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DC
I sat on my couch long after the sounds of Tiny and Grizzly’s bikes had disappeared. My mind was in a whirl but one thought kept on rising however much I pushed it away.
I didn’t kill my mother.
However stupid it made me feel, and however much I knew it was bullshit, it’s what I have always felt deep down inside. I have never talked about it, about how I blamed myself for her death. But now I wished I could talk to someone. Someone who would listen to my shit and help me to understand why I still felt as if I was to blame. Even now that I knew the truth.
“Pull yourself together, bitch.” I admonished myself softly. “It’s club business.”
Hearing my own voice had me up off the couch. I wasn’t going to sit and wallow about things I couldn’t change. And, if I was totally honest with myself, didn’t want to change.
Opening the fridge I took out the big tub of yogurt, found a long handled spoon and leaning against the granite topped island ate straight from the tub. But after about four loaded spoons I realised that it didn’t taste like anything. So, back in the fridge it went.
I needed music and wine.
I selected my relaxed playlist, pulled a bottle of wine out of the wine rack and speedily removed the cork. I filled the big balloon shaped glass almost to the rim, grabbed the bottle and walked out onto the deck and sank down in my favourite lounger.
Sipping my wine and listening to some of my favourite bands I watched as the sky slowly changed colour from bright blue to shades of orange and pink as the sun disappeared. Then the sound of bikes intruded over the music. I didn’t stir. I didn’t care who was at the gate. They could come back another day.
The bikes didn’t go away. They pulled inside and soon after loud crunching footsteps came towards the deck.
Fuck.
I slowly turned my head and frowned as three men came around the side of my house. Not who I expected at all.
My biggest temptation walked up the steps and onto the deck, and still I didn’t say a word. I just watched as Hawk, with Kid and Beast following walked over and sat down. Kid and Beast gave me chin lifts as greetings along with knowing grins.
Hawk, of course, did not take a chair, that would have been too easy. He made himself comfortable at the bottom of my lounger, lifting my feet onto his lap.
“Hey, baby.” Hawk said, as he reached over, took my wine out of my hand and drank.
I sighed and shook my head. “Hey yourself, and give me back my wine, there’s beer in the fridge and a chair right over there.” I pointed next to me.
Hawk frowned as he looked at me then did the chin lift thing at Beast who got up and walked into my house.
“What’s wrong, little bird?” Those amber-yellow eyes were narrowed on my face.
I wasn’t going to unload my damned shit in front of an audience so I just shook my head.
“I’m fine.” I gave the age old cop out of women all over the world.
I’m fine, the world’s fine, everything is fine. Fine, fine, fine.
Not even close.
Hawk just tipped his head to the side and gave a little nod as he accepted the beer from Beast. I waited until he had the cap off and had taken his first long swallow before I spoke.
“Why are you here?” I took a huge glug of wine to hide my face in my glass.
That’s when he grinned, really, really wide. “I had a meeting with Doc today, DC.”
“Yes, I know, he told me and he left it up to me to decide. I haven’t made a decision yet so you might as well leave.” I replied snarkily.
Hawk gave me an evil grin. Bastard.
“Baby, there’s no decision to be made. We are who we are, and we do what we do, no regrets, and no recriminations. We are perfect for each other. No other man will ever be able to give you what I can.”
I sighed, this wasn’t going the way I thought it would.
“And what is it you can give me that no other can?”
His teeth flashed through his beard as he grinned.
“I am the only one who can give you the freedom to continue to be the Crow even after I claim you as mine. Believe me, no one else can give you that, only I can.”
My breath stuttered and my hand instinctively clenched around the stem of my glass. But he wasn’t finished, and as he continued he glued the broken pieces of my soul back together, one tiny piece at a time.
“I am the only one who understands your needs, the only one who gets turned on by the ruthless bitch living inside you. And, my little bird, I’m the only one who sees the soft and the dark and want to hold on to both. I was made for you just as you were made for me. We had to go through the shit in our pasts to get here, to be able to understand what it is we have in each other.” He laid it out for me, not giving a shit that his men were listening to every word.
Then he took my hand, removed the glass and pulled me up out of the lounger and led me into the house, through the kitchen and down the passage to my bedroom. And I didn’t say one word to stop him. I allowed him to lead me.
The door closed with a quiet click and he pulled me into his arms.
“There’s dark pain in your eyes, baby. What the fuck happened today?” His voice was deep and rough as he sat on the side of my bed and pulled me into his lap.
I sighed and relaxed into his hard, wide chest. God, he felt so good, his arms around me so big and strong. I felt safe, protected, and for once taken care of. Maybe this was what I needed, a safe place of my own. Taking a deep breath I let it all out.
