Five weeks later, I moved back in with my parents so they would help me with Melody after I found out I was pregnant. I fell violently ill with morning sickness the first day, and it went on for several weeks. My heart still felt so heavy from loss, and wondering how I would raise two small children on my own didn’t help. I spent days curled up in bed or over the toilet. I didn’t even take a shower.
Mum came in one day after she’d put Melody to bed and stroked my hair. “Cadence?”
I groaned.
“Did you need anything?”
I sighed and sat up on my bed. “Mum, it still hurts.”
“I know it does, sweetie.” A tear ran down her cheek. “But he wanted you to live. So grieve, and then let yourself move on.”
I nodded, not sure what I could move on to. I curled up again under the blankets to enjoy the quiet time while Melody slept.
A tap at the front door woke me. I tried to ignore it until I heard James talking to Dad. I was mortified. What was he doing here while I looked like death? They moved through the house, so I closed the curtains and hid under my blankets to pretend I was asleep. But, to my dismay, he came in and sat on the bed beside me. “Cadence?”
He shook my shoulder and I grunted.
“Hello to you too, beautiful.”
My breath caught, and I peered out from under the blanket. “What did you say?”
His fingers ran over my forehead. “I know that, right now, you’re still grieving and dealing with being pregnant, quitting your job, and changing schools, but I just want you to know that I’m here for you. I’m sorry I stepped out of your life for a while.”
“James, you don’t need to be sorry for anything.”
He sighed and ran his fingers down my cheek. “I do. For the longest time, I was so angry at you, when I should have been there for you. We were always best friends as well as a couple, so I should have put that first.”
I couldn’t say anything to that. My brain was muddled from all the pregnancy hormones, so I knew anything I said would sound stupid.
He reached over and turned on the lamp on my bedside table. I pulled the blankets back over my head so he couldn’t see me.
“Hey,” he said gently, as his hand rested on my shoulder. “Come out and look at me.”
I shook my head. “If you thought I looked bad at the funeral, I’ll look like a freaking ogre to you now.”
“Oh . . .” He wrapped his arm around me and leaned down to whisper, “I was lying. I hated that you looked so amazing when I wanted you to look terrible.”
My heart skipped a beat, daring to hope that maybe . . . but that would be selfish. He had a girlfriend. “Well, congratulations. After two weeks of puking, your wish has come true.”
He laughed softly and peeled the blankets back from my ear. “Do you remember when those girls tried to beat you up, and your braces cut your mouth really bad, and the school nurse stuck all those wads in your mouth?”
“Oh, good heavens!”
He laughed. “I thought even then that you were beautiful.”
I turned to face him. “I was a size ten with C-cup boobs―which is large for a fourteen-year-old―and tight little abs.”
“Well, yes, that did help,” he said teasingly.
I tried to hide back under the blankets.
He caught them and pulled them down so he could see my whole face. “But you’re even more beautiful now.”
We gazed into each other’s eyes for several moments before he sighed and leaned back. “Cadence, I’m going to leave you my number. If you need anything, anything at all, just call me, okay?”
I nodded, watching him program his number into my phone. “Thank you, James.”
I sat in bed after he left, stunned. As he made his way back through the house, I crept to the door and watched him as he shook Dad’s hand in the hallway. “Thanks, Dave.”
“No worries. Thank you for seeing her. She hasn’t been coping well.”
James sighed and ruffled his hair, making my heart skip. “I’m not surprised. That was a pretty shocking death. I can’t even imagine . . .” He sighed again. “And to be pregnant and alone like this . . .” He met Dad’s gaze. “If she needs anything, let me know, okay?”
“I will. You’re a good man.”
James grasped his shoulder, and then stepped out the door.
I rushed to the front window to watch him leave. I wished he would stay and tell me everything would be all right, that my pain from losing Austin again would fade.
“Cadence?”
I jumped at the sound of Dad’s voice. “Dad.”
“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” He tilted his head, his brows furrowed.
“I’m . . .” I sank onto the armchair. “I want to feel . . .” I covered my mouth as a wave of nausea hit me again and sprinted to the bathroom.
