It had never occurred to me that there was someone in the world who smiled more than Ade, but I was wrong.
Jan Scott’s grin was wide and enthusiastic, though it wavered at the edges occasionally. It didn’t have the confidence or reassurance of Ade’s. She plastered it on to her face as soon as she saw me, but I’d seen the look that preceded it: a nervous frown, hands shaking slightly as they fidgeted with her handbag.
To be fair, she banished the long face as soon as our eyes met and for the next fifteen minutes she talked non-stop about absolutely nothing. It wasn’t even small talk, it was just noise. She was sounding me out, testing me, working up enough bravery to touch my hand occasionally, to see if I would bite her if she did.
I didn’t dislike her. It didn’t look as if she was hiding an evil streak. She was just trying too hard, like she had to make up for something she’d already done. I had no bloody idea what that was.
The husband, Grant, was a different story. He smiled and waved when introduced, but was happier to sit in the background and let Jan go into overdrive. Maybe he didn’t like the look of me, or perhaps he was just cautious. Either way he didn’t get in my space like she did. Instead he hovered by the window, offering the odd nugget of conversation or chewing at the skin on the side of his thumb. He was friendly, but there was something he wasn’t comfortable with. I caught him rubbing at a series of scars that pocked his right cheek, like they were suddenly throbbing.
‘We haven’t had time to decorate a room for you, I’m afraid,’ Jan said in a rush. ‘Perhaps it’s something we could do together, once you’re in and you’ve scoped out the space.’
I smiled politely. What did you say to that?
‘As long as there’s room for a lot of movies, I’m sure the room will be great,’ offered Ade.
What followed was a long meandering conversation about the films they loved, although it was clear they never went to the cinema. Instead she talked about videos they’d seen and looked blank when I mentioned Blu-rays.
‘Is that an underwater film?’ she asked, and didn’t look cross when I giggled. In fact, it was the first time I’d seen a true smile appear. It suited her too: stopped her looking so completely terrified.
They stayed for an hour or so, long enough for Jan to get every bit of information out of me that she could: what I ate and didn’t eat, my favourite colours, my star sign. She peppered me with so many questions that Grant eventually told her to ease off. ‘Let the girl have some secrets,’ he quipped, daring a wink in my direction. At which point I decided he was all right too.
It became clear that there was a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it in.
My shoulder was healing well. The gash was clean and, apart from some muscular damage, Naomi’s knife had avoided anything important. The doctors were making noises about the bed being needed and didn’t seem too concerned about where I ended up next. That wasn’t their problem.
It was agreed that I would be ferried by Ade to the Scotts’ the day after tomorrow, news that was greeted with a new level of frenzied clucking from Jan. As they scurried out of the door I heard there were beds to turn down and shelves to put up. No wonder Grant looked exhausted, though to his credit he didn’t take it out on me, offering a smile and a thumbs up after Jan planted a wet kiss on my cheek.
‘It’ll be fine,’ he said, ‘once you get used to living with the whirlwind here.’
And out they blew, a gust spiralling in their wake.
‘Well, they were nice, weren’t they?’ said Ade, as flustered as me.
‘Among other things,’ I replied, nodding, ‘including bonkers.’ I paused and took a long swig of water. ‘I reckon I’ll be happy there. I should fit right in.’
I giggled again, we both did. And again it felt good.
My room at Bellfield was restored to a cell. Apart from a few Blu-Tack stains, there was no evidence anyone had been here at all. It was as hideous and cold as the day I moved in.
It hadn’t taken long to pack. I never had gone shopping, so after sorting my underwear, jeans and a handful of Dad’s shirts, I was done. I folded the shirts carefully, laying them flat in the case and choosing a fresh one to wear. I wasn’t ready to give them up, not yet.
Speed-packing seemed the right thing to do. I knew in my head that Naomi and Patrick were miles away, but every creak or bang from outside seemed to threaten their return and, as the anxiety spread through my chest, I felt the scars on my arm ache, reminding me they hadn’t faded yet.
As usual, Ade was bang on the money, reading my every thought.
