4

Cara helped Ma get the house ready for their visitors, of whom Ma seemed terrified.

‘They’re coming to help you, so they must be kind people,’ Cara told her several times.

‘But if they don’t think we’re worth helping, what shall we do then? I’ve got my heart set on going to Australia, Cara. I need a new start.’

‘I know. And I’m sure they won’t change their minds about helping you.’

On the day, Cara did the older woman’s hair and then tried to smarten herself up a little. But the blue bodice and skirt looked what they were – shabby and too tight across the breast – even though the outfit was the best she had, of a much better quality than Eileen’s clothes.

When they heard a horse clop to a halt outside, Mr Grady, who was keeping watch from the front room, called, ‘They’re here. They came in a cab.’

Fergus went to the door and waited, surprised at how much Mr Kieran had changed. He’d been a carefree young man, but now, in his early middle years, there was an air of command to him, not a bullying look, but a confidence in how he faced the world.

The woman getting out of the cab must be his wife. She had a lovely smile, which reminded Fergus suddenly of Cara’s. It said a person had a kind, loving nature, that sort of smile did.

Mr Kieran raised a hand in greeting, then turned to help his wife negotiate the step down from the cab. After that he paid the driver, holding out a second coin and asking him to wait for them.

When he came to the front door, he held out his hand to Fergus, shaking hands as if greeting an equal.

‘This is my wife, who prefers to be called Mrs Julia, rather than Mrs Largan. We don’t wish to sound like my father and mother, for obvious reasons.’

Fergus could understand that. Old Mr Largan had been a nasty brute, who had laid false evidence against his son which had got poor Conn transported to Australia on political grounds.

Old Mrs Largan had been a doormat of a woman, a pale shadow beside her brutal husband.

‘I’d recognise a Deagan anywhere,’ Mr Kieran went on cheerfully. ‘You all have the same look.’

Fergus looked at him in surprise. ‘Do we?’

‘Oh, yes. Even young Ryan. Dark haired, thin-faced and alert. Ryan and Noreen are living in Australia now with your Aunt Maura and Bram writes that your little brother is not so little any more. Ryan’s growing fast, never stops eating.’

‘I haven’t seen Ryan for a good few years. He was a small child when I left.’

‘He’s almost a young man now, and very protective of his sister Noreen, Bram says. Tragedy makes you grow up quickly, I find, and so many of your family died in the typhus epidemic.’

‘There have been some bad times in Ireland,’ Fergus acknowledged.

‘And you’ve had your own difficulties here, as well. I’m sorry about your loss.’

Fergus nodded.

‘Thank heavens those of your family who survived our epidemic had Bram to go to. I had so many others who needed help afterwards, I was struggling to look after them all for a while.’ Mr Kieran shook his head as if to cast off bad memories and clapped Fergus on the back. ‘Well, are you going to keep us waiting out here?’

Fergus felt ashamed of his manners. ‘Sorry. Seeing you brought back memories of Shilmara, Mr Kieran. Not all of them good. Won’t you come inside?’

The two men stood back to let Mrs Julia enter first.

‘It’s straight through to the kitchen,’ Fergus told her. ‘I’m afraid my parents-in-law are sleeping in the front room at the moment, so we can’t entertain you in there.’

‘I’m sorry you’ve had such hard times and I’m quite happy to sit in the kitchen.’ Her voice was gentle and musical, and the way she looked at him was direct and friendly.

Fergus followed her down the hall and introduced the visitors to his parents-in-law, then to Cara.

Mrs Julia went straight across to the baby. ‘Isn’t she a darling? Look how dark that hair is. Another Deagan in the making. She’s very tiny, though. Is she eating well?’

‘She’s grown a lot since she was born,’ Cara said. ‘And her appetite is improving by the day.’

Mrs Julia gave her a quick, surprised glance. Fergus guessed it was because of the ladylike way Cara spoke.

Ma moved forward. ‘Would you like to sit down, Mrs Julia?’

‘Thank you, Mrs Grady. I’m very sorry for your loss.’

Ma nodded and sat down at the end of the table, leaving Fergus to sit beside her. Pa went to stand beside Cara and the baby, as he often did.

‘Would you like a cup of tea?’ Ma asked.