It took me a few weeks to build up the courage to call James. I felt stupid every time I thought about him, knowing I had no right to want him back in my life. But after my morning sickness subsided and I started to show, I wanted to get out of the house. Mum and Dad had gone, and everyone else was working.
I looked down at Melody as she babbled to her doll on the floor, and the haze over my mind began to clear. As much as I missed Austin, I had to think about Melody first and foremost. She needed me now, and more than anything, I wanted her to have a daddy in her life. A daddy who would love and protect her like mine did for me.
I lifted my phone and stared at James’s name. Would it be too presumptuous to ask that of him? I stewed over it for quite some time before finally biting the bullet and calling him.
“Hello?” His voice startled me, and I froze. “Hello?”
“Ah . . . James?”
“Cadence?”
My cheeks burned. “I, ah . . . mmm . . .”
“Hey, what’s up?” His voice sounded gentle and understanding, and I felt myself trusting him like I always had.
“James, don’t feel like you need to say yes or anything, but . . .” The words got stuck in my throat. He would think I was an idiot.
“Do you need me to come over?”
“No . . . yes . . . I . . .”
“I’ll be over in a few.”
“No, you don’t have to go out of your way―”
“It’s not out of the way. I’m at my parents’ house.”
My face felt hot. “Oh . . . I shouldn’t have called.”
He laughed. “Cadence, it’s fine. I know what you’re thinking. You think they hate you and are pissed that you’re calling me.”
He nailed it. “James . . .”
“My parents don’t hate you. Here, say hi to Mum.”
“No! James—”
“Hi, Cadence!” Karen’s cheery voice came down the line. “It’s been such a long time. How are you feeling, dear? You’ve had a bit of a rough spell recently.”
“Yeah,” I managed to say.
“Well, things can only get better. Don’t be a stranger, okay? I’d really love to see your little one. Her name is Melody, right?”
I smiled as Melody gave her dolly a bottle. “Yes, she’s two in October.”
“My, how time flies. It feels like just yesterday I met the little ninth grade girl that my son had a giant crush on, and now she’s grown with a little one of her own and another on the way.”
“Mum,” James groaned in the background.
“James, we’re just chatting.”
“Give me my phone. I have to go.”
“Okay, okay.” She turned her attention back to me. “It seems I must say goodbye. Come by sometime, okay?”
“Okay,” I answered.
There were shuffling sounds as James took the phone back. “Cadence? I’ll be there soon.”
When he arrived, I couldn’t even look at him. He was so handsome, while I grew fatter and felt bloated. What was I even thinking?
“So, what did you need?” he asked as he sat on the sectional.
I sat forward, pressing my hands between my knees as I stared at Melody. “Melody needs a father figure in her life, but now that I’m saying it, I realize how ridiculous it sounds. I don’t know why I thought you’d―”
“Of course I’ll do it,” he said abruptly. “Do you wanna do like a godfather thing, or what?”
“I don’t know exactly.”
He smiled and shuffled closer to me. “Why don’t we go out to get something to eat and talk about it?”
I raised my eyebrows. “Melody doesn’t do well in restaurants.”
“Then we’ll have a picnic. I can go pick up Canis. He needs a good run.”
“I struggle to get back off the ground right now.”
“Then we’ll find a picnic table.”
My gaze fell on his lips and I looked away, hoping he hadn’t noticed.
“Cadence, we’ll pick up something on the way, and then Melody can play with Cane while we talk.”
I nodded, trying to avoid looking directly at him.
At the park, we ate together and he charmed me like he always had. He had me laughing for the first time in months, which came as such a relief. My heart felt lighter as a glimmer of hope slipped in. I could live without Austin. He had wanted me to go on without him.
While Melody played with the aging Canis, James turned serious. “So, I would very much like to be a father figure for Melody, and this next one, but what I’m also thinking might be a little ways off yet.”
My stomach did somersaults. I didn’t dare look at him. “What do you mean?”