“Today was a good day but it was a bad day as well. My dad told me that if he could pick a man for me it would be you. He wants me safe and he considers you to be the only one besides Skelly who is worthy. He asked me to consider taking you as my old man. That was the good part.”
I had to take a deep breath before I could continue.
“The bad part was finding out how my mother really died. As a little girl I was told my mother died giving birth to me and I always felt guilty about causing her death. About causing the sorrow my dad lives with every single day. After years of lying to me, today I was told the truth. Her family murdered her because she fell in love with their white enemy and had his child. If any of those bastards were alive today I would have made it my mission to kill them all.” My voice trembled.
Hawk’s arms tightened around me, pulling me hard against his chest.
“Fuck, baby. I thought you knew. Ziggy brought it to me and we dug around to see if any of those fuckers were still alive because I wanted to end them for you. They are all gone, little bird. There are other branches of the Sharma family still operating, but they distanced themselves from that part of the family when it all went down.” He growled against my hair.
There was a burning in my throat and eyes and then the tears I had held back overflowed and I sobbed against his wide chest. Feeling safe, feeling protected and as his hands smoothed over my hair and back I felt like I had at last found my home. I moved, closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his waist, holding on.
Holding on to my rock, my protector, and I hoped that this was one man who would take special care with my heart.
But that was something only time would tell. Right now this was enough.
Hawk
His fucking heart was breaking as he held his sobbing little bird in his arms. All he could do was give her the comfort of his arms and big body as she crawled into him. He soothed her by gliding his hands over her hair and down her back. Willing his stupid dick down he lay down on the bed and just held her. Listening as her sobs became soft sighs and eventually turned into even breaths as she fell asleep. He held her a little longer, making sure she was sleeping deeply before he moved.
Sliding out from under her he went back to the deck where Kid and Beast were waiting for him.
“She okay?” Kid asked as Hawk walked out the house.
“No, brother, she’s not. They never fucking told her how her mother died, she found out today. It wrecked her. I’m not leaving her tonight. I was going to tell her about the shit between Snake and Doc, but now’s not the right time.”
Kid and Beast nodded and were about to talk but he lifted a hand to silence them. He needed them to be aware of the shit he felt was going to come at them soon. Hawk had a bad feeling, a very fucking bad feeling about Jane and Big Ed and what it meant for his little bird.
“I have a bad feeling, brothers. I don’t want her alone, ever. She’s going to be a target for Big Ed the minute they hear that she’s mine. Jane hates her because my woman kicked her ass but also because of my shit. I want her protected twenty four seven and it’s not because I think she can’t protect herself. She’s fucking lethal but they won’t come at her when she’s ready for them, the fuckers will sneak up on her. Her security is tight but I want it even tighter. Her gate is a weak spot, we need to fix that. She’s got cameras, perimeter walls with electric fencing on the walls and a damn good alarm but it’s not enough. I want as much of the electronics as is possible off the power grid, I want firewalls that make her shit unhackable and I want the same at her shop. I’m going to talk to her about us getting two guard dogs. Jagger can arrange for us to go through the training. She has to be as safe as I can possibly make her. I can’t fucking lose her.”
He continued on before his men could interrupt.
“Call two of the brothers to take over from the two of you. Set them up at the front and the back of the house. The only prospects I’ll clear for this job is Sam and Terror, they’ve both proved themselves. I’ll arrange shit with Doc tomorrow, get more men on the job and make it clear that my woman is to be kept safe at all costs.”
“I hope like fuck you’re not sending me away because that crazy fucking slut happens to share my blood, Hawk.” Kid growled.
Hawk immediately shook his head. “No, brother, that’s not the reason. I trust you with my life and now with hers, which is why I need both of you back at the compound and following up with Ziggy. We need to get ahead of this shit and fast.”
“We’re not leaving until the brothers get here, Hawk. Don’t care what you say. I won’t budge on that.” Beast threw in.
“I’m cool with that, Beast. It makes it easier for me to concentrate on getting my woman through this shit tonight.” Hawk agreed.
“You’re a fucking lucky bastard. She’s exactly the kind of woman you need. Still not sure how you lucked out on this one because she sure as shit did not like you when you first met. Those black eyes of hers were shooting fucking fire when you tried to get her into the pussy house. Not sure if she’s forgiven you for that one yet.” Kid said with a wide grin.
The fucking bastard was enjoying Hawk’s discomfort too much.
“My little bird is unlike any other bitch I’ve ever known, Kid. She will never be easy but she will be mine in every way that counts. She is the perfect woman for me. And was always meant to be mine.”
Hawk left them sitting on the deck and went back to the bedroom. He had to take care of his woman.
His woman. His and only his.
His to protect. His to love. It shocked the shit out of him but it was what it was.
He was falling for her, fast.
No, that wasn’t right. He was there already.
Fallen. In fucking love.
Hers.