Mr Kieran took charge in a way that was almost visible. ‘Thank you, maybe later. First I think we should sort out the practicalities of your situation. Fergus, you wish to join Bram in Australia and I promise you he’ll be delighted about that. He writes that he’s given up hope of finding his other brothers.’

‘He writes to you?’ Fergus was surprised.

‘Regularly. Or if he doesn’t, my brother Conn does. He’s a sort of partner of Bram’s in the Bazaar where Bram sells the goods he imports.’ He looked at Fergus. ‘Sorry. I keep forgetting that you don’t know much about the set-up in Australia.’

‘No. I didn’t keep in touch with my family for a few years. If I’d known my father was dead, I’d have written sooner, though.’

‘We were neither of us blessed with our fathers, were we?’ Mr Kieran sat frowning for a minute, then shook off his own bad memories and went on. ‘Let me give you a quick summary. Bram travelled to Australia with my neighbour Ronan Maguire, acting as a kind of manservant. During the voyage he got talking to people and decided that he wanted to better himself. He already had some trading goods, and decided to set up as a trader, so when Ronan came back to Ireland, Bram stayed behind and settled in Western Australia.’

Fergus nodded, listening intently.

‘Bram was quite adventurous. He went to Singapore to look at what goods were available and to find someone to deal with there.’

Kieran paused again to smile at his wife. ‘While there, your brother met Isabella, fell in love with her and married her almost immediately. She was a lady born and bred, but penniless and alone in the world. She’d been living with a Chinese family, employed to teach them English. She grew very fond of them, particularly the daughter, who is now her partner in selling silks to the ladies of Western Australia. Am I going too fast for you? Telling you too many details?’

‘No. I like to understand how it happened. But you’re surprising me. I didn’t know Bram had such … big ideas.’

‘I think he surprised himself. It was meeting so many different people on the voyage, I expect. He’s lucky in his wife. Isabella has a fine business head on her, so they make excellent partners. Bram has done well enough to buy himself a house in Fremantle, which is the port for Perth, the capital city of the colony.’

‘I’ve looked the colony up in an atlas at the library,’ Fergus admitted, trying to hide his surprise. Bram had bought a house! Only rich people did that, in Fergus’s experience. Everyone he knew rented their houses. A surge of pure jealousy speared through him, he couldn’t help it.

‘Also living in Fremantle are your sister Ismay and her husband, who is a ship’s captain, and your aunt Maura and her husband, who is a gentleman dabbling in various business ventures. Your brother Ryan, your sister Noreen and your uncle Eamon’s daughter Brenna all live with Maura.’

‘I hadn’t realised exactly who from the family had moved out there. What about the others?’

‘Ah. Well. I’m afraid a lot of people from the village died in the typhus epidemic. Your immediate family did better than your cousins, though poor Padraig died.’

Fergus had to swallow hard, remembering his lively little brother Padraig.

‘We think your other brothers who left Ireland may still be alive, but they went to Canada, didn’t they? Or was it America? We have no way of finding them, sadly. Well, we didn’t even know where you were until you wrote to Bram.’ He paused again.

‘Go on.’

‘It just seemed to happen that one after another, your family joined Bram, to his great delight.’ Mr Kieran’s smile broadened. ‘I believe your brother Ryan’s ambition is now to become a trader too, but Bram is insisting the lad gets some education first.’

He studied Fergus and added gently, ‘You’ve no need to worry about the fares. Bram can well afford to pay for your passages. He’ll want to.’

‘I see.’

Mrs Julia interrupted. ‘I think we could all enjoy that cup of tea now, Mrs Grady. Your son-in-law has a lot to take in.’

Fergus sat with his thoughts in a whirl, glad when no one tried to make him talk. He looked across at Cara and saw her brush away a tear. She looked desperately unhappy, and was hugging the baby close. He saw her press a quick kiss on Niamh’s cheek. Patrick was right. She did love that baby.

When they’d all had tea and a piece of a fruitcake Alana had bought from the fancy cake shop in town, Mr Kieran took over again.

‘There’s a ship leaving for the Orient in three weeks. Why don’t we book passages on it for you all?’

He looked at Mrs Grady and said, ‘I’m including you and your husband in this. Bram will welcome you as well, I know he will.’