“Well, I guess . . .” He sighed and ruffled his hair. “It’s only been about three months since Austin died, so I know you’re still grieving, but . . .”
As he hesitated, I looked across at him hopefully. “But what?”
He bit his lip, but when his eyes lifted and met mine, he saw my hope and gained confidence. “But I’m still in love with you.”
My jaw fell, and I stared at him for a moment before bursting into tears.
It obviously wasn’t the reaction he’d hoped for and he swore. “I . . . it’s too soon. I’m sorry. I’ll take you home.”
But I grabbed his hand and he froze. “James, I’m crying because I’m relieved. I was sure you’d moved on, and I didn’t want to dare hope you could still feel something for me. But I’ve never stopped loving you.”
He let out a sharp breath before rushing around to sit beside me. He grabbed my hands and turned me to face him. “Cadence, you love me?”
I nodded.
He caressed my face as tears filled his eyes. “I’d almost lost hope.”
He pressed his forehead against mine, and I caught a whiff of his familiar scent. I breathed it in deeply as he said softly, “How do you want this to work?”
“I’m still grieving for Austin, so for now, we should just keep it a promise. When the time is right, we’ll start dating again.”
He nodded, his eyes locked on mine. “And then, we’ll get married, like you promised me.”
A tear ran down my cheek. “James, I’m so sorry I broke that promise.”
“You haven’t yet,” he said firmly. “You promised to marry me one day. That ‘one day’ just didn’t exactly come the way I expected.”
I started to weep, but he grabbed my face and kissed me. The kiss sent chills through my body, and I wrapped my arms around his neck to kiss him back. He pulled me closer, his kiss deepening as I gave myself up to him completely. Austin had wanted me to be with James—to let him love me, and to let myself love him in return. So now, knowing Austin was happy, I finally let my heart go fully to James.
The kiss felt so warm and loving, as perfect as his kisses had always been. I’d missed him so much, and climbed up onto his lap just to be closer. He chuckled as his hand ran down my cheek, making me shudder.
“Mumma!” Melody shrieked with delight.
I pulled away and looked across at her. The old dog licked her face as she lay on the ground. James laughed and set me on the bench, then rushed over to pull off Canis.
When he dropped us at home, Dusty burst out of the house, staring at us with his jaw hanging. “What . . . where . . . ?”
“What are you doing here?” I asked as James pulled Melody out of the car.
“Geri wanted to see you. Why’s he here?”
James propped Melody on his hip. “I thought Cadence needed to get out of the house, and after breaking up with Emily―”
I spun to face him. Dusty gasped. “What? Dude, she was hot!”
James’s gaze darted to me. “Hot isn’t my thing. I prefer beautiful women.”
Dusty grabbed my shoulders and shook me. “No freaking way, Cadence! How . . . no, I’m not going to ask.”
He rushed back into the house.
James dropped by regularly over the next few months, for all the family events and just to spend time with me. When Melody’s birthday came, he dragged Melanie along, to her disgust. She glared at me, her gaze falling to my pregnant belly as she scowled.
Linda and George were there too. They’d arrived a month or so earlier. They wanted to be close to me and the children, so they’d sold everything out west and moved to Sydney. It surprised me that they took an instant liking to James, and Linda even dropped hints for me to date him.
Melanie hung back in the corner while everyone sang “Happy Birthday,” and James moved in to help me give Melody the cupcake. He laughed as she dug in and covered herself with icing, and then nudged me. “Hey look, she’s a mummy’s girl.”
I glared at him before he shoved a cake into my face. “See?”
“James, you’re lucky I’m the size of a house, or I’d whoop you.”
He grinned. “I don’t doubt it for one second.”
“Daddy!” Melody reached for James.
My heart skipped a beat as I watched him lean over and pluck her out of the chair. I turned away and hurried out of the room as tears ran down my cheeks. I hid in my bedroom. Only a year earlier, she’d been laughing and reaching for Austin. It seared my heart.
“So . . .”
I swung around as Melanie walked through the door, her arms folded around her slender frame in a fashionable dress.
“Melanie . . .”