‘Don’t be surprised if the next few weeks are tricky. New surroundings, new school, new friends, all these things may cause you some anxiety. What doesn’t change, though, is your way of dealing with things. Keep the logic going. Bat away those silly thoughts with evidence of what you’ve done, how far you’ve travelled.’
‘I’ll try. It just seems so tiring, the prospect of it all. Maybe it’ll be easier if I keep a low profile, don’t make friends too quickly. I mean, it didn’t do me any favours here, did it?’
‘Well, no, but again, don’t be blaming yourself for that. You did what you had to do to survive those first few weeks. It’s only what anyone would have done.’
‘Suppose so.’
‘People will surprise you, Daisy. It may not feel like it now, but you must believe me. It’s no good hiding yourself away, ignoring the potential to make new friends. You have so much to offer.’
‘But how will I know who to trust?’
She blew hard, a raspberry bubbling from her lips. ‘You’ll just know. Someone will come along and they’ll … I don’t know, get you. They’ll understand what you’re about and you’ll want to tell them too. You won’t be able to stop yourself. That’s how you’ll know it’s right.’
‘But if I tell them about what’s gone on then they’ll just run a mile.’
She swiped her hand at me in jest. ‘There you go again! Where’s the evidence that will happen? Did I sprint off when I found out about your mum or dad? Did Jimmy? Or Susie?’
I shook my head. She had me again.
‘You have to stop apologizing so readily for the bad luck you’ve had. Every time you feel the urge to say sorry, I want you to stop and work out if it’s really necessary. Because I’ll bet you, nine times out of ten, you’re not to blame.’
‘I’ll try.’
I meant it too. It would just take some practice, not to mention a lot of lip-biting.
‘Do you have everything packed?’
I nodded.
‘Want me to give you a few minutes alone to say goodbye to your room?’
I fixed her with a stare.
‘You are kidding me? I’ve already wiped this box from my memory. I’ll miss you, and some of the others of course, but I’m looking forward to windows I can actually smash if I want to!’
She giggled and I stored up the sound, wondering when I would hear it again.
A small crowd had gathered in the hallway. They applauded us both as we walked down the stairs and I framed the moment, another scene to remember in my ridiculous movie of a year.
It was odd looking at the group without seeing Naomi and Patrick at its centre, agitating everyone around them, but it felt great to be able to walk around without expecting a slap to greet me.
As much as I wanted to leave, it was hard to say goodbye. I couldn’t imagine how many kids the staff had packed off over the years, but the emotion on Floss’s and Maya’s faces was real. No actresses were that good.
It was Jimmy who really shocked me, not that that should have been a surprise. His long arms snaked around me, threatening to reach around my shoulders a second time.
‘Don’t be a stranger, yeah?’ he said, and grinned.
‘I’ll give you my number if you want. You can send me a text, let me know how the gigs are going.’
‘Can’t see that happening. This phone’s been on the blink for a while now. Must be the SIM card or something.’
‘Or the lack of a battery?’ I chanced.
He looked at the back of his phone and gave a sheepish grin.
‘Could have something to do with it, I suppose. But keep that under your hat, eh?’
He offered me a scrap of paper and I scribbled my number on it. I had no idea if he’d ever use it, but it would be entertaining if he did.
Goodbyes over, there was an awkward moment as we worked out how to leave, but fortunately it was broken by a rap on the front door.
Susie broke ranks first, dashing towards it with a shout of, ‘SHE’S HERE!’
‘New resident, Daisy,’ Bex said, smiling. ‘I’d better get there before Susie smothers her. Wouldn’t look good to kill her on her first day, eh?’
She squeezed my hand before walking away and eventually the other staff and even Jimmy did the same.
‘You ready, then?’ asked Ade. ‘We can leave through the school block, avoid the crowd.’
‘Sounds good to me.’
I gasped as I felt the weight of my box of DVDs. But I didn’t turn back as we moved through the labyrinth of corridors. There wasn’t a great deal to say goodbye to, or remember fondly, but as we approached the last door an ear-splitting scream echoed through the hall, followed by a crash and a flurry of voices.
Ade opened the door and a shaft of cold light shot in. I walked into it without hesitation. Whatever was going on back there had nothing to do with me. This time, I knew, it wasn’t my fault.