When she heard these plans, Cara clapped one hand to her mouth to stop herself from crying out. She wanted to tell them not to leave yet. It was too soon for the baby and too soon for her as well. But she had no right to do that. She was only the wet nurse.

At first, Mrs Grady looked shocked rigid, then she began to frown. ‘We can’t go yet, Mr Largan. The baby won’t be weaned by then, and how will we feed her on a ship? With one so tiny you have to be careful. We don’t want to risk that precious little girl’s life.’

Everyone turned to look at the child, and Cara could see by Mrs Julia’s expression that she was assessing the situation … and her.

‘What will you do after you’ve finished looking after Niamh, Mrs Payton?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘She doesn’t have any family or much money, either, now her husband’s dead,’ Ma said quickly, before Cara could tell the brutal truth.

Silence, then Mrs Julia said slowly, as if thinking aloud, ‘If you’re not attached to anyone here, why don’t you go with the family to Western Australia, Mrs Payton? There are plenty of jobs there for maids, Bram says, though I gather most young women soon marry, because there are far more men than women in the colony. This makes for a constant servant crisis for the wealthier women, I’ve heard.’

Cara stared at her in amazement. This was the last thing she’d expected anyone to say.

Mrs Grady beamed at their visitor. ‘That’s a wonderful idea, Mrs Julia, wonderful. I’ve grown very fond of Cara while she’s been with us, and Niamh does still need her.’

But Mr Kieran was frowning. ‘While it’s a good idea, the problem is, there won’t be any provision made for Mrs Payton to go and live in the colony,’ he said. ‘I gather the Governor keeps a careful eye on who is allowed to settle there. Bram’s family coming out to him is one thing, but he won’t have spoken for you, Mrs Payton, so there may be difficulties in getting permission for you to stay there.’

‘Oh.’ Cara felt hope die and the icy chill of fear creep in again.

‘Perhaps we can all go on a later boat to give Bram a chance to speak out for Cara?’ Mrs Grady suggested. ‘It’ll be safer for the child, anyway, give her a chance of growing bigger before we set off.’

Mrs Julia shook her head. ‘It’d be better to make arrangements to go now. And things aren’t as primitive on modern steamships as you might think, so Niamh should be all right.’

When no one spoke, she added persuasively, ‘The thing is, Kieran and I will still be in England when this ship leaves, because we’re on a long visit to various members of my family. We’d be able to help you get ready for the journey. We’ve done it for others and we know exactly what’s needed, which is a lot more complicated than you may realise. You’ll need suitable clothes for a two-month journey, for one thing.’

Ma sighed. ‘I still think—’

Fergus spoke then, his voice harsh. ‘I think I have a solution to Cara’s problem, one Pa suggested, but I need to speak to her about it first.’ He moved across to her. ‘Could you leave Niamh with Ma for a few minutes? It’ll be better if I discuss my idea with you privately.’

Cara stood up, wondering what Fergus was going to suggest.

‘All right if we go into your room, Ma?’ he asked

‘Of course.’ She nodded, as if she understood what he was thinking and was encouraging him to do it.

Pa was also looking across at him hopefully, but Fergus wasn’t going to say anything to them, let alone to Mr Kieran and his wife, till after he’d spoken to Cara. He owed her that.

After all, she might not agree to his father-in-law’s suggestion.

Was he doing the right thing? Fergus wondered. How could you ever know for certain? You just had to do your best as you went along.

Cara followed Fergus into the front room. When he gestured to her to sit down, she did so, wondering what he wanted.

‘I’ve been worrying about the problem of raising Niamh on my own.’

That was a strange way to start a conversation, she thought. ‘You have Mrs Grady and you’ll no doubt remarry one day.’

‘Yes. Most people do remarry, out of sheer necessity. And that’s why I’m talking to you. Look, you’ve probably heard that I promised Eileen on her deathbed that I’d marry again and she insisted that it must be within the year.’

‘Yes. It was a strange thing for her to ask of you.’ And brave.

‘I thought it strange, too. But I realised afterwards that she was thinking of our sons and the new baby more than me. She had been so desperate for a daughter. It was sad that she lost her life producing one at last.’

‘Very sad.’

He fell silent, looking as if he’d have preferred to pace up and down, only the room was so crowded with furniture, there was hardly space to edge your way across it.