“You, Cadence, oh you . . .” She leaned closer and glared at me. “James told me everything. I have no idea how he believes your insane story, but he does.” She scowled. “So, how’d you do it? Offer him sexual favors?”
I rolled my eyes and wiped away my tears. “We’re not dating, if that’s what you mean. Plus, look at me.”
“Yes, look at you, all knocked up with your dead husband’s child and trying to snag the guy you dumped for him.”
I huffed. “I never expected James to come back. I know I hurt him.”
“But he did, didn’t he?”
“We’re not dating, Melanie,” I said firmly. “I’m not ready to―”
“Oh, here we go again. James is forever waiting around for you!”
I dropped my gaze.
She grasped my chin and lifted my face so she could look me in the eyes. “No more games, Cadence. Promise me, if you’re going to do this, you will stick to it. You crushed him before, and I won’t stand by and let you do it again.”
I gazed steadily into her eyes before taking a deep breath. “No more games.”
She released my chin and stepped back. “Good. Then what are you going to do?”
“I . . .” A tear ran down my face. “I want to marry him.”
She let out a long breath. “Really? No messing around this time?”
“No messing around.”
She nodded. “Well then, I expect to see you around at our family dinners, first Sundays of the month.”
I smiled. “I’d like that.”
She rolled her eyes, but a smile curled at the corners of her mouth. My baby moved inside me, and her hand shot out to feel it.
“You were there for me when I was pregnant,” she said quietly. “And when I miscarried. I remember you . . .” Her gaze lifted to my face. “Melody . . .”
She pulled her hand back. “You’ve always been teetering on crazy.”
She rushed out of the room.
The following first Sunday, James picked up me and Melody for their family dinner. We pulled up in front of the house, and he shot out to help with Melody. I climbed out, staring at the familiar home. It had been so long . . .
“What’s up, Barbie doll?” Melanie stepped up beside me, looking up at the house. “Wait, I can’t really call you that any more, can I? You definitely don’t have the waist.”
I frowned, raising my eyebrows.
She smirked, looking back to the house. “It’s been a while. You used to come here all the time. I hated it back then.”
“I know. And you made sure I knew it too.”
She chuckled as a guy stepped up beside her. He had a similar look to Brian—tall, lean, brown hair—except better-looking, probably because he was looking at her and not me. She wrapped her arm through his, motioning to me. “This is Cadence, that airhead I told you about.”
James punched her shoulder. “Shut your mouth.”
The guy glared at James, shuffling between him and Melanie before he spoke to me. “I’m Trent, Mel’s fiancé.”
“Fiancé?” I wiggled my eyebrows at her. “This is news to me.”
Melanie glared at James.
He ignored her as he adjusted Melody on his hip. “I’m hungry. Let’s go.”
James and I entered after Melanie and Trent. Karen rushed at us, kissing my cheek before she snatched Melody from James. He shrugged as she took Melody into the next room to give her toys.
John approached me, looking me over, his face cold. I took a step back. “Cadence.”
“Mr. Gordon.” Although I’d always called him John, it didn’t feel right at that moment.
“Dad.” James shook his head, resting his hand on his shoulder.
John met James’s gaze, and then stepped back. “Do you plan on being here every month?”
“If you’ll have me,” I replied.
John opened his mouth to respond, but Karen dropped Melody in his arms. “Of course we will! Look at this gorgeous little girl, and this one’s a boy, right?”
She rested her hand on my belly.
“Yes.” I smiled as we both rubbed my bump.
“I love when he kicks,” James said with a grin. “He’s gonna be a soccer player, I just know it.”
John gave him a cool glance, then looked down at Melody. She stared up at him, wide-eyed. Then she reached up and touched his chin. “Prickles.”
He cracked a grin, and then cleared his throat. “Let’s eat.”
Dinner went fairly well, and although John made it clear he was watching me, everyone enjoyed the company.
Just before dessert, I leaned over to James. “So, care to explain the fiancé?”
His arm slid around the back of my chair. “He thinks it’s a good idea to marry Mel?”
