusty had stirred things up again. James had asked about me. Was Dusty right about that meaning he was ready to move on? I felt sharp pang in my heart as my old wound reopened.
Geri and Harper didn’t dare ask me about it. They knew what I was thinking and feeling, and didn’t want to make it worse. We just wanted to brush it under the rug and forget about it.
The whole family came out to visit us for Melody’s first birthday. She was all smiles and giggles as she chased her cousins around and basked in the overload of attention. Geri had given birth a month earlier to a preemie boy, but he was strong and doing well as she rocked him in his car seat.
Everyone laughed, having a great time as I pulled out the cupcakes to sing “Happy Birthday.” I sat beside Melody as Austin squatted in front of her, while she tried to squash a whole cake into her mouth. He laughed at her and took a photo before setting the camera aside and wiping icing all over her face. She burst into giggles and grinned at him. He laughed again as he stood and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.
I grabbed his hand and sighed, enjoying the moment with my little family. Then, I had an idea.
Later that night, once we were in bed, I said to him, “Let’s have another baby.”
He looked up from his laptop and raised an eyebrow. “What? Now?”
I nodded. “By the time I fall pregnant and go through the pregnancy, Melody will probably be two. That’s a perfect age gap.”
“Ah . . .” He looked at me and closed the laptop. “I don’t think we’re ready for another one. You’re about to start school again to earn your master’s, and that’s going to cost us a lot of money.”
“I don’t have to do it,” I said quickly. “Our family is more important.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think I’m ready for another one just yet. Maybe in a year, but—”
“Please, Austin.” I didn’t mean to beg, but a year wasn’t an option. He only had six months left. “I’m really ready for another. Melody is so beautiful, and seeing Geri with our new nephew made me want another.”
He sighed. “Not right now, my sweet. Let’s give it a few months, okay? This year has been hard, with you being so caught up with work and taking care of Melody. I feel like we need some you and me time now that she’s more independent.”
“But I’ve been trying to do everything I can to make you happy,” I said, concerned that I wasn’t making his last stretch of life enjoyable for him.
“I know you have.” He reached out and touched my face. “And I appreciate it, I do, but to be honest, I think you’re getting a bit burned out. I’ve noticed your energy has been low, and you’re a bit short-tempered. I want you to be happy more than I want another child, and right now, I don’t think you could handle another child, emotionally.”
I leaned back against my pillow. “I’m getting burned out?”
He sighed. “Come here.”
He wrapped his arms around me, and I rested my head against his chest. “Cadence, you’ve always been remarkable. You’re hardworking, smart, determined, but you’ve been carrying a lot on your plate recently. Why don’t you just relax and let me take care of you for a while? Focus on your schooling, and have the team cut back your hours. We don’t need the money—I’m doing just fine with work—so the less you have to do, the better. It would make me happy to see you smile and laugh again like you used to.”
I looked up into his eyes. “I’ve really been that different?”
He shrugged. “You’re tired, mostly. Being tired all the time has been dragging you down.”
Resting my head on his shoulder, I nuzzled into his neck and clung to him. “Maybe I should cut back on my commitments. If nothing else, at least I’ll see you and Melody more.”
He smiled. “I definitely won’t complain about that.”
I fell asleep in his arms, and the next day, as promised, I cut back on my hours. When I went back to school, I only went part time. I loved it, too. Austin was right about me being tired, because as soon as I was doing less, I felt more energized and happier while I was with our family.
We went to the park together whenever we could. About month later, I took the photo that Dad gave me that day in the hospital, the one I’d stared at for years.
Austin kissed Melody’s cheek as he set her down, her legs already running before she touched the ground.
“You know, I need to teach her to swim. She’ll want to start snorkeling before we know it.”
I chuckled, elbowing him. “It’s almost summer, so swimming lessons would be in order.”
“Essential.” He kissed my hand.
I opened the picture on the phone, a deep melancholy washing over me. Things had come almost full circle, and here was my picture I’d cherished for so long, fresh and new again.
“You know what would make that picture better?” Austin slipped my phone from my hands. He caught Melody again, and took a picture of us together.
He was right. I’d cherish that photo so much more. I had it printed off instead.
As we came down to the final few months, I grew more desperate. If I couldn’t save Austin, then I needed to have one more child with him. Every day, I would drop hints, but he continued to refuse.
A week before he was due to die, I broke down in tears in the shower. It was coming up too quickly, and I was terrified. He burst into the bathroom and pulled me out of the shower to hold me. “Cadence, what’s wrong?”
“You . . . and I’m . . . Austin, you . . .”
He sighed. “Is this about the baby thing?”
I couldn’t even respond. I just clung to him, reveling in how alive he was and not wanting to let go.
“Oh my sweet, I didn’t realize it meant that much to you. If it’s what you really want, let’s do it.”
I looked up into his eyes, wishing I could tell him everything, but knowing I couldn’t without losing more than ten years of hard work and Melody. “I just love you so much.”
He held me tightly in his arms as he kissed my head. Tears streamed down my face as I wished his arms would never let me go and his kisses would never end.