Cara waited, still so upset at the thought of losing Niamh that she missed what he said next.

‘Cara? Were you listening? I asked you a question.’

She looked up. ‘Oh, I’m sorry. My attention must have wandered.’ The words were out before she could stop them. ‘I’m dreading losing Niamh, you see, and terrified of being on my own again. I can’t seem to think beyond that.’

‘Yes. Pa and Ma have both told me. It makes what I suggested all the more sensible.’ He paused and took a deep breath. ‘What I said was: I think you and I should marry. It’ll solve both our problems.’

She knew she hadn’t misunderstood him, but what he’d said was such a shock that she couldn’t think how to answer him.

‘Well?’ he asked impatiently.

‘I … don’t know what to say.’

‘You can tell me if the idea disgusts you and if so, I’ll not mention it again.’

She stared down at her clasped hands. ‘It … doesn’t disgust me, but it does surprise me. I don’t know why you’d go to such lengths.’

‘I told you: out of necessity. I need a mother for my children, especially the baby, and I need a wife to look after my home once we get to Australia. You need a home and you love Niamh already. I’ll be frank with you. I don’t … feel as much for the child as I maybe should.’

‘How can you not? She’s a darling.’

He shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I just … can’t seem to care about her as I do about the boys. But I intend to see that she’s taken care of properly. She is my responsibility, after all. If you don’t accept my proposal, then I’ll have to find some other woman to marry.’

That annoyed her. ‘You don’t sound as if you have much respect for me or for other women, either.’

It was his turn to look surprised. ‘Of course I respect you. Why do you say that?’

‘Because you talk as if wives grow on trees and you only have to pluck one down and marry her. Why did you ask me to marry you? Why not ask “some other woman” you know better?’

‘Because you love Niamh and you get on well with Ma and Pa, and even the boys are all right with you now. And … well, because you’re not a chattering magpie of a woman.’

That last reason made her wonder whether Eileen had been a chatterer? From things he’d let slip now and then, she’d wondered if his marriage had been happy. Now she was wondering if she could be happy with him. It was one thing to be afraid of making your own way in the world, another to put your whole future into the hands of a man who didn’t care one bit about you.

‘It makes sense for both of us,’ he urged. ‘If you must know, I also value the fact that you’re an educated woman. I want to do better for my family than I have so far. If my brother Bram can get on in the world, then so can I. A wife like you will be able to help us all. For one thing, you’ll know how to behave with people of a better class. For another, you’ll be able to help the children learn so many things.’

After a pause, he added, ‘You’ll be able to help me, too.’

She looked across at him and asked something that was very important to her. ‘Do you believe me when I say that I was forced, that I didn’t go with any man willingly?’

‘Oh, yes. I always have done.’

‘Why?’

‘You’re not a liar. Your face would give you away.’

‘Yet my own father didn’t believe me, or didn’t care, could only see me as “soiled”.’ She couldn’t hold back a sob. ‘That’s what he called me, soiled. Like a piece of dirty linen.’ She pressed her hand to her mouth, trying in vain to hold in the continuing grief about this.

She heard Fergus move a step closer. When he put his arm round her shoulders and pulled her against him, she let him hold her as she wept.

But she didn’t allow herself to weep for long. After a struggle, she got control of her feelings and pulled away. Reluctantly. It had felt so good to be held, comforted. Too good.

‘Your father must be a harsh, unforgiving man,’ he murmured.

‘Yes. He’s always been … strict.’

‘And your mother?’

‘She does what he tells her. Always.’ Cara moved away from him, fumbling for a handkerchief and not finding one.

He thrust one into her hand. ‘Take mine.’

‘Thank you.’ She blew her nose, then shared another thing which was important to her. She’d had a lot of time to think while waiting for her baby to be born. ‘I’m not like my mother, though. If I marry you, I won’t obey you in everything. I must do what I think is right in this life, as well as doing what you need from a wife.’

‘The marriage service tells women to obey their husbands.’

‘And the clergyman at our local church sided with my father, so I’m not binding myself to the rules of people who can be so cruel.’

‘You know, I think I’d feel the same in your place.’

He sounded surprised. She studied his face, wondering if he meant it. How could you tell what a person was like inside? Well, you couldn’t. But Fergus had always been kind to his family, and that was a good sign.

Wasn’t it?

Suddenly she decided to take the risk and it felt as if a heavy burden had lifted immediately from her shoulders. She straightened up and looked him in the eye. ‘Very well, Fergus. I’ll marry you.’

He nodded, as if accepting that, but he was still frowning thoughtfully. ‘May I ask what decided you?’

‘You comforted me just now when I was weeping. And you cared enough for the Gradys to make sure they could go with you to Australia. You’re making provision for Niamh, even though you don’t love her. So I think you’ll be fair to me, at least. And kind. That will make things easier between us.’

He inclined his head and his frown cleared a little, though his expression was still as solemn as ever.

‘Good. We’d better go and tell them, then.’

‘Give me a moment.’ Cara wiped the tears from her cheeks, checked in the mirror over the mantelpiece that her hair was tidy, and turned to him. There was one other thing she had to say. ‘I think it should be a marriage in name only to begin with, though, until we both agree that the time has come. I would like other children, but not … forced upon me. I don’t feel I know you well enough yet to be a proper wife.’

‘I can understand that. I’d never force a woman, I promise you, so we’ll decide the right time together. Is that everything?’

‘Yes. Unless you have any more questions?’

‘No. I’ve said my piece.’ Had done better than he’d expected to, for a man more skilled with machinery than words.

She turned towards the door. ‘Let’s go and tell the others, then.’

‘It was Pa who suggested it to me, but he’d have discussed it with Ma, so they’ll have guessed what I’m asking you.’

‘She’s a wonderful woman, Ma.’

‘Yes, she is. I don’t know what we’d have done without her this past year. Eileen was unwell for months.’ He opened the door and stood back to let Cara through.

As she passed him, she stopped, feeling a need to offer him something in return for what he was offering her. ‘I’ll work hard for you and yours, Fergus Deagan. It won’t be my fault if we don’t make this marriage … this family … turn out well.’

‘I’ll work hard for you, too.’ He held out his hand and they shook solemnly.

What a strange way to seal an agreement to marry! But it felt right.

She hoped she wasn’t making a mistake. She didn’t think she was.

He was probably feeling the same.

When Cara and Fergus went back into the kitchen, they found Mrs Julia holding Niamh and chatting to Ma, while Mr Kieran chatted to Pa. Everyone turned to look at them.

Fergus stopped and put his arm round Cara’s shoulders because it didn’t seem right to make this announcement standing separately. He felt her twitch in shock, then stand still. ‘Cara and I have agreed to get married. We think it will – um, benefit everyone.’

Pa beamed at him. ‘Well done, lad.’

Sean and Mal stared at their father solemnly, a question in their eyes, as if they weren’t sure what this would mean for them. He would have to talk to them later, he decided. He looked across at Mr Kieran and Mrs Julia, hoping they would approve.

‘It’s obviously a marriage of convenience. For us both,’ he said.

‘That can make a very acceptable basis for a life together,’ Mrs Julia said quietly. ‘Mutual need and mutual support.’ She looked at Cara. ‘Are you happy with this?’

‘Yes. It’s the right thing to do.’ Her voice was quiet but firm. ‘Apart from other considerations, I’ve grown to love Niamh.’

Fergus was pleased that she’d spoken steadily. He didn’t want another over-emotional female weeping all over him for the slightest thing.

‘I think it’s a wonderful idea.’ Ma came across to give Cara a quick peck on the cheek. ‘My Eileen would be pleased to see her little daughter with such a loving stepmother, and I’ve grown very fond of you myself, Cara.’

Fergus continued to stand there, not sure what to do next. His arm was still round Cara’s shoulders so he left it there.

When she looked sideways at him, she gave an uncertain smile and he wanted to reassure her that it’d be all right, but couldn’t find the words. She didn’t move away, so he didn’t, either. Maybe their actions were speaking louder than words. He hoped so.

‘We must make plans for a wedding, then!’ Mrs Julia said. ‘I do love a wedding.’

‘We’ll need to get a special licence,’ Mr Kieran said. ‘Do you need help?’

‘No, I think I can manage. A fellow at work did it.’

Mr Kieran nodded, then looked round. ‘You’ll have to sell nearly all your possessions. It’s too expensive to take them on a ship.’

‘Nonetheless, I’d like to take my tools with me,’ Fergus said. ‘They’re good ones and I’ll need them to make my living in Australia.’

‘What do you do exactly?’

‘I’m an engineer’s assistant at the railway yards. I’m good with machinery, and I’m good at making things with wood, too.’

‘You sound a useful man to have around. I’m sure you’ll find work easily in Australia,’ Mr Kieran said. ‘I gather they’re very short of skilled craftsmen there.’ His voice became brisk. ‘All right, then. If you will start making arrangements to sell the contents of the house and pack what you’re taking, I’ll book passages for you all on the ship. I’ll be in touch regularly about the details. Before you sail, we’ll spend a few days outfitting everyone for the voyage.’

He took out a card and scribbled something on it, then handed it to Fergus. ‘You’ll hear from me within a day or two. This is our friends’ address. We’ll be visiting them for a week or two, so you can write to us there if you need anything.’

The Largans stayed for a few more minutes, then left.

For a few moments, no one spoke. Cara felt rather shy. She didn’t know how to behave in the family now, or how free she was to speak her piece.

‘Well, we’ll have to make a lot of plans, won’t we?’ Mrs Grady turned to Cara. ‘Can you write us down a list, dear?’

‘Yes, of course.’ Cara looked across at Sean. ‘Will you find me some paper and a pen, please?’

Fergus opened his mouth and made as if to push his chair back, but she laid one hand on his arm and mouthed, ‘Let him.’ She wanted the boys to feel involved in this in every way possible.

When Sean brought the things back, shadowed as usual by Mal, she thanked him and looked at Fergus to take the lead. But he was lost in thought, so she took it upon herself to say, ‘Would you boys like to sit down and listen to us planning? After all, you’ll be helping us get ready, won’t you? And you might think of something we’ve missed.’

‘Why are you going to marry Dad?’ Sean asked abruptly.

That got Fergus’s full attention and he looked a bit annoyed, so she said hastily, ‘Because we can help one another.’

He jerked his head towards the baby lying peacefully asleep in a drawer. ‘It’s because of her, isn’t it?’

‘Partly. But it’s for other reasons too.’

Fergus joined in. ‘Life is easier if a man has a wife, and if children have a mother. Cara will be able to help with you two as well as the baby.’

Sean scowled. ‘But she isn’t our mother. And we’re not babies, so we don’t need any help.’

‘I’ll be your stepmother, which is different, I agree,’ Cara said hastily. ‘But your mother made your father promise to marry again, so when we marry, we’ll be doing what she wanted.’

‘Did she really tell you to do that, Dad?’ He didn’t look fully convinced.

‘Yes, she did,’ Fergus said firmly. ‘I gave her my word and we Deagans don’t break our promises.’

‘Oh.’ But Sean still didn’t look happy.

Ma changed the subject. ‘Well, now that’s settled, let’s get on with our planning. Mr Kieran was right: we’ll need to sell everything except your tools and a few bits and pieces, Fergus. And we’ll need to buy trunks to put our things in.’

Cara saw the boys staring round the only home they had ever known. Mal’s bottom lip was wobbling and Sean looked unhappy. Her heart went out to them. But life was hard sometimes and they had no choice but to cope with the coming changes.

She had to cope with them, too. She would have a husband, a man she hardly knew. She shivered. She wouldn’t be able to keep Fergus out of her bed for ever, but at least he’d agreed to take things slowly. Well, he wanted her for what she could do for the family, not because he loved her or lusted after her body.

She remembered books she’d read in what she thought of now as her ‘other’ life. They weren’t true, those stories. Love didn’t conquer all. Good didn’t always triumph over evil. Some people got away with being wicked.

She clicked her tongue in exasperation at herself. How many times did she have to tell herself not to dwell on that?

She should be grateful for what she’d been offered today. Very grateful. It was far more than she could have expected in her new life.

And best of all, she wouldn’t be alone any longer. That was such a relief. Even though she’d tried to hide it, she had been absolutely terrified of being left to fend for herself in England after the family left for Australia.

Niamh made a murmuring noise in her sleep. Cara looked down at the sleeping baby and smiled. She loved little Niamh already and oh, the joy of not losing her!

She looked up and saw Fergus staring at her. Surely it wasn’t her imagination that his eyes softened just a little as he watched her with his tiny daughter?