I nudged him. “Why didn’t you mention it?”
“I dunno.” He brushed my hair back from my shoulder. “It didn’t seem important.”
“It’s pretty important.”
He smirked. “Nah.”
“Yeah.” I play-slapped his chest.
He caught my hand, holding it over his heart. “They’ve been engaged for ten months or so, and are getting married in February. It’s just a quiet thing, but I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you came as my plus one.”
I grinned, my heart skipping. “I’d like that.”
“I’d like that too.” His hand tightened around mine.
“Mummy?”
I started, turning to Melody. “Yes, sweetie?”
“I need to go pee pee.”
“Oh, ah . . .” I glanced at James, and he smiled. “Of course.”
As I stood, I caught everyone looking away. My heart raced as I led Melody to the bathroom to change her trainer pants. I’d gotten lost in James’s eyes, just like I used to, and had forgotten everything else. I couldn’t believe how easily I’d slipped back into my old ways with him.
Over the next few weeks, James seemed nervous around me. It made me wonder if the conversation I’d had with Melanie had gotten back to him, as she most likely would have told him all about it.
Then, my birthday arrived.
I was thirty-seven weeks pregnant, and every inch of me ached. When James arrived at our house after work, I was wearing a worn-out maxi dress with my hair everywhere. I tried to hide from him, but he followed me into my bedroom. “Your parents agreed to watch Melody for us tonight.”
“You want me to go somewhere?” I moaned. “James, I feel terrible.”
The front door banged open, and three boys came screaming through the house. A moment later, Harper burst in, looking frazzled as she stroked her own pregnant belly. “Cadence, what happened to your hair? Stand up. I promised to make you feel pretty.”
As she did my hair, she grumbled as she heard Melody scream while one of her boys laughed. “At least yours is a boy this time, too. I feel a little justice knowing that I’m not the only one who will be tortured by them.”
Finally, she declared me ready. Despite how awful I felt, James’s face lit up when I stepped into the living room wearing my maternity jeans, white blouse, and tan jacket. “Wow, you’re beautiful.”
I covered my face. “I . . . no, not really.”
He scoffed. “I’m always right about these things, and guess what? You don’t have the advantage anymore.”
He offered me his arm, and I took it.
In the car, my stomach filled with butterflies. We were on our first date . . . sort of. He kept glancing at me with a goofy smirk across his face, which didn’t help my nervous feeling. When we pulled up to Bicentennial Park, I thought I’d be sick. Was he going to cut me off?
I sat frozen as he dashed around and opened my door for me before opening the back. “I brought a blanket and grape juice, so we can pretend we’re having wine and . . .” He paused and straightened. “What’s wrong?”
“You want to end it?”
“Huh?” He glanced around and grabbed his hair. “Oh! I was actually thinking this is a nice place, and we shouldn’t have such a negative memory associated with it.” He grinned and offered me his hand. “New beginnings?”
My heart fluttered as my hand rested in his and he helped me out.
It amazed me how easily I felt comfortable with James. We talked like we’d never been apart, and while we ate our picnic dinner under the summer sunset, I rested my head back on his shoulder.
He sighed and set down his food. “Cadence, I want to show you something.”
He dug into his pocket and pulled out . . .
“The ring!”
He smiled sheepishly. “I almost pawned it, but something stopped me. It’s been at the bottom of my sock drawer for a while now. Dusty brought it to me about a year after you married, and I just about ate him alive.”
He turned it over between his fingers. “It still hurt, so much. I started going to Fremantle games and traveling to the Perth lab . . .” He lowered his hand. “I just couldn’t let you go. No matter how hard I tried, something inside me told me there was still hope. I thought it was stupid, until . . .”
He paused and looked into my eyes. “Is it selfish of me to feel like he was meant to die so we could be together? I feel terrible even thinking it, and even worse saying it.”
My heart raced. “James, please don’t―”
He pressed his fingers against my lips. “When you told me about your second chance, it all made sense. Seeing you stirred up so many feelings, and I knew that you’d given me a chance at a life I’d lost. You never should have loved me in the first place, but despite everything, you did. I remember how hard you fought me when I was pursuing you, and I’m amazed you gave in knowing what you stood to lose.”
