Instead of following Briarbridge to the dining room that night, Selena went directly to the kitchen.
The kitchen servants were mostly women. None of them seemed to care much for Selena, but they had grown accustomed to her visits. And now that Father Briarbridge was to join the family table, Selena expected she would eat most every meal alone in her bedroom.
Upon seeing her, one of the women wrapped up some cold meat, bread, and an apple in a napkin and handed it to her without a word.
On her way out, Selena’s eyes met those of a girl she recognized. Her name was Amelia, and Selena had had the misfortune of running afoul of her when they were much younger. Though her golden ringlets were tucked beneath a white kerchief and despite her stained gray smock, Amelia retained a sense of beauty—and, Selena thought, self-importance.
Amelia’s eyes were so blue they glistened even in the half-light of the kitchen. They stared at one another for the briefest of moments, but Selena thought there was a crackle of enmity in the girl’s sapphire eyes. Feeling more self-conscious than she cared to admit, Selena smoothed out the sleeve of her shirt and made a quick exit from the kitchen.
Seeing Amelia made Selena want to go to Lucas. It was no secret Amelia had feelings for the young man, though, thankfully, the gods had given Lucas enough brains to see past Amelia’s pretty face.
Thinking about Lucas had helped her survive her afternoon session with Briarbridge. Her visit with the boy would have to wait until after dark, as they always did. She had a lot to tell him—her coming-of-age disaster, the strange conversation with Uncle Will, and, worst of all, her new teacher.
On her way to her room, Selena crossed paths with Daphene. In no mood to listen to The Gossipy Milkmaid, she tried to extricate herself from the conversation but decided to hear her out when she mentioned Uncle Will.
“Mother and Father are furious with him,” Daphene said in a ridiculously loud whisper. “He stole one thousand suns from the family treasury and then fled. Father wanted to send Old Alger after him or place a bounty on his head, but Mother talked him out of it. She has not come out of her room all day.”
When Daphene asked Selena whether she had apologized to Vivian yet, Selena asked, “How long do you plan to stay at Castle Nelesti, away from your dear husband?”
Daphene’s reply was well rehearsed—something about how Count Vanguard was out of the country on important business for the King—but Selena excused herself before her sister could finish.
Once in her room, Selena found a note folded up on her pillow. Fearing the message might contain another order from her mother, Selena was considerably relieved to see the softer, shakier script of her grandmother.
“Dearest Selena, I would be honored by your company tonight,” the letter stated. “Happy belated birthday. Love, Celeste Nelesti (Grandma).”
Selena smiled in spite of herself, wondering why her grandmother had used her given name at all. Her happy expression quickly faded at a sudden influx of guilt. She had not spoken with her grandmother for almost a week. The reason Celeste had had to give her a belated birthday greeting was because Selena had not bothered to stop by her room on the day of her coming-of-age ball.
Selena collected more food from the kitchen on the way to Celeste’s bedchamber. As she knocked, she said, “It is Selena. Can you get to the door? I am carrying our dinner.”
“Coming, dear! Coming!”
A moment later, the door opened, and Celeste beckoned her into the room. Her grandmother’s room was almost twice the size of Selena’s. There was a large table in the corner near a window that overlooked the village surrounding Castle Nelesti. Selena set the tray on the table and could not fail to notice there was already one there.
“I wonder why the kitchen staff did not tell me they already brought you your dinner,” Selena said.
Her grandmother looked confused. “Hmm. That must have been lunch.”
Selena glanced back at the tray. None of the food looked to have been touched. “Were you not hungry?”
Celeste waved away the question with a winkled hand. “Old women do not eat as much as young girls.”
She lowered herself into one of the chairs. Selena moved to help her, but Celeste motioned her back. “Ah, but I forgot. You are no longer a girl, but a young woman.”
Selena sat down and began poking at a baked potato with her fork. She did not want to broach the subject of her birthday party, though her grandmother would want to hear all about it. Celeste’s rheumatism had prevented her from attending any of the parties Castle Nelesti hosted these days.
“I am sorry I did not come to see you beforehand, Grandmother,” Selena said.
“I was told you looked very beautiful…like a true lady,” Celeste replied.
Selena looked away from the potato and studied her grandmother, who wore a broad smile. Celeste had held onto her grace and beauty through the long years. Her prominent cheekbones and kind smile gave her an almost cherubic expression. Her eyes, which were so dark they looked black, seemed to sparkle dazzlingly in any light.
And though her shiny black hair had succumbed to an invasion of gray nearly a decade ago, Celeste took pride in decorating her long tresses with ribbons and combs.
Today proved to be an exception. In fact, her grandmother was still wearing her nightgown.
Selena was about to ask if she was feeling ill when Celeste’s words finally sunk in.
