Chapter Nineteen

The walk was torturously long and quiet. Neither of us seemed to be able to think of anything comforting to say, so we both held our misery inside. My mom had stared at us when we arrived at back at my house, eyeing us carefully. We hardly looked like we’d had an enjoyable morning together. When she asked if something was wrong, I nearly lost my composure and started bawling right there on the doorstep. My grandpa handled the question much better thankfully.

“No, no, Judy. We went for a walk and ended up going a little too far. I think we’re both just a little worn out.” He lied surprisingly well.

“Well, why don’t you stay for dinner then, Alden. Henry will be home in a few hours,” she said.

My grandpa glanced at me and nodded his acceptance quickly. I sighed. He didn’t want to leave me alone, but I couldn’t stand sitting around staring at him all afternoon, not when he knew the truth.

“I think I’ll go take a nap,” I said. I somehow managed a faint smile at my mom. “I’m beat.”

“That sounds like a good idea, honey. I’ll wake you for dinner.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

I kicked off my shoes next to the door before starting for my bedroom. I didn’t know if the dream would come during the daytime, but what did it matter if it did come? I knew what would come next. There was no denying it now. I just wished I could have seen my brother one last time. I would miss his smile and endless pranks. He never failed to lighten any situation.

Thoughts of David enjoying his college life, unaware that fate had somehow claimed me for its own, filled my mind. Exhaustion swept over me. Sleep was all I wanted, dreams or no.

“Oh, Arra,” my mom said handing me a slip of paper “Tanner called this morning. He wanted you to call him back.”

I briefly wondered how he had gotten my phone number, since it was not in the phone book yet, but I supposed that the mom network that seemed to exist no matter where you lived had taken care of that pretty quickly. I was certain my mom had something to do with it. Thankful to have a phone jack in my new room, I retreated to my bedroom. I quickly dialed the number and waited.

On the third ring a hesitant voice answered, “Hello?”

“Tanner? This is Arra,” I said. “My mom said you called.”

“Yeah, I did. Um, thanks for calling back.”

Silence.

“Did you call just to say hi, or, uh…was there something else,” I said. Fatigue was overriding my manners. Realizing how rude that must have sounded, I quickly added, “I had a lot of fun yesterday.”

“Did you?” he asked. “I wasn’t sure. You seemed kind of upset when we were eating.”

I winced. I had never been any good at hiding my feelings from others. Last night had obviously been no exception. I wondered if this was the last time I would speak to Tanner. That really didn’t help me come up with any words to soothe him. “I’m sorry, Tanner. I didn’t mean to be such an awful date.”

“You weren’t awful, you were great,” he said. “It’s that that sometimes you seemed kind of sad or something. I hope it wasn’t anything I said or did yesterday.”

“No, of course not, Tanner. It’s just that the move has been kind of rough, I guess,” I said.

“Yeah, I bet. I can imagine it’s been kind of a shock after what you were used to in Manhattan,” Tanner said. “I’m glad you’re here at least.”

“Thanks, Tanner. I’m actually glad I’m here too,” I said and meant it.

“Then what is it?” he asked.

What could I possibly tell him that would actually make sense. “It’s just some family stuff. Things have been a little tense for me this past week.” It was so much more, but how could I tell him any more than that? I wanted to. I did not want to leave our short relationship at a phone call. Sitting under the moonlight wrapped in his arms would be a much better way to say goodbye. I wanted that moment.

“Hey, Tanner,” I said. My voice sounded shaky and strange to my ears. Hopefully Tanner didn’t hear it as well.

“Yeah?”

“You know the park down the street from my house?”

“Sure.”

I couldn’t believe I was about to say this. “Would you meet me at the park tonight? I just need to get out of the house and maybe talk for a little while.”

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds and I panicked. What was he thinking?

“What time?” he asked.

I breathed in a sigh of relief. “Nine o’clock?” I could definitely convince my parents I was going to sleep by then. I didn’t even have to fake being tired.

“Sure, Arra, no problem,” Tanner said.

“Thanks, Tanner. I’ll see you tonight then,” I said.

“See you tonight.” I waited for the inevitable dial tone before releasing my grip on the receiver and dropping it back onto the base. My last ounce of strength seemed to evaporate as soon as the phone left my fingers. I could hardly believe he agreed to meet me. I had barely known him for two days and I had asked him to meet me at a park after dark.

Although thoughts of sitting next to Tanner at night were dancing in my head, I was not worried that he mistook my invitation for anything other than a chance to get away from my house for a few hours with a friend. Tanner was sweet and sincere. I felt safe and happy with him near me. I needed to feel that way again, even if it only lasted a few hours.

Planning to sneak out did leave me feeling a little guilty. If I just asked, my parents would think about it and play the overly concerned parents for a while, but given that the park was less than a hundred feet from my house and my dad could probably stand on the front porch and watch us if he really wanted to, I was sure they would agree. The fact that my dad could watch us was the biggest factor for sneaking out. David may be in college, but my dad was hardly ready to see me grow up. No, letting them believe I was in bed was the best way to go. I needed some time away from any reminders about what tomorrow would bring.

In Tanner’s arms I could pretend that I would see him again the next day and that he would actually pick me up Saturday night to go to the bonfire on the beach. With him, I could pretend everything was fine for one more night.

Pulling a thin blanket over my shoulders, I drifted into a dreamless sleep. It only lasted a few hours, but it was a welcome break all the same. The timid knock at my door barely registered in my weary mind. The knock came again, a little stronger. I stirred, but did not answer right away.

“Arra, honey, wake up. It’s time for dinner,” my mom pressed.

“I’m not hungry,” I complained. My head was groggy and I could not seem to get my eyes to open all the way. Wondering how long it had been since I had gotten a good night’s sleep, I shoved my face deeper into the pillow. How many nights since the dreams started? I didn’t want to count anymore. I didn’t want to think about dreaming or photos or anything remotely connected to my bizarre heritage.

“Arra, get up,” my mom said a little more harshly. “Everyone is waiting on you.”

“Fine,” I said, tossing the blankets back.

“If you would sleep and eat properly, you wouldn’t be so tired all the time,” my mom muttered under her breath as she backed away from the door.

“If only that was all I needed,” I whispered. Trudging from the hazy room, the brightness of the kitchen and its heady aromas filled me. Pot roast with brown gravy and homemade mashed potatoes. One of my absolute favorites. My mom must still be pretty worried about me. At least she would believe me when I told her I wanted to go to bed early after dinner. She would probably want to tuck me in herself. I stepped into the kitchen and green beans smothered in butter and garlic pushed a little more of my sleepiness away. My mom was a wonderful cook. I would miss her cooking immensely.

“Well hello, sunshine,” my dad teased. “Did you two have a nice day together?”

I nodded a little too enthusiastically as I tried to look sincere.

“We had a nice walk,” my grandpa said.

My mom quickly served everyone and the meal began. There was little talking at first, for which I was very grateful. As the plates emptied though, the chatter sprang back to life. A playful grin spread across my dad’s face and I almost groaned. What now, I wondered.

“So tomorrow’s the big day,” he said.

I gagged on my roast. “What?” I asked between fits of coughing. “What did you say about tomorrow?”

“It’s your birthday,” he said, with a question in his voice and a quick glance at his wife. My mom only shrugged helplessly and swished her hand at my dad, prodding him forward. “What would you like to do? It’s your day.”

“Oh, I don’t know dad. Is there even anything to do here?” I said, pretending that my melancholy was still due to my previous dislike of the town.

“Of course there are things to do. There’s the beach, a movie, dinner, bowling, skating, hiking. Take your pick.”

I appreciated the effort. Actually Grainer seemed to have a surprising amount of things to do. Most of them required me to be outdoors, which I was not used to, but I would have been willing to try if I had more time. Grainer was just not that important anymore. Truly disappointed that I would miss the bonfire on Saturday, I coughed trying to cover up an unexpected sob. Too tired to continue the charade, I simply said, “Dinner and a movie sounds great, Dad.”

“What do you want to see?” my mom asked. “I’ll have to call and check the times of the theater here.” Always planning ahead. My mom made me smile.

“I think that show I wanted to see before we moved is still in theaters. You know, the one with that actor I like,” I said. I didn’t have a clue what movie I was even talking about but it seemed plausible that there would be something playing that fit that description. My mom nodded her head. Maybe she knew what movie I was talking about. My grandpa tried desperately to hide the pain in his eyes. Mom and dad seemed oblivious, but seeing his pain doubled mine and I had to look away before tears started falling.

“I’ll get tickets in the morning,” her mother said, calculating where to fit it into her schedule. “We can go to Willowby’s Steak House. I’ve heard it’s delicious.”

“That sounds great, Mom.” I smiled. Of course they would go there. It was the only real restaurant in town. Everything else was a diner or fast food. That might have bothered me greatly before, but now I truly wished I could survive long enough to spend the evening with my parents. I had spent so little time with them the past few days, and most of what we had spent together was filled with me complaining about everything in sight. A sniffling cough snapped me out of my musings. My grandpa was standing up.

“Well, I better head home. Thanks for dinner, Judy.” He patted my shoulder roughly.

“You’ll come tomorrow won’t you,” my mom asked.

Another stifled coughing sob.

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it,” he agreed.

We all stood to walk him to the door. He gave hugs all around, holding me longer than the others. “We’ll get you through this. I won’t let them have you,” he whispered fiercely. “Don’t give up yet.” I smiled encouragingly and nodded. Watching him close the door, my hope dwindled to nothing.

“I’ll be in my room,” I muttered. “I’m still pretty tired.”

My parent’s voices followed me as I walked away. I could hear the deep concern in their voices. I could hear my mom complaining. What more could she do? she was asking. My eyes burned. If only it was a matter of making friends, of fitting in. They had no idea that tomorrow would be the last birthday I would ever see. Who could blame me for not wanting to celebrate that fact?

I fell into my bed to wait.