He stared down at the ring as I held my breath, sensing where he was going. “I bought this the same time I bought that sapphire ring. Your dad let us continue dating because I showed it to him and asked to marry you once you graduated.
“Cadence, I’ve loved you with every breath I’ve taken since high school. You’re always on my mind, and even when we were apart, everything I did was for you, to impress you and make you happy. But now I have you back, I won’t . . . I can’t . . .” He gnawed on his lip as a single tear fell down his cheek.
“James,” I whispered, my heart swelling as every inch of me begged him to say the words. I rested my left hand over his, silently offering myself to him.
He caught my hand and turned the ring over. “I love you so much, Cadence.”
“Then ask me.” I sat forward, and with my free hand, brushed his hair back from his face. “This time, I will say yes.”
He let out a gush of air as he slid the ring on halfway and chuckled. “Ah, well, you’ve swollen up a bit, so this will have to do.”
I laughed and slapped his shoulder. “You killed the moment.”
“No, I didn’t.” He laughed and touched my face. “Cadence, my beautiful, wonderful Cadence, will you marry me?”
Tears burst from my eyes. “Yes, James, oh yes!”
He grabbed my face and pulled me in to kiss me. Excitement shot through me, and I clung to him. Never again would I let anything come between us. I pushed into him, brushing his lips with my tongue, making him moan.
He broke away. “If you weren’t so pregnant, I’d bang your brains out.”
I burst out laughing before I kissed him again.
And so, Austin was born in January, and that June, James and I finally married. We had a small wedding, with just our families present. I worked out hard to be as beautiful as I was for Austin’s wedding, but I still wasn’t happy with my wider hips and stretched belly.
But as I walked down the aisle of the small country church, James’s eyes lit up and a wide smile spread from ear to ear. My stomach filled with butterflies, and as he took my hand from Dad, he said, “You’ve never been more beautiful.”
I melted.
James held tightly to my hand as the ceremony proceeded. When we were pronounced husband and wife, Dusty grumbled, “Finally!” before James planted his lips firmly against mine.
James drew back, and I touched his face. “I can’t believe you still love me.”
He chuckled. “I can’t believe you ever loved me.”
“I’ll never let you go again.”
He squeezed my waist. “No more running?”
I leaned forward and kissed him. “Never again. I love you too much.”
He grinned, clasped my face, and kissed me again.
At the reception, I scanned the faces of my family and friends. My parents sat with James’s, as well as Linda and George. I smiled as Linda passed Austin to Karen, and Melody wedged herself between Dad and John to lap up their attention.
James stroked my back. “They’re lucky kids. I wish I’d had three sets of grandparents to spoil me growing up.”
I chuckled, relieved everyone had so willingly opened up to each other.
That night, as we unpacked in the hotel room, I pulled out the worn old scrapbook.
James leaned over, tilting his head. “What’s that?”
I opened the tired pages, finding them blank. “It used to show me my first timeline, but it’s been blank since Austin died. I think, when my contract expired, it stopped working.”
“Or,” he said, brushing my hair away from my neck. “It’s telling you that the time has come to look to the future rather than the past. Clean slate.”
I smiled, taking a deep breath as his fingers worked on unzipping my dress. “My future with you.”
“You better believe it.”
I giggled as he slid off my dress and tossed me on the bed.
Six months later, I sat in the bathroom holding a cup and pregnancy test. James hovered in the bathroom, watching me.
“Seriously, this is gross having you watch me so closely,” I said.
“Just hurry up.”
A crash came from the living room, and Austin wailed. James didn’t even flinch.
“James!”
He huffed and finally left me to see to the children.
When he returned, I set the test on the countertop. He stared at it as the result slowly faded into view. “Is that . . . ?”
I stared at his face, wanting to take in his reaction. “Positive.”
His hand lifted and he ruffled his hair. Slowly, a grin spread from ear to ear. “We’re having a baby.”