“Who told you I looked like a lady?” she asked. “One of the servants?”
Celeste’s smile wavered. “No, it was Vivian.”
“Vivian?” Selena repeated. “That means…that means you know everything that happened.”
“She did not come here to tattle on you, Selena,” her grandmother said. “She wanted to say goodbye before she and Baron Briarbridge departed. I only wish they would have brought my great-granddaughters with them!”
Selena had never met Vivian’s children. Her parents had visited the Briarbridge’s castle a couple of years ago when the second baby was born, but Selena had not wanted to go along. It took her a couple of seconds to remember the names of Vivian’s girls—Ilona and Laila.
“Are you angry with me?” Selena asked, pushing the potato around her plate.
“You did nothing to offend me,” Celeste said in a serious tone, “but you did yourself a great disservice by losing control in front of so many people.”
“I do not care what any of them think of me,” Selena muttered.
“And your sister, Vivian, was very hurt by what you said to her,” Celeste added. “You insulted her, unprovoked. She was confused and embarrassed.”
“I do not even remember what I said to her,” Selena argued. “I was drunk! I should have been shouting at Daphene, not Vivian!”
Celeste sighed. “Nevertheless, there was truth in your words. You do believe Vivian has wasted her life. Also, you are angry because she left the castle when you were still so young. In some ways, Vivian was more of a mother to you than—”
She stopped suddenly, as though realizing, only then, that she was speaking aloud.
“I think you ought to write her an apology,” her grandmother said after a few seconds of silence passed between them.
Selena wanted to argue the point. Why should she apologize if what she said was true? Vivian was an intelligent woman. She might have made something of her life, instead of mothering children and planning parties for Baron Briarbridge.
“Well, I am not sorry for making a fool of myself at the party,” Selena told her grandmother, still not meeting Celeste’s eyes. “Mother was playing matchmaker. Prince Eliot might not have been there, but she would have found some young nobleman or another to take his place.”
“And would that have been the most terrible thing?”
Selena dropped her fork in surprise. “You are taking Mother’s side?”
Now it was Celeste who turned away. “I…I just worry about you, Selena. You spend so much time alone, reading books. There is something to be said for companionship, and great joy can be found in family.”
Selena did not know what to say. She had always counted on her grandmother to side with her in every spat with her mother. Celeste had never approved of arranged marriages, where the motivation was political rather than emotional. This was why Selena’s father had been allowed to marry Charlotte, a mere commoner.
What had caused Celeste to change her philosophy?
Celeste sighed. “Someday you will leave home, and I hope it will be a happy occasion for everyone—”
“A wedding?” Selena snapped.
“If the gods will it,” Celeste said softly. “You are still a young woman, Selena, so I am confident you will stay at the castle for some time to come. While you are here, you might try to get along with the other members of your family. You did not always isolate yourself.”
Selena thought she knew what her grandmother was referring to. A part of Selena’s daily ritual used to be a trip to Celeste’s room, where she and some of her siblings came to hear stories. Vivian, Daphene, and Graeme had been too old already, but for a while even the twins, who were nine years older than Selena, would listen to their grandmother’s voice for hours on end—even after they had all heard the tales many times over.
“Sadly, I do not think my brothers and sisters and I will come together again to hear about Sinner the Saint,” Selena told her grandmother.
Celeste’s eyes gazed at something far, far away, and the silence settled over them for another full minute.
“I used to wonder why you liked that one so much,” she said finally. “None of the other war stories your brothers requested piqued your interest, and yet you would listen in rapt attention to the legend of Sinner the Saint night after night. It dawned on me, one day, that it was not the battles that captivated you, but rather the moral of the story.
“You were always a bright girl, Selena…but do not be seduced by knowledge. It can be a blessing when it leads to wisdom, but it can also be dangerous. Once you know something, you may never unknow it.”
“Grandmother, I do not underst—”
“Forgive me, Selena. I am babbling. Come, we ought to eat before the food gets cold.”
Selena kept one eye on her grandmother throughout the meal, which was quiet except for the clinking of silverware against their plates. Selena did not taste her food. Her mind lingered on the strange conversation. Celeste had always encouraged Selena to learn as much as she could, had always complimented Selena’s cleverness. Yet now she was discouraging her from acquiring too much knowledge.
Why?
Once they finished eating, Selena set the trays outside her grandmother’s door and said goodnight. The sun was just beginning to set when Selena reached her bedroom. She tried to pass the time by reading one of her many books. However, Loreccan philosophy could not keep her interest. Her first day of lessons had apparently sapped more of her energy than she had thought because the next thing she knew, she had fallen asleep, and it was morning.
She had missed her chance to see